Challenges Women Face in Self-Expression

"Black women aren't just doing their jobs. They're performing an exhausting one-woman show where the script changes daily." Let me break down what Black women navigate in professional spaces: We don't just choose our words. We filter them through a racial-gender matrix. We don't just speak. We modulate our tone to avoid the "angry" label. We don't just gesture. We control our hand movements to appear "non-threatening." We don't just dress. We calculate every outfit to seem "professional enough." We don't just style our hair. We make political decisions with each hairstyle. This isn't paranoia—it's strategic survival: When we speak directly, we're "aggressive" When we show emotion, we're "unprofessional" When we assert boundaries, we're "difficult" When we seek recognition, we're "entitled" When we express frustration, we're "hostile" The mental load is crushing: • Constantly scanning environments for potential hostility • Preparing responses to microaggressions before they happen • Developing thick skin while remaining "approachable" • Achieving twice as much while appearing humble • Advocating for ourselves without triggering stereotypes Research shows this hypervigilance takes a measurable toll: Black women experience higher rates of stress-related health conditions Black women report the highest levels of "bringing their full selves" to work Black women face the most severe career penalties for authentic self-expression Black women spend more mental energy on workplace navigation than any other group For those working alongside Black women, here are research-backed ways to help: 1. Amplify Black women's ideas and give proper credit 2. Interrupt when you witness tone-policing or stereotyping 3. Question double standards in evaluation and feedback 4. Create space for authentic expression without penalties 5. Recognise the invisible labour Black women perform daily 📢 When they expect us to carry the world, we choose rest 📢 The Black Woman's Rest Revolution offers: ✨ Black women therapists who understand workplace navigation ✨ Bi-weekly healing circles for processing code-switching fatigue ✨ Expert guidance through professional double standards ✨ Global sisterhood that honors our authentic selves Limited spots available Join our revolution: [Link in comments] ⚠️ Check your spam folder for confirmation Because we deserve workplaces where our expertise matters more than our tone. Because our brilliance shouldn't require constant repackaging. Because our professional value shouldn't depend on our likability. #BlackWomenAtWork #WorkplaceNavigation #ProfessionalAuthenticity #RestIsRevolution P.S. I help Black women heal from workplace abuse & racial trauma through revolutionary rest. 📸 Collaboration between Sarah_akinterwa & leaningorg on IG

It’s frustrating on one hand when, despite your achievements, you feel like you don’t belong at the table. You question your decisions and doubt your worthiness. Imposter syndrome is real and often crippling for women in leadership. However, when male leaders ask you to “tone down” or “soften” your approach, it can make those doubts even louder. It’s as if you have to shrink yourself to fit their comfort zone, which can leave you feeling undervalued and questioning your authenticity as a leader. I still remember sitting in my first high-level meeting, and contributing my comments into the conversation with all my youthful zeal + some wisdom. Later on, during the tea break, one of the gentlemen in the room that I had a high regard for, called me aside and asked me to 'tone it down'. Why does that happen? ⛔ Bias and expectations. Society has ingrained certain leadership traits as "male" qualities - confidence, decisiveness, assertiveness - making women feel like they have to be less outspoken to fit in. ⛔Fear of threat. Sometimes, when women assert themselves in leadership, it threatens the status quo, and male leaders may feel uncomfortable, leading them to push for more subdued behavior. ⛔ The “Likeability” factor. Women are often held to a higher standard when it comes to being liked. You’re expected to be both authoritative and approachable, but if you're too assertive, you risk being labeled as "too much." ⛔ Cultural Conditioning: Women are conditioned to be more accommodating and cooperative, and this pressure can prevent women from embracing their full leadership potential. Have you ever been asked to “tone down”? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your experiences in the comments below! #WomenInLeadership #ImposterSyndrome #AssertiveLeadership #LeadershipDevelopment #GenderBias #WomenEmpowerment #LeadershipChallenges #ConfidenceInLeadership

