Mastering Personal Influence

She said yes to every single project. Yet, she was overlooked for the promotion. They said: “She’s irreplaceable.” “We’d be lost without her.” But when it came time to lead the next big thing - She wasn’t even on the list. Over the past decade working in women’s leadership, I’ve seen this story play out far too often. Women staying in roles long past their expiration. Not because they lack clarity - But because they’ve been conditioned to confuse loyalty with worth. Loyalty to a team. To a leader. To a company culture that praises their reliability... But never promotes their vision. So how do you ensure you’re valued - not just used - for all that you bring to the table? Here are 5 practical, research-backed strategies I’ve seen top performers consistently use: ✅ Be Known for Vision, Not Just Execution ↳ “She delivers” is solid. ↳ “She sets the direction” is strategic. ↳ Build a reputation rooted in foresight - not just follow-through. ✅ Document and Distill Your Wins ↳ Don’t wait to be noticed. ↳ Capture and communicate your impact consistently. ↳ Think: outcomes, initiatives, feedback snapshots. ↳ This becomes your proof of value during reviews, promotions, or pivots. ✅ Speak the Language of Business ↳ Translate your work into metrics that matter: revenue, retention, growth, efficiency. ↳ When leaders see your contribution tied to business outcomes, you shift from “nice to have” to “can’t afford to lose.” ✅ Build Cross-Functional Credibility ↳ Influence isn’t built in silos. ↳ Make your value visible across teams. ↳ When multiple departments rely on your insight, you become a strategic connector - not just a contributor. ✅ Create Strategic Allies, Not Just Mentors ↳ Power isn’t just about performance - it’s about proximity to influence. ↳ Nurture relationships with decision-makers, peer champions, and collaborators. Influence grows through meaningful connection. The truth is - being essential isn’t the same as being seen. You can be deeply loyal to others - and still loyal to your own growth. These shifts aren’t just career strategies. They’re acts of self-respect. Because when you decide to lead from alignment, not obligation - You stop waiting to be chosen. And start choosing yourself. 💬 Which of these strategies feels most relevant to where you are right now? I’d love to hear in the comments below. ♻ Repost if you believe it’s time to stop rewarding quiet loyalty - and start recognizing conscious leadership. 🔔 Follow me, Bhavna Toor, for more. 📩 DM me to bring our holistic leadership development programs to your organization - that are a powerful combination of inner-work and real-world strategy.

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫, 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲? Of all the topics people ask me about, executive presence is near the top of the list. The challenge with executive presence is that it’s hard to define. It’s not a checklist you can tick off. It’s more like taste or intuition. Some people develop it early. Others build it over time. More often, it’s a lack of context, coaching, or exposure to what “good” looks like. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years, both from getting it wrong and from watching others get it right. 1. 𝐋𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 People early in their careers often feel the need to prove they know the details. But executive presence isn’t about detail. It’s about clarity. If your message would sound the same to a peer, your manager, and your CEO, you’re not tailoring it enough. Meet your audience where they are. 2. 𝐔𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 Executives care about outcomes, strategy, and alignment. One of my teammates once struggled with this. Brilliant at the work, but too deep in the weeds to communicate its impact. With coaching, she learned to reframe her updates, and her influence grew exponentially. 3. 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐛𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 Every meeting has an undercurrent: past dynamics, relationships, history. Navigating this well often requires a trusted guide who can explain what’s going on behind the scenes. 4. 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 Just because something is your entire world doesn’t mean others know about it. I’ve had conversations where I assumed someone knew what I was talking about, but they didn't. Context is a gift. Give it freely. 5. 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 Early in my career, I brought problems to my manager. Now, I appreciate the people who bring potential paths forward. It’s not about having the perfect solution. It’s about showing you’re engaged in solving the problem. 6. 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 Every leader is solving a different set of problems. Step into their shoes. Show how your work connects to what’s top of mind for them. This is how you build alignment and earn trust. 7. 𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 Years ago, a founder cold emailed me. We didn’t know each other, but we were both Duke alums. That one point of connection turned a cold outreach into a real conversation. 8. 𝐃𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 Before you walk into a meeting, ask yourself what outcome you’re trying to drive. Wandering conversations erode credibility. Precision matters. So does preparation. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 Executive presence isn’t about dominating a room or having all the answers. It’s about clarity, connection, and conviction. And like any muscle, it gets stronger with intentional practice.

