Why Superficial Interactions Fail to Build Trust

"I don't trust a single word they say." Chances are, you had an IMMEDIATE picture of someone in your mind as you read that. It's someone who, as soon as they open their mouth, you roll your eyes, shake your head, and tune out. But you don't have to tell outright lies to be seen as an untrustworthy person. Building or eroding trust is much subtler that that. It happens in the micro-moments. The way someone drops casual exaggerations as if they're facts. The colleague who always has a perfectly reasonable explanation for why their deliverable is late -- and it's ALWAYS late. The manager who can never seem to honor their commitment to your 1:1's, leaving you confused about whether or not you're really a priority for them. Trust isn't just about bold-faced lies. It's built or chipped away through countless small interactions and communications that either reinforce or undermine our credibility. Like what? The confidence-competence gap: Nothing destroys trust faster than someone who speaks with absolute certainty about things they clearly Googled five minutes ago. Selective memory syndrome: Amazing how some people remember every detail when it makes them look good but develop sudden amnesia when accountability shows up. Promise inflation: The enthusiastic over-committers who say yes to everything and then act genuinely surprised when people expect them to deliver actual results. In contrast, here are the micro-moments that matter: When you say "I don't know" instead of winging it through an answer you're not sure about. Following up on that casual "let me check on that for you" comment, even when the person probably forgot they asked. Admitting when you're wrong before someone has to point it out. It stings, but it's like ripping off a band-aid: quick pain, long-term gain. Being the same version of yourself whether you're talking to the CEO or the intern. People notice when your personality shifts based on who's in the room. Actually listening when someone's talking instead of just waiting for your turn to speak. (Yes, this counts as trust-building. No, it's not as easy as it sounds. I literally went to school to learn this.) Saying "I made a mistake" instead of "mistakes were made." The passive voice is where accountability goes to die. Showing up early to your own meetings. If you can't be on time for something you scheduled, what does that say about everything else? Every time you open your mouth, you're either building trust or eroding it, whether you know it or not. There's no neutral ground in the trust game; every interaction is either a deposit or a withdrawal from your credibility account. Your words and actions aren't just conveying information. They're constantly answering the question: "Can this person be trusted?" The answer you give, intentionally or not, determines everything that comes after. #trust #leadership #relationships

Trust isn’t built through perfection. It’s built through authenticity, vulnerability, and humility. In the best teams, people don’t need to have all the answers. They need to show up honestly, ask good questions, and stay open to learning. That kind of culture only works when leaders model it from the top. When they don’t, it creates distance. People start managing impressions instead of solving problems. Energy gets spent on appearances instead of outcomes. I once worked for a boss who really wanted to be a great leader, but never quite showed up fully. He said all the right things about collaboration, strategy, and innovation, but there was always a filter. Something about him felt slick. I remember inviting him to an offsite about our product roadmap. It was an early-stage, messy kind of conversation: technical debates, half-formed ideas, back-and-forth about what might work. Inviting him was a bit of a risk, given what I’d observed. He sat in, but you could tell he was uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to that level of transparency. He was used to polished slides and confident answers, not the raw process of figuring things out together or dealing with uncertainty. That moment stuck with me. I realized he maintained trust by appearing right and in control. He saw our openness to uncertainty as a weakness, when in reality, it was how we built great products and strong teams. That’s when it clicked: I couldn’t work for someone who equated vulnerability with incompetence. Real trust requires showing up as a human. And if you can’t do that, no amount of talk will prove you are qualified.