"Speak up, but watch your tone."  "Be assertive, but smile while doing it."  “Stand your ground, but make sure to be likable." Ladies, sound familiar? 🤨 In honor of #womenshistorymonth, I want to explore this theme. These contradictory expectations create a maddening tightrope that women in business must walk daily. While men are often rewarded for assertive behavior as being "passionate," women exhibiting identical behaviors are labeled "emotional" or worse. 🎾 Remember Serena Williams at the 2018 U.S. Open? When challenging the umpire's call, she was penalized a game - something rarely seen in Grand Slam matches. Meanwhile, tennis "bad boys" McEnroe and Connors reminded us they'd done far worse without comparable consequences. Let's talk about what's really happening: 👉🏻 Gender stereotypes prescribe men to be dominating, while expecting women to be warm and nurturing, even in competitive or leadership roles. When women breach these stereotypes, they face what researchers call an "assertiveness penalty." A 2008 study revealed that "men received a boost in perceived status after expressing anger," while "women were accorded lower status, lower wages, and seen as less competent." So how do women navigate this unfair landscape? 1. Understand your communication style through assessments like DISC or Myers-Briggs 2. Master your triggers - that "amygdala hijack" that can derail conversations 3. Frame your statements - "Because I feel strongly about (patient safety), I'm going to speak very directly" 4. Cultivate allies who can step in to support To all women who have been called "aggressive" when being honest and direct: You probably weren't. The other person might have been intimidated. 💡You deserve to shine your light, even if it casts a big shadow. ⚡Correction: The world needs you to shine your light. Period. What has helped you find your voice in spaces designed to silence it? #womenleaders #genderbias #communicationskills #professionaladvice #doublestandards #serenawilliams

Somewhere along the way, many women — myself included — were handed an unspoken rule: Be kind. Be accommodating. Be agreeable. Be likable. It wasn’t always said outright. It was taught in glances, in praises for being “sweet,” in subtle nods of approval when we kept the peace at the cost of our own voice. And so many of us grew up carrying this invisible weight: The urge to soften our opinions. The instinct to prioritize harmony over honesty. The fear that if we said too much, asked for too much, or simply were too much, we might lose connection, approval, or love. But what happens when we begin to outgrow that conditioning? What happens when a woman chooses to speak with clarity, to set boundaries, to honor her own needs without apology? Often, resistance follows. Sometimes from others, sometimes from the quieter parts within ourselves that are still wired to believe that being liked is a form of survival. Yet every time we choose authenticity over approval, we do more than rewrite our own story — We break the cycle. Because unless we question it, we risk passing this invisible script down to the next generation, just as it was handed to us. Unknowingly, unintentionally. Through our words, our silences, our examples. When we choose to own our voice today, we create a new possibility for tomorrow — For daughters, for sons, for every young person watching what strength can look like. The more women learn to uncouple their worth from others’ approval, the more powerful we become — not in a loud, aggressive way, but in a quiet, unshakable way. We come as one. But we stand as a thousand. And maybe, just maybe, the greatest gift we can give ourselves — and those who come after us — is permission to be fully seen, whether or not everyone claps. The courage to be seen fully is the legacy we leave behind. #pedalon #ownyourvoice

Calling all women professionals. Has there ever been a point in your career where your lack of progress was blamed on a lack of confidence?⁠ ⁠ Research in the Harvard Business Review shows that women are often told to “lean in” or “be more confident”… even when we *are* leaning in and being confident.⁠ ⁠ There’s a harmful narrative pervasive in the workplace that it’s our confidence which holds us back: not the daily microaggressions, doubts or nasty remarks hurled in our direction.⁠ ⁠ Research on likeability bias - also known as the likeability penalty - shows us that when women do act assertively at work e.g.⁠ ⁠ Asking for promotions.⁠ ⁠ Asking for pay rises.⁠ ⁠ Speaking up to challenge e.g. when we’re interrupted or our ideas are stolen.⁠ ⁠ We are not looked upon favourably. In fact, we’re seen as “aggressive”.⁠ ⁠ This is due to outdated gender stereotypes where we’re expected to be caregivers not confident humans who will - like it or not - have to boss you around from time to time.⁠ ⁠ Next time you find yourself wanting to spark up a conversation about someone’s confidence. Zoom out instead… ⁠ ⁠ What could be stopping talented women on your team from showing up as their authentic selves? Confidence looks different on different people. ⁠ ⁠ Vulnerability, for instance, takes a lot of courage. When I am confident, I am brave enough to wear my heart on my sleeve and express the emotions I’m feeling.⁠ ⁠ Would you call that confident?

