How to Empathize with Clients for Improved Problem Solving

I bet most of you haven't heard of this… What? “𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴.” I've been an executive coach and a marriage counselor for over 30 years. I've engaged with thousands of leaders and couples. And if I have to pinpoint one thing that most of them fail at, it'll be, 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴. Not just hearing.  Not just listening. It doesn't matter how often your employees give you their feedback or how frequently your partner may say something. They can talk all they want, but if you fail to listen and comprehend—nothing is ever going to change. In fact, things will just go downhill. 𝘚𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴? Well, it requires intentionality, patience, an open mind, and a desire to truly understand. Here’s the roadmap laid out for you: 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 📌Focus completely on the speaker. Put away distractions like phones or other devices. 📌Maintain eye contact to show you're engaged and attentive. 📌Show genuine non-verbal cues like nodding or using facial expressions to indicate your interest. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤. 📌Avoid interrupting or finishing the speaker's sentences. Let them express themselves fully. 📌Be patient, especially if the speaker is hesitant or takes time to articulate their thoughts. 📌Do not be thinking about your response, but remain in the moment. 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 📌Pay attention to the speaker's tone of voice, pitch, volume, and body language. Emotions often manifest in these aspects. 📌Look for signs of frustration, excitement, sadness, or other emotional cues. 𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧-𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 📌Encourage the speaker to share more by asking questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." 📌Examples include "𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭?" or "𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?" 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭. 📌Show empathy by acknowledging the speaker's feelings and experiences. You can say, "𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶." or “𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦.” 📌Reflect back on what you've heard to confirm your understanding. For example, "𝘚𝘰, 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨..." 𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫: Listen to understand–not just reply. #leadershipcoach #executivecoach #leadershipdevelopment

Customer Empathy in CSMs, Part 1 This week, I was asked how to increase the empathy skills of CSMs. From my experience, instilling and growing empathy with the CS teams is all about leadership style. 1.  It's about giving your team the time and space to work with their customers effectively. 2.  Removing challenges that stand in the team's way that takes away from being proactive. 3.  Advocating for the team across the company. 4.  Championing and sharing the wins and outlining learnings/challenges/failures. 5.  Meeting 1:1 with all global team members at least quarterly to see how they are doing as people, not job performance. 6.  As a leader, periodically join customer calls for just a few minutes to support your team and thank the customer for their partnership. 7.  Building cross-functional feedback loops, especially with product, marketing, sales, and support. 8. Encourage team members to actively listen to customers' concerns, feedback, and stories. 9. Promote an environment where listening to each other within the team is equally valued. 10. Having support and customer success teams shadow each other to witness customer interactions directly. 11. Empathy training and workshops; empathy is a core value. 12. Role-playing exercises to simulate customer interactions, helping team members understand different customer perspectives and scenarios. 13.  Develop, review, and iterate detailed customer personas and map customer journeys to help the team understand the various touchpoints and challenges customers face.   14.  Share customer testimonials at all-hands meetings, or better yet, have a customer share live. 15. And, yes, then the passion for empathy and the driving actions become adopted by other teams as they witness its value from cross-functional initiatives. Graphic credit: USEReady #customersuccess #leadership #empathy #csm

Empathic listening is my barometer for how I am doing  Some people are naturally good listeners. My wife, for example. She seems to listen intently to whomever she is speaking with. I think I am naturally more of a talker. I have a lot to say and I look forward to throwing in my two cents. Training was a perfect fit. Coaching requires something from me that is not as natural: deep, empathic listening. Listening can be done at three different levels: Level 1: Selective listening. How does this affect me? Is it even relevant to me? If yes, I will tune in. If not, I can continue to be focused on my inner talk track. Level 2: Active listening. I am listening to you, and I really want to understand the content of what you are saying. So I am an active participant. I ask clarifying questions and summarize or paraphrase to make sure I really get what you are saying. Level 3: Empathic listening. This includes Level 2 but goes further. I am listening for content and for meaning. I key in on things like tone, facial expressions, eye movements, pauses and especially emotions. What are they feeling? Why are they feeling that? What has not been said that is wanting to be expressed? As a coach, if I am listening at Level 3, great things always happen. I ask just the right question at the right time. Or I share an insight or observation that is spot on. It is not because I am smart. It is simply because I am listening to my client in a deep way. They are getting all my attention because I want to understand them as fully as possible. Guess what? This same principle applies in my personal life. When I am selectively listening to my friends or loved ones, they sense it and there is a distance between us. When I choose to listen to them with all of me, something changes, and we really connect. They sense it and appreciate it. Empathic listening is my barometer for how I am doing in business and life. When I am failing to do it, it usually means that I am stressed or tired or insecure and I need to take action to build up my reserves in these areas. And I know how to recharge myself in these areas. But the goal is to be as fully present as possible for each person I interact with. 

