Setting Healthy Boundaries

So shortly before Christmas, it’s a good time to talk about discipline. Not nice perhaps, but useful. Like many other things in life that are not necessarily nice, but useful. As they know in the army, discipline is what it takes to win wars. And we also know it in the gym. No muscle building or losing weight without discipline. In organizations, though, discipline seems like a bad word. It makes us think of aggressive drill instructors, bossy bosses, strict procedures and repetitive work. In short, it stands for everything we want to avoid. Because, what we do want is freedom, greatness and happiness, right? Here’s the paradox: there’s no freedom, greatness or happiness without discipline. As they say, there’s no free lunch. It takes discipline to create freedom, greatness and happiness. Discipline is the starting point of a four-step journey to growth. To achieve growth, you need consistency. To achieve consistency, you need habits, and to achieve habits, you need discipline. This is how it works: Growth is what we want. Not just quantitative growth, but especially qualitative growth, development, and improvement. And not just because we are lucky or the market happens to boom. No, we want steady, predictable growth. To achieve growth we need consistency. Predictable growth requires predictable, consistent results. Not one-off results, large fluctuations, variations across the organization, or unmanageable uncertainties. To achieve consistency, we need habits. Call them routines, standards, or patterns, what matters is that we create standardized, automated behaviors that lead to the consistent results that we want. To achieve habits, we need discipline. Habits don’t develop instantly or without effort. It takes patience, persistence, and often some pain to develop them. Discipline makes sure we continue, even if we don’t feel like it. This applies to every aspect of life. If we want to achieve something significant, it starts with discipline: getting out of bed, living a healthy life, investing in personal development, delivering good work, building an organization, saving the world. Everything starts with discipline. I wish you a disciplined Christmas 🙂! #selfdevelopment #growthmindset #leadershipdevelopment

👗"Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?" The question caught me off guard. It was eight years ago. I was in the office preparing for the upcoming QBR, when my phone rang. It was our division VP. “Can you be in a client meeting this afternoon?” he asked. One of the world’s largest automotive OEMs. High stakes. 200 people are working around the clock to close the deal. I had 6 hours to prepare. My heart raced. This was the kind of meeting that could change many things! Of course, I said yes. Then came the pause. And that question: “What are you wearing right now?” "Is there a dress code?" I laughed. "Kind of..." He continued, a bit apologetically yet firmly: “I need to tell you that the president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Suddenly, my job wasn’t just to represent the business. It was to calculate risk. To protect myself in the room. In those five hours, I still worked on my talking points. But I also asked a junior male colleague to join me, as a buffer and braced myself for inappropriate comments. The meeting went well. I delivered. There were no inappropriate comments But that experience never left me. ... If you're a woman in leadership, you need to prepare for two battles: The work, and the room. And if you're a male leader, your silence is complicity. Here’s what I now teach women privately, and what I wish someone told me earlier: 1. 🛡️ Bring your buffer.    Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.     2. 🚫 Pre-empt boundary crossing.    If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter.     3. 📍Control the setting when you can.    Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity.     4. 📝 Write it down.    Any inappropriate comment, no matter how subtle, goes in your private log: date, time, what happened, and who else was there. Not because you’re planning to report it. But because memory fades, and patterns matter.     5. ⚖️ Stop normalizing it.    You’re not “too sensitive.”    You’re not imagining it.    You’re managing two jobs: your work, and your safety.    And the latter is unpaid labor.     If you're still wondering whether gender equity has arrived, ask yourself who’s planning their safety before they speak. And who just gets to speak. 👊 Until the answer is “everyone,” we’re not done.

When you’re an international woman in leadership, when is it bad to be good? And, most importantly, when is it good to be BaD? Don’t get me wrong, BaD doesn’t mean “bad”. It means quite the opposite. It means “Bold and Daring”. Not “Bold and Daring” in a superhero kind of way. We don't need a cape. But simply a BOLDER kind of clarity in meetings, presentations and calls, by DARING to move away from certain “good girl” behaviours and focus on 2 things: connection & impact. So to be clear, BaD leadership ISN’T about being impulsive, disrespectful or arrogant. It’s about (amongst others): - sharing your valuable ideas clearly without permission or apology. - using assertive empathy in difficult conversations and disagreements. - knowing how to gracefully break into discussions & hold off interruptions. And you know what else? The first step to becoming a BaD leader isn’t to learn more English. It’s to see and UNLEARN the unspoken rules we have for ourselves; those words we thought made us “bigger” but, instead, have kept us small.   You can find 4 of the most popular ones in the carousel. But please don’t stop there. Keep looking for the words that don’t work at work and wash away that old, outdated graffiti from the walls of your mind. PS: I’m on a mission: to help as many #goodgirlsgoBaD in their Business English as possible. Want to join me? What’s your view: what other “good girl behaviours” do we need to unlearn?   -------------------------------------------------- Hi, I’m Kelly. I help international women in leadership stop polishing and perfecting their English and start using the English they already have… in a more powerful way. #businessenglish #womeninbusiness #leadershipdevelopment #breakthegoodgirlmyth