Imagine for a moment: you're at the peak of your business success, but the relationships you've cultivated feel superficial, transactional, almost robotic. You've climbed the corporate ladder but are surrounded by acquaintances, not allies. The very essence of success, in business and in life, lies in the depth and authenticity of our relationships. Let's delve into why going beyond the surface in both client and employee interactions is the heart of a thriving corporate culture. In today's fast-paced world, the temptation to prioritize efficiency over empathy is real. Transactional relationships are easy; they're clear-cut, straightforward, often short-lived. A service is provided, a payment is made, and the interaction is over. But that isn't how businesses flourish or corporate cultures thrive. That model, in the long run, can be detrimental to growth and success. Dive deeper. Go beyond the signature at the bottom of a contract or the smile during a meeting. When you genuinely care about the individuals you interact with, your business transforms. Building rapport isn't about rehearsing lines or mastering sales pitches; it's about genuinely being interested in others. Asking questions, not just to tick boxes or move on to the next agenda item, but to truly understand. To see the person, not just their title or role. By doing this, you are not only showing them respect but also setting the foundation for trust and collaboration. When employees and clients feel valued, seen, and heard, they are more likely to invest deeply in their roles, to advocate for your brand, and to go that extra mile. They become champions, not just participants. In the grand tapestry of business, the threads that bind us together are made of relationships, not transactions. It's these relationships that give color, texture, and depth to our collective stories. Choose to prioritize the human aspect, and watch as your corporate culture transforms into a tapestry of rich, interconnected stories and successes. The choice is yours. Dive deep. Build true. And see the boundless possibilities unfold.

It’s not one big mistake that kills trust… It’s your tiny daily habits. Most successful leaders know: relationships rarely fall apart because of one big incident. It’s the small, daily habits in how we speak that quietly erode trust over time. (Join Justin Bateh and me for more about how to recognize the hidden signals that erode trust on Aug 26th: https://lnkd.in/gvwchpk9) Research shows that these seemingly minor behaviors have a huge impact on how others perceive your leadership: 1. The Interrupter ❌ Cutting others off sends the message, “My ideas matter more than yours.” Even well-intentioned interruptions can chip away at psychological safety. 2. The Dismisser ❌ Phrases like “That’s not important right now” or “Let’s move on,” and dismissive body language (eye rolls, checking your phone) make people feel unheard. 3. The Credibility Underminer ❌ Constantly saying “kind of,” “maybe,” or “I think” leaves you sounding uncertain, even when you’re not. 4. The Non-Listener ❌ Not following up or paraphrasing responses shows disinterest. When you pass up a chance to say, “Tell me more,” you miss a moment to build connection. 5. The Inconsistent Gazer ❌ Erratic eye contact creates subtle discomfort. People wonder if you’re hiding something—or not fully present. As a coach to women executives, I often see these patterns affect female leaders more. Many of us were raised to be “nice” rather than direct, which can unintentionally undercut our authority. The upside? Small changes make a big difference: ✅ Stop and focus on what they other person feels is important right now ✅ Instead of interrupting, take a breath and let them finish ✅ Say what you want to say (and skip the qualifiers) ✅ Ask one qualifying question before moving on ✅ Practice keeping eye contact for 3 seconds Trust isn’t built on grand gestures, but on consistent, respectful communication. P.S. What habits have you noticed in your workplace? (I’ve been guilty of being an Interrupter and a Dismisser due to rushing) ♻️ Repost to help others build trust through conversation Follow me, Jill Avey for more leadership insights Research: Academy of Management Review https://lnkd.in/g-wxFvzr

