Tips for Positive Self-Talk in Professional Growth

Career development tip: Learn how to express kindness to yourself. For real, though. For many of us that struggle with things like self-worth, imposter syndrome or insecurity, no one will ever treat us as poorly as we do ourselves. This is a calamity for career growth, because these things limit the perception of our potential. We're less self-aware, more difficult to coach and often self-sabotage. If this is a struggle for you, here's a a habit you can develop that may help. When you hear yourself thinking or saying something negative about yourself, think of someone you love (a parent, partner, child, friend) and ask yourself if you would say the same thing you said about yourself to one of them. Even if the statement is true, you'd likely find a more gentle way to express it, and only if you truly believed it would help them. Reframe your thought through the lens of how and what you would say to your loved one, then say it out loud to yourself. This might sound like new age mumbo jumbo, but as someone who has worked through these challenges for the last 20 years, I can attest to its impact. Instead of thinking, "You are so lazy, you skipped the gym twice this week - you'll never meet your goals" I thought about what I would say to my son: "I'm proud of you for setting a goal. You're working toward a better life and I believe in your ability to get back on track." ...and off to the gym I go. 💪

If you want to be hard you’ve got to be soft. All the chest thumping and pick yourself up the bootstraps talk is empty if it is not supported by self-compassion. Nobody escapes life unscathed. The biggest and harshest challenges in our lives are akin to rough weather on a mountain. They wear down our edges and make us softer and gentler. The upshot is that we gain compassion, both for ourselves and for others. Conventional wisdom on getting through challenges says that on one extreme there is taking responsibility and toughness. On the other extreme there is taking it easy and showing yourself boundless love. These mindsets are often pitted against each other, but the truth is they are complementary: you generally need at least some measure of both. The best approach is to combine fierce self-discipline with fierce self-compassion. Regularly practicing self-compassion makes you fearless. Because if you know that you can be kind to yourself, then you can go to tough places knowing that you've got your own back. Showing up can be hard, no doubt. But with self-compassion, it becomes just a bit easier. Being kind to yourself in the midst of struggle affords you the resilience you need to endure, persist, and flourish. Self-compassion is not automatic; like any other quality, it must be developed. Notice when you are being particularly hard on yourself. How does it make you feel? Does it help? What would it look like to change the self-talk? Practice #1: When you enter a ruminative or judgemental spiral, ask yourself: What would I say to a friend in this situation? We tend to be much kinder and wiser when we are giving advice to our friends than when we are giving advice to ourselves. Practice #2: You can call upon a mantra, which snaps you out of your head and into the present moment. One I use all the time: "This is what is happening right now. I'm doing the best I can." Another benefit of this mantra is that if it isn't true—if you aren’t doing the best you can—then you realize that too, and kindly give yourself the chance to do better. *** The non-duality between ruggedness and flexibility, between self-discipline and self-compassion, is one of the most important concepts I learned in researching and writing Master of Change. It’s helped me to make sense of things in my own life. I hope it helps you too. Please share this post to spread its crucial message. If you want to go deeper and learn more, pick up a copy of Master of Change. If you find the content of this post important and interesting I can almost guarantee you’ll like the book.

