Handling late-night email criticism without reacting

If you want to write an angry e-mail, do it. Write it. Just don’t send it. I once had a colleague who was everyone's nightmare. Including mine. He did everything - he talked about everybody, he was quick to point the finger at others, he threw people under the bus, regularly. And he did all these through his favourite method : emails. One late evening, I received an email from him which he had copied everyone in the company including the CEO. The contents of the email was as long as the names on the cc list and the tone was accusatory. By the sound of it, I had committed high treason! I was fuming. And I wrote a response that reflected all the bitterness of dealing with a painful homo sapiens like him. I listed all the errors of the past many quarters and everything that had been done to save his team. I was sarcastic and called him every name under the sun till I was satisfied. THEN I SAVED THE EMAIL. AND I DID NOT SEND IT. The next morning, I read everything I wrote. I was shocked by my level of anger. Then I did a bit of editing and sent this: Hi xxxx. Received your email with thanks. You are definitely upset about the issue. If you have some time after 4pm today, can we have a chat? Thank you. See what happens overnight!! There are 2 rules I have about emails : ✳️ Talk first. At all times, always talk first. Then send an email to confirm the conversation. There will be less misunderstanding on the recipient's part. And more action to to keep moving forward. ✳️If someone sends you an angry email and that too, at the end of the day, it's okay to feel angry. Very angry. It's okay to draft a nasty response and lay bare all your emotions in that response. Then: - Don't send the email - Sleep on it. - By the next morning, you will feel less anger. You may even get surprised by your own anger when you read your email. - Send a short response and ask for a meeting later in the day - that will also give the sender time to cool down. And even if you don't solve the issue immediately, you will, eventually, because you paved the way for better communication. It’s easy to be brave when you are sitting alone facing your laptop. You can hurl digital spears at your adversaries without the risk of a real, live encounter. But confronting people face-to-face—or even over the telephone—is a different matter. That takes real guts. But it can also lead to real solutions. The real question is whether we want to merely make a point or solve the problem. So, write the angry email. Just don't send it.

Every year, company-wide, I sent out my email on emails. The first time I circulated it, I thought it would be the only time. But every subsequent year I received requests from department heads to circulate it again. Apparently some just did not understand the message. Reinforcement was key. Some of those messages might be instructive for you and your reports, so I will repeat them here: 1. Do not react. Simmer down before you start to compose a response. We all can do things we regret when we react (similarly, when we are tired, sick, angry or frustrated). Be very careful before you hit the “send” button. 2. Consider whether you need to send an email response at all. It just might be a good idea to call the person or talk with her face-to-face. You just might save a lot of time. 3. Ask yourself how you would like it if you were going to receive the email you are about to send. Consider rephrasing or not sending if you would not like to see that email sent to you. 4. Consider the email you are considering sending if it were to be blown up and shown in a court room as a key exhibit in litigation or if it were to be featured in an article in a major publication. Could you back it up, stand by it? 5. Remember that work emails are just that. Do not do personal business on work email. 6. Do not hit reply to all. 7. Be brief. If you are starting down the road of writing “War and Peace,” start over or consider whether another means of communication is better. 8. Be dignified. There are subsets to these pieces of advice, of course, but remember that your colleagues are your teammates all trying to work toward the same goals; they are not the enemy or anything close. Be sure to put yourself and the company in the best position to succeed. Yes, there will be tension and disagreements at work, but that does not mean that you must be disagreeable — behind the security and distance of a keyboard — to try to resolve them. Try to be the bigger person in those instances — you will be better off for it.

Ever gotten one of those emails? You know the type—short, sharp, and just snarky enough to make you do a double take. No context. No warmth. Just enough sting to sit with you for a while. Even when you try not to take it personally… it still hits. You question your tone. You reread your last email. You wonder if you mis-stepped. At the end of the day, we don’t always get to control how others communicate. But we do get to control how we respond. When I get an email like that, (and I've received quite a few this week) here’s what I try to do: ➡️ Take a pause and don't reply right away. ➡️ Assume positive intent unless proven otherwise. ➡️ Pick up the phone to reset the tone. (You can't tell the tone from an e-mail or text). ➡️ Respond clearly, calmly, and with professionalism. In my opinion, most people aren’t trying to be unkind—they’re just overwhelmed, unaware, or having a moment! Leadership isn’t about matching energy. It’s about managing your energy.