Women's struggles with self-acceptance

If "having it all" means feeling like you're constantly falling short in every direction, then we need to talk. As a psychologist, I've sat with countless women who are absolutely crushing it on paper—CEO, founder, incredible mother, loving partner—yet are crumbling inside. They describe a relentless tug-of-war, a deep internal conflict between the roles they play. It's not just about time management. It's about identity fragmentation. Here’s the truth I often share: The Myth of the "Balanced" Woman Most women are not struggling to balance their roles; they are struggling to balance their 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 amidst their roles. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 "𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥" 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐩: For many, the drive to excel in every role comes from an old, unconscious belief: "I must be everything to everyone to be worthy." This isn't ambition. This is a subtle form of self-abandonment. 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐜𝐤-𝐚-𝐌𝐨𝐥𝐞: You try to be the strategic leader at work, the patient parent at home, the supportive friend, the passionate lover. But each role demands a different emotional posture, a different energy. And when one aspect of you rises, another feels neglected. This isn't a failure of effort; it's a failure of integration. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐝: You carry an internal scorecard, meticulously tracking perceived failures and successes in each domain. A late email, a missed school event, a forgotten anniversary—each is a strike against your self-worth, deepening the internal schism. The Path to Integration, Not Just Balance Instead of chasing an elusive "balance," consider focusing on 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬: What truly matters to 𝘺𝘰𝘶? Not what society, family, or your industry dictates. When your actions align with your core values, the internal conflict lessens. 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: Your "work self" needs to be able to feel frustration. Your "mom self" needs to acknowledge exhaustion. Suppressing emotions in one domain only leads to them erupting elsewhere. Emotional literacy means allowing 𝘢𝘭𝘭 of you to be present, appropriately. 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞: Stop compartmentalizing so rigidly. Can you bring a part of your strategic brilliance to parenting? Can your compassionate self show up in leadership? The goal isn't to perfectly divide your hours, but to bring your whole, authentic self to whatever you are doing. You are not a collection of separate personas. You are one complex, magnificent woman with diverse capacities. The struggle is real, but the solution isn't to try harder to "balance" an impossible ideal. It's to stop the internal fight and lead with ruthless self-respect. What if your wholeness was the most powerful asset you possess? #WomenInLeadership #MentalHealth #Boundaries #SelfWorth #EmotionalIntelligence

When you’ve worked so hard to reach the top, why does self-doubt creep in even stronger? For many successful women leaders, loneliness and isolation at the top can amplify feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, commonly known as imposter syndrome. Even the most accomplished leaders get affected by this. As I climbed the ladder in my leadership journey, I expected to find greater confidence and validation. However, reaching the top brought about an unsettling mix of self-doubt and isolation. The paradox of feeling successful yet profoundly disconnected. Looking back, I can see some of the things that fuelled this sense of disconnect. This included lack of relatable peers locally (being CEO at 32),, the increased pressure to build on the work of my predecessor, fewer opportunities for honest reflection with trusted peers, and the absence of a sounding board to bounce off the high stakes decisions. Thankfully, loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent part of leadership. As woman in leadership, you can combat both isolation and imposter syndrome by building intentional support networks and seeking mentors who can relate to their unique struggles. So, in addition to the list from yesterday, here are a few more on some of the ways to reclaim your confidence and connection. 1. Engaging in women's leadership groups. Professional groups focused on women in leadership provide spaces to connect with others who understand the specific challenges of being a woman at the top. These communities offer valuable reassurance and validation that help women combat feelings of inadequacy and gain strength from shared experiences. Some of the communities I have seen here on LinkedIn include The Ladies Book Breakfast Forum, WOMEN IN HR KENYA, and Women On Boards Network Kenya among others. Search for your industry group and be part of its activities and engagements. 2. Seek out mentorship   A trusted mentor can be a powerful ally against imposter syndrome. By connecting with someone who has walked a similar path, you can gain perspective from someone else's own journey and learn strategies to manage self-doubt. Mentorship also helps reinforce their accomplishments and provides guidance, helping them see themselves as competent and capable. 3. Finally, practice self-validation techniques.   Journaling, self-affirmations, or setting aside time to celebrate achievements can help counter the negative self-talk that loneliness and imposter syndrome trigger. Remember who you are. Recognize and acknowledge personal wins, no matter how small. These help to foster your confidence and reduces reliance on external validation. In this journey, success and self-belief can thrive together. Imposter syndrome can make the journey to success feel lonely and filled with self-doubt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. What are other networks available here on LinkedIn? Tag and help a sister 😀 #africa #leadershipdevelopment #professionalwomen #personaldevelopment #

