Writing Feedback That Clarifies Expectations

As performance review season approaches, I've been reflecting on a conversation from over a decade ago that still sits with me today. During my review, my manager told me I "needed to work on my confidence." When I asked for clarification, she said, "Think about how [male colleague] would have handled this situation." I can't fully fault my manager - who was herself a woman. We all carry internalized biases that we've absorbed from years of working in systems that often value traditionally masculine behaviors. It's a stark reminder that unlearning these patterns requires conscious effort from all of us, regardless of gender. That moment crystallized something I've observed throughout my career: vague feedback often masks unconscious bias, particularly in performance reviews. "Lack of confidence" is frequently used as shorthand to describe women's leadership styles, while similar behavior in male colleagues might be viewed as "thoughtful" or "measured." Here's what I wish that manager had said instead: 🔹 "I'd like you to take the lead in proposing solutions to the team, rather than waiting to be called on." 🔹"Let's work on defending your decisions with data when faced with pushback from folks." 🔹"I noticed you often preface your ideas with "I think..." Let's practice delivering recommendations with clear rationale and conviction." 🔹"Here are specific techniques to influence cross-functional stakeholders more effectively." As leaders, we are responsible for being intentional and specific in our feedback. Vague critiques like "needs more confidence" or "should be more assertive" without concrete examples or actionable guidance don't help our reports grow – they perpetuate harmful stereotypes. To my fellow managers preparing for year-end reviews: 🔹Be specific about behaviors, not personality traits 🔹Provide clear examples and contexts 🔹Outline actionable steps for improvement 🔹Check your biases - are you applying the same standards across your team? Remember: The impact of your words may last far longer than the conversation itself. #Leadership #PerformanceReviews #UnconsciousBias #WomenInBusiness #ProfessionalDevelopment

The CEO called me in for a meeting. I was a young, hungry, and determined employee. Still recently out of college but already presenting to boardrooms of higher-ups at Fortune 500 companies. My career had taken off like a rocket ship. Left and right I was hearing from leaders in the company: “Giancarlo, you’re seriously crushing it here! You're on your way!” Then out of the blue, I got called in for feedback. I could feel something wasn’t right. My CEO got into it: “I need to see more innovation from you.” That was it. That was the entire piece of feedback. My mind was scrambling and confused. I needed more clarity and direction. How was I supposed to meet this vague expectation? It boiled down to: “Be different.” But they didn’t provide me with direction, clarity, or a roadmap for how to improve. We were running so fast to grow the company, I didn’t feel like I could even pause to figure it out. I remember feeling lost. That feeling is part of the motivation that led me to partner up with Carla to create clear roadmaps for ambitious managers who want to grow, learn, and achieve (and give better feedback!). So, what's the secret to delivering feedback that actually makes your employees more successful? Here are some crucial points: - Show Care: Feedback should be an expression of care for their success. - Be Specific: Always provide examples to illustrate the reason for the feedback. - Set Expectations: Be clear about what you want to see them do differently. - Maximize Receptivity: Let tensions cool, but don’t withhold feedback until performance reviews either. - Provide Support: Plan a follow-up conversation to check-in on how it’s going. Vague feedback is like a compass with no needle - it won't guide anyone. Be the leader who paints a clear path to innovation, not a blur of expectations

Not long ago, I worked with a doctor who was completely burned out. She was carrying the weight of the practice on her shoulders and kept saying: "Why won’t the team just step up? Why do I always have to be the one to follow up, chase down details, fix mistakes?" She wasn't angry—she was just tired. Disappointed. Feeling alone. So we brought the team together and asked them, “How do you feel about your responsibilities?” Their answer? “We’re trying. We just don’t know what she wants from us.” That hit hard. Because this is the kind of disconnect I see in so many practices. One person thinks they’re being clear... But the other person is quietly unsure and afraid to admit it. And the gap between the two? That’s where frustration, resentment, and burnout live. 💡 Here’s the truth: Clarity lives in the receiver, not the sender. You might feel like you’ve explained things well. But unless the person on the other end truly understands it (and feels safe enough to say when they don’t), the message gets lost. 🛠 Want better results from your team? ✅ Give expectations in writing—not just verbally. ✅ Ask team members to repeat it back in their own words. ✅ Check for understanding, not just head nods. ✅ Normalize questions—make it safe to say “I’m not 100% sure what you mean.” This isn’t micromanagement. This is emotional intelligence in leadership. This is clarity—and clarity is kindness. When your team knows what’s expected of them, they can meet those expectations confidently. They can take ownership. They can step up. And they can grow into the leaders you want them to become. If you're constantly feeling like your team "should just know," this is your sign to pause and ask: 👉 “Have I truly communicated this in a way that can be received?” Because people are not mind readers. But they are willing—when they feel safe, supported, and clearly led. #EQatWork #ClearIsKind #LeadershipCommunication #DentalEQ #TeamAlignment #FractionalCOO #FullPocketCoaching