Writing Feedback That Helps Resolve Conflicts

💥 Feedback is a gift they say. But only if you trust the messenger. Too many leaders confuse sharing their opinions of your actions as feedback, and when it’s critical, they might remain silent. But silence doesn’t build trust. Accountability does. If you want a practical way to give feedback that builds clarity and connection (not conflict), try the SBI+A Method: Situation, Behavior, Impact — plus Action. It’s my favorite feedback framework and it can be used for affirmative AND constructive feedback for peers, your teams and your leaders. Here’s how it works, with real-life prompts you can use today - 💬 S.B.I.+A : 🟪 SITUATION Anchor the conversation in time and place. Be specific so the context is clear. -“In yesterday’s 1:1 with the client…” -“During our team meeting this morning…” 🟧 BEHAVIOR Describe exactly what was said or done — only what you observed. Keep it neutral, which can help to de-personalize the message. - “…you rolled your eyes when Marcus offered his idea…” - “…you proactively prepared a visual to explain …” 🟨 IMPACT Here’s the heart of the conversation. Focus on the effect, not your assumption about their intent. - “…it shut down the conversation and made it harder to hear different viewpoints.” - “...it strengthened the presentation and built client confidence in our work.” 🟦 ACTION (this optional, but powerful IMO) Suggest what to change — or what to continue if it was positive. This is also an opportunity to invite the recipient of constructive feedback to share what actions they will take in light of this feedback. Sometimes, this is best delivered in a follow-up conversation after the recipient has had time to process the feedback. - “In the future, try pausing before responding so we hold space for full ideas.” - “Keep doing that — your clarity helped move the project forward.” ---------- 💡 I think this model is helpful for people-centered, equity-driven leadership because: *It builds a shared language to talk about harm, even when it’s unintentional. *It helps us shift from blame to growth — perfect for leaders trying to close the gap between intent and impact. *It makes feedback feel actionable instead of personal. And most importantly, when done well: it gets everyone back on the same page!

Tough conversations aren’t optional. They’re critical. But here’s the catch: It’s easy to get stuck in emotions. To confuse facts with feelings. To default to defensive or reactive mindsets. Lately, I’ve been leaning on a framework that’s helping me handle challenging conversations with more clarity and curiosity: Observation, Feelings, Needs, Requests (OFNR). Observations: What happened? Feelings: How did it make me feel? Needs: What am I needing in this situation? Requests: What am I asking for to move forward? Here’s an example: A colleague went around me on a project. My observation: they bypassed me. My feelings: hurt and frustrated. My need: trust and transparency. My request is to discuss openly how we can work more effectively together. OFNR separates facts from stories. It keeps the conversation focused, not personal. It allows me to bring curiosity to the table, rather than judgment. I’m curious—what frameworks or approaches help you navigate hard conversations? What’s worked best for you? Let’s trade notes—these conversations are worth getting right. #DifficultConversations #LeadershipCommunication #ConflictResolution #TeamManagement #ConstructiveFeedback

I spoke with a local founder about an issue he’s having with one of his employees. She’ll consistently show up late, make commitments to deadlines, and then miss the window without saying anything. He’s tried to approach her about this, but she becomes defensive, layers in excuses, and doubles down on her position. I hear about issues like this all the time. Founders spend their energy thinking about how to resolve the tension or what they need to do.  -- Some accept the situation as if there’s nothing that can be done. Yes, there is. -- Some announce a new policy. Passive-aggressive. -- Some lead with authority. “Do as I say, or you’re fired.” This creates fear and kills performance. Try leading with humanity. There’s a way of relating that increases influence, creates buy-in, and reduces defensiveness. It’s speaking from a place of shared responsibility and respect. Here’s how to do it. First, affirm a meaningful relationship and establish a time to talk.  Then, use this framework to vocalize your feedback. 1. “THE SPECIFIC FACTS ARE…” These are facts only, not judgments or stories. Imagine that a video camera was observing and recording the information. You’re only stating what actually happened, not your assumptions, opinions, or judgments on what happened. Example: “For the last four out of five shifts, you showed up after the start time.” 2. “I MAKE UP A STORY THAT…” This is where you place your beliefs or assumptions that are your personal interpretation of the event. By stating “My story is”, you de-escalate the interaction because it places responsibility on yourself for your assumptions. “I make up a story that this role isn’t important to you. You aren’t prioritizing your work.” 3. “I FEEL…” “I feel frustrated and disappointed.” 4. “MY PART IN THIS IS…” This is your personal responsibility in creating or sustaining the issue. “My part in this is that I didn’t speak directly to you the first time it happened. I also didn’t create a clear agreement with you that arriving on time is important to me and the team. My own fear about doing a good job is making this feel significant for me.” 5. “AND I SPECIFICALLY WANT…” Name what you wish to change moving forward. “I want to make a clear agreement about your arrival time and ask that you show up on time each day.” I’ve seen firsthand how powerful this framework can be… and I use it with my own team. It’s all about connecting to purpose and building mutual respect—not leading from a place of authority or fear. Inspired by Jim Dethmer, Diana Champan, and Kaley Chapman, authors of The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership: A New Paradigm for Sustainable Success. I wrote a guide on this and placed it in the comments. #leadership