When kindness becomes connection: understanding limerence through an AuDHD lens

I recently came across a word I’d never heard before: limerence.

It describes a state of involuntary, obsessive infatuation - the kind where someone becomes a constant thought in your mind. It’s not love in the healthy, reciprocal sense. It’s that deep emotional pull where your brain keeps asking,

“Do they feel the same?”

Every small sign of attention or distance feels like a tidal wave.

And once I read more, I recognised myself in it.

For some of us - especially those who are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD, or both - often called AuDHD) - limerence can take on an extra layer of intensity.

When you live with traits like hyperfocus, emotional sensitivity, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria, a simple act of kindness can feel monumental. Someone makes you feel seen, understood, valued... and your brain lights up like it’s found home.

But if that connection fades, or wasn’t as mutual as it felt, it can leave confusion and pain in its wake. We replay messages. Re-read conversations. Blame ourselves.

"Was it something I said?

Am I too much?"

The truth is, our brains are often wired for intensity... to feel deeply, care completely, and notice subtleties that others might miss. That’s not a flaw. It’s a form of depth.

Understanding the word limerence doesn’t fix the feelings... but it names them. It helps separate what’s happening to us from what’s happening in us. It gives language to an experience that many neurodivergent people quietly carry and rarely talk about.

If this resonates, know this: you’re not broken, and you’re not alone. Kindness can still be beautiful - even if, sometimes, it awakens something in us that we’re still learning to understand.