🎣 “They didn’t even cc me.” This was how Yumi, a senior marketing director, found out her billion-dollar product had been repositioned, without her input. The project she had been leading for 18 months was suddenly reporting into someone else. She didn’t mess up. She wasn’t underperforming. She just wasn’t "there". Not at the executive offsite. Not at the Friday “golf and growth” circle. Not at the CEO’s birthday dinner her male peer casually got invited to. She was busy being excellent. They were busy being bonded. 🍷 When she asked her boss about the change, he was surprised: “You’re usually aligned with the bigger picture, so we assumed it’d be fine.” In Workplace politic-ish: Yumi was predictable. Available. Yet not powerful enough to be consulted. 🔍 What actually happened here? Women are told to build relationships. Men build alliances. Women maintain connections. Men maintain relevance in power circles. It’s not about how many people like you. It’s about how many people speak your name when you’re not in the room. And in most companies, the real decisions - about budget, headcount, succession, are made off-the-clock and off-the-record. 📌 So, how do you stop getting edited out of influence? Try these: 1. 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗽.    Not the org chart. The whisper network / shadow organistion.    Who gets invited to early product reviews?    Who influences without title?    Start mapping that!     2. 𝗔𝘂𝗱𝗶𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗲-𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗽 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁.    If your name hasn’t been mentioned by 3 different people in senior leadership this month, you are invisible to power, even if you’re a top performer.     3. 𝗥𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴.    Skip the webinars and female empowerment panels.    Start showing up where strategy happens: QBRs, investor briefings, offsite planning, cross-functional war rooms.     4. 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗹.    Schedule recurring 1:1s with lateral stakeholders, not to “catch up,” but to co-build. Influence travels faster across than up.     5. 𝗕𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁𝘀.    If you vanished for 2 weeks and no one noticed, you’re not central enough to promote.     🧨 If any of this feels raw, it’s because it is. Brilliant women are being rewritten out of their own stories, not for lack of performance, but for lack of positioning. That’s why Uma, Grace and I created 👊 𝗙𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗢𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗿: 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗣𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀👊 A course for women who are done watching strategic mediocrity rise while they wait for recognition. It’s not about becoming someone else. It’s about learning the rules that were never designed for us, and playing like you intend to win. 🔗 Get it if you’re ready, link in comment. Or wait until they “assume you’d be aligned,” too.

Would you believe me if I told you that around half of the women in your team are reluctant to raise problems, concerned that this will impact their leader's perception of them? Our Three Barriers research found that women are very cautious about raising issues, negativity or even raising concerns due to the belief that this can cause repercussions for their career progression. In my line of work and research, I am very aware of the gendered expectations and behaviours that women will adopt within a workplace and how there is a narrow acceptable operating range of behaviours available to women. Too assertive and you're aggressive. Too warm and you're not decisive enough. Too confident and you're arrogant. But nearly half of women actually withholding issues in their role due to these fears, that's startling. What can organisations do? 🔶 You can create a a culture of psychological safety to enable employees to speak up. Leaders role modelling vulnerability themselves, and responding positively when others display vulnerability, helps to show that it is safe. 🔶 You can encourage allyship so that issues raised are supported by others. Equip employees at all levels to demonstrate allyship. 🔶 You can counteract gender biases by changing processes and systems. Audit your talent procesess, frameworks and cycles for biases and stereotypes and counteract them. This will also helo to nudge behavioural change at scale. #EDI #GenderEquity #ThreeBarriers

I was Wrong about Influence. Early in my career, I believed influence in a decision-making meeting was the direct outcome of a strong artifact presented and the ensuing discussion. However, with more leadership experience, I have come to realize that while these are important, there is something far more important at play. Influence, for a given decision, largely happens outside of and before decision-making meetings. Here's my 3 step approach you can follow to maximize your influence: (#3 is often missed yet most important) 1. Obsess over Knowing your Audience Why: Understanding your audience in-depth allows you to tailor your communication, approach and positioning. How: ↳ Research their backgrounds, how they think, what their goals are etc. ↳ Attend other meetings where they are present to learn about their priorities, how they think and what questions they ask. Take note of the topics that energize them or cause concern. ↳ Engage with others who frequently interact with them to gain additional insights. Ask about their preferences, hot buttons, and any subtle cues that could be useful in understanding their perspective. 2. Tailor your Communication Why: This ensures that your message is not just heard but also understood and valued. How: ↳ Seek inspiration from existing artifacts and pickup queues on terminologies, context and background on the give topic. ↳ Reflect on their goals and priorities, and integrate these elements into your communication. For instance, if they prioritize efficiency, highlight how your proposal enhances productivity. ↳Ask yourself "So what?" or "Why should they care" as a litmus test for relatability of your proposal. 3. Pre-socialize for support Why: It allows you to refine your approach, address potential objections, and build a coalition of support (ahead of and during the meeting). How: ↳ Schedule informal discussions or small group meetings with key stakeholders or their team members to discuss your idea(s). A casual coffee or a brief virtual call can be effective. Lead with curiosity vs. an intent to respond. ↳ Ask targeted questions to gather feedback and gauge reactions to your ideas. Examples: What are your initial thoughts on this draft proposal? What challenges do you foresee with this approach? How does this align with our current priorities? ↳ Acknowledge, incorporate and highlight the insights from these pre-meetings into the main meeting, treating them as an integral part of the decision-making process. What would you add? PS: BONUS - Following these steps also expands your understanding of the business and your internal network - both of which make you more effective. --- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

