Curing Conflict Avoidance.

This may be a little subjective to start, but in the last 5-8 years I have noticed conflict avoidance has become a silent norm. Well-meaning leaders and teachers often shy away from uncomfortable conversations, hoping that time or goodwill will solve the problem.

But what is actually happening here?

The slow erosion of trust, the build-up of frustration, and a missed opportunity for genuine growth and stronger communities.

The opportunity in front of us is simple but powerful: counter it with authentic human connection.

Deep, intentional relationships are not just about being friendly or approachable – they are about fostering a sense of belonging that gives meaning to every interaction within the school. Connection builds the courage to face difficult conversations with respect and compassion, rather than avoidance.

When people feel connected, they feel seen and valued. This feeling creates the foundation for honest dialogue. In a school where relationships are strong, a teacher can receive constructive feedback without fear. A student can admit a mistake without shame. A parent can voice concerns and know they will be heard, not dismissed. Connection transforms conflict from a threat into an opportunity to strengthen the bond between individuals.

Of course, as I have discussed many times, connection does not happen by accident.

It requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment to understanding one another. It means moving beyond transactional relationships and investing in people’s stories, experiences, and aspirations. It means noticing who is standing on the edges and drawing them into the circle. It means creating the kind of environment where every person, staff member, student, parent, knows they are part of something bigger than themselves.

In practical terms, building a culture of connection looks like prioritising regular check-ins with your team. It looks like creating spaces where students can talk about their experiences without fear of judgement. It looks like making time for conversations with parents that are about partnership, not performance. It is not about grand gestures but small, consistent actions that affirm, "You matter here."

When connection is at the heart of school culture, conflict is no longer the enemy. It becomes a natural part of life in a diverse community, handled with care, addressed early, and approached with the goal of understanding rather than winning. Schools become places where learning is not just academic but relational, where challenges are met together rather than in isolation.

Leaders play a crucial role in modelling this kind of connection. It starts with being visible and approachable, with listening more than speaking, and with treating every encounter as an opportunity to build trust. It also means showing vulnerability, admitting when you do not have all the answers, owning your mistakes, and being willing to engage in the uncomfortable but necessary conversations that move a community forward.

Teachers, too, are architects of connection. In every classroom, the way we greet our students, the way we respond to their struggles, and the way we celebrate their successes all send a powerful message: you belong here. When students feel this deep sense of belonging, they are more willing to take risks, to engage deeply with their learning, and to contribute meaningfully to the school community.

Parents, when welcomed as true partners in education, bring invaluable insights and support. Connection with families enriches the school experience for everyone and creates a shared responsibility for student success. When parents feel connected to the school, they are more likely to trust the decisions made, support school initiatives, and advocate for the school in the wider community.

Building a culture of connection is not a quick fix. It is a long-term commitment – but the rewards are profound. By choosing connection over avoidance, we create schools that are resilient, compassionate, and deeply human. Schools where every challenge becomes a chance to strengthen community and every conflict becomes a catalyst for growth.

If you are wondering where to start, here’s one simple practice for the week ahead:

• Choose three people (a colleague, a student, and a parent)
• Reach out to each of them with no agenda other than to listen.
• Offer then a quick check-in, a coffee catch-up, a phone call to say, "How are you?" and really hear the answer.

These small moments are how real connection begins.

Let’s lead with connection and make it a lived reality.

As we finish this issue, here is a final thought from my book The Connection Curriculum:

"We have a chance here to change the way we communicate and to create a partnership of understanding between all as equals. When connection is a priority, we can strengthen our relationships, create a sense of belongingness and form an understanding of meaning in our lives. When it comes to the connection journey, no matter who the member of the community is, we should be asking them, not speaking for them."

Thanks for reading.

I'm keeping specifics to myself at the moment, but I announced my new book (which I am currently finishing up) will be published in late 2025 in this post here. More to come on that front over the coming months.

Issues of this newsletter are published fortnightly/biweekly on Sunday mornings at 8am (GMT+11).

You can purchase my first book 'The Connection Curriculum: Igniting Positive Change in Schools Through Sustainable Connection' from your favourite online retailer now or use one of the links below:

📘 Amba Press: https://ambapress.com.au/collections/view-all/products/the-connection-curriculum

📙 Amazon: https://lnkd.in/gE8ARrJQ

📗 From me: www.mattpitman.com.au