Personal growth comes from a willingness to lean into discomfort. The question is, do we beat ourselves up or see it as an opportunity to learn and get better? We all know these scenarios well. An exchange with a team member leaves us feeling uneasy, a project with a client goes awry and requires a challenging conversation or a presentation doesn’t hit its mark; it’s natural and productive to feel the sting of discomfort. However, we have a choice - we can actively look at the situation through the lens of self-improvement or self-deprecation. Both can serve as a signal and achieve the same result - the drive and ambition to improve. However, the sources of motivation are fundamental opposites. The former is rooted in values and principles, while the latter originates from ego and fear. One cultivates growth; the other can be debilitating and counterproductive. From a very young age, I’ve used negative self-talk as motivational, which, admittedly, has played a role in getting to where I am today. However, I’ve learned I can achieve the same results by sitting with the discomfort until the lessons are apparent instead of beating myself up over mistakes. It’s a simple reframe from self-critical to self-inquisitive, but the nuance significantly differs in how it is processed, from anxiety to curiosity. One exercise I’ve found helpful is the STOP technique, a simple method borrowed from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It’s a straightforward way to reframe negative thoughts: 1️⃣ Stop - the moment it becomes apparent that self-critical thoughts are taking the lead, pause. Don’t allow the negative self-talk to spiral into an infinite loop. Building a habit around this awareness is a win in and of itself. 2️⃣ Take a step back - try to detach and separate emotions from the situation. Switch from here’s what I am feeling to here’s what I see. 3️⃣ Observe - Identify what you’re feeling and why. What about the situation presents an opportunity for improvement? Continue to ask why until you identify the root cause of the discomfort. 4️⃣ Proceed mindfully - replace self-criticism with objective reflection. Focus on the lessons learned so you’re better prepared for similar situations in the future. When caught in a negative loop, this cognitive reframe can help shift to an objective lens that embraces the discomfort of not showing up at our best without berating ourselves. The difference is subtle, but the impact on our mindset can be profound. Above all, remember, we are all works in progress, trying to figure it out. Learning, growing, and improving is a continuous and long-term journey. Strive to get better, but be kind to yourself in the process.

Talk Yourself Up You talk more to yourself than to anyone else in the world. You are the only one who is with you 100 percent of the time. The conversations you have with yourself have an overwhelmingly high impact on your mindset compared to conversations with others. If you are not your biggest cheerleader, you might just be your biggest enemy. To better understand the tone of your inner dialogues, begin by asking yourself, “Would I talk to my best friend the way I talk to myself?” or “Am I giving the support, confidence, and hope to myself that I give to others?” Most people realize that they are much harder on themselves than others. If you talked to others the way you talk to yourself, your friendships would change, and you would likely have fewer friends. Instead, Julie Davis-Colan gives herself real high fives. She says, “Good job, Jules!” and slaps her palms together high in the air to reinforce self-positivity, congratulating herself for a job well done, from the outcome of a coaching discussion to finishing the laundry. A simple high five can help with self-motivation and positively affect your self-evaluation. Cheer for yourself the way you would for your favorite sports team or your child during a competitive event. You are always with yourself, so encouragement and affirmation are always options for your internal conversations . . . if you choose. In the face of challenging circumstances (and we all have our share), the words you choose for that conversation with yourself will directly impact how long you will find yourself in those situations. Use your words to change your situation, not to describe it. The moment you speak something—good or bad—you give birth to it as an idea, an expectation, or a desire. By controlling what you say and how you say it—using positive words with enthusiasm—you help to change your physical and mental state.

The quote "It's not what you say to everyone else that determines your life: It's what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power" is a reminder that our self-talk has a profound impact on our thoughts, feelings, and actions. What we say to ourselves on a regular basis shapes our beliefs about ourselves, our abilities, and the world around us. When we have positive self-talk, we are more likely to believe in ourselves and our ability to achieve our goals. We are also more likely to feel confident and optimistic. For example, if we are about to give a presentation, we might tell ourselves things like "I am prepared," "I am confident in my abilities," and "I am going to do a great job." This positive self-talk can help us to perform at our best and achieve our desired outcome. Conversely, when we have negative self-talk, we are more likely to doubt ourselves and our abilities. We are also more likely to feel anxious and pessimistic. For example, if we are about to give a presentation, we might tell ourselves things like "I'm going to forget everything," "I'm going to look stupid," and "Everyone is going to judge me." This negative self-talk can undermine our confidence and performance, and make it more difficult to achieve our goals. The good news is that we can choose our self-talk. We can train ourselves to have more positive self-talk by paying attention to what we say to ourselves and consciously replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This may take time and effort, but it is a worthwhile investment. When we have positive self-talk, we are more likely to live happy and fulfilling lives. Here are some tips for developing more positive self-talk: ⚫ Pay attention to your thoughts. What do you say to yourself on a regular basis? Are your thoughts positive or negative? ⚫ Challenge negative thoughts. When you have a negative thought, ask yourself if it is really true. Is there any evidence to support it? If not, replace the negative thought with a more positive one. ⚫ Be specific and realistic. When setting goals for yourself, be specific about what you want to achieve and make sure your goals are realistic. This will help you to stay motivated and avoid feeling overwhelmed. ⚫ Focus on your strengths. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Make a list of your strengths and remind yourself of them on a regular basis. This will help you to build your confidence and self-esteem. ⚫ Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. When you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up about it. Instead, learn from your mistake and move on. Remember, your self-talk has the power to shape your life. Choose to be kind to yourself and speak positive messages to yourself on a regular basis. #bekind #kindness #optimism #cando #attitude