Have you ever found yourself saying Yes when you knew you should have said No? Was it a dear one you agree to? Was it a salesperson? A telesales girl? They all have one thing in common. Influence. Influence surrounds us every day, shaping our choices and guiding our actions. 📚 "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert Cialdini 📚 We all need Influence. Influence can help us make others say yes when they should. And more importantly, even when they should not. Salespeople have been using Influence tricks for centuries and they keep getting better. Reading this book might help you beat them at their own game. I read this book for you and here are three key principles and ten vital points that will change the way you approach persuasion. 1. Reciprocity. It is the persuasive impact of giving and receiving. Getting a small gift triggers a sense of obligation to reciprocate. 🎁 Ever received a free sample at a grocery store? That tiny gesture of offering a taste triggers the reciprocity principle. Before you know it, you find yourself considering buying the product, all because of that small act of generosity. 2. Social Proof We rely on the actions of others to make informed decisions and follow their lead in uncertain situations. 👍 Imagine browsing online for a new restaurant to try. You stumble upon a place with rave reviews and a bustling crowd. Your decision to book a table is strongly influenced by the social proof of others' positive experiences. 3. Authority The influence of authority figures and how we instinctively yield to the expertise and guidance of perceived experts. (One reason you are reading this review!) 👩⚕️ Picture yourself seeking medical advice. The authority of a renowned doctor will likely sway your judgment and make you more inclined to trust their diagnosis and recommended treatment plan. The book is a treasure trove of lessons. Here are ten essential ones: 1. "Click, Whirr" phenomenon and automatic responses 2. The scarcity principle and its impact on perceived value 3. Art of building rapport through liking and attractiveness 4. The psychology of commitment and consistency in driving action 5. Harnessing the Contrast Principle to enhance persuasion 6. The allure of authority symbols and their influence on behaviour 7. Embracing the Principle of Unity to strengthen connections 8. The persuasive Door-in-the-face technique and reciprocal concessions 9. Leveraging social proof in uncertain times 10. The intricacies of the Consistency Principle and its effects on behaviour. Read this book for its concepts, practical insights, and its stories. A classic. 💪Having read the book I will now be more cautious when getting a free gift, someone talking extra sweet, overly likeable people, and the likes. All are out to exercise their influence on me! Have you read this book? What do you most recall? === #influence #behavior | I share daily insights from #books, #work, and #career.

“Im expected to serve but they won't let me LEAD” I heard this quote over the weekend and it got me thinking. How many of you are good enough to execute the vision but you're blocked from creating your own. This isn't about people who shouldn't lead. We know that performance alone is not an indicator of good leadership. This is about high performers strategically kept in support roles. After coaching women to executive positions, I know patterns don't lie. 😅 Many of you have asked how to know when it's time to move on. “I like what I do, and the environment isn't toxic, but despite my efforts, I’m not growing.” Heavy sigh. Here are ten signs that you might be being pacified with “great jobs and way to go” instead of being promoted: • Ideas stolen then repackaged • Constantly shifting goalposts • "Your too valuable where you are" • Responsibility without authority • Leadership traits labeled as flaws • Always supporting, never leading • Feedback avoids advancement specifics • Your advocates mysteriously leave • Success metrics regularly redefined • Less qualified peers leap ahead You've proven your value repeatedly. The problem isn't your performance or whether you deserve to lead. It's whether they deserve to keep benefiting from your talent while limiting your growth.

The hard truth about ambition and reaching the pinnacle of your career? Access always matters more than equality. Every boardroom, term sheet, and partnership runs on a single invisible currency: influence. Algorithms may rank the noise, but it’s still human trust that seals or sinks the deal. Here's what still matters: → Who you know → How you make them feel → How much they trust you Learning to cultivate influence has protected my sanity—and my career—more than any pitch deck tweak ever could. I've lost count of the times bias tried to write my story for me—whether it was my gender, my faith, my skin color, or my socioeconomic background. Outrage felt righteous, but useless. So I started playing a longer game: → 𝗠𝗮𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗻. Before any meeting, I identify not just the decision-maker but the quiet consiglières who shape their view. → 𝗜𝗻𝘃𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱. Cultivating genuine curiosity in someone else is both fun and helps things like a warm intro land 5× better. → "𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝗿𝗺𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴" There's an Urdu phrase about this—the folks whose influence is vast because they know how to be in many rooms. Social capital compounds when you're the bridge across different networks. Doors that once felt like Mission Impossible now open with a single knock, letting people see me on my own terms; some call that contrived, but it’s simply strategic—by building the conditions I need, I sidestep conflict and show up as who I am, not who others assume I should be. Takeaway: Influence isn't a dirty word. Think of it as compound interest on credibility and authenticity.

