Strengthening Leadership Presence with Emotional Skills

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

“Be bold, but not too bold. Be humble, but not too humble. Be proud but not too proud” Welcome to the tightrope many women walk on their path to leadership. McKinsey & Company’s recent piece ‘The inner game of women CEOs’ (linked in comments) struck a chord with me - not because the insights were new, but because they told a story familiar to many of us. As a woman leading in media, I’ve had to reconcile some very human tensions: → Lead with conviction, but stay open to change. → Build strong relationships, but make the tough calls. → Stay humble, but don’t shrink yourself. → Deliver results, but don’t lose your sense of purpose. → Serve the organisation, but keep some balance for yourself. The best leaders I know - women and men, embrace these polarities rather than trying to resolve them. It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about being clear on your values, knowing when to listen, and building resilience for yourself, for your team and for the business. For anyone aspiring for your next challenge : don’t wait until you feel “ready”. None of us ever do. You grow into the role by showing up - fully, enthusiastically and with a sense of purpose. And when in doubt? Ask yourself: What would the most courageous version of me do next? That’s the voice worth listening to.

🤏🏼 It takes so little for men to be trusted as leaders 🤏🏼 And it takes so little for women to be questioned as one. When I took my first Senior Director role in Germany, deep in the male-dominated automotive world, my future boss and I had a quiet heart-to-heart. “Jingjin, in this world, women in power are seen in only two ways: The Victim or The Villain. There is no third option, at least not yet. Which one you choose will define your entire leadership path.” I said I’d be a Victor. Naively believing performance alone would protect me. It didn’t. Because Leadership isn’t just about competence. It’s about perception. And perception for women is often rigged. 🔻 Be firm → You're a bitch 🔻 Be soft → You're weak 🔻 Be nurturing → You're not tough enough 🔻 Be assertive → You’re intimidating 🔻 Be collaborative → You lack authority 🔻 Show ambition → You’re self-serving 🔻 Set boundaries → You’re difficult 🔻 Show emotion → You’re unstable Meanwhile, men doing the exact same things are seen as confident, visionary, and decisive. The game isn't fair, but it can be hacked. 💥 Here’s how I’ve learned to play it smarter, not smaller: 1️⃣ Stop aiming to be liked. Aim to be trusted. Do this instead of people-pleasing: set 3 non-negotiables (response time, meeting prep, decision rights) and tell your team. Close every loop: “As promised, delivered X by Fri; next: Y by Wed.” Say no with options: “To deliver A by 15 Oct, we drop B or move C to Nov, what’s your pick?” 2️⃣ Use duality to your advantage. Be warm in tone, cold in logic.“Thanks for the push, bottom line: delay = €120k burn; I recommend Option B.”  Kind in delivery, fierce in boundaries, say kindly: “Happy to help; I can take two items, not five. Which two matter most?” 3️⃣ Make allies before you need them Map five: your boss, their boss, Finance, Legal, one influential peer. Give each a monthly micro-win (early heads-up, a clean slide, a risk you catch). Pre-wire asks: “In tomorrow’s review, if this comes up, can you anchor it back to my team’s Q2 analysis?” Send a 3-line update monthly: “Where we are / risk / what I need.” Deposits before withdrawals. 4️⃣ Own the label, then flip it. Pre-empt: “I’ll be direct so we can decide in 20 minutes, stop me anytime.” State the elephant in the room: “Yes, I’m intense, that’s how we hit targets. Here’s the plan, owners, and dates.” If poked: “I hear ‘difficult’; what I’m being is clear. With a budget we deliver B by 30 Nov; without it, we pause. Which path?” 🚀 If you want to install these moves step-by-step with scripts, templates, and real case breakdowns, our signature online program “From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader” is now available on demand (opened by popular demand for those who missed the live cohort). Check out here: https://lnkd.in/g--zEGZS 👉 Because being good at the job and being seen as good at the job are two different jobs...

