Practical Strategies for Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Life's obstacles wound us all. But with self-compassion, we can turn setbacks into growth. I explored this recently in a debriefing conversation with an aspiring general counsel who was beating herself up for not getting an offer at the end of a search process I led. She was being too hard on herself, undeservedly so. I gently encouraged her to practice self-compassion, pioneered by psychologist Kristin Neff. There are four basic steps: 1️⃣ Recognize our shared humanity - we all stumble sometimes. When you fall short, know you aren't alone. 2️⃣ Treat yourself with kindness. Talk to yourself as you would a loved one, with care and understanding, leaving criticism behind. 3️⃣ Stay mindful. Notice when self-judgment arises and gently shift to compassion. 4️⃣ Reflect on what needs changing. While self-compassion provides comfort, persistent wounds call us to grow. Adjust behaviors and mindsets as needed. She started penning uplifting notes to herself, acknowledging and celebrating her journey, however imperfect. This led her to explore fresh GC opportunities, reigniting her enthusiasm. In my line of work, when candidate sourcing efforts go sideways or a client's star candidate declines an offer after a 6-month search, I turn to self-compassion. I remind myself: it happens to the best of us; tomorrow is a new day. The key is balancing self-compassion with drive. Too little, and perfectionism can stifle you. Too much, and stagnation may creep in. The sweet spot is gracious self-acceptance combined with intentional progress. So when life's dragons leave their mark, remember - you aren't alone. Treat yourself kindly, adjust course, and carry on. Scars signify courage. Wear them proudly. How do you practice self-compassion? I'm eager to hear your thoughts on fostering personal growth despite life's inevitable bumps. If this resonated, consider following me for weekly insights every Friday and Saturday on purpose-driven living and leadership. Simply hit "Follow" and the bell 🔔. #SelfCompassion #PersonalDevelopment #LeadershipGrowth #Careers

Did you know that up to 72% of adults report feeling stressed about something on a daily basis? If you frequently experience anxiety, especially in high-pressure work situations, you're far from alone. We've all been there - that panicked feeling when work stress becomes overwhelming. You're not alone in this struggle. I've learned some helpful strategies for managing anxiety in those tough moments. Acknowledge Your Emotions: •Recognize and accept your feelings of anxiety as a normal response to stress. •Understand that it's okay to feel anxious, and it doesn't define your abilities or worth. •How to: Practice mindfulness with deep breathing exercises to ground yourself and make space for your emotions. Develop Coping Strategies: •Identify healthy coping mechanisms like exercise, journaling, or talking to a mentor. •Create a "stress toolkit" of strategies you can quickly implement when anxiety strikes. •How to: Experiment until you find what works best. I do microbursts of exercise throughout the day. Seek Support: •Don't hesitate to reach out for support from trusted friends, family, or professionals. •Surround yourself with a network who can provide reassurance during difficult periods. •How to: Schedule regular check-ins and be vulnerable about your struggles. It helps combat isolation. Practice Self-Compassion: •Be kind to yourself and avoid harsh self-criticism over feelings of anxiety. •Remind yourself that everyone faces challenges, and it's okay to ask for help. •How to: Counter negative self-talk with positive affirmations like "I'm doing my best." Focus on What You Can Control: •Shift focus away from uncontrollable circumstances or others' opinions. •Break down overwhelming tasks into smaller, manageable action steps. •How to: Make a plan for high-stress situations. Celebrating small wins provides motivation. Unmanaged anxiety can severely impact performance, decision-making, productivity and even physical health. But you have a choice. Managing anxiety is an ongoing practice, not a linear journey. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you build resilience using strategies like these. What's one tip here you'll try? Or share another anxiety-busting technique that works for you in the comments.

My dad used to always tell me to have "Low expectations." But the Gurus always told me to think big...what gives? Much of the pain and discomfort in our life lives in that space between expectations and reality. Think about it... You're never broken up and distraught over NOT willing the lottery right? It's because you didn't expect to win the lottery. You didn't have a set of expectations about a thing over which you have no control - and that's the right way to approach it. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - It turns out that what my dad was saying was to avoid expecting things you don't control. Instead: 1. Focus on your inputs Rather than focussing on results, pay close attention to the inputs. Surely you’ve heard how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time. If you focus on the whole thing, you’ll get overwhelmed and likely choke to death. But little actions, stacked up, lead to big outcomes. What are the 2-3 things you can do this week, today, right now, to make a little progress? 2. Foster Self-compassion You may hear me talk about “First Dominos” a lot - that is, things that make subsequent actions easier. Self-compassion is one of the big ones. Contrary to what some people might expect, self-compassion is actually associated with greater motivation and accountability, not less. It allows individuals to recognize and learn from their mistakes without becoming overly self-critical, and fosters a growth mindset. A 2010 study by Breines and Chen found that self-compassion promotes the motivation to improve oneself following failures. 3. Find Awareness Surprise! Mindfulness is, yet again, one of the steps to solve this problem. Simply understanding what is happening to cause emotional pain or discomfort can be enough to separate yourself from it, see it as an unique entity, and move on from it. One of my favorite ways to cultivate awareness of what’s going on in my head is to name it. “Ah! This discomfort is coming from the space between expectations and reality.” That won’t entirely remove it, but it will give you enough separation to be able to do something about it.

If you want to be hard you’ve got to be soft. All the chest thumping and pick yourself up the bootstraps talk is empty if it is not supported by self-compassion. Nobody escapes life unscathed. The biggest and harshest challenges in our lives are akin to rough weather on a mountain. They wear down our edges and make us softer and gentler. The upshot is that we gain compassion, both for ourselves and for others. Conventional wisdom on getting through challenges says that on one extreme there is taking responsibility and toughness. On the other extreme there is taking it easy and showing yourself boundless love. These mindsets are often pitted against each other, but the truth is they are complementary: you generally need at least some measure of both. The best approach is to combine fierce self-discipline with fierce self-compassion. Regularly practicing self-compassion makes you fearless. Because if you know that you can be kind to yourself, then you can go to tough places knowing that you've got your own back. Showing up can be hard, no doubt. But with self-compassion, it becomes just a bit easier. Being kind to yourself in the midst of struggle affords you the resilience you need to endure, persist, and flourish. Self-compassion is not automatic; like any other quality, it must be developed. Notice when you are being particularly hard on yourself. How does it make you feel? Does it help? What would it look like to change the self-talk? Practice #1: When you enter a ruminative or judgemental spiral, ask yourself: What would I say to a friend in this situation? We tend to be much kinder and wiser when we are giving advice to our friends than when we are giving advice to ourselves. Practice #2: You can call upon a mantra, which snaps you out of your head and into the present moment. One I use all the time: "This is what is happening right now. I'm doing the best I can." Another benefit of this mantra is that if it isn't true—if you aren’t doing the best you can—then you realize that too, and kindly give yourself the chance to do better. *** The non-duality between ruggedness and flexibility, between self-discipline and self-compassion, is one of the most important concepts I learned in researching and writing Master of Change. It’s helped me to make sense of things in my own life. I hope it helps you too. Please share this post to spread its crucial message. If you want to go deeper and learn more, pick up a copy of Master of Change. If you find the content of this post important and interesting I can almost guarantee you’ll like the book.