Prioritize your peace over someone else’s. My client said “I don’t want to be the angry Black woman.” So, she bottles up her thoughts, opinions, and feelings. She’s hoping it keeps the peace and improves her chances for promotion. And she is not alone! Emotional Expression is an emotional intelligence competency that enables us to constructively express our emotions. Generally speaking, Black women trend lower in this competency… History has taught it’s better to say nothing. Some of our cultural practices reinforce this same message (i.e. a child should be seen not heard) So, we’ve embraced it as truth. Perhaps speaking up does put you at a greater risk to be scrutinized, but Staying quiet puts you at risk of depression, anxiety, heart disease, high blood pressure, sleep deprivation, and so on… You stay quiet at work and come home and yell at the kids… I’ve been there so I am not throwing stones. By calling it out, I’m trying to help you avoid these pitfalls. Ask yourself, what needs to be true for me to be able to fully express myself. Then, prioritize making it happen. Let’s talk about it in the comments…. #executivecoach #leadershipdevelopment #personaldevelopment #womenempowerment

If you can’t communicate clearly in the moment, you’ll still get labeled as “not ready.” This gap between what you know and what you say costs women every day. Most people don’t notice it. But if you’re a woman leader, this micro-moment can shape the entire trajectory of how you’re seen. I’ve watched it derail brilliant, competent women even when they had the right answers. Why? Because they either spoke too soon…Or waited too long to frame it just right. Here’s what it looks like in real life: ↳ You’re in a VP review. A senior exec challenges you. You know your answer. But you answer too quickly. They think you are being defensive. ↳ A stakeholder questions your strategy. You pause just a few seconds to gather your thoughts. But they assume you’re unsure. ↳ You ask your manager to support an internal move. Instead of backing you, they start questioning your motives. Now you’re backpedaling trying to justify your ambition. These examples are more than frustrating. They’re invisible reasons women don’t get picked for the big stuff. The real reason your name gets left out of the room when decisions are made. If you speak too fast, you sound reactive (or defensive). If you wait too long, you sound uncertain (not confident enough). Either way, you lose altitude in the room. Psychologists call it verbal overshadowing: When pressure hijacks your clarity of thought. (Translation? You knew what you wanted to say but your mouth outran your brain.) And this costs women. 1. You get labeled as tactical but not “strategic enough”. 2. You miss promotions you’re qualified for. 3. You end up doing more. And yet… you still don’t move upward. I had to learn this the hard way: Being articulate isn’t about sounding smart. It’s about closing the gap between your clarity and your delivery in real time. Here’s a small shift that makes a big difference: Next time you’re asked a tough question, don’t dive right in. Instead, say: “That’s a great question. Here’s how I’m thinking about it…” That buys you two seconds. Enough to think, breathe, structure and strategically frame your response. This is what no one teaches you: How to show up strategically in the moment—not just when you’ve had time to prepare. These are not “soft skills.” These are power skills. Want to learn how to do this better? Comment below and I'll share a resource.👇 #leadership  #womenleaders  #careergrowth  #womenintech  #leadershipgrowth

We don't talk about just how lonely it can be at the top. Especially as a woman of color. Especially as a woman of African descent. Many black women leaders across the diaspora feel like they have to live compartmentalized lives. You may be #GOALS for many. Seen as high achieving, financially successful, have it all together, family, church, active in community organizations... But...you may feel isolated for various reasons. You know when I started my coaching business, naturally I had an affinity for women with who I had shared cultural experiences. I know why it can feel so lonely at the top. Professionally, you have to leave aspects of your culture at home (very often even your name is stripped down to an abbreviated version or you choose your "English name") At some of your cultural community events, you may feel like you have to leave aspects of your professional self behind, so you can't share some ideas and wins as freely. You may be pressured by the gender expectations of your culture. Many women are the breadwinners but still expected to perform traditional household roles (and struggle to do so, in order to preserve their spouse's sense of masculinity) & you can't even admit this frustration openly because it opens up your marriage to judgment & you may feel like you have to defend having both feminist ideals AND traditional family values. At work, you may also feel forced to leave your faith at home. And so you can't fully be yourself in many places. Because only parts of yourself are accepted. Sometimes you can't share your ambitions. Sometimes you can't share your fears. Sometimes you can't just BE without feeling weighed down by expectations. I remember discussing this with one of my executive women clients and she affirmed my thinking enthusiastically. "That's one of the main reasons why I come to your events, Ekene. It's one of the few places in my life, I feel fully seen and I can be all of myself!" That was the first intention of my work, to provide a place of community for women leaders (from Africans, Black Americans, Caribbean women and more) to be fully affirmed and equipped to elevate without losing their femininity & indeed their souls. Does this resonate? Have you tried other leadership coaching programs and experiences but you still didn't feel seen? Too many of us have success at the cost of our soulfulness and sensuousness. And we don't have to burn down our success and become trad wives either to live a soft life. It's not an either/or proposition. It's a how thing. That's where I come in. How do I work with clients? I do VIP private executive coaching. I have an incredible 10 week Love, Wealth and Womanhood Mastery program coming up in August. We have our luxury West Africa retreat coming up in October. Book a discovery consult with me and let's discuss what solution is best for you. https://lnkd.in/eyMXX8WF

