Emotional Regulation At Work

👗"Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?" The question caught me off guard. It was eight years ago. I was in the office preparing for the upcoming QBR, when my phone rang. It was our division VP. “Can you be in a client meeting this afternoon?” he asked. One of the world’s largest automotive OEMs. High stakes. 200 people are working around the clock to close the deal. I had 6 hours to prepare. My heart raced. This was the kind of meeting that could change many things! Of course, I said yes. Then came the pause. And that question: “What are you wearing right now?” "Is there a dress code?" I laughed. "Kind of..." He continued, a bit apologetically yet firmly: “I need to tell you that the president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Suddenly, my job wasn’t just to represent the business. It was to calculate risk. To protect myself in the room. In those five hours, I still worked on my talking points. But I also asked a junior male colleague to join me, as a buffer and braced myself for inappropriate comments. The meeting went well. I delivered. There were no inappropriate comments But that experience never left me. ... If you're a woman in leadership, you need to prepare for two battles: The work, and the room. And if you're a male leader, your silence is complicity. Here’s what I now teach women privately, and what I wish someone told me earlier: 1. 🛡️ Bring your buffer.    Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.     2. 🚫 Pre-empt boundary crossing.    If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter.     3. 📍Control the setting when you can.    Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity.     4. 📝 Write it down.    Any inappropriate comment, no matter how subtle, goes in your private log: date, time, what happened, and who else was there. Not because you’re planning to report it. But because memory fades, and patterns matter.     5. ⚖️ Stop normalizing it.    You’re not “too sensitive.”    You’re not imagining it.    You’re managing two jobs: your work, and your safety.    And the latter is unpaid labor.     If you're still wondering whether gender equity has arrived, ask yourself who’s planning their safety before they speak. And who just gets to speak. 👊 Until the answer is “everyone,” we’re not done.

"Black women aren't just doing their jobs. They're performing an exhausting one-woman show where the script changes daily." Let me break down what Black women navigate in professional spaces: We don't just choose our words. We filter them through a racial-gender matrix. We don't just speak. We modulate our tone to avoid the "angry" label. We don't just gesture. We control our hand movements to appear "non-threatening." We don't just dress. We calculate every outfit to seem "professional enough." We don't just style our hair. We make political decisions with each hairstyle. This isn't paranoia—it's strategic survival: When we speak directly, we're "aggressive" When we show emotion, we're "unprofessional" When we assert boundaries, we're "difficult" When we seek recognition, we're "entitled" When we express frustration, we're "hostile" The mental load is crushing: • Constantly scanning environments for potential hostility • Preparing responses to microaggressions before they happen • Developing thick skin while remaining "approachable" • Achieving twice as much while appearing humble • Advocating for ourselves without triggering stereotypes Research shows this hypervigilance takes a measurable toll: Black women experience higher rates of stress-related health conditions Black women report the highest levels of "bringing their full selves" to work Black women face the most severe career penalties for authentic self-expression Black women spend more mental energy on workplace navigation than any other group For those working alongside Black women, here are research-backed ways to help: 1. Amplify Black women's ideas and give proper credit 2. Interrupt when you witness tone-policing or stereotyping 3. Question double standards in evaluation and feedback 4. Create space for authentic expression without penalties 5. Recognise the invisible labour Black women perform daily 📢 When they expect us to carry the world, we choose rest 📢 The Black Woman's Rest Revolution offers: ✨ Black women therapists who understand workplace navigation ✨ Bi-weekly healing circles for processing code-switching fatigue ✨ Expert guidance through professional double standards ✨ Global sisterhood that honors our authentic selves Limited spots available Join our revolution: [Link in comments] ⚠️ Check your spam folder for confirmation Because we deserve workplaces where our expertise matters more than our tone. Because our brilliance shouldn't require constant repackaging. Because our professional value shouldn't depend on our likability. #BlackWomenAtWork #WorkplaceNavigation #ProfessionalAuthenticity #RestIsRevolution P.S. I help Black women heal from workplace abuse & racial trauma through revolutionary rest. 📸 Collaboration between Sarah_akinterwa & leaningorg on IG

"I initially felt silly calling it 'heartbreak,' but I needed to name it and not be ashamed by how gut-wrenching it felt." These words from a reader stopped me in my tracks. When I wrote about professional heartbreak in my newsletter, I never expected the flood of raw, vulnerable stories that poured into my inbox from women of color across industries. The message was clear: When your mentor betrays you, when someone takes credit for your work, when you're pushed out of a role that defined your identity—it's more than disappointment. It's heartbreak. In my latest article, I share: -Why professional heartbreak hits differently for those who've worked twice as hard to get half as far -The aftermath: "I doubt they will ever get the same 'me' again" -A practical 7-step framework for healing that includes finding your "healing trinity" The pain is real, but so is the wisdom that can emerge from it. Read the full piece to discover how to transform professional heartbreak into clarity and power. Link in below. Have you experienced this? What helped you move forward?

