Streamlining Communication During Team Conflicts

Recently, a CEO client came to me frustrated. Despite having highly experienced leaders, mission-critical decisions kept getting sidelined. The elephant in the room was growing but no one was talking about it. The challenge? Slow progress because personal opinions were turning into Win/Lose. Here’s what we did to break the cycle: 1. Naming the Elephant We crafted a powerful opening statement for his next meeting: "Let's talk about the elephant that's been hanging out in the parking lot." But before the meeting, we established two critical agreements with the team: - These critical issues are a top priority that need resolution. - Clear expectations for open dialogue, ensuring that all concerns—yes, even the uncomfortable ones—are acknowledged and heard. As a CEO, true leadership isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about building a team brave enough to hear and validate different points of view. 2. Generative Conversations Next, he introduced something I shared with him: Generative Conversations. Now, every statement must be followed with "the reason I'm saying this is..." This small shift opened up entirely new possibilities. The team discovered they could move beyond "all or nothing, this or that" thinking. Solutions emerged that honored multiple perspectives - what I call "both/and" thinking rather than an "either/or" deadlock. 3. Fist to Five Voting After setting the stage for open and honest discussions, he introduced a simple yet effective voting technique to bring clarity and transparency to team alignment: Fist: No way One finger: Need to talk Two: Have reservations Three: I'm okay with it Four: Sounds good Five: Total agreement The result? Issues stuck for months started moving forward. The team discovered that what looked like opposition was often just unexpressed concerns. Remember: Your role as a CEO or executive leader isn't to avoid conflict—it's to create conditions where necessary conflicts become productive. How many elephants are sitting in your parking lot?

The most dangerous thing in a meeting isn’t a heated debate—it’s silence with a fake nod. In low trust teams, they don’t speak up in meetings, then vent in private. They smile at the plan, but quietly ignore it. They avoid conflict, and call it being “a team player.” The best teams? They debate. They challenge (the ideas) They raise their hand and say, “I see it differently and here’s why.” Because real alignment only comes after real conflict. If your team never disagrees, they’re not aligned—they’re avoiding. So, what do you do? 1️⃣ In decision-making meetings, try designating someone to challenge the prevailing view—even if they agree with it. It normalizes dissent. It protects the team from groupthink. And it gives quiet voices permission to speak truth without fear. Because when conflict is expected, it becomes productive. 2️⃣ Ask each person privately: “What’s one thing you think but haven’t said out loud in our meetings?” Then just listen. No defending. No fixing. When people feel heard without punishment, trust starts to grow. Invite them to share more of those views in group settings. And when they do, welcome it. Say, “This may feel uncomfortable for some of you, but I want us all to welcome more debates over ideas. It’s not me vs you, but me and you vs the problem.” If they still aren’t voicing dissent in team meetings, it may not be that they don’t care— but because they don’t feel safe. Then try going first and modeling the behavior you want with vulnerability. In your next meeting, say: “Here’s where I might have dropped the ball. What am I not seeing?” Or, “Here’s where I might be wrong. What am I missing?” Vulnerability builds trust. And trust invites truth. And when disagreement is safe, alignment gets real. How do you build a culture of healthy conflict over ideas?

Technical brains + human feelings = 404 Error (I used to be that system.) We grew up in places where facts were everything. Feelings were ignored. School rewarded precision—not emotional depth. This creates a risky pattern: 1️⃣ Conversations stay surface-level. 2️⃣ People nod in meetings, then resist in action. 3️⃣ Real tensions go unspoken. Technical leaders avoid emotions because it feels unfamiliar. We’re wired to solve clear problems—not sit with discomfort. But real leadership requires emotional skill. Productive conflict isn’t cage match energy. It’s just being real—with a bit of courage. Here’s how to shift your approach to tension: ✓ 𝗦𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘀 → “Let’s look at the idea—not the person.” → “I see your angle 𝘢𝘯𝘥 I have concerns.” → “It’s not about being right. It’s about what works best.” ✓ 𝗦𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗯𝗮𝘁𝗲 → Assign someone to argue the opposite view. → List both pros 𝘢𝘯𝘥 cons. → Focus on tradeoffs, not perfect solutions. ✓ 𝗦𝗲𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗺𝘀 → “Bringing up problems early is a contribution—not a complaint.” → “Good meetings solve problems—not just keep the peace.” → “Challenge ideas. Don’t attack people.” Your biggest issues hide where no one is speaking up. Your team doesn’t need all the answers. They need space for the truth. Got a go-to line for awkward conversations? Share it—I might steal it.

WHEN TEMPERS FLARE, YOU'RE LOCKED IN A STALEMATE, OR A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR DEAL IS ON THE LINE, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO TURNING IT AROUND. The right communication framework fosters understanding, strengthens relationships, and drives powerful results within your team. Both personally and professionally, effective communication is key to successful teamwork, conflict resolution, and collaboration. From construction to finance, from fashion to family offices, my high performance clients master the skills to navigate the toughest conversations and transform them into their biggest breakthroughs. And here’s how you can do it too: 1. FRAME THE POSITIVE INTENTION: Start with shared goals. Establish a shared purpose to align your conversation positively and maintain the focus on optimal outcomes. ➡️”We both want [a positive, uplifting relationship].” “This is about us being [happier, more productive].” A positive start encourages cooperation and a safe space for communication. 2. DESCRIBE THE OBSERVABLE: Present facts without emotional interpretation. Focus on specific events or behaviors rather than feelings. ➡️ “When [specific event] happened, I saw [specific observation].” Stick to observable facts and avoid personal interpretations to keep the conversation neutral. 3. SHARE THE FEELING: Express your emotions without blame. Own your feelings without blaming others, and invite the other person to share theirs. ➡️“We both feel [emotion].” “I feel [emotion] about [situation].” Take ownership of your feelings. Express them without pointing fingers and encourage others to do the same. 4. REQUEST THEIR PERSPECTIVE: Invite input and collaboration. Ask for the other person’s perspective to gain insight into their viewpoint. ➡️“How did you see that?” “What did you observe?” Listen actively and be open to hearing the other person’s thoughts, fostering mutual understanding. 5. MAKE THE ASK WITH BENEFIT EXTENSIONS Propose mutually beneficial solutions: Offer choices that meet both parties' needs. ➡️ “If [action] occurs, we would feel [emotion] and [emotion].” “Here are two options that work for me…” Present two acceptable options to empower the other person to contribute to the solution. 6. WORK TOGETHER TO BUILD A CONSENSUS Collaborate on finding the best solution: Work together to determine the best course of action and express appreciation when a decision is made. ➡️ “I appreciate the thought you’ve put into this. I’m glad we agreed on [decision].” By applying my effective communication framework, you foster open, respectful communication that builds trust, enhances collaboration, and contributes to team success. And the great news is that you can use this both personally and professionally! I’m curious… ~When was a time that you needed this framework in your life? #future #communication #success