When you’ve worked so hard to reach the top, why does self-doubt creep in even stronger? For many successful women leaders, loneliness and isolation at the top can amplify feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, commonly known as imposter syndrome. Even the most accomplished leaders get affected by this. As I climbed the ladder in my leadership journey, I expected to find greater confidence and validation. However, reaching the top brought about an unsettling mix of self-doubt and isolation. The paradox of feeling successful yet profoundly disconnected. Looking back, I can see some of the things that fuelled this sense of disconnect. This included lack of relatable peers locally (being CEO at 32),, the increased pressure to build on the work of my predecessor, fewer opportunities for honest reflection with trusted peers, and the absence of a sounding board to bounce off the high stakes decisions. Thankfully, loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent part of leadership. As woman in leadership, you can combat both isolation and imposter syndrome by building intentional support networks and seeking mentors who can relate to their unique struggles. So, in addition to the list from yesterday, here are a few more on some of the ways to reclaim your confidence and connection. 1. Engaging in women's leadership groups. Professional groups focused on women in leadership provide spaces to connect with others who understand the specific challenges of being a woman at the top. These communities offer valuable reassurance and validation that help women combat feelings of inadequacy and gain strength from shared experiences. Some of the communities I have seen here on LinkedIn include The Ladies Book Breakfast Forum, WOMEN IN HR KENYA, and Women On Boards Network Kenya among others. Search for your industry group and be part of its activities and engagements. 2. Seek out mentorship   A trusted mentor can be a powerful ally against imposter syndrome. By connecting with someone who has walked a similar path, you can gain perspective from someone else's own journey and learn strategies to manage self-doubt. Mentorship also helps reinforce their accomplishments and provides guidance, helping them see themselves as competent and capable. 3. Finally, practice self-validation techniques.   Journaling, self-affirmations, or setting aside time to celebrate achievements can help counter the negative self-talk that loneliness and imposter syndrome trigger. Remember who you are. Recognize and acknowledge personal wins, no matter how small. These help to foster your confidence and reduces reliance on external validation. In this journey, success and self-belief can thrive together. Imposter syndrome can make the journey to success feel lonely and filled with self-doubt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. What are other networks available here on LinkedIn? Tag and help a sister 😀 #africa #leadershipdevelopment #professionalwomen #personaldevelopment #

Ever noticed how some teams in your office seem to glide through challenges, their creativity blooming under pressure? What's their secret? You might be surprised: it's feminine energy. It's not just a trendy term. Leave that for the washed up influencers. Rewind a few years in my own career. A team reached out - they were all about hustle and grit—typical "masculine" traits of being tough and competitive. They were doing okay, but the air was often tense, and smiles were rare. I focused on nurturing, empathy, and cooperation—qualities typically associated with feminine energy. The transformation was not instant, but it was profound. By embracing these so-called "soft" skills, they didn't become less productive. Instead, they became a powerhouse. Teamwork improved, ideas flowed freely, and people felt valued and heard. This wasn't about making the workplace 'gentler'—it was about making it more human, more connected, and, yes, more successful. Critics often dismiss feminine energy as not suitable for the "tough" world of business. To them, I say: Think again. Isn't true resilience about bouncing back from challenges, something that requires empathy, understanding, and collaboration? These traits forge teams that aren't just tough, but truly unstoppable. So, how can your company tap into this powerful resource? Start simple: • Value all voices: Create spaces where every team member feels safe to express ideas and concerns. • Lead with empathy: Train your leaders to listen actively and respond with understanding. • Promote collaboration: Shift focus from individual achievement to team success. Embracing feminine energy isn't about tipping the scales entirely; it's about balance. It's about making the workplace not only more productive but also more joyful and sustainable. Key Takeaways: • Feminine energy involves traits like empathy, intuition, and collaboration. • Integrating these traits can lead to more innovative and resilient teams. • Start by fostering an inclusive, empathetic, and cooperative workplace culture. Imagine a workplace where everyone feels they belong, where the goal isn't just to succeed but to thrive together. That's not just inspiring; it's revolutionary. Let's start building that world today.