Did your “comment X for Y” LinkedIn post go viral? Trying to sell >$30k enterprise software? Here’s what to do and why… But before we get there we need to take a step back for just one moment… I have had a handful of 1-call $30k closes recently. But this sentence is conveniently concealing a lie of omission l. Because it ignores the almost DECADE I have spent building a brand here. The courses I have built. The webinars I have given. The podcasts I have been on. It ignores the shooting the shit calls with the founders, it ignores the beautiful friendship I have made with folks like Jen Allen-Knuth, or the 2 hour long session with Evan Dunn where PVP was invented, it ignores the fact that it took a lot to build trust and expertise so I can now vibe a GTM strategy. Let’s return to the topic at hand… and weirdly it’s not the AI SDR, but this exchange perfectly illustrates my point. Because look, I made a silly comment, and this was a chance for AI SDR man to become a human not an AI powered puff ball. For him to make me think, “maybe he has something!!” But instead of building a relationship, he automated the reply. Content is not a transaction, it’s the opportunity to begin a relationship. A relationship with you. With your ideas. With your frameworks. I never automate my post replies because it gives me a chance to have a conversation that I have been INVITED to by the person who responds. To engage and say, “here’s how X piece might be useful to you.” Somewhere along the way we forgot that sales is an exercise in building TRUST, not providing INFORMATION. There is almost always no additional fact someone needs to buy, especially on a first call, because when you’re making a >$30k purchase you want to know that the other person is trustworthy and a true expert. Trust takes time (brand), a relationship (1-1 interactions), social proof (referrals), and it’s generally built as a web. One comment on a post that’s gone viral MIGHT make some transactions happen if it grows big enough, but you build no trust like this. You destroy all the other brand equity you could be building for a shot at a cheap sale. And those handful of cheap customers? Expect them to treat you, your product, and its outcomes as transactions. Like they are buying a coke, not a nuclear reactor (most enterprise software is complex). If it works on Monday, they won’t talk to you, because they are drinking the coke you sold them. If it breaks on Tuesday, remember they give no shits about you—you sold them on the meetings being booked—and no meetings came in on Tuesday. So, they are going to yell at you, churn, and speak badly of your product… not try to fix the problem with you… because you’re a 2 bit transactional seller and your widget failed to deliver a complex outcome TODAY. Don’t automate the comment responses, begin a dialogue, even just a little one. And remember that buyers want education and trust, not information.

Trust isn't what we feel about each other. It's what our brains have been trained to expect from each other. After 15 years of observing and sitting across from CEOs in their most vulnerable moments—when the board has lost faith, when their co-founder walks away, when the team they built stops believing—I've learned something counterintuitive: Trust failure is not a personal failure. It's systemic. Think of trust as your team's collective nervous system. It's constantly recording patterns: who delivers, who deflects, who shows up when things get hard. These micro-memories shape every future interaction—automatically, unconsciously, relentlessly. I've been in the room for 200+ trust autopsies. Different companies, same cause of death: The BRIDGE Framework: B – Benevolence. Not kindness. Active investment in others' success even when it costs you. R – Reciprocity. The unconscious ledger everyone keeps. Are deposits matching withdrawals? I – Information Velocity. Truth moves at the speed of trust. Secrets create organizational neurosis. D – Dependable Ability. Competence theatre vs. actual delivery. Your team knows the difference. G – Goal-oriented Alignment. Shared reality or parallel universes? Most teams are living in the latter. E – Ethical Integrity. Your values under pressure reveal your true organizational DNA. Here's the uncomfortable truth: Most leadership teams are performing trust rather than building it. They mistake proximity for connection, meetings for alignment, politeness for psychological safety. The executives who transform their organizations don't manage trust—they architect it. They understand that every micro-interaction either deposits or withdraws from an invisible emotional bank account. Over the next few weeks, I'll decode each circuit through real breakdowns I've witnessed (names changed, patterns intact). Because when you understand the architecture, you can rebuild anything. 💭🌱 A reflection for you: Which circuit just made you think of a specific person on your team? That's your starting point. #Trust #TheExecutiveEdge #Leadership #OrganizationalDynamics #TrustArchitecture

Trust isn't a grand ta-da moment. It is earned. One choice at a time. Every conversation. Every interaction. Every project. How you show up matters. What you do—or don't do—matters. Were you fully present in that meeting? Did you follow through on that commitment? Did you respond to that email when you said you would? Because trust isn’t just given. It’s built brick by brick, moment by moment. And it can erode just as quickly. Missed deadlines. Intentions without follow-through. Moving meetings (including 1:1s with your direct reports or team) because you're "too busy." Those moments matter, too. So today, ask yourself: How are you showing up in the little moments? Because there's no such thing as a "trust-neutral interaction" - you're either building or eroding trust. And those little moments? They aren’t so little, they’re everything.

