The Quiet Cost of Overfunctioning.

There’s a particular kind of exhaustion I hear from school leaders. It’s not the tiredness that comes from long hours or full calendars, though those are certainly real. It’s a deeper fatigue. The kind that comes from constantly stepping in, picking up, solving problems, and carrying things that were never theirs to carry in the first place.

Overfunctioning is one of the most subtle, and most costly, patterns in schools. It often starts with good intentions. A leader wants to support their staff. A teacher wants to protect their students. A team member wants to avoid conflict. And so, without meaning to, they begin to do more than their fair share, emotionally, mentally, or practically.

They pick up the slack. They smooth things over. They anticipate needs and try to meet them before they’re even voiced. It can look like care. It can even feel like connection. But it comes at a cost.

Because when we overfunction, we unintentionally invite others to underfunction.

It’s rarely about capability. More often, it’s about permission. If a leader is always stepping in, staff might hold back, unsure if they’re trusted to handle things themselves. If a teacher always fixes things for a student, the student may stop trying. If a school absorbs every unreasonable demand from a parent, the parent never has to reflect on their role in the partnership.

Over time, this dynamic becomes cultural. Responsibility is unevenly distributed. Initiative declines. Resentment grows, sometimes towards those who are overfunctioning, but more often within them. They start to feel taken for granted, overwhelmed, or isolated. And the very connection they were trying to protect begins to fray.

We often frame connection as relational warmth, being present, supportive, and approachable. But true connection isn’t just about being available. It’s about fostering mutual respect, shared responsibility, and trust. And trust grows when we allow others to step up, not when we constantly step in.

This is especially important in leadership. The urge to overfunction is strongest when we care deeply. But we need to remember that helping isn’t always helping. Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do is hold back. Not out of neglect, but out of respect for the capacity of others.

In schools, this might mean:

• Letting a team member sit with a challenge instead of solving it for them
• Asking a student what they think the next step should be, rather than telling them
• Holding a parent accountable for their part in a breakdown, even when it feels easier to apologise and move on

These aren’t acts of withdrawal. They’re acts of trust.

Connection that leads to belonging is not about doing more for others. It’s about doing what’s needed with them and knowing when to let them do it themselves.

When we stop overfunctioning, we make room for others to grow. We create space for genuine partnership. We say, “I believe you can handle this,” and that message builds confidence, capability, and connection.

If you're feeling stretched too thin right now, ask yourself gently:

• What am I carrying that someone else could?
• Where am I stepping in when I could be stepping back?
• What would trust look like here?

Because in the end, we don’t build strong communities by doing more. We build them by doing less, together and by trusting the people around us to rise.

As we finish this issue, here is a final thought from my book The Connection Curriculum:

"The key is permission with ongoing support. Autonomy does not mean flying solo at all points and ad infinitum. Leaders must start small, build trust and gradually introduce more autonomy and permission for staff to use it."

Thanks for reading.

I'm keeping specifics to myself at the moment, but I announced my new book (which I am currently finishing up) will be published in late 2025 in this post here. More to come on that front over the coming months.

Issues of this newsletter are published fortnightly/biweekly on Sunday mornings at 8am (GMT+11).

You can purchase my first book 'The Connection Curriculum: Igniting Positive Change in Schools Through Sustainable Connection' from your favourite online retailer now or use one of the links below:

📘 Amba Press: https://ambapress.com.au/collections/view-all/products/the-connection-curriculum

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📗 From me: www.mattpitman.com.au