How to handle professional boundary testing as a woman

👗"Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?" The question caught me off guard. It was eight years ago. I was in the office preparing for the upcoming QBR, when my phone rang. It was our division VP. “Can you be in a client meeting this afternoon?” he asked. One of the world’s largest automotive OEMs. High stakes. 200 people are working around the clock to close the deal. I had 6 hours to prepare. My heart raced. This was the kind of meeting that could change many things! Of course, I said yes. Then came the pause. And that question: “What are you wearing right now?” "Is there a dress code?" I laughed. "Kind of..." He continued, a bit apologetically yet firmly: “I need to tell you that the president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Suddenly, my job wasn’t just to represent the business. It was to calculate risk. To protect myself in the room. In those five hours, I still worked on my talking points. But I also asked a junior male colleague to join me, as a buffer and braced myself for inappropriate comments. The meeting went well. I delivered. There were no inappropriate comments But that experience never left me. ... If you're a woman in leadership, you need to prepare for two battles: The work, and the room. And if you're a male leader, your silence is complicity. Here’s what I now teach women privately, and what I wish someone told me earlier: 1. 🛡️ Bring your buffer.    Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.     2. 🚫 Pre-empt boundary crossing.    If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter.     3. 📍Control the setting when you can.    Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity.     4. 📝 Write it down.    Any inappropriate comment, no matter how subtle, goes in your private log: date, time, what happened, and who else was there. Not because you’re planning to report it. But because memory fades, and patterns matter.     5. ⚖️ Stop normalizing it.    You’re not “too sensitive.”    You’re not imagining it.    You’re managing two jobs: your work, and your safety.    And the latter is unpaid labor.     If you're still wondering whether gender equity has arrived, ask yourself who’s planning their safety before they speak. And who just gets to speak. 👊 Until the answer is “everyone,” we’re not done.

𝗜’𝗺 𝗮𝗻 𝗛𝗥. 𝗜’𝗺 𝗮 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗜’𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗼𝗳𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀. Just two days ago, we rolled out an offer to a #BDE candidate. All formalities were done — clean, professional, sorted. Later that evening, I got a message: “𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭…” I said, “𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥.” He replied — “𝘐’𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶.” Wait. What? This wasn’t a friend. Not a colleague. We hadn’t even worked together yet. He said he chose the offer not for the company, not for the role, not for the growth — but for me. “𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳. 𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐’𝘮 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶.” Let that sink in. I stayed calm, reminded him: 𝘠𝘦𝘴, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘨𝘺 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 — 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘴𝘰 𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘸 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴. And I was crystal clear: 𝘑𝘰𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦. 𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥. Dear world — When a woman speaks kindly, she’s not inviting you. When an HR talks professionally, she’s not flirting. When we engage for hiring, it’s not emotional labor you can twist into attachment. 𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘀. 𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻. 𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗛𝗥𝘀. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲’𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻, 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆, 𝗼𝗿 𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗿𝘁. This isn’t just about gender. It’s about respect. And it’s high time we talk about it. #RealHR #RespectBoundaries #WomenAtWork #ProfessionalIsNotPersonal #SpeakUp #HRDiaries #WorkplaceRespect #ThisIsNotBollywood #HRReality #BoundariesMatter #RespectProfessionals #HiringNotFlirting #DearHRIsNotYourTherapist #ProfessionalismIsNotAFavor #WorkplaceBoundaries

“I need you to show me trust.” “Please don’t make this complex.” “Will you accept me to be weak?” ➜ These are real messages I received in my DMs. What started as a prospect inquiry quickly turned into: emotional manipulation, persistent boundary-pushing, inappropriate messaging from someone claiming to be “with family.” Let me say this clearly: This is NOT how we do business. No woman or professional of any kind should be expected to: ❌ Leave secure platforms for WhatsApp at a stranger’s request ❌ Accept guilt or pressure tactics disguised as “trust” ❌ Be made to feel like protecting their boundaries is being “difficult” The language used here crossed a line. It wasn’t just a communication mismatch it was manipulative. And the moment he said, “I need you to show me trust,” I realized this wasn’t about business. This was about control. ➜ Trust is built, not demanded. For all the coaches, consultants, and service providers out there: You are not too rigid for having structure. You are not cold for using intake forms. You are not wrong for saying no to communication you’re not comfortable with. ➜ We set boundaries not because we’re closed off but because we care about the integrity of our space. Women in business deserve to feel safe. Not “strong enough” to handle unsafe behavior. ➜ To anyone reading this: If something feels off, it probably is. Protect your space. Back your process. Trust your gut. You’re running a business, not a therapy line on demand. ➜ By the way, this wasn’t the first time this is happened. Men leaving inappropriate messages in my DMs. One actually said “ I know you’re married, but I’m gonna shoot my shot” Me: “Not ok, 100% inappropriate, and You are shooting blanks bro” blocked! ➜ Safety isn’t just personal. It’s professional. Thank you Chelsea Linge for sharing your story and encouraging me to share mine. Have you ever had to shut down inappropriate behavior in your DMs professionally or personally… How did you handle it?