Recently, I encountered a situation with a client that brought to mind a powerful quote by Richard Branson: "Respect is how to treat everyone." This insight struck a chord, especially in emotional intelligence (EQ) in challenging client interactions. Envision this: You're meeting with a client, discussing the progress of a critical project. Suddenly, the client, let's call him Alex, reveals that his team has missed a critical deadline. The tension in the room is palpable. You can feel the frustration brewing inside you, thinking, "How could they drop the ball on something so vital?" But then Branson's words echo in your mind. You pause, take a deep breath, and choose a path of understanding. "Alex, I can see this is a tough spot. Let's explore how we can work together to address this." This pivot from frustration to support alters the entire dynamic of the conversation. Alex, initially defensive, opens up. "We've been dealing with limited resources," he admits. "I didn't anticipate this bottleneck." Here, the philosophy of Branson's EQ shines through. Rather than letting your initial reaction take the lead, you empathize. "That sounds challenging. Let's prioritize the critical parts of the project and discuss how we can support your team to overcome these hurdles." The result? Alex feels acknowledged and supported, leading to a collaborative effort to devise a practical solution. It's a reminder of another Branson aphorism: "Business opportunities are like buses. There's always another one coming." Instead of fixating on the missed deadline, you focus on the opportunity to strengthen your client relationship and work together towards a solution. In moments like these, we embody what Branson advocates. We opt for respect over frustration and collaboration over conflict. It's an acknowledgment that setbacks happen and that understanding, not blame, is crucial in turning challenges into opportunities. So, when faced with difficult situations in client interactions, remember that a moment of pause, a change in perspective, and a collaborative approach can transform the entire scenario. It's not merely about controlling emotions; it's about harnessing them to create more meaningful and productive professional relationships. #emotionalintelligence #executivepresence #RichardBranson

When you can’t deliver what your potential client wants, you better understand what your potential client needs. Not too long ago, one of our rock-star engineers called me - Frustrated by a temperamental client. This potential client had a problem. The client thought they knew the solution. But, our engineer disagreed with the solution our potential client came up with. The Engineering cut-and-dry “no” didn’t sit well with this client that needed a solution. The email conversation between our engineer and this potential client quickly dissolved into frustration and aggravation. And still, no solution was found. I asked the engineer a simple question, “Do we want this man as a client?” He said: “Well, yeah…of course.” “Okay then, it’s your job to get past what the client wants YOU to do and find out what he wants to ACCOMPLISH with this project.” I told our engineer: “I think what you think he thinks he wants isn’t what he thinks he wants.” The client’s “solution” wasn’t a good one. But, serving the client meant getting past the “solution” to find the real problem. The one we COULD solve. This is listening. This is empathy. This is problem solving. This is sustainable practice. This is putting the client needs first - No matter what. Sometimes, that’s hard to do in an email. Better to do on the phone. Even better in person. A day later, the engineer called me. Problem (the real one) solved. How do you practice empathy with your clients? #BFWMarcum #leadership #empathy

Too many people view client relationships as transactional. You sign a contract. Send the invoice. Close the client. But I’ve realized that the best client relationships are built on genuine personal connections. This means: - Knowing who you're working with - Understanding their days - Empathizing with them Business and life are not mutually exclusive. Asking about a client's family, hobbies, and goals shows that you care for more than just their business. The problem is that most agencies don’t understand that clients can hire anyone to do their work. They chose you. And often, not just to solve a problem. Clients want to work with great people- not just great companies. There are 5 ways that I infuse this ideology into my interactions with our clients: 1. Be yourself. You don’t need to act a certain way just because “that's expected.” Show up with the attributes that make you, you. 2. Address issues head-on with empathy and transparency. When in doubt, I’ve found being overly transparent works better than being guarded. Vulnerability engenders trust. 3. Practice active listening in meetings. Give your full attention, ask thoughtful questions, and mirror back what you hear. Make your clients feel heard and understood. 4. Spend 5 mins at the start of the meeting just chatting. It’s easy and goes a long way. 5. Share relevant articles and books, make introductions—whatever you can do to add value and show you actually care. And when they talk, really listen. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak, Hear what they’re saying. And the irony is that getting personal is how you get profitable with clients. They’ll be more likely to refer business You’ll get grace during the tough moments And they’ll be more likely to stay on longer When building relationships, aim for a trusted advisor, not an order taker.

