Challenging the 'good girl' persona for well-being

“I have a good life. I shouldn’t be complaining.” I've heard these words countless times from my coaching clients. We’ll be in the midst of an intense conversation: they’re baring their heart and soul, telling me all about what it's like to feel trapped, not themselves, lost... And about their deep desire to lead a more meaningful, more fulfilling life than their current one… And then they'll stop mid-sentence, lower their gaze, and say: “But don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful. I know how good I have it. I should be happy.” Have you ever said that? Or thought it? I certainly have. I used to guilt and shame myself for feeling caged in a "perfect" life, and wanting things to change. I had no right. Others had it worse. And as long as those were my thoughts, I stayed right where I was: Caged. Letting my relative privilege silence my VOICE was just another aspect of my “Good Girl” conditioning that kept me from moving towards the life I knew I desired with every fiber of my being. It’s possible to have “everything” to be happy – a “perfect” relationship, a comfortable life, no existential worries – and still feel trapped. Being grateful for your blessings is a wonderful thing. But when you let gratitude invalidate your feelings, it turns into SELF-SABOTAGE. How? It keeps you from taking ACTION. The beautiful home, the successful career, the perfect marriage – they can still feel like a cage (albeit a golden one), when they don’t align with what truly matters to you. And you have the RIGHT to get yourself out of that cage – EVEN if others have it worse. There's a way to do that, and it involves giving yourself PERMISSION. 💚 It was only when I gave myself permission to acknowledge that I felt trapped and unfulfilled,  that I was able to take my first bold decisions that got me down the path of reinvention. Was I grateful to have some backup? Absolutely. But while backup and resources can smooth the path, they don’t walk it for you. You do. ➡ 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙚𝙙𝙜𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙜𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 “𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙?” P.S. If this resonates with you & you want to know more about how "Good Girl" conditioning can keep you stuck, & what it takes to break free & reclaim control of your life, read my new memoir, 𝑈𝑛𝑐𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑑: 𝐴 𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝐺𝑖𝑟𝑙'𝑠 𝐽𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑅𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛. Pre-order here: 📚 https://lnkd.in/eHYZJymg (CH/DE/AUT) https://lnkd.in/eEsCUkRH (UK) https://lnkd.in/eGR8guiE (US) #Reinvention #WomenEmpowerment #GoldenCage ✨ 🙋🏻♀️ I’m Katia Vlachos, reinvention coach, author, speaker, and meditation teacher. 🚀 Let's launch your next chapter, boldly and unapologetically. Click 🔔 on my profile for more posts on this and similar topics.  ✨

If you've ever made yourself smaller so someone else could feel bigger, Lisa Carmen Wang's story will punch you in the gut (in the best way). Her journey from Olympic alternate to Wall Street to VC hits different because it's so impressive - and so relatable. She talked about being the "good girl" her whole life - perfect grades, following directions, grateful for any opportunity. Sound familiar to many? I was that person too. The one who took the first offer without negotiating. Who took notes in meetings instead of talking because "the men just didn't take as good of notes" - but the men got to pay attention and talk. Who stayed late without asking for a raise. Who made myself smaller so others would be comfortable. But here's what really got me: Lisa said "a woman steps into her full power not when she's finally given permission, but when she realizes she never needed permission in the first place." 💀 I think about all the times I've waited for someone else to validate my ideas before moving forward. Or how I used to preface every opinion with "I could be wrong, but..." She spoke about how corporate world rewards insecure men who compensate with bravado, but punishes insecure women who shrink themselves. We've all seen it - the guy who talks the most in meetings isn't always the smartest person in the room, but he's the one everyone remembers. Lisa's definition of "bad bitch" isn't about being difficult or aggressive. It's about being a woman who unapologetically takes charge of her body, her boundaries, and her bank account. That last part especially resonates as a founder. How many of us have undervalued our products or services because we didn't want to seem "too pushy"? How many deals have we left on the table because we were grateful just to be in the conversation? I'm not saying flip a switch overnight. But maybe it's time we stop asking ourselves "Who gave me permission?" and start asking "What would I do if I knew I belonged here?" Because spoiler alert: we do belong here. P.S. - If you're in the Bay Area and care about supporting women in business, events like this matter. The networking happens, but more importantly, we get to see what's possible when women stop apologizing for their ambition.