Why don't we talk about the fact that burnout is different for women? It has taken me nearly three decades to recognized burnout in myself, and to make the space and time to treat it with the care that it demands. This #HelloMondayPodcast conversation with Emily Nagoski & Amelia Nagoski pushed me to rethink what it actually is, and gave me better, more practical tools for managing it. Listen now: https://lnkd.in/gePD_xDw To me, understanding how gender impacts our experience of burnout was the great unlock. It won't surprise you to learn that women often face unique challenges that contribute to burnout. We're expected to juggle multiple roles: we are caregivers, professionals, and we're really trying hart to manage our social relationships. The gap between societal expectations and the reality of being a woman is a primary cause of burnout. We exhaust themselves trying to close this gap. So what does burnout look like? Physically, burnout in women can present as chronic fatigue, headaches, and gastrointestinal issues. Emotionally, it can lead to anxiety, depression, and a sense of hopelessness. Women might also experience burnout through behaviors like overworking, substance use, or withdrawing from social connections In this episode, Emily and Amelia provide practical strategies for building resilience, creating support systems, managing stress, setting boundaries, and prioritizing self-care. And critically, they remind us that what we are feeling makes sense. We are not alone. We can do something about it. #Burnout #MentalHealth #WomenInLeadership #SelfCare #Resilience

Success can be isolating - but what if the cure for loneliness lies not in being less ambitious, dimming your light, or settling below your potential, but in connecting with others just as driven as you? We continue from our post yesterday, addressing women in leadership who identify as successful, yet feeling lonely or alone in their leadership journey. Now, for many women leaders, the pressures of leadership can create barriers to meaningful connections. However, research shows that support networks both within and outside of work are powerful antidotes to this isolation. Building these intentional connections provides the emotional support, authentic relationships, shared experiences, and practical support that help women leaders not just survive, but truly thrive. Fostering these networks can be a game-changer for you as a woman in leadership. Research from Harvard Business Review reveals that women in senior leadership roles often find it difficult to form genuine peer networks within their organizations. Thus, it becomes harder to find the emotional safety needed to discuss the unique pressures you face. Intentional networking with other women in leadership, both inside and outside of the organization, is crucial. These networks don’t just provide career advancement opportunities, but they create a space for shared experiences, where women can openly discuss challenges, strategies, and successes without fear of judgment. This area is personal to me because it was part of my experience as a senior leader. I had a couple of false starts as I began looking for help. The initial people I reached out to and ask for support were not able to grasp what it was that I was looking for. That was really disappointing. However, the need was still there. I continued to search and explore possible spaces I could fit in as well as peers who could relate with what I was going through. Step by step out of my comfort zone led me to a thriving support community that continues to this day. Research from HBR shows that leaders who have strong support networks experience higher resilience, better decision-making, and increased job satisfaction, all of which enhance both personal well-being and professional performance. Building a support network isn’t just a way to cope with loneliness. It is a pathway to more fulfilling and impactful leadership. When women leaders invest in authentic connections with friends, peers, mentors, and coaches, they open doors to shared wisdom, mutual encouragement, and new perspectives that empower them to lead with confidence. A supportive network essential for women leaders who want to thrive, inspire others, and create lasting change. Do you have a support network in place? Or, are you searching for one? #leadership #africa #leadershipdevelopment #professionalwomen #personaldevelopment

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

Many midlife women in leadership are carrying an invisible load. They’re dealing with chronic stress, often quietly.  Still leading. Still showing up. Still smiling (even if it’s through gritted teeth some days) But at a huge personal cost. They’re working while unwell at times, supporting others but doubting their own leadership abilities. Some are trying to care for their team while barely holding it together themselves. Experienced leaders questioning their ability to lead, wondering whether the system still values what they bring. It’s not that they’re not capable. It’s that the system has changed, and the emotional load of midlife they are carrying hasn’t been acknowledged or supported, never mind understood by anyone. Burnout doesn’t always mean breakdown.  Sometimes, it’s just numbness. Resignation. Dread. It’s time to stop accepting that as normal. Leadership isn’t just about showing up. It’s about pretending to hold it all together, even when you’re not okay. Do you keep pushing through a system that feels misaligned? Or do you walk away with your head held high and the wisdom you’ve gathered along the way? Can organisations afford to lose that wealth of knowledge and experience when they’re already struggling to keep up with service demands? You don’t have to stay just because you always have and you don’t have to leave without a plan. What matters is that the decision is intentional and comes from clarity, not exhaustion. Whether you want to lead better or leave well, I help midlife women leaders like you, gain the insight and support they need to move forward with confidence.  When are you waiting for ?