BE KIND TO YOURSELF It's easy to forget the simplest yet most profound lesson in life: Be kind to yourself. 🌼 It's important to extend the kindness we offer to others to the one person we spend the most time with - ourselves. Life is often challenging, throwing curveballs when we least expect them. In these moments, remember, you're doing your best, and that's MORE THAN enough. Take a moment today and everyday to appreciate yourself, your efforts, and the unique journey you're on. Here are two simple tips to put this idea into practice: 1. Self-Compassion Breaks: Whenever you're feeling overwhelmed or critical of yourself, take a short break. During this time, acknowledge your feelings, remind yourself that challenges are a part of everyone's experience, and offer yourself the same compassion you would offer a good friend. This practice helps in breaking the cycle of negative self-talk and reinforces a kinder inner dialogue. 2. Gratitude Journaling: At the beginning or end of each day, jot down three things about yourself that you are grateful for. It could be qualities you appreciate, achievements of the day, or simply recognizing your efforts. This practice shifts the focus from what you think you're lacking to what you're already doing well, fostering a sense of self-appreciation and positivity. Both of these practices encourage a more positive and forgiving relationship with oneself, which is the essence of self-kindness. A little self-kindness goes a LONG WAY in making the world, and our own hearts, a little brighter.

"𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱; 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗶𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵." The question is…could you do more if you had more confidence? Very often we dimmed our bright light because of perceptions, not quite those of others, but our own perceptions. We stay in between the lines of self-judgment and hatred. We assume unrealistic thoughts that often block our decision making. It's now time to embrace the inner strength within you and let it guide your path. I had to repeat this to myself several times and let it simmer. Here’s the harsh truth #LinkedInwomen and #fam Confidence isn't always about being the loudest voice in the room. It's the serene assurance in your own abilities that fuels your energy and propels you forward on your journey of personal development. Something I did not know too well, until I had to go on a self-discovery journey. I found some intriguing traits such as playing small to make others comfortable. Constant fight with doubts and judgments. Self sabotaging my growth and relationships.. I am sure many can relate, right? So, here are three strategies I learned to inspire you on your journey if you’re seeking to cultivate confidence in your daily life: 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝘁𝗶𝗽 𝗻𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗻𝗲… 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻. Learn to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, especially in moments when fear and self-doubt creep in. You must also acknowledge that setbacks are a natural part of growth. So, use them as opportunities to learn and improve from failure. 𝗗𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘇𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗯𝘆 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗶𝗴𝗵 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀. The larger aspirations are part of your dreams, and they are achievable when you break them down into the right fit, and manageable tasks. And in the process, remember to celebrate each accomplishment along the way, it sets the momentum and reinforces your belief to keep going and growing. 𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗯𝘆 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸. It wouldn’t be fair to encourage you to do something that I don’t practice myself. Pay attention to the way you speak to yourself. It sounds ludicrous, right? But the truth is that almost 75% of us subconsciously engage in negative self-talk. You can try to consciously replace self-criticism with positive words of affirmations. Not the simple “I Am” ritualistic routines, but more of reframing how you’ve thought of yourself through failure or success. So my recommendation for you today is to believe in yourself, embrace your inner strength. start incorporating these strategies into your daily routine, and watch as your confidence grows, it is also propelling you towards your goals.