She said yes to every single project. Yet, she was overlooked for the promotion. They said: “She’s irreplaceable.” “We’d be lost without her.” But when it came time to lead the next big thing - She wasn’t even on the list. Over the past decade working in women’s leadership, I’ve seen this story play out far too often. Women staying in roles long past their expiration. Not because they lack clarity - But because they’ve been conditioned to confuse loyalty with worth. Loyalty to a team. To a leader. To a company culture that praises their reliability... But never promotes their vision. So how do you ensure you’re valued - not just used - for all that you bring to the table? Here are 5 practical, research-backed strategies I’ve seen top performers consistently use: ✅ Be Known for Vision, Not Just Execution ↳ “She delivers” is solid. ↳ “She sets the direction” is strategic. ↳ Build a reputation rooted in foresight - not just follow-through. ✅ Document and Distill Your Wins ↳ Don’t wait to be noticed. ↳ Capture and communicate your impact consistently. ↳ Think: outcomes, initiatives, feedback snapshots. ↳ This becomes your proof of value during reviews, promotions, or pivots. ✅ Speak the Language of Business ↳ Translate your work into metrics that matter: revenue, retention, growth, efficiency. ↳ When leaders see your contribution tied to business outcomes, you shift from “nice to have” to “can’t afford to lose.” ✅ Build Cross-Functional Credibility ↳ Influence isn’t built in silos. ↳ Make your value visible across teams. ↳ When multiple departments rely on your insight, you become a strategic connector - not just a contributor. ✅ Create Strategic Allies, Not Just Mentors ↳ Power isn’t just about performance - it’s about proximity to influence. ↳ Nurture relationships with decision-makers, peer champions, and collaborators. Influence grows through meaningful connection. The truth is - being essential isn’t the same as being seen. You can be deeply loyal to others - and still loyal to your own growth. These shifts aren’t just career strategies. They’re acts of self-respect. Because when you decide to lead from alignment, not obligation - You stop waiting to be chosen. And start choosing yourself. 💬 Which of these strategies feels most relevant to where you are right now? I’d love to hear in the comments below. ♻ Repost if you believe it’s time to stop rewarding quiet loyalty - and start recognizing conscious leadership. 🔔 Follow me, Bhavna Toor, for more. 📩 DM me to bring our holistic leadership development programs to your organization - that are a powerful combination of inner-work and real-world strategy.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗔𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗠𝗲 𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗠𝗲 Women in Tech are in minority. But as a woman leader, an AI infrastructure expert and an ex-particle physicist, I have experienced being the only woman in the room at yet another level. Not only have I only reported to men over the course of my career: 👉 The whole chain of command above me has always only been men. 👉 I've always worked for companies where the CEO and the CTO were men. 👉 In fact, almost all my peers were men, meaning that I was practically always the only woman in all staff meetings I was part of (sometimes, that would be 20 or 30 people!) When I was younger, I felt honored just to be there, part of an elite group of technologists. But that very feeling of being "lucky to be included" shaped how I behaved. I held back disagreement, afraid that if I challenged the group, it would be attributed to me being difficult, to me being... a woman. And when I was talked over or quietly ignored, it could never identify when it was discrimination, because I thought that since I was here, it must mean that they cared about my opinion, so if they shut it down, it meant I was just wrong. But then, it started costing me more than just self-confidence, but real opportunities: ❌ I couldn't find the courage to ask for promotions because I felt I should already consider myself lucky to be the highest ranking woman in my department ❌ I didn't have anyone to advise me because no one above me had gone through the same experience ❌ Some of my managers even praised me for "doing really well for a woman", so it made me feel that I was subject to different standards, and of course, no one was there to tell me otherwise ❌ I accepted the fact that I was being passed on for cool projects and promotions as a fatality In the meantime, DEI initiatives were focusing on bringing more women onboard, not helping the ones already in place grow the ladder. So if you’re the only one in the room, or the only one on the org chart who looks like you, don’t let that become a ceiling. 🤞 You are not "lucky" to be there. 💥 You are powerful. And you have every right to keep growing… and to keep dreaming 🚀 🚀🚀 #WomenInTech #Leadership #CareerGrowth #RepresentationMatters

