How to Handle Conflicts While Maintaining Relationships

How I Keep Disagreements Productive as a Program Manager at Amazon Disagreements are part of the job. Different teams…different incentives…different perspectives. But disagreements don’t have to derail progress. Here’s how I keep them productive…not personal: 1/ I start by clarifying the shared goal ↳ “We’re both trying to deliver a great customer experience” ↳ Alignment on why helps reduce tension around how ↳ It shifts the tone from debate to collaboration 2/ I seek to understand before being understood ↳ I ask questions before I push opinions ↳ “Can you walk me through your reasoning?” ↳ People are more open when they feel heard 3/ I keep the focus on the idea…not the person ↳ “This plan has some risk” lands better than “You’re missing something” ↳ It’s about improving the work…not winning the argument ↳ Language matters 4/ I bring data and tradeoffs…not just strong opinions ↳ “Here’s the impact of that path vs this one” ↳ I try to frame it as a decision…not a disagreement ↳ Clarity reduces conflict 5/ I pause when things get tense ↳ If emotions rise, I suggest a break or follow-up ↳ Pressure can cloud good judgment ↳ I’d rather pause than push forward with the wrong energy Disagreements don’t slow me down… Unmanaged tension does. The key is staying grounded in the outcome…not the ego. How do you handle tough conversations without damaging relationships?

A few years ago I was asked by a customer to add something to my training seminar. They wanted me to educate their team on how to have difficult conversations, such as product recalls, delayed shipments etc. Ever since then, it has become a topic I cover often, and I think it's because there is a tendency to want to AVOID difficult conversations so it can be a big gap in a sales rep's skill set. Often what I see is that the sales rep will ask the manager to come in and be the bearer of the bad news, so it doesn't damage their relationship with the customer. The truth is, this doesn't work as well as they think it does. Why? Because whoever is closest to the customer is who they like best. Plus, by the time you schedule a meeting with the manager, time has passed and that's always problematic to let too much time pass. I did a bunch of research and talked to many customers and sales reps about this, and came up with a list of top recommendations for difficult conversations: 👉 Don’t Procrastinate – The Sooner the Better 👉DISARM THEM with something like: 👉 Let’s figure this out (together) 👉 Here are a few options for us 👉 I want to provide some context (use this only with your coach to help them understand what happened, not to place blame, and then NEVER blame the customer in a public setting) 👉 Bring facts, not blame, not emotion   👉 Don’t over-apologize. Do it once, in a genuine way, and be done 👉 Ask Questions- Allow Discussion 👉 Never interrupt If you can follow these recommendations, your difficult conversations will go much better, especially if they're delivered by YOU, the local sales rep. What are your tips on having difficult conversations? #sales #salestraining #marketing

WHEN TEMPERS FLARE, YOU'RE LOCKED IN A STALEMATE, OR A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR DEAL IS ON THE LINE, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO TURNING IT AROUND. The right communication framework fosters understanding, strengthens relationships, and drives powerful results within your team. Both personally and professionally, effective communication is key to successful teamwork, conflict resolution, and collaboration. From construction to finance, from fashion to family offices, my high performance clients master the skills to navigate the toughest conversations and transform them into their biggest breakthroughs. And here’s how you can do it too: 1. FRAME THE POSITIVE INTENTION: Start with shared goals. Establish a shared purpose to align your conversation positively and maintain the focus on optimal outcomes. ➡️”We both want [a positive, uplifting relationship].” “This is about us being [happier, more productive].” A positive start encourages cooperation and a safe space for communication. 2. DESCRIBE THE OBSERVABLE: Present facts without emotional interpretation. Focus on specific events or behaviors rather than feelings. ➡️ “When [specific event] happened, I saw [specific observation].” Stick to observable facts and avoid personal interpretations to keep the conversation neutral. 3. SHARE THE FEELING: Express your emotions without blame. Own your feelings without blaming others, and invite the other person to share theirs. ➡️“We both feel [emotion].” “I feel [emotion] about [situation].” Take ownership of your feelings. Express them without pointing fingers and encourage others to do the same. 4. REQUEST THEIR PERSPECTIVE: Invite input and collaboration. Ask for the other person’s perspective to gain insight into their viewpoint. ➡️“How did you see that?” “What did you observe?” Listen actively and be open to hearing the other person’s thoughts, fostering mutual understanding. 5. MAKE THE ASK WITH BENEFIT EXTENSIONS Propose mutually beneficial solutions: Offer choices that meet both parties' needs. ➡️ “If [action] occurs, we would feel [emotion] and [emotion].” “Here are two options that work for me…” Present two acceptable options to empower the other person to contribute to the solution. 6. WORK TOGETHER TO BUILD A CONSENSUS Collaborate on finding the best solution: Work together to determine the best course of action and express appreciation when a decision is made. ➡️ “I appreciate the thought you’ve put into this. I’m glad we agreed on [decision].” By applying my effective communication framework, you foster open, respectful communication that builds trust, enhances collaboration, and contributes to team success. And the great news is that you can use this both personally and professionally! I’m curious… ~When was a time that you needed this framework in your life? #future #communication #success

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

Let me share a story from early in my career, which I often reflect on when facing disagreements at work. It was during a team meeting at my first serious job, and I found myself in disagreement with a proposal put forward by a senior leader. The stakes felt high, and the room was tense. Here’s how I navigated the situation: 1. Seeking Clarification: Instead of jumping in with a “that won’t work,” I paused and said, “I see the direction we’re heading, but could you help me understand how we arrived at this approach?” This opened up the floor for the manager to explain their reasoning, and it gave me valuable insights into their thought process. Sometimes, understanding the ‘why’ can change your ‘no’ to a ‘maybe’ or even a ‘yes.’ 2. Expressing Experience: Once I had a clearer picture, I shared my perspective—not as a direct opposition but as an insight. “From what I’ve seen in previous projects, we might encounter some challenges with this strategy. For instance, last year we tried something similar, and we had to pivot because…” Sharing from my experience, rather than imposing my views, made the conversation more about learning from the past rather than confronting the present. 3. Finding Common Ground: Before diving into my reservations, I acknowledged the merits of the proposal. “I agree that targeting this demographic is a smart move, and I see how this strategy aligns with our goals. However, I’m concerned about the scalability based on last year’s metrics.” This not only showed my support for parts of the plan but also softened the introduction to my concerns, facilitating a more receptive discussion. Why This Matters: That day, I learned that disagreeing doesn’t have to be about conflict. It’s about fostering richer discussions that can lead to better decisions. By seeking to understand before being understood, sharing experiences, and finding common ground, we turn potential conflicts into opportunities for growth. It positions us as thoughtful contributors, valued for helping navigate complex decisions. 🔥 Pro Tip: Keep your tone positive and aim to build, not break. It’s about progressing together towards the best outcomes for everyone involved. 👥 Over to You: Have you found certain approaches more effective? #LeadershipSkills #ProfessionalGrowth #WorkplaceCommunication #Teamwork