How to Handle Conflict While Maintaining Rapport

A client came to me this morning (not happy) and said that their MSP gave them a document to sign stating that the MSP is absolving themselves of all risk because she wouldn't approve the security operations solution they pitched... If your idea of “risk management” is having your client sign a document that says “you tried to sell them a tool or service, and they said no” … ->you're not managing risk. You’re managing your liability. And it shows. This is one of the fastest ways to create distrust, kill rapport, and get fired. It instantly turns the relationship adversarial. You’re no longer a partner or trusted advisor, and they see you as someone shifting blame just in case something goes wrong. That’s not leadership. That’s fear. Let me ask you something, How do you think it makes your client feel when you hand them a paper to sign that says, 'This one’s on you'?” You don’t need a signature to prove they own the risk. They already do. What they need is clarity, collaboration, and leadership. Here’s a better way: -Put the risk on a shared Risk Register. -Document the conversation in context, not as a threat, but as a roadmap. -Identify compensating controls you can implement. -Make the risk visible to decision-makers...NOT to blame, but to educate. -Revisit it periodically. Shrink it over time. That’s how you build trust. That’s how you protect the relationship. And that’s how you lead clients through risk & not around it. If you frame risk as a “you didn’t buy the thing, so you’re at fault” moment, you’re losing the negotiation before it even starts. But if you treat it like a shared challenge that you’ll solve together, you build a long-term partnership. One built on truth, not transactions. Stop asking for signatures. Start showing leadership. Your clients won’t forget it...and neither will your churn rate. #msp #ciso #riskmanagement #business

The Meaning of Communication Is the Response You Get In my previous post, I talked about resilience and adaptability. Today, I want to explore how Customer Experience (CX) and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) work together to create impactful and lasting customer interactions. As both a CX professional and NLP Master Practitioner, I’ve learned that it’s not just about metrics like NPS or CSAT; it’s about understanding the deeper reasons behind how customers speak and act, especially when they are upset or angry. This is where one key NLP presupposition comes into play: “The meaning of communication is the response you get.” In CX, it’s crucial to realize that no matter how well-intended our communication is, the true measure of success lies in the customer's response. Their reaction—whether positive or negative—determines whether we’ve succeeded in delivering a positive experience. Here’s how applying NLP principles can elevate CX, particularly when it comes to building rapport with angry customers: Active Listening: When a customer is upset, they often want to feel heard and validated. By actively listening—not just to their words but to their tone and emotions—we can better understand their frustrations. This approach shows that we genuinely care about their concerns, which can help defuse anger and create a sense of connection. Empathy and Validation: Acknowledging a customer's feelings is crucial. Phrases like, “I understand why you’re upset” or “That sounds really frustrating” can go a long way. This validation reassures them that their emotions are recognized and that we are on their side, working towards a resolution. Mirroring and Matching: Subtly mirroring the customer’s tone and body language can create a sense of rapport. If a customer is speaking passionately or with frustration, matching that energy (while maintaining professionalism) can help them feel understood. This technique can ease tension and create a more conducive environment. Offering Solutions: Once rapport is established, it is important to focus on solutions to ease the customer’s frustration. “Here is what I can do to fix this” helps shift the conversion from frustration to reassurance. Follow-Up: After resolving the issue, following up with the customer demonstrates that we value their relationship. A simple message to check in shows commitment to their satisfaction and can turn a negative experience into a positive one, strengthening loyalty. Blending CX frameworks with NLP insights doesn’t just improve customer interactions; it also enhances internal communication, leadership, and collaboration, nurturing a truly customer-centric culture. How are you applying human psychology in your customer strategies? Have you had moments where truly understanding a customer’s emotions made all the difference? I’d love to hear your thoughts! #customerexperience #strategicgrowth

Years ago, a former colleague of mine was drafting an email to a difficult client. As a joke, he addressed it, "To the Constant Pain in My Ass" … then accidentally hit send. After waiting for a reply that understandably never came, someone had to call the client and address it directly. And guess who that someone was? 🙋🏻 Since I was in leadership, I was responsible for the mistake. Surprisingly, it wasn’t too bad. I introduced myself, acknowledged what had happened, and said plainly: "There's no justification for this. It was unprofessional, and I take full responsibility. All I can do is apologize, guarantee it won’t happen again, and let you know this is already being addressed internally." Our client was calm, maybe even a little in shock. But by handling it head on - without deflecting, downplaying, or making excuses - I was able to smooth things over and keep the relationship intact. Conflict happens. Clients get frustrated. People make mistakes (though I can’t speak highly enough of proofreading! 😒). How you own a challenging moment often determines whether you recover or burn the bridge. 1. Acknowledge it fast - don’t let it fester. 2. Take full responsibility - no excuses. 3. Apologize and, to the extent possible, overcorrect. And just to reiterate, acknowledge it. We could have hoped that email went unread, to spam, etc. We could have waited to see if our client brought it up, and crossed our fingers that he didn’t. But usually, problems just don’t go away - you have to get ahead of them. Even if it’s awkward. If we didn't lose this client, suffice it to say, people are willing to forgive a lot. They just won't forgive lack of ownership and accountability.