Growing up, my parents gave me everything I needed. Yet, one lesson, "Be a good girl," came with unintended consequences. Let me explain! There was a clear definition of "good girl". ➡️ I had to respect elders, even if they were wrong. ➡️ Others' needs always came before mine. ➡️ As the older sister, I was expected to sacrifice for my younger sibling. ➡️ Speaking up against someone was not "nice"; I was taught to agree, even if I disagreed. ➡️ Hard work meant no breaks—ever. I always wanted to be a "good girl". And I did become one. In my family, I am seen as someone nice, obedient, kind, and soft even though I have made a few rebellious choices. But the price I paid for being the "good girl" in the real world was steep. I became a people-pleaser. I struggled to trust myself. I was constantly in self-doubt. And then I heard the concept of self-love. This analogy struck me: You can't pour from an empty cup. I knew something had to change. I thought, Maybe it’s time to become a "bad girl." But my coach knocked some sense into me. I didn’t need to become "bad." I just needed to redefine what it meant to be a "good girl." Here’s my new definition: 🌸 I respect elders for their experience, but I respect all humans equally, regardless of age. 🌸 I value others’ needs, but only if honouring them doesn’t compromise my own values and well-being. 🌸 I no longer sacrifice what I love for my sister—we both deserve our share. 🌸 I avoid unnecessary arguments, but I no longer agree just to be "nice." I stand up for myself when needed. 🌸 I listen to my body and take breaks without guilt. This shift changed everything—how I view myself and how others perceive me. You can always do your bit to make others happy, but you are not responsible for their happiness. You are only responsible for your joy! Have you ever found yourself stuck in the "good girl" mindset, trying to please everyone at the cost of your own happiness? Share your experience in the comments, or send me a message if you’re ready to redefine what being "good" means for you. Let’s start a conversation about how we can balance kindness with self-love!

Have you ever set clear boundaries and immediately regretted it? Wondering: → “Was I too harsh?” → “Maybe I shouldn’t have done that?” → “What if they didn't feel good about this?” Many women leaders often struggle with the "good girl syndrome." As we prioritize others' feelings over our own, constantly striving to be "nice." But what's nice about nice if we're unkind to ourselves? I learned this the hard way when I found myself saying yes to every request. Even at the expense of my own well-being. This led to the biggest burnout I ever experienced. Being nice often comes from being unable to say no and set boundaries. If you struggle to say NO often, here’s a psychological breakdown to help change your perspective: → Saying NO means saying YES to something else ↳ Change the narrative in your mind → Saying NO and being nice are NOT associated ↳ You can politely decline without being rude → Saying NO is appreciated and praised by other good leaders ↳ It shows strength Here are 3 ways you can say NO in a professional environment: ↳ "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I have other priorities that need my focus right now." ↳ "Thank you for considering me. I'm currently tied up with other commitments. I would be able to address this in XYZ days" ↳ "I can't commit to the full project, but I can contribute to [specific part]. Have you considered [alternative solution/person] instead?" Remember, drawing boundaries can be hard, but you're not alone! Start small, and set boundaries in your personal life too. Let the confidence of declining build up over time. P.S. Do you struggle with the good girl syndrome? Comment below if this post resonates with you.

