How to Build Relationships Before Requesting Assistance

The top question I get from students and those looking to make career changes is, “How do I reach out to people and not make it transactional?” I’ve been on both sides of this question and narrowed down my advice to this acronym: CLAWS C = Common. Common background, common interests, common people. The first thing that is incredibly helpful to do as a thoughtful networker is to find common ground. You could both be alums of a CS program, have a mutual connection that you know and can speak to, maybe you interned at a company they worked for, or maybe they made a career transition you are currently interested in pursuing. Start with common ground. L = Listen. There’s a reason why this step isn’t to ask for a referral or ask how to get a job at that person’s company. Your goal is to show that you’re being thoughtful with their time. Do your research on them, on specific gaps you may have in your background that they have as strengths, and most importantly, seek advice from them on what they would do if they were you. What was most helpful for them as they went through something similar? Underrated skills in their role? Advice to another version of them who could go through it again? It’s about them, not you. A = Ask. But not quite referral time yet. Ask for a specific piece of feedback: “thank you so much again for taking the time to speak with me. I’ve spent a lot of time crafting my resume with XYZ skills in mind from our conversation. I know you’re incredibly busy, but would you be open to taking a look at it with a XYZ role in mind?” W = Wait. Your goal is to build relationships, and not make it feel transactional, right? So after your first meeting or first message exchange, give it some time. Act on the advice you were given. Take your resume for another spin. Talk to more people. Then, check back in for the final step. S = Show, Share, Specify. Show them that you’ve done all this work and really used their feedback and enough to time has passed for you to share what you’ve learned both about roles you’re interested in or skills you are excited to build based on the conversations you’ve had. From there, be specific about what you would like their help with and why. If it’s a role at their company, specifically link to it and ask if they’d be open to referring you or to connecting you with someone on the team to talk more about it. This is just a framework that I have found helpful both as someone who gets requests from people looking for support, and as someone who benefitted greatly from the time, patience, and thoughtfulness of individuals that answered my career questions.

In my early career, I thought networking was all about building as many connections as possible. But I quickly learned that effective networking isn't about the quantity of your connections—it's about the quality. Throughout my career, the connections that have truly made a difference weren’t the ones where I just asked for help—they were the ones where I made it easy for others to want to help me. If you want to make others genuinely want to help you, it’s crucial to move beyond simply asking for favors. Instead, focus on creating value and building relationships where both parties benefit. So, how can you do the same? Here are four tactical tips to help you network effectively: ✅ Do Your Homework Before reaching out, research the person or company you’re interested in. Understand their work, challenges, and how you can add value. For instance, instead of asking a connection for job leads, do your own research first. Identify specific roles and companies you’re targeting, and then ask if they can help with an introduction. This approach shows initiative and respect for their time. ✅ Be Specific in Your Ask Whether you’re asking for an introduction, advice, or a referral, be clear and concise about what you need. For example, instead of asking, “Do you know anyone hiring?” say, “I noticed [Company Name] is looking for a [Role]. Would you be open to introducing me to [Person]? I’m happy to send you my resume and a brief write-up you can pass along, too.” This shows that you’ve taken the initiative and makes it easier for your contact to say yes. ✅ Offer Mutual Value When requesting a meeting or advice, frame it as a two-way conversation. Instead of saying, “Can I pick your brain?” try something like, “I’d love to exchange ideas on [specific topic] and share some strategies that have worked for me.” This not only makes your request more compelling but also positions you as someone who brings value to the table. ✅ Follow Up with Gratitude After someone has helped you, don’t just say thank you and disappear. Keep them in the loop on how their help made an impact. Whether you got the job, secured the meeting, or just had a great conversation, let them know. This closes the loop and makes them more inclined to help you in the future. Your network is one of your greatest assets—nurture it well, and it will be there for you when you need it most. What’s one networking tip that’s helped you build stronger connections? *** 📧 Want more tips like these? Join Career Bites - free weekly bite-sized tips to supercharge your career in 3 minutes or less: lorraineklee.com/subscribe 📖 You can also get behind-the-scenes stories, updates, and special gifts for my upcoming book Unforgettable Presence: lorraineklee.com/book

Don't ask for a job. Ask for guidance. Over the years, I’ve learned something powerful: If you ask for a job, you might get silence. But if you ask for guidance, feedback, or perspective, you open doors. Every move I've ever made has been because of relationships or reputation, or both, but mostly relationships. If you are looking for a job, your primary mission is to de-risk the hiring manager's decision and become the overwhelmingly obvious choice. While even that does not guarantee a role, you can put the odds in your favor by casting a wide net, creating relationships, and helping them understand why and how you with your experiences and superpowers would transition into the role successfully. That's why people hire people they know or who are referred by someone they know: it's lower risk. When I’m reaching out, I don’t lead with, “Can you help me get hired?” Instead, I say things like: 👉 “I’m interested in parlaying my experience into your industry.” 👉 “I’d be grateful for your feedback on where I might be a fit—or who else I should meet.” A simple 15-minute ask for advice instead of opportunity lowers the barrier. It invites conversation, not pressure. It shows respect. It builds relationships. And often, that connection becomes the very bridge to the opportunity you never thought you’d get. People hire people they believe in. And people believe in those who ask to learn, not just to earn. If you’re navigating a career pivot or job search, remember this: 🙌 Seek relationships, not just results. 🎯 Ask smarter questions. 🚪 And more doors will open. Have you ever landed a role or made a connection simply by asking for advice instead of a job? I’d love to hear your story. #Careers #Networking #JobSearchTips #Leadership #PersonalBranding #ProfessionalGrowth #LinkedInTips #OpportunityKnocks #AskForAdviceNotJobs