Why do some writers earn more than others? It's not just about writing. The top earners know something you don't. They master the subtle art of the Client Experience. This approach transforms casual clients into loyal partners. ▶ Client-Centered Communication. It all starts with understanding your client as a person. Listen actively to their needs and feedback. Take responsibility for everything. Tailor your messages to reflect their personality. Effective communication builds trust, the cornerstone of any relationship. A client won't pay you if they don't trust you. ▶ Empathetic Engagement. Engage on a personal level, not just a professional one. Share stories that resonate with their experiences. By the way, this means having a life outside of work! I can't tell you how many times a quick story about one of my kids has cemented the relationship with my client. And celebrate their successes as if they were your own. Take ownership of the relationship, even if you aren't directly benefiting. This personal touch makes clients feel valued and understood. ▶ Confidence + Comfort. Clients should always know what to expect from you. Maintain a consistent tone and approach in all interactions. Don't let your mood dictate how you treat them - that's a quick way to get fired. You don't need to be available 24/7, but you DO need to be predictable and reliable. Consistency breeds comfort, and comfort breeds loyalty. ▶ Feedback Loops. Make it easy for clients to give feedback. Regularly ask for their thoughts on your work. Show that you're receptive and act on their input. And if you screw up, hold yourself accountable and admit fault (even if the fault is shared). Become the dude in the pickup basketball game patting his chest and saying, "My bad - that's on me". Feedback loops help refine your approach and enhance satisfaction. Transform every client interaction into a step toward lasting loyalty. This framework isn't theoretical—it's a compilation of strategies used by the highest earners in the industry. Soft skills win, but only if you develop them. Get likable and watch your client work stabilize.

Jancee Dunn's insightful article in the NYT's Well Section, "When Someone You Love Is Upset, Ask This One Question," sparked a profound realization for me. It was a simple question often posed to emotionally overwhelmed students: "Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?" This question served as my a-ha moment. For as long as I can remember, I've been solution-oriented—a natural problem solver. While this trait has its merits, I've come to acknowledge that not everyone seeks immediate solutions. I've learned that listening, understanding, and empathizing are equally valuable. A constant reminder of this lesson is a screenshot of the quote on my desktop background. Though I may not ask the question verbatim, I've become more mindful of resisting the urge to immediately offer solutions in conversations with clients, candidates, or colleagues. For instance, in delivering client feedback to a candidate, I now inquire, "Are you comfortable with me sharing direct feedback with you?" In discussions about resumes, I precede any suggestions with, "Would you like me to share my thoughts on how you can strengthen your resume?" It's a work in progress, and I recognize the need for conscious effort in rewiring my default response pattern.  #empathy #feedback #style

"Think about it this way..." she began. "If you and your daughter are walking, and she falls into a hole," "What she might need is not for you to reach down and pull her out of the hole, but instead for you to get in the hole with her so you can find the way out together." Of course, this was offered to me by a stranger on an airplane, because that is where all sage advice comes from. But all joking aside, it stuck with me. The woman in the seat next to me and I happened to be talking about parenting. I was telling her how sometimes when my daughter was stressed about studying for a test, I would tell her, "I don't care if you get an 'A', just do your best." I thought that would ease the pressure, but instead, it had the opposite effect. The woman happened to be a child psychologist and when she offered this "get in the hole with her" advice, she said it could apply to other relationships too, and she was right. Sometimes people need your empathy and your support, more than they need you to just fix their problem. And this does apply to customer relationships. Our products, of course, should solve problems, but we should work to deeply understand what they are dealing with and work with them to overcome their challenges. - Empathy - Caring - Listening Helping our users win with our products is not just about fixing things . . . it's also about helping them to figure out a better way forward. Cheers!