New managers often expect authority to come with the title. But it rarely works that way. When you move from being an individual contributor to managing others, you quickly realize that formal authority is a limited source of power. In fact, the people who most shape your success, your boss, your peers, even external stakeholders, are usually the very ones you can’t “tell” what to do. This means that being an effective manager is about learning to build trust, credibility, and influence without authority. It is not about leaning on your title. When I advise new managers, I often refer to Linda Hill's research on new managers. To me, it highlights some important lessons: (1) Organizations are inherently political. Politics isn’t necessarily bad. It reflects real differences in priorities, pressures, and perspectives. Your job is to manage those tensions productively, not wish them away. (2) Power comes from more than your role. Yes, authority matters. But credibility, expertise, effort, relationships, and visibility often matter more. (3) Credibility is the glue. People ask: Do you want to do the right thing? Do you know what the right thing is? Can you get it done? Until the answer is “yes,” influence will be elusive. (4) Map your interdependencies. Ask yourself: Whose cooperation do I need? Whose opposition could derail me? Who depends on me? Then invest in those relationships. (5) Step into others’ shoes. Understanding their goals, pressures, and incentives is the foundation of trust and influence. In practice: If you’re a new manager, focus less on asserting authority and more on cultivating credibility and networks of mutual expectation. Your real power lies in navigating interdependencies with empathy, clarity, and consistency. That’s how you move from “manager by title” to leader by influence. You can take this a step further. What I’ve seen in my own work is that the most effective managers go beyond managing politics and relationships: they use them as opportunities to create value. Instead of seeing influence as a way to “get what you need,” they frame it as a way to generate shared wins. This shift from a self-protective stance to a generative one builds stronger trust and accelerates innovation and collaboration across the organization. #collaboration #influence #manager #managing #leading #value #learning #leadership #coaching #advising #innovation

It’s one of my missions to contribute to creating more inclusive workplaces around the world. Workplaces that have more women in leadership roles, that value their unique strengths and contributions, that support them to succeed, and that pay them equally. With less than a third of UN nations having ever had a woman as leader, and full gender equality estimated to be over 300 years away, it’s clear that we have a lot of work to do - but together, I know we can create huge ripples of change that support women to rise. One of the first steps? Dismantling the paradoxes of power that hold women back, and that feature in the majority of workplaces. There are 6 paradoxes of power that impact how women work, lead and live, and that I’ve written about and explored in my book Women Rising: The forces that hold us back, the tools to help us rise. 1. ‘Be a leader, but not like that’ - The Leadership Paradox, that insists that women lead like men, and not as their authentic selves. 2. ‘Be a great mother, but work like you don’t have children’ - The Motherhood Paradox, that leads to women being harshly judged, in ways that men aren’t, when their parenting responsibilities become visible in the workplace. 3. ‘Be empowered, but in a system that disempowers you’ - The Empowerment Paradox, where women are expected to be empowered in the very systems where biases and processes set them up for failure. 4. ‘Be successful, but in a sea of expectations’ - The Success Paradox, that highlights the challenges that women face when they strive to create a definition of success that’s in conflict with societal expectations and gender norms. 5. ‘Be more confident, but don't be assertive or aggressive’ - The Confidence Paradox, that often holds women back from asserting themselves and using their voice, and that limits their leadership opportunities. And lastly 6. ‘Be visible, but don’t promote yourself’ - The Visibility Paradox, which asks that women walk the impossible tightrope between self-promotion and humility, and prevents them from being recognised for their achievements. If you’ve ever been told to be ‘less emotional’, been spoken over in a meeting, had your ideas and inputs discredited, or had someone suggest that you wouldn’t be interested in a promotion because you have kids at home - you’ve been a victim of one of the paradoxes of power. In fact, I’m yet to meet a working woman who hasn’t been impacted by, or witnessed, the paradoxes of power at play. Over the coming weeks I’ll be unpacking each paradoxes of power in depth, so you can assess How you’ve been personally and professionally impacted by them What you/your workplace can do to dismantle them and find solutions to create an inclusive path forward. You can learn more about my book Women Rising: The forces that hold us back and the tools to help us rise, where I explore the paradoxes of power in depth, at womenrisingbook.com #womenrisingbook