Every opportunity that changed my life came from a relationship (not a resume). 6 tips to build a network that actually works for you: 1/ Check In Without Needing Anything ↳ Send "how are you?" texts more often than "can you help me?" emails. ↳ People forget what you said, but they remember that you stayed in touch. 2/ Give Before You Get ↳ The best networkers give help more often than they ask for it. ↳ Share opportunities, make introductions, send useful articles. 3/ Start Building Today ↳ The worst time to build relationships is when you desperately need them. ↳ Your next job won't come from a blind job app. It'll come from someone you know. 4/ Make It Personal ↳ Remember birthdays, kids' names, their big wins. ↳ One genuine conversation beats 100 business cards. 5/ Stay Consistent ↳ Set reminders to reach out quarterly. ↳ Small efforts compound into strong connections. 6/ Be The Connector ↳ Introduce people who should know each other. ↳ Become known as someone who helps others win. The net worth of your network compounds faster than your 401(k). Every promotion, every opportunity, every breakthrough... They all started with a relationship. Your dream job is one conversation away. But that conversation only happens if you've been nurturing relationships all along. Start today. Text someone you haven't talked to in months. Not because you need something. Just because relationships are your most valuable career asset. What's your favorite way to network? Reshare ♻️ to help someone in your network. And give me a follow for more posts like this.

A job searcher came to me frustrated because they were struggling to make their job search more effective. They had been applying to countless jobs… But still weren’t getting traction. No interviews. No callbacks. No momentum. When we dug deeper,  a few things stood out: - They weren’t networking consistently - They weren’t tracking their job search data - They weren’t building relationships; they were just sending cold applications - They didn’t know how or where to 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 networking This is what I recommended: First of all, I applauded them for 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽.  That’s not easy.  But it 𝘪𝘴 a signal of someone who’s ready to grow. Then I gave them a system: 1. Start with your warm circle. Friends. Family. People you trust. Catch up with them, but don’t 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 with the job ask. Just reconnect.  Then let them know what you’re working toward, and ask if they know anyone who can help. 2. Reconnect with people from your past. Old coworkers, classmates, former managers, etc. These people already know your value. A simple message like, “𝘏𝘦𝘺, 𝘐’𝘮 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘢, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶,  𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘵,” goes a long way. 3. Start making new friends strategically. Reach out to people with common ground. Same university. Same home country. Same industry. Same hobbies. Build 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 relationships. Then, when it feels right, ask for guidance or support. 4. Then move to hiring managers & recruiters. With these, it’s okay to be more direct. Sell yourself clearly and show impact. Explain why you’re a strong fit and what you’re looking for. 5. Most importantly, turn this into a system. Track your job search data. Connections made. Conversations had. Responses received. With this, you can spot what’s working, tweak what’s not, and stay motivated with visible progress. If you’re not getting the results you want, ask yourself: Are you tracking your data? Are you building real relationships? Are you optimizing based on feedback? If not, that’s where I’d start. Let me know if you want help doing that. ……………………………….. ➕ Follow Jaret André for more daily data job search tips 🔔 Hit the bell icon for real stories from job searchers and my own experience.

I don’t see LinkedIn as a place to 𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 anymore. I see it as a place to build real 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬. When you message someone out of the blue, remember: - They don’t know you. - So asking for a favor in the first message? That rarely works. Real connections aren’t built on requests. They’re built on conversations, shared experiences, and genuine interest. Over time, I’ve realized the people I truly connect with - whether I’m helping them or they’re helping me are the ones who show up with 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲, not a checklist. So now, whenever I reach out, I focus on learning about the person first. And when someone reaches out to me, I respond to those who are thoughtful, kind, and willing to help others too. Because real relationships are a two-way street. Not a transaction. And just to be clear - I wasn’t always like this. 𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨: “Hi, how are you?” “Can you refer me?” “Can we hop on a quick call?” No context. No effort. Just a big ask. Learned it the hard way! I didn’t know better back then. But I’m glad I learned. Because the shift from “𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭” to “𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧” changes everything. People remember those who care enough to understand them, not just ask them. So if you’re just starting out, pause before asking for help. Start by building a connection. That’s where the magic really happens. 𝐏.𝐒. I share job search tips and insights on data analytics & data science in my free newsletter. Join here → https://lnkd.in/dUfe4Ac6

One of the biggest mistakes job seekers make? Waiting until they need a job to start networking. I see it all the time. Someone loses a job, dusts off their LinkedIn profile, and starts cold messaging people for leads. By then, it’s already an uphill battle. Here’s the truth: Networking isn’t always about asking for a job. It’s about building relationships before you need them. The best time to connect with recruiters, hiring managers, and others in your industry? Right now! Wherever you’re at in your career. ✔ Engage with posts from people in your field. ✔ Send connection requests with a genuine note. ✔ Share your own insights and show up consistently. Then, when you do need a new role, you won’t be reaching out to strangers! You’ll be tapping into a network that already knows you. As a recruiter, I spend a lot of time creating relationships with people that I may not have a job for today. But I’m always thinking about the kinds of jobs we typically fill and constantly reaching out to relevant candidates. I’d be really behind if I waited to create those relationships all at once when a new job comes out. The same goes for job seekers. If you wait until you need a job to start networking, you’re already playing catch-up. Start building those relationships now. Engage. Connect. Be visible. Because when the time comes, you want your network to think of you before you even have to ask. #recruitingengineers #networking #jobseeker #jobhunt