🎯 A Powerful Lesson in Self-Advocacy: From Haunted Forest to Boardroom Last weekend, I witnessed something that perfectly crystallized the self-advocacy gap women face, starting from childhood. It began at our family's annual haunted forest tradition, where my 12-year-old daughter attempted a challenging obstacle course. She did something remarkable: successfully navigating a rolling log suspended stories high, hitting the prize button despite the strong bungee resistance. We captured it all on video. Yet when she came down, she was told she didn't qualify because they said she "lunged" at the end, which violated a rule. Her response? "Okay" and walk away, disappointed but accepting. Even as her mother, I found myself hesitating to challenge the decision. It took my husband's immediate and persistent advocacy - showing videos to multiple staff members and escalating to management - to secure the prize she had rightfully earned. This moment mirrors a broader pattern: Women often struggle with self-advocacy, not due to lack of capability, but due to deeply ingrained social conditioning. Research reveals this isn't coincidental: • Women face unique challenges in self-advocacy due to gender-linked stereotypes and norms • While women excel at advocating for others without consequences, self-advocacy often results in social penalties • This advocacy gap contributes to persistent inequities in professional advancement and compensation The lesson my husband shared with our daughter resonates beyond that moment: "While I'll always have your back, I won't always be there. You need to learn to stand up for yourself." As leaders and colleagues, we must: 1. Recognize this systemic challenge 2. Create environments where women's self-advocacy is welcomed, not penalized 3. Mentor young women to develop these crucial skills early 4. Challenge our own biases about assertiveness and gender Question for my network: How do you support self-advocacy in your workplace, especially for those who might hesitate to speak up? #WomenInLeadership #SelfAdvocacy #GenderEquity #CareerDevelopment #PersonalGrowth

In my recent interview with Signe Ögren Kull, the CEO of Maria Nila Stockholm, we discussed her company's US expansion strategy. We also delved into the issue of gender bias in the workplace. Despite the progress we've made in the fight for equality, it's clear that there's still work to be done. As someone who has held senior leadership roles for years, I've personally experienced the negative effects of gender stereotypes. I've been told that I need to be "soft" to be an effective leader, and I can't help but wonder if a male colleague would receive the same feedback. What Ögren Kull said below will resonate with many of the female readers.  These outdated attitudes should be challenged, and equal treatment for our skills and achievements should be recognized, regardless of gender. By working together to build a more inclusive and equitable workplace, we can create a better future for all employees. Let's focus on what we can accomplish together rather than being held back by gender biases. Ögren Kull said, "I think women are more easily judged and, therefore, have less room to make mistakes or act outside the norm. I have noticed that women face more scrutiny than men when it comes to their conduct, and we often tend to strive for perfection, which can lead to burnout. However, I have realized that having fun and not taking life too seriously is equally crucial. I have noticed that women face more challenges than men, and we often tend to strive for perfection, which can lead to burnout. Men typically exhibit more confidence in their speech, even when unsure, which may be due to cultural and societal factors. Conversely, women tend to ensure that what they say can be proven. However, women are not taking enough risks, ultimately affecting us. It frustrates me that people expect women leaders to be soft and empathetic just because they are females. While I have empathy, it is not always necessary to be a comforting blanket, as nobody expects men to act that way. There have been instances where I have walked into a room with my male colleagues, and people spoke to them without realizing that I was the decision-maker. It is frustrating to see how people perceive females." #womensupportingwomen #inclusionmatters #beautyindustry https://lnkd.in/e3Bpjewh