“Trust takes time.” “But we don’t have time.” This tension came up in two conversations I had this week, one with a leadership team working hard to build trust, and another with fellow team coaches exploring how trust is actually built. We often ask: How do you build trust? But a better question might be: 𝘞𝘩𝘺 is it so hard to build (or rebuild) trust? I thought back to a team I was part of, where trust was fractured. We tried all the things: offsites, consultants, team building. But nothing stuck. Why? Here’s what I see more clearly now:  • 𝗪𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 about each other instead of getting curious.  • 𝗘𝗴𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗿𝗮𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄. If I won, someone else lost.  • 𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. We connected on the surface, not at the level that creates empathy or shifts dynamics. We were stuck below the line: defensive, reactive, siloed. From there, no amount of “team building” can move the needle. And yet… trust 𝘤𝘢𝘯 be rebuilt. But the truth is that it's not easy and it requires vulnerability. One person willing to drop the armor, share a little more, listen a little deeper. Here’s what I hold onto: ✅ 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲. As frustrating as it might be, you have to create the space - and sometimes a pause - to allow people to shift from reactivity to openness and creativity. ✅ 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 = 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 + 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 + 𝗜𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗰𝘆 > 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗳-𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. My colleagues shared this framework with me, from the Trusted Advisor, and I love it. In particularly, letting people see you and seeing them, while dropping your ego is such fertile ground from which trust can sprout. ✅ 𝗖𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲. Saying the hard thing, while still holding care for the human in front of you is a practice that builds trust over time. This requires support and a willingness by the team to get a little messy and uncomfortable. What have you found has supported your team in building trust?

I received 47 pitches in my DMs this week. 46 of them went straight for the sale. Zero awareness. Zero relationship. Zero trust. Yet these same people will post about "know, like, and trust." The contradiction is mind-blowing. Everyone KNOWS people buy from those they trust. Yet almost everyone BEHAVES like trust is irrelevant. Here's what I see daily: • Connection request → immediate pitch • Generic message → immediate calendar link • No research → immediate case study • Zero value → immediate "hop on a call" It's pitch-slapping at its finest. And it doesn't work. When I ask why they do this, the answers are weak and predictable: "I'm playing the numbers game." "Some people will respond." "It's more efficient." Translation: "I don't value relationships enough to invest in them." Trust isn't built efficiently. It's built intentionally. The marketers crushing it are doing the opposite: • Researching before connecting • Providing value before asking • Building relationships before pitching • Creating conversation before conversion Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it's more work. Yes, it requires actual effort. But it's the difference between: • 2% conversion and 20% conversion • Constant rejection and consistent results • Burning through prospects and building a pipeline Everyone wants shortcuts to trust. No such shortcut exists. Want to see how we're helping clients build trust-based outreach systems? Click the link in my featured section. Proven frameworks are the closest thing to shortcuts.

I watched a grown executive throw a pen across the boardroom table. Another walked out of the meeting. I had 47 minutes until my next call to decide: let it fester, or do something stupid. So I did something stupid. I sent personal thank-you emails to everyone in that room, including the pen-thrower. Not generic "thanks for your time" rubbish. Specific acknowledgements: "Your point about the supply chain bottleneck was spot-on, even if we couldn't solve it today." "I appreciated you pushing back on the timeline, that's exactly the kind of honesty we need." "Thanks for staying engaged even when things got heated." The pen-thrower replied first: "Didn't expect that. See you next week." Then the woman who'd walked out: "That was a mess, but your email reminded me why we're all here." By Friday, three separate stakeholders had reached out with follow-up ideas. The same people who'd been ready to bail on the whole project. Here's what I learnt: after every difficult conversation, people are making a binary decision. Do I show up next time, or do I find reasons to be "unavailable"? Trust isn't built in the big moments when everything goes right. It's built in the small moments after everything goes wrong. When you acknowledge the mess, recognise people's contributions despite the chaos, and show up consistently even when it's uncomfortable. Most transformation leaders focus on the grand gestures: the strategy presentations, the all-hands rallies, the motivational emails. But trust is built transaction by transaction, email by email, meeting by meeting. What's the smallest thing you did this week that might have kept someone engaged for next week?