How to Apply Stoicism for Emotional Control

Life won't always follow your plans. Those moments are opportunities for Stoic training. As Marcus Aurelius said, "Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one." This happened to me on a flight to NYC with my kids. We had tickets for La Boheme at the Metropolitan Opera on Friday night. Our plane was supposed to land at LaGuardia at 5 p.m. You know what they say: Men make plans, the universe laughs. Due to thunderstorms, the airport went on lockdown. I wanted my kids to experience La Boheme, one of my favorite operas. I could have gotten upset. Now, I had the opportunity to apply three Stoic philosophy exercises: 1. Dichotomy of Control 2. Reframing 3. Negative visualization Let's break each one down. 1. Dichotomy of Control Epictetus says that some things are up to us and some are not. Most things in life are external; we have no control over them. I have control over how I behave and interpret the situation I’m in right now. Marcus Aurelius said, “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” 2. Reframing Seneca reminded me about the shortness of time. Reframing allows us to embrace life as it happens to us. I reframed our predicament as an opportunity for more focused time. My kids also had a stoic attitude toward missing an opera. We discussed what we could do that night instead of going to the opera. 3. Negative Visualization Negative Visualization puts most problems we encounter daily in the proper perspective. They are not problems; they are just life happening, not in precise accordance with our expectations. I let my imagination run wild, which is easy. We could have been in Eastern Ukraine, bombed by Russia. The list of bad things that could have happened to us was long. Life will often go according to its plan rather than ours. We should look at these moments as little Stoic tests or, even better, opportunities to practice stoicism. By practicing these Stoic techniques, we can reprogram ourselves. By doing this, we’ll reduce the negative volatility of our emotions and make our days a bit brighter. Use Stoicism and go take on the world. P.S. If you want to become a better investor, person, and parent, consider joining my newsletter. I write an email weekly that will make you a better investor and wiser person. Join 80,000+ subscribers ⬇️ https://lnkd.in/d_nPtYE5

I recently lost my cool with someone doing work on our home. He was difficult to work with. Always telling me why something couldn't be done. Constantly saying that, I have to charge you more for this or that for very little things. I lost it and said "Then let's end this engagement and I'll find someone else to do it." I left the room. Took a few deep breaths as I hate losing my temper. As Ryan Holiday reminds me regularly, the stoics referred to anger as temporary insanity. I took a step back and pulled myself out of the situation. What was my goal? What did I need to get accomplished here? What was the most effective way to get this done? More importantly, I put myself in his shoes. What was his challenge? What was he trying to accomplish? Why was he being so difficult? I realized I could find another vendor, go through that hassle and may end up here again. Instead, I went back in the room, apologized (which I did not need to do) and asked this person, "how can we get what we both need done so we walk away happy?" He was taken back for a second and started to provide solutions. Within 5 minutes we were back on track. Lesson here: 1. Detach from the situation and look at it as if you are outside the room. It will give you a different perspective. 2. Empathize - Put yourself in someone else's shoes and you may have a totally different perspective. It does not mean they are right but it may help you get what you need out of them. 3. Focus on the end goal - Had I trusted my initial assumption, I would have found another vendor causing a wealth of issues including a delay in my project. 4. Take a beat - When you find yourself in a situation with your temper rising, take a minute to calm yourself down. A level head will always come up with a better solution. #bebettereveryday

As an EM doc, I can’t count the number of times a critically ill patient’s life hung in the balance. On every occasion, trying to be the calmest person in the room has always served me well. If you struggle to maintain composure when the going gets tough, you can work on it. I like to practice what pilots call “hangar flying.” That’s sitting around the hangar brainstorming how to handle tough situations. You picture the worst thing that can happen, and how you’ll react if it does. As Arthur Ashe said, “One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” Here are some keys to developing stoicism, or the ability to stay calm when everything's going awry: - If you can learn to embrace challenges as something that will improve the outcome and learn to welcome obstacles because they give you a chance to show what you are made of, you will be on the road to stoicism. - Stoicism, like other traits, is achieved incrementally over time. It is a belief construct that has worked for me in many situations over the years. I can’t imagine how difficult life would be if I couldn’t control my emotions or choose my response. - Flip the challenge by approaching obstacles, not as something to struggle with, but as a gift with lots of possibilities to show what you can achieve. #founderstories #stoicism #entrepreneurship #entrepreneur #healthcareleadership #healthcare