Most leaders are wonderful human-beings. They are loving and caring leaders that want what's best for their employees. Most leaders I work with inspire me to be a better man, husband, father and leader. At the same time, nearly every leader has bouts of self-doubt. This is part of our human condition. In fact, many leaders I work with attribute their success to their Hyper-Achiever tendencies. Here is how we try to work to stay in an achievement mindset while being kind to ourselves in the process. We focus on accepting that we are constantly growing and learning, and every experience, whether perceived as success or failure, is an opportunity for growth and improvement. In Positive Intelligence (PQ) language, this is a Sage perspective. This Sage perspective shifts our perspective from a judgmental and self-critical mindset to one of continuous growth and empowerment. By embracing the idea that every experience, regardless of its outcome, contributes to our personal and professional development, we can cultivate resilience, self-confidence, and a positive outlook on life. Here's how we can reinforce this belief: Practice Self-Compassion: Instead of being overly critical of ourselves, let's practice self-compassion and kindness. Treat ourselves with the same understanding and support that we would offer to a friend facing a similar situation. Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Shift our focus from perfectionism to progress. Celebrate our achievements and the progress we've made, no matter how small. Recognize that setbacks and challenges are natural parts of the learning process. We like to teach that the pursuit of perfection is noble and the expectation of perfection is insane. Learn from Every Experience: Approach every experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Reflect on both our successes and failures, extracting valuable lessons and insights that can inform our future actions and decisions. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: When we catch ourselves engaging in negative self-talk or self-doubt, challenge those thoughts with evidence of our past successes and our potential for growth. Replace self-limiting beliefs with empowering affirmations that reinforce our ability to overcome challenges. We like to teach....Spot, Stop, Swap or Recognize, Rest, Rewire. Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Adopt a growth mindset, believing that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and effort. Embrace challenges as opportunities to stretch our skills and expand our capabilities. Seek Support and Feedback: Surround ourselves with mentors, coaches, or trusted friends who can offer guidance, perspective, and encouragement along our journey. A great mantra/affirmation might be, "I am constantly growing and learning, and every experience, whether perceived as success or failure, is an opportunity for growth and improvement." How does your Hyper-Achiever help/hurt you?

Why is no one talking about this? The way you speak to yourself matters You know, there was a time when my inner voice was my toughest critic. When I say tough, I mean tough! It would constantly whisper doubts and fears, especially when I faced new challenges as an Agile coach. "Can I really make a difference?" "Am I good enough?" This self-sabotaging talk wasn't just harsh; it was holding me back. Here’s what I’ve learned—the way we speak to ourselves truly matters. It shapes our reality, our confidence, and our path forward. So, I decided to change the narrative. I started replacing "Can I?" with "I can," and "Am I?" with "I am." It wasn't overnight success, but slowly, those positive affirmations began to drown out the doubts. They became my shield in tough times, reminding me of my strength and my worth. Guess what? It made a huge difference. Now, when I mentor my teams or tackle a new project, I do it with a voice in my head that says, "You've got this. You're making an impact." This shift in self-talk has not only improved my professional life but has also brought joy and peace to my personal life. So here's my message to you: Be kind to yourself. Speak to yourself with 💗love, encouragement, and respect. It might feel odd at first, but trust me, it works. Your words have power, make them a source of strength. Sending you all positive vibes and encouragement💕💙 #jobseekers #hiring #jobsearch #careeradvice #agilecoach

Today, I wanted to dive into a topic close to my heart – the power of positive self-talk. Let me take you back a few years when I was navigating the early stages of building our tech company, BairesDev. There were days when the challenges seemed colossal, and the road ahead felt like an uphill battle. A little voice inside my head started playing tricks, whispering doubts and uncertainties. But you know what? I took action to flip the script. I began treating myself like I would a close friend – with kindness, understanding, and unwavering support. Instead of dwelling on what might go wrong, I focused on what could go right. And that's when things began to change. Positive self-talk isn't just about uttering affirmations; it's a mindset shift that can transform your entire journey. When you replace self-doubt with self-belief, you open doors to possibilities you might never have seen otherwise. Remember, every setback is a setup for a comeback! When you stumble, remind yourself of the times you've triumphed over adversity. Those moments aren't just isolated events; they are proof of your resilience and potential. As a tech entrepreneur, I've learned that the conversations you have with yourself are just as important as the ones you have with your team, investors, or clients. Your self-talk sets the tone for your actions, decisions, and ultimately, your success. So, I invite you to make your self-talk a force of positivity and motivation. Let's be our own biggest friends and champions. Let's embrace challenges as opportunities for growth and prove to ourselves that we are capable of achieving greatness. Believe in your journey, believe in your potential, and never underestimate the strength of your own words! #PersonalGrowth #Motivation