WHEN TEMPERS FLARE, YOU'RE LOCKED IN A STALEMATE, OR A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR DEAL IS ON THE LINE, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO TURNING IT AROUND. The right communication framework fosters understanding, strengthens relationships, and drives powerful results within your team. Both personally and professionally, effective communication is key to successful teamwork, conflict resolution, and collaboration. From construction to finance, from fashion to family offices, my high performance clients master the skills to navigate the toughest conversations and transform them into their biggest breakthroughs. And here’s how you can do it too: 1. FRAME THE POSITIVE INTENTION: Start with shared goals. Establish a shared purpose to align your conversation positively and maintain the focus on optimal outcomes. ➡️”We both want [a positive, uplifting relationship].” “This is about us being [happier, more productive].” A positive start encourages cooperation and a safe space for communication. 2. DESCRIBE THE OBSERVABLE: Present facts without emotional interpretation. Focus on specific events or behaviors rather than feelings. ➡️ “When [specific event] happened, I saw [specific observation].” Stick to observable facts and avoid personal interpretations to keep the conversation neutral. 3. SHARE THE FEELING: Express your emotions without blame. Own your feelings without blaming others, and invite the other person to share theirs. ➡️“We both feel [emotion].” “I feel [emotion] about [situation].” Take ownership of your feelings. Express them without pointing fingers and encourage others to do the same. 4. REQUEST THEIR PERSPECTIVE: Invite input and collaboration. Ask for the other person’s perspective to gain insight into their viewpoint. ➡️“How did you see that?” “What did you observe?” Listen actively and be open to hearing the other person’s thoughts, fostering mutual understanding. 5. MAKE THE ASK WITH BENEFIT EXTENSIONS Propose mutually beneficial solutions: Offer choices that meet both parties' needs. ➡️ “If [action] occurs, we would feel [emotion] and [emotion].” “Here are two options that work for me…” Present two acceptable options to empower the other person to contribute to the solution. 6. WORK TOGETHER TO BUILD A CONSENSUS Collaborate on finding the best solution: Work together to determine the best course of action and express appreciation when a decision is made. ➡️ “I appreciate the thought you’ve put into this. I’m glad we agreed on [decision].” By applying my effective communication framework, you foster open, respectful communication that builds trust, enhances collaboration, and contributes to team success. And the great news is that you can use this both personally and professionally! I’m curious… ~When was a time that you needed this framework in your life? #future #communication #success

Yesterday I was on a call and a dispute over a SOC 2 audit finding got borderline unprofessional. The crux of the issue wasn't the audit finding itself (both parties actually agreed with the basic facts), but rather how the conversation went down. And after 2000+ engagements here are a few tools to handle conflicts like these. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 Consultant: Explains audit finding. Client: I agree, but it is so low risk we should just call it an opportunity for improvement (OFI) and not include it in the formal report. Consultant: I agree it's low risk, but it is an exception from the control, so I have to include it in the report. Client: Further defends why it's low risk. Consultant: Goes on to explain 5 ways client could have avoided the issue. Client (Voice Raised): Are you willing to fight me on this? Consultant (Intensity matched): Yes. 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗜𝗧 𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗕𝗔𝗗 1. Because a challenge was issued (and accepted) it didn't leave either party much room to save face. That never turns out well. 2. In fairness to the auditor, this was a pretty cut and dry finding. In fairness to the client, it was not socialized in advance and caught a lot of people off guard. 3. This was a routine meeting for the auditor, but the client felt like it was career ending. 𝗖𝗢𝗔𝗖𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 It is worth saying that this conversation was between two decent and competent people who would otherwise get along great. Yet, this is a situation that happens all the time with security, audit, and GRC pros. There's just a lot of conflict to navigate in this career and we have to learn to do it. So, here are a few tools I've seen work to find resolution and avoid escalating: 𝟭. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻'𝘀 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 - Do both parties agree on the facts? - Do both parties understand the options (eg. Change control language, add a management response)? - Are there hidden factors (eg someone's job or reputation on the line)? Seek first to understand. Always. 𝟮. 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱 Sometimes a trusted third party will see things more clearly, or at least have a voice both parties respect. Try saying something like: "I can see this is important to both of us, let's pull in Christian and see if he can add some perspective that helps. Is that ok with you?" 𝟯. 𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘁 Create some space to cool off. Try saying: "This is too important for me to answer on the fly. I really need some time to think on this one. Would it be okay if I sleep on it and give you a detailed response tomorrow?" 𝟰. 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 If someone starts to get emotional or lobs a verbal punch your way - just remind yourself there's probably something going on in their life you don't see. A bad day. A personal issue. Who knows. I often use that as a mental trick to summon a little more patience. --- Good luck out there!