🌿 Set Firm Boundaries: What Not to Say — and Why It Matters 🌿 “Every time I try to set a boundary, I feel like I’m hurting someone.” This is one of the most common sentences I hear in therapy. Boundaries are not simply about saying “no.” They are about reclaiming agency over your emotional space, your nervous system, your time, and your dignity. And yet, for many of us—especially those with histories of relational trauma, codependency, or emotional neglect—boundaries feel like betrayal. Why? Because somewhere along the line, you were taught that love is earned by being agreeable. That your needs were secondary. That your worth depended on being needed, helpful, or low-maintenance. So when you finally try to set a boundary, your language softens, your tone wavers, and your inner child panics, saying: “What if they leave me?” “What if they stop loving me?” ⸻ 🔻 Here’s what NOT to say—and what’s underneath it: 1. “I’m really sorry, but I can’t…” ✨ The Pattern: Chronic guilt and fear of being perceived as selfish. ✨ The Truth: You’re not doing anything wrong by tending to your needs. Apologizing sends the subconscious message that your boundary is offensive. 2. “I wish I could, but I’m just so overwhelmed…” ✨ The Pattern: Seeking permission to say no by proving you’re already maxed out. ✨ The Truth: Your capacity is your responsibility. It’s okay to say no, even when you technically could say yes. 3. “Maybe later, let me see…” ✨ The Pattern: Avoiding discomfort through ambiguity. ✨ The Truth: Vague language is often a trauma response. Clarity is not cruelty. Saying “no” is more respectful than a hesitant “maybe.” 4. “It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just…” ✨ The Pattern: Over-explaining to protect the other person’s feelings. ✨ The Truth: You are not responsible for regulating how others experience your boundaries. You are only responsible for being kind and clear. ⸻ 🔍 Psychological Insight: When you’ve grown up in environments where boundaries were punished, ignored, or unsafe, it’s natural to fear them. You may equate setting limits with rejection. But in truth, boundaries are a profound act of love—for yourself and for others. They say: 🔸 I respect my needs and limitations. 🔸 I trust you enough to be honest. 🔸 I choose mutual care over silent resentment. 💬 What to say instead (without guilt or over-explanation): • “No, thank you.” • “I’m not available for that right now.” • “I’m prioritizing rest this week.” • “That doesn’t work for me.” • “I need space to process. I’ll reach out when I’m ready.” Each time you do this, you rewire your nervous system to understand: Safety is not found in overextending—it’s found in self-trust. #HealthyBoundaries #RelationalHealing #TherapistVoice #NervousSystemRegulation #PeoplePleasingRecovery #InnerChildWork #AuthenticLiving #EmotionalSobriety #ROOTSCommunity #CompassionateBoundaries #SpiritualPsychology #SelfWorthAwakening #SayYesToYourself #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthsupport

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

I’ve spent years living by these words. “Be kind.” The problem is that there’s a fine line between being kind and being a complete pushover. And I see it all the time with female service providers like bookkeepers… they say it’s a caring profession, and it’s good to care and be kind. But we have to set boundaries. Here are 7 mistakes when it comes to kindness (and how to avoid them). 1/ Always saying Yes It’s ok to help, but saying ‘yes’ to every little thing burns you out and sets no limits. 2/ Being available 24/7 Kindness doesn’t mean being on-call all the time. Set working hours and stick to them. 3/ Discounting. No. Full stop. 4/ Avoiding tough conversations Honest feedback might seem harsh but sometimes it’s necessary. If it needs saying, say it. No need to mask the truth. 5/ Letting deadlines slip I’m not talking about you missing deadlines, I’m talking about the clients who are always late giving you what you’ve agreed - or contracted to. Flexibility is important but not at the cost of professionalism. Hold clients accountable to deadlines. 6/ Taking on extra work for free. No. 7/ Allowing late payments. Grace is great, but allowing clients to pay late repeatedly is unprofessional. Set clear payment terms. Enforce them. Remember they are a business owner and so are you. Not everyone has the same heart. Some clients won’t appreciate your kindness so don’t let kindness come at the cost of your business. What would you add? —-------------------------- I’m Zoe and I’m here to help you be the entrepreneur you want to be. Follow me for more.