For years, I tried desperately to fit in at work. And yet, I was repeatedly branded as too aggressive, too assertive, and just... “too much.” One manager even called me a “bulldozer” — publicly, in front of dozens of people. The unspoken rules were clear. I needed to: ✅ Tone it down ✅ Be more positive ✅ Smile more and say less So, I tried to play by the rules… I held back in meetings. I suppressed my emotions. I smiled and nodded, even when I disagreed. And you know what? I was TERRIBLE at it. I tried and failed, over and over again, to fit the mold. I became a watered down version of myself that I barely recognized, and I still wasn't meeting their expectations and manufactured standards. The whole thing left me anxious, stressed, and depleted. It wasn’t until years later that I realized I was practicing something called self-shielding—the act of suppressing or toning down your true self to conform to others' expectations, often to avoid criticism or rejection. And here’s the kicker: Self-shielding is WAY more common (and destructive) for women. We’re told to be assertive, but not too assertive. Ambitious, but not too ambitious. Strong, but always with a smile. And so, we self-shield. We mute our brilliance, dilute our opinions, and shrink our presence to make others comfortable — often with disastrous results. Here’s the deal, friends...   No matter how much I edited myself, it was never enough, because I was chasing an impossible goal. I was trying to find a version of me that didn’t exist. I was trying to be enough FOR THEM, but I needed to be enough FOR ME. I needed the courage to bring the full force of who I was to the table—mindfully, authentically, and unapologetically. Even if it made others uncomfortable. So to all the women out there who have been told they’re “too much” at work: ✴️ Reclaim Your Narrative: Don’t apologize for being passionate or assertive. Embrace and celebrate what makes you exceptional. ✴️ Redefine Success on Your Terms: Be enough for yourself first. Align with your values, not others’ expectations or standards. ✴️ Find Your People: Build a community that celebrates your greatness and lifts you up, no matter what. You deserve to be surrounded by people who see your “too much” as just right. You got this. I’m cheering for you. 🎉 ***************************** Hi, I'm Sarah 👋 I help leaders and organizations live and work at their best. Follow me for more honest stories and reflections about life, leadership, and the land as I attempt to navigate the swirl. #womenleaders #womenatwork #selfshielding #leadershipcoach #autheticityatwork #changingwork

Neither of my parents went to college. I did, and following my dream to be a teacher, I studied elementary education. However, life had other plans for me, and my career took an unexpected turn into the world of business. I discovered a passion for it. I worked hard, and knew I was making meaningful contributions. But my unconventional path weighed on me. As a young woman, I couldn't shake the worry that someone would eventually tap me on the shoulder and say, "Hey! We caught you! You don't really belong here." The fear stayed with me until I heard a professor from Kellogg speak at a Women's Foodservice Forum and I learned there's a name for that feeling: Impostor Syndrome. Realizing that I wasn't alone in this experience was transformative. It boosted my confidence and made me recognize how much societal expectations had influenced my self-perception. That awareness was liberating. Years later, I had the honor of sharing my own story at that very same event—a full-circle moment that I deeply cherished. You can watch it here: https://lnkd.in/eqP_SKpM But it's frustrating to know that nearly 80% of women still struggle with low self-esteem in the workplace. So, what can we do? Here are 5 strategies that have worked for me: • Keep a "Fan File" of your wins. Revisit it when self-doubt creeps in. • Avoid comparisons. Let your unique strengths be your guide. • Focus on your strengths and sharpen them. • Build a support network that pushes you to grow. • Embrace "Go-Learn-Iterate." Failure is part of the journey. And, in case no one's told you yet: You belong here. You're doing great. And we need you to take your seat at the table!

What Keeps Women from Leading Loudly? It Is Not Always Skill. I have worked with women who lead million-dollar budgets but shy away when asked to speak on camera. We often assume leadership gaps are about capability. Yet, for so many women, what actually holds us back isn’t skill. It is unspoken conditioning around appearance and acceptance. When you have grown up being told: “You’re too big.” “You need to change your hair.” “Don’t be too loud or too visible…” You begin to believe that confidence must be earned through perfection, not embodiment. This is how body image insecurity becomes a quiet leadership barrier. My upcoming work at UPenn’s MAPP program is focused on exploring the intersection between body image, internalised narratives, and how women lead during times of transition or pressure. Understand that true leadership isn’t about minimizing yourself; it’s about standing grounded in who you are, even when the world tells you not to. I am committed to sharing more of my research work in my monthly newsletter. Subscribe using the link in the comments to stay informed about this groundbreaking research.

One major reason why women struggle with work-life balance is this ↓ Hint: It's not about time management. Most women are told to focus on: → Saying "no" more often → Multitasking efficiently → Better scheduling But the core issue runs deeper than that. Women are conditioned to put themselves last. Seeing self-care as selfish rather than essential. From childhood, girls are taught that caregiving comes first. Others' needs before our own. This invisible burden follows us into adulthood, creating: → Constant guilt when prioritizing personal needs → Internalized belief that rest equals laziness → Mental load that never shuts off What if the solution isn't another productivity system, but permission to value yourself equally? The most revolutionary act for a woman isn’t optimizing her calendar. It’s believing she deserves space in it. Women who thrive don’t just manage time better. They’ve rewired their thinking about worthiness. What's one way you’re prioritizing yourself this week?