Confession time: Even after two decades in leadership, I still battle with anxiety sometimes. It’s a silent companion that doesn’t discriminate—it hits CEOs and interns alike. The irony is that the higher you climb, the more intense it becomes.  I've been there, too. But trust me, there's a way to break this cycle. Over the years, I’ve discovered that the solutions to most of our challenges are hidden in plain sight. The key is being willing to do the work. Here’s what has worked for me: > We’re usually anxious because we don't write. Putting pen to paper can transform overwhelming thoughts into manageable chunks. Studies show expressive writing can reduce anxiety symptoms by up to 20%. University of Chicago > We procrastinate because we don't have a plan. Breaking big tasks into smaller, actionable steps makes the impossible feel possible. > Stress often takes over when we neglect the basics—like movement. I've found that regular exercise doesn’t just keep me fit; it also significantly cuts my stress levels. When faced with challenges, it's tempting to retreat into our thoughts, analyzing every possible outcome. But I've found that the most effective way to combat anxiety is to do something – anything – that moves us forward. It doesn't have to be significant. Sometimes, it's as simple as taking three deep breaths. Other times, it's tackling that task we’ve avoided for weeks. The key is to acknowledge our feelings and then act. So, the next time you feel that familiar knot in your stomach, ask yourself: "What can I do right now?" Your future self will thank you for the steps you take today. What's your go-to strategy for overcoming anxiety and taking action? #leadership #mindset #anxiety #growth

A highly qualified woman sat across from me yesterday.   Her resume showed 15 years of C-suite experience. Multiple awards. Industry recognition.   Yet she spoke about her success like it was pure luck.   SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT of female executives experience this same phenomenon.   I see it daily through my work with thousands of women leaders. They achieve remarkable success but internally believe they fooled everyone.   Some call it imposter syndrome. I call it a STRUCTURAL PROBLEM.   Let me explain...   When less than 5% of major companies have gender-balanced leadership, women question whether they belong.   My first board appointment taught me this hard truth.   I walked into that boardroom convinced I would say something ridiculous. Everyone seemed so confident.   But confidence plays tricks on us.   Perfect knowledge never exists. Leadership requires:   • Recognising what you know • Admitting what you miss • Finding the right answers • Moving forward anyway   Three strategies that transformed my journey:   1. Build your evidence file Document every win, every positive feedback, every successful project. Review it before big meetings. Your brain lies. Evidence speaks truth.   2. Find your circle Connect with other women leaders who understand your experience. The moment you share your doubts, someone else will say "me too."   3. Practice strategic vulnerability Acknowledging areas for growth enhances credibility. Power exists in saying "I'll find out" instead of pretending omniscience.   REALITY CHECK: This impacts business results.   Qualified women: - Decline opportunities - Downplay achievements - Hesitate to negotiate - Withdraw from consideration   Organisations lose valuable talent and perspective.   The solution requires both individual action and systemic change.   We need visible pathways to leadership for women. We need to challenge biased feedback. We need women in leadership positions in meaningful numbers.   Leadership demands courage, not perfect confidence.   The world needs leaders who push past doubt - not because they never experience it, but because they refuse to let it win. https://lnkd.in/gY9G-ibh

“You’re being so bossy.” I can’t tell you the amount of times my partners, many of whom were men, would tell me this after a meeting or presentation. Yet, I’d take the feedback to heart. I’d shrink myself down and quiet my voice. I bet you can guess what they said next. “You’re too … nice.” Sadly, this double standard hasn’t improved much since my days waffling between being labeled a “dragon lady” or a pushover. In my coaching practice, my clients who are women of color bring this issue up constantly. It’s a fine balancing point. Here’s my advice, for both women and men: 📣 Couple assertive body language with collaborative language. My favorite combo is the Power Pose (think Wonder Woman) while speaking clearly, and succinctly in an open, inviting way. 📣 Drop qualifiers (“maybe,” “probably,” “I think”) and permission-seeking (“excuse me,” “sorry,” “may I”) when stating a point of view or making a request. 📣 Add framing statements to prepare people for assertiveness. Here’s an example: “I’m going to express my views very directly because it’s important for me to be clear where I stand.” Ready to dig deeper into these topics? Join my email newsletter for more leadership insights. https://lnkd.in/ePKX2VC8