Influencing skills

Influencing skills Alan Barker Kairos Training Limited

These slides represent some of the supporting material from a training session. Information on the slides may therefore be incomplete.

What’s the difference? Influencing: using behaviour to change someone else’s behaviour Persuading: convincing, arguing, appealing to rationality Maybe! The distinction is not absolute.

Influencing works by acting on the unconscious. We are less likely to be influenced if we notice that we are being influenced. Do you agree?

Do we communicate what we intend? What’s the context? A one-way street What does it all mean?

Whatever we understand has been communicated – whether it was intended or not.

There is a paradox in communicating. I cannot expect you to understand everything I tell you; and I cannot expect you to understand only what I tell you. [with thanks to Patrick Bouvard]

Finnish Professor of human communication. He is best known for a set of humorous maxims about how communication in organizations goes wrong. They illustrate some of the problems of using the Shannon-Weaver transmission model.

Communication usually fails, except by accident. If communication can fail, it will fail. If communication cannot fail, it still usually fails. If communication seems to succeed in the way you intend – someone’s misunderstood.

If you are content with your message, communication is certainly failing. If a message can be interpreted in several ways, it will be interpreted in a manner that maximizes the damage. There is always someone who knows better than you what your message means. The more we communicate, the more communication fails.

Understanding is pattern-matching.

Continuous Complicated Contextual

We cannot not communicate. [Paul Watzlawick, Mental Research Institute, Palo Alto, California]

Relationship Information Action

R eciprocity A ssimilation S carcity C onsistency A uthority L iking Robert Cialdini

Based on two variables Status Emotional disclosure

Our social position Assessed on a simple sliding scale: low to high Always relative Always provisional: time; situation; people Gained behaviourally from other people

Statements of fact, making speeches Statements about objectives Demands for agreement on specifics Demands for commitment Expressions of opinion

Asking about values and principles Questions about needs and objectives Probing for feelings and perceptions Asking for explanations and examples Listening and following up

Rapport could be defined as the process of levelling status.

The mirroring system , which allows us, to some extent, to share the experiences of others The mentalizing system , which allows us to make predictions about people's actions on the basis of their mental states [Chris Frith]

Copy the other person’s body language. Make no more than two statements before you ask a question. Ask three questions – but no more till you have done the next two things.

Find something from what you have just learnt to pay a subtle and relevant compliment about. Find something in what you have found out to agree with. Repeat steps 1-5 until the conversation takes on a life of its own.

They provoke motion without thinking

Anger Happiness Disgust Surprise Sadness Fear

‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)

Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)

Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ The Control Specialist Just do it! Wants to know what and when Likes to take charge Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)

Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ The Technique Specialist Do it right or not at all! Wants to know how Likes to plan Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)

Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ The Support Specialist We’re great! Wants to know who and why Likes cooperation and loyalty Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)

Expressive Analytical Driver Amiable ‘ Push’ ‘ Pull’ The Social Specialist Let’s all do it! Wants to know who else Likes energy and optimism Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive)

Task (less responsive) Relationship (more responsive ) ‘ Pull’ ‘ Push’ Analytical Driver Amiable Expressive Finish Implement Inspire Market Investigate Support Liaise Appraise

Are they more assertive and fast-paced or less assertive and slower-paced? Are they less responsive and task-oriented or more responsive and people-oriented?

What is your least preferred style? What situations at work require you to use this style? What could you do (or stop doing) to increase your competence in this style?

Thank you! Alan Barker Kairos Training Limited www.kairostraining.co.uk

Influencing skills

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