Your boundaries at work aren't selfish. They're essential. The most valuable professionals aren't the ones who are available 24/7. They're the ones who deliver consistent quality because they protect their energy. Here's what I've observed across hundreds of high-performing clients: 1. They don't answer emails at 11pm (and never apologize for it). 2. They say no to projects that don't align with their strengths. 3. They take their vacation days without guilt. 4. They communicate clearly when they're unavailable. 5. They don't define their worth by constant availability. Setting boundaries isn't about doing less work. It's about creating the conditions for your best work. Every time you respond to that midnight email, you're training your colleagues and managers that your time isn't valuable. Every time you say yes to a project that drains you, you're teaching others that your expertise doesn't matter. The irony? People respect clear boundaries. When you set healthy limits, you're actually demonstrating leadership qualities: ✅ Self-awareness ✅ Clear communication ✅ Strategic thinking ✅ Value for quality over quantity What's one boundary you need to set (or reset) this week? cc: @Justin Mecham #WorkBoundaries #CareerSuccess #ProfessionalDevelopment #WorkLifeBalance

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘅𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗲 𝗮 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗲. - You need clarity. - You need respect. - You need space to protect your well-being. Some of the hardest lessons I’ve learned didn’t come from being treated unfairly. They came from not setting boundaries soon enough. If you want to thrive at work without burning out, here are 5 boundaries worth setting (and none of them make you “difficult”): ☝🏼 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝗳𝗳-𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 → Just because you can reply after 7pm doesn’t mean you should. ✌🏼 𝗦𝗮𝘆 𝗻𝗼 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁 → Your value isn’t tied to being constantly available. 🤟🏼 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘂𝗽 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝗳 → Silence helps no one. Especially not you. 🖖🏼 𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 → You can be helpful without being a doormat. 🖐🏼 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀—𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿𝘀 → Invest in what helps you grow, not just what keeps others comfortable. Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re doors to healthier, more sustainable careers. What’s one boundary you’ve set that changed the way you work?

I used to be terrible at boundaries. Said yes to everything. Worked past midnight. Apologized for having limits. Know what happened? People respected me less, not more. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ After 15 years in recruitment, I've learnt: Boundaries aren't walls. They're bridges. They tell people exactly how to work with you successfully. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ THE 7 BOUNDARY SCRIPTS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 1) When They Dump Extra Work ❌ "I'm tired of staying late!" ✅ "I've noticed I'm working past hours often. Can we realign on priorities?" (Data beats drama every time) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 2) When You're At Capacity ❌ "Sorry, I can't take this on..." ✅ "Given my current commitments, I won't be able to give this the attention it deserves. Here's who might help." (Never apologize for being human) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 3) When They Want "Quick Chats" ❌ "Sure, anytime works!" ✅ "I've blocked Tuesday/Thursday for deep work. How's Monday at 3?" (Time blocks = sanity savers) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 4) When Deadlines Are Impossible ❌ "No, I can't do that." ✅ "To deliver quality work, I'd need until Friday. Would that work, or should we adjust the scope?" (Give options, not ultimatums) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 5) When Issues Are Building ❌ *Bottles it up until explosion* ✅ "I wanted to flag something early—can we chat before it becomes bigger?" (Prevention > damage control) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 6) When They Text at 11pm ❌ "Why are you messaging so late?!" ✅ "Just saw this—I'll respond first thing tomorrow when I'm back online." (Train them gently) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 7) When It's Not Your Job ❌ "That's not my responsibility." ✅ "I want to help, but [Name] has more context on this. Should we loop them in?" (Redirect with grace) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ The magic formula: Acknowledge + Boundary + Alternative = Respect Every. Single. Time. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ People treat you how you let them. And when you respect yourself? They have no choice but to follow. Which script do you need most? 👇 ♻️ Repost to help others. ➕ Follow Shulin Lee for more!

As a psychologist, I often meet people—especially women—who struggle with saying NO. I remember a patient, a young mother juggling a demanding job and family responsibilities. She said yes to everything—extra work, social obligations, even favors she didn’t have time for. One day, she broke down in my clinic, exhausted and resentful. I asked her, “What if saying no isn’t selfish? What if it’s the kindest thing you could do?” That conversation changed her life. She started setting boundaries, prioritizing herself, and saying no without guilt. And you know what happened? She became a better mother, a more present partner, and a happier person. 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐬𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐨: 1. You Protect Your Energy – Every yes you don’t mean takes away from the things that truly matter. Your time and energy are precious—spend them wisely. 2. You Prevent Resentment – A forced yes often leads to frustration. A genuine no, spoken with kindness, preserves relationships. 3. You Give Others Clarity – When you say no honestly, you allow people to find the right support elsewhere. No one benefits from an unwilling yes. 4. You Set an Example – Women are often taught to be agreeable, but true strength lies in honoring your own needs. Your no gives others permission to do the same. 5. You Prioritize What Truly Matters – Every no creates space for the people, dreams, and opportunities that align with your heart. 6. Saying No Is Saying Yes to Yourself – Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. You can’t give your best to others if you’re constantly running on empty. So the next time you hesitate to say no, ask yourself: What am I really saying yes to? Saying no isn’t rejection—it’s an act of self-respect, one that ultimately benefits everyone around you. #psychology #mentalhealth #mindset #personaldevelopment