3 beliefs I had to unlearn after maternity leave: Before maternity leave, I was a textbook ‘good girl’ leader. Hardworking. Reliable. Always going the extra mile. But also: Hesitant to speak up if it might make someone uncomfortable or disagree. Afraid of being “too much.” Heavily leaning in to the belief that being liked was the same as being respected. Then I became a mum. Coming back to work, I didn’t have the time or energy for overthinking. I didn’t have capacity (or desire!) for people-pleasing. And I no longer wanted to lead by keeping everyone else comfortable at the expense of myself. Here are 3 beliefs I had to unlearn after maternity leave: 1. “If I work hard, I’ll be recognised.” I used to think doing great work was enough. Now I know that visibility is equally as important. You have to advocate for your impact - not because you’re arrogant, but because people are busy and won’t see it unless you help them. (And yes, I had to practice this before it stopped making me cringe.) 2. “Saying no will make me seem difficult, or people won’t like me.” I had a client recently who said yes to everything after returning to work - worried about seeming ungrateful. It left her overwhelmed and resentful. Through our coaching, she practiced setting clear boundaries with warmth. The result was her confidence soared, she felt huge relief, and her line manager started to take her more seriously. 3. “I need to prove I’m still the same.” This was a big one for me. I kept trying to show I was just as committed, just as flexible, just as available. But the truth is, I wasn’t the same - and I didn’t want to be. I was more focussed, more time poor, more intentional, more boundaried. And, it turns out, a better leader for it. Letting go of the ‘good girl’ rules doesn’t mean becoming cold or unfeeling. It means leading from a place of self-respect, and giving others permission to do the same. If you’re in the middle of this transition, you’re not alone. If this resonates and you’re navigating a shift in how you lead post-maternity, I’d love to hear your story. I work with women at these transition points, and it’s where the most powerful transformations often begin. 📩 DM me or book a free call to explore what support could look like for you. I have one spot opening up in July.

Stop Being a Good Girl and Start Becoming a Bold Girl.💪 Growing up, I learned a hard truth: from childhood, we are often taught that sacrifice is a hallmark of being a "good girl.” This isn’t just my observation; it’s a message from everyone around us. Look at our mothers, watch Bollywood movies or even serials. The message is clear in every conversation and scene: Good girls = lots of sacrifice.🙌 👉I remember giving my favourite things to others in my childhood because good girl keeps others emotions before them. 👉I held back my opinions because speaking up was considered wrong. 👉I couldn't make decisions on my own because good girls just do what their parents says. 👉I couldn't say no because saying no meant putting myself first, and that was seen as a crime. But then, I realized I couldn't keep living like this. ✅I don't want to be a "good girl" anymore. ✅I have my own life and my own dreams. ✅I am not here to make others happy and satisfied at the cost of my own happiness. 😶To all the girls out there: It's time to stop being a good girl and start being a bold girl. You have the right to live your life on your terms. Your dreams matter, your voice matters, and you matter. Don’t be afraid to prioritize yourself and pursue your happiness. Being bold doesn't mean you are selfish; it means you are strong enough to live authentically.❤️

When you’re an international woman in leadership, when is it bad to be good? And, most importantly, when is it good to be BaD? Don’t get me wrong, BaD doesn’t mean “bad”. It means quite the opposite. It means “Bold and Daring”. Not “Bold and Daring” in a superhero kind of way. We don't need a cape. But simply a BOLDER kind of clarity in meetings, presentations and calls, by DARING to move away from certain “good girl” behaviours and focus on 2 things: connection & impact. So to be clear, BaD leadership ISN’T about being impulsive, disrespectful or arrogant. It’s about (amongst others): - sharing your valuable ideas clearly without permission or apology. - using assertive empathy in difficult conversations and disagreements. - knowing how to gracefully break into discussions & hold off interruptions. And you know what else? The first step to becoming a BaD leader isn’t to learn more English. It’s to see and UNLEARN the unspoken rules we have for ourselves; those words we thought made us “bigger” but, instead, have kept us small.   You can find 4 of the most popular ones in the carousel. But please don’t stop there. Keep looking for the words that don’t work at work and wash away that old, outdated graffiti from the walls of your mind. PS: I’m on a mission: to help as many #goodgirlsgoBaD in their Business English as possible. Want to join me? What’s your view: what other “good girl behaviours” do we need to unlearn?   -------------------------------------------------- Hi, I’m Kelly. I help international women in leadership stop polishing and perfecting their English and start using the English they already have… in a more powerful way. #businessenglish #womeninbusiness #leadershipdevelopment #breakthegoodgirlmyth