Personal reflections on ending gender-based harm

For some weeks now, I have been reading the news relating to gender based violence in India, the country of my cultural heritage, France, Kenya, Switzerland and other places… Reading post after post talking about these incidents and urging men to speak up. As I have read them, I have been processing my thoughts, sifting through my own experiences. Troubling incidents on vacations in India… workplace incidents at social events… unwanted and unwelcome touching…even accepting some in an attempt to be safe and find escape. I’ve started writing posts then deleted them. Contemplated writing about my own experiences then second guessed doing so. Wondered what, among the emotion, I wanted to actually say. And that really is the crux of it. Emotion. Sadly, sexual violence is something all too many women have and will experience… And with every incident comes a reliving of one’s own fears and close calls or worse. We read and hear about the horrifying and sad stories that involve homicide and brutality. And for every one of those stories are hundreds… thousands… millions of other stories that leave lasting damage and trauma. Shame and stigma. Disconnection to one’s body. Feelings of helplessness and powerlessness due to one’s gender. Feelings often amplified by the systems in which we operate. Systems that have long silenced women’s voices. Systems that have revictimised and interrogated. Systems that have blamed and shamed. We are none of us islands when it comes to gender based violence. This is a collective problem. An “us” problem. And we each have a role to play… In the manner in which we connect with, perpetuate and/or challenge the systems that silence, shame and interrogate. In the manner in which we raise the generations of tomorrow, In the manner in which we speak up and speak out, call in and call out, defend and protect, support and comfort. In the manner in which we promote and further gender equity in our workplaces, our homes, our communities Gender based violence isn’t simply about having the conversation. It’s also about the complex systems and root causes that sit beneath it. So before you consider this someone else’s problem to solve, ask yourself what role can you play in reshaping those systems… in changing the story? #StoriesByNiti #GenderBasedViolence #GenderEquity

I've been reflecting on the recent surge in what's often referred to as “random” acts of violence against women. Nearly three decades in gender-based violence prevention work have taught me that there's nothing random about this type of violence. It's a stark reflection of the ingrained socialization that teaches us to believe that women have less value than men, and that it’s okay to view women as property and objects. I’ve put together some thoughts exploring this tough reality and discussing how we, as men, can be part of the solution. I hope you’ll give it a read and join me in the fight to create a world where all folks are valued, respected, and safe.

I realised recently that I am carrying generational and systematic trauma around sexism and misogyny. It came to me at my last retreat when the topic of generational trauma came up and it suddenly hit me that many of the things that trigger me in my life in that department, do so not because they remind me of something that was done to me, but rather because they remind me of something that was done to other women. Women in my family, women in my life, even women I have never met. You see, women’s oppression has been systematic in our society for generations and every single one of us carries a piece of that trauma, whether we’ve experienced it first hand or not. While I too have has my share of encounters with sexism and misogyny, my relationship with my husband (while as most relationships is an ongoing work in progress) is based on equality and respect. Yet I often find myself furious at my partner and even a tiny thing can send me into a full swing defensive mode. I sometimes feel like I need to defend my rights, even when they are not being threatened - just in case. It’s hard to let go of that fear - I often feel like it keeps me safe. But I am trying to let go of what’s not mine. Trying to look at my life as it is and not through the lense of my ancestors and/or other people. This doesn’t mean I won’t continue advocating for them, but I’d like to be able to do it without the rage that feels so personal. It’s not easy to heal something so deep, some days it feels so real I can almost taste it. But I know it’s what I need to do, not just for myself, but also for my daughters 🙏🏻 Just thought I’d share in case this resonates with anyone ❤️ Does anyone else carry generational trauma? How have you dealt with it? #love #breakingthecycle