How do you manage the tension from operating in spaces that weren’t designed for you? If you're from an underestimated group, you know what I'm talking about. There's a cost to our mental, physical an emotional energy, from trying to change entrenched systems. Moms still remain underrepresented in leadership. And for women of color, the stats are downright bleak. So, the normal friction that comes with growth, can feel more intense. Especially working in traditional industries. But there are ways to make disruptive leadership more sustainable and joyful. And I had the pleasure of speaking with sustainable food pioneer, Julia Collins about this. Here are the key points from our conversation: 1. Resist narratives that don't belong to you. Many of us, especially in communities of color, inherit generational trauma that links our worth to overwork. But we can tell ourselves a new story. Julia said, “So, the greater part of me understands that joy, beauty, and pleasure are what’s sustainable. And that stress, strain, and toiling, are absolutely not. You will literally burn yourself down like a candle. But nonetheless, there are moments when work gets hard or my travel schedule is punishing that I say to myself, ‘have you done enough?’ Recognizing that’s coming up for me and it’s something that doesn’t belong to me, has been really helpful." 2. Build restoration into your daily routines. Honor your intentions on the calendar. Julia doesn't take meetings after 4:00 pm so, she can wrap up her commitments and shift into "Mom mode" before her kids come home. Although it means she has to catch up on some work after they're asleep, she prioritizes time for play and connection each day. Carve space for your relationships and health routines with nonnegotiable calendar blocks. 3. And champion sustainable work practices in your organization and communities. By modeling firm boundaries, you free your colleagues and teams to better integrate their work/life needs. Julia said, “...For those of us that are doing a really good job on self-care, remember that others may not be. And we have this power to extend some of that joy, happiness and wellness to others. Like the people who support us in our homes, neighbors, immediate family, and our employees." #leadershipskills #workingmothers #workingparents #sustainablebusiness #diversityequityinclusion

In my mission to empower #1MillionWomenBy2030 to sit at the table of their dreams, I hear stories of Black and Brown women facing toxic behaviors in the workplace far too often. One of my coaching clients recently stood up to a toxic, sexist sales leader, and in a heated moment, let her emotions get the best of her—putting her career and reputation at risk. We’ve all been there—facing prejudice, bias, and bullying. It’s frustrating, it’s exhausting, and it feels personal. But as women striving to break barriers and rise into leadership, how we handle these situations matters. And we CAN do it in ways that protect our careers and our dignity. Kamala Harris has shown us how to master this in public debates, but her approach offers valuable lessons for the workplace and boardroom, too. ➡️ Here are 5 powerful takeaways from Kamala’s approach that can help us navigate these challenges: 1️⃣ Stay Composed, Stay Powerful: When Kamala faces opposition, she doesn’t lose her cool. She remains calm, collected, and controlled—and that’s exactly how we own the room. When emotions take over, we give away our power. Hold onto yours by staying composed. 2️⃣ Shift the Story: Don’t let a toxic person define the moment. Reframe it by focusing on YOUR value and strength. You are more than their bias, their assumptions, or their behavior. You belong at the table—and you define your story. 3️⃣ Deflect With Grace: Kamala uses humor and calm deflection to shift the narrative. When faced with offensive comments, sometimes a smile or well-placed question is enough to disarm them. You don’t need to feed their fire—show them it’s not even worth your energy. 4️⃣ Address the Behavior with Precision: Call out toxic behavior, but do it wisely. Focus on the issue, not the person. This keeps the conversation professional and shifts the power in your favor. Strategic words can cut deeper than emotional outbursts. 5️⃣ Lead with Solutions: Kamala doesn’t just counter chaos—she presents herself as the alternative. In the workplace, we can lead by showing that WE are the solution, that professionalism and inclusivity drive results. This elevates us beyond the fray. To the women out there facing these battles every day: You are strong, you are capable, and you belong at the table. Don’t let anyone push you off your path. How we navigate these challenges isn’t just about today—it’s about the legacy we build for future generations of women leaders. What strategies have helped you rise above toxic workplace environments? Share your insights and let’s empower each other to keep breaking barriers. #WomenInLeadership #ExecutivePresence #CareerGrowth #LeadershipDevelopment #Sales