Using Empathy In User Experience Interviews

I bet most of you haven't heard of this… What? “𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴.” I've been an executive coach and a marriage counselor for over 30 years. I've engaged with thousands of leaders and couples. And if I have to pinpoint one thing that most of them fail at, it'll be, 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴. Not just hearing.  Not just listening. It doesn't matter how often your employees give you their feedback or how frequently your partner may say something. They can talk all they want, but if you fail to listen and comprehend—nothing is ever going to change. In fact, things will just go downhill. 𝘚𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴? Well, it requires intentionality, patience, an open mind, and a desire to truly understand. Here’s the roadmap laid out for you: 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 📌Focus completely on the speaker. Put away distractions like phones or other devices. 📌Maintain eye contact to show you're engaged and attentive. 📌Show genuine non-verbal cues like nodding or using facial expressions to indicate your interest. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤. 📌Avoid interrupting or finishing the speaker's sentences. Let them express themselves fully. 📌Be patient, especially if the speaker is hesitant or takes time to articulate their thoughts. 📌Do not be thinking about your response, but remain in the moment. 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 📌Pay attention to the speaker's tone of voice, pitch, volume, and body language. Emotions often manifest in these aspects. 📌Look for signs of frustration, excitement, sadness, or other emotional cues. 𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧-𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 📌Encourage the speaker to share more by asking questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." 📌Examples include "𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭?" or "𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?" 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭. 📌Show empathy by acknowledging the speaker's feelings and experiences. You can say, "𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶." or “𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦.” 📌Reflect back on what you've heard to confirm your understanding. For example, "𝘚𝘰, 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨..." 𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫: Listen to understand–not just reply. #leadershipcoach #executivecoach #leadershipdevelopment

A good survey works like a therapy session. You don’t begin by asking for deep truths, you guide the person gently through context, emotion, and interpretation. When done in the right sequence, your questions help people articulate thoughts they didn’t even realize they had. Most UX surveys fall short not because users hold back, but because the design doesn’t help them get there. They capture behavior and preferences but often miss the emotional drivers, unmet expectations, and mental models behind them. In cognitive psychology, we understand that thoughts and feelings exist at different levels. Some answers come automatically, while others require reflection and reconstruction. If a survey jumps straight to asking why someone was frustrated, without first helping them recall the situation or how it felt, it skips essential cognitive steps. This often leads to vague or inconsistent data. When I design surveys, I use a layered approach grounded in models like Levels of Processing, schema activation, and emotional salience. It starts with simple, context-setting questions like “Which feature did you use most recently?” or “How often do you use this tool in a typical week?” These may seem basic, but they activate memory networks and help situate the participant in the experience. Visual prompts or brief scenarios can support this further. Once context is active, I move into emotional or evaluative questions (still gently) asking things like “How confident did you feel?” or “Was anything more difficult than expected?” These help surface emotional traces tied to memory. Using sliders or response ranges allows participants to express subtle variations in emotional intensity, which matters because emotion often turns small usability issues into lasting negative impressions. After emotional recall, we move into the interpretive layer, where users start making sense of what happened and why. I ask questions like “What did you expect to happen next?” or “Did the interface behave the way you assumed it would?” to uncover the mental models guiding their decisions. At this stage, responses become more thoughtful and reflective. While we sometimes use AI-powered sentiment analysis to identify patterns in open-ended responses, the real value comes from the survey’s structure, not the tool. Only after guiding users through context, emotion, and interpretation do we include satisfaction ratings, prioritization tasks, or broader reflections. When asked too early, these tend to produce vague answers. But after a structured cognitive journey, feedback becomes far more specific, grounded, and actionable. Adaptive paths or click-to-highlight elements often help deepen this final stage. So, if your survey results feel vague, the issue may lie in the pacing and flow of your questions. A great survey doesn’t just ask, it leads. And when done right, it can uncover insights as rich as any interview. *I’ve shared an example structure in the comment section.

𝗢𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗲𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀 Early in my career, I thought being a great researcher meant delivering perfect insights. I spent hours polishing slides, crafting the clearest recommendations, thinking that’s how I would gain influence and drive impact. But over the years, I’ve learned: 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽. Looking back, some of the most trust-building moments weren’t in research readouts, but in smaller and ongoing interactions like chats, 1:1s, tech reviews and roadmap meetings. At first, these deeply technical discussions about model architectures, system tradeoffs, and backend constraints felt daunting. But I leaned in with deep curiosity to learn their world – their language, their constraints, how they define success. I began asking questions that brought a different lens – questions about user experience implications, hidden assumptions in metrics, and whether definitions of success truly aligned with user value. Over time, I noticed a shift. Partners began pulling me into more of these conversations. They valued not only the different perspective I brought but also that I was designing research grounded in their reality. The closer I got to their world, the more they trusted me to help them navigate complexity with users in mind. Here are a few lessons that have guided me: 💡 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗾𝘂𝗲. It’s easy to point out flaws. It’s harder – and far more powerful – to ask questions that unlock better thinking. 💡 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱. Sit in their reviews and participate in their discussions. Learn the tradeoffs they’re wrestling with. Empathy is the foundation of trust. 💡 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗹𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. When partners see how you approach a problem, they begin to trust your intuition and judgment, not just your final results. 💡 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘂𝗽𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸. Research isn’t just about answering questions; it’s about reframing them to drive better decisions. When partners see that your involvement helps them achieve goals faster, better, and with greater user impact, trust accelerates. 💡 𝗖𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗯𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝘀. Research insights are powerful, but it’s the engineers, PMs, and designers who build and ship. Recognizing their contributions creates shared ownership and success. At the end of the day partnership is built in 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 – asking a clarifying question that reframes priorities, acknowledging a tough tradeoff, or staying a bit longer to align on next steps. Trust grows when partners see you’re not just doing your job, but actively working to strengthen their efforts and amplify their impact.