Breaking the email reaction cycle

Drama doesn’t die in your inbox. It multiplies there. Ever get a long, frustrating text or email that makes your blood boil? You start typing back paragraphs of arguments, clarifications, and jabs you know you’ll regret later. Pause. Stop right there. If you want to end drama in your life and leadership, make this rule non-negotiable: no important or emotional conversations over text, email, or Slack. Zero exceptions. Digital conflict is a trap. You either fire off a reactive reply that makes things worse, or you obsess over crafting a “perfect” essay that entrenches your position. Both cost you time, energy, and relationships. Here’s the upgrade: escalate the conversation. Pick up the phone. Schedule a face-to-face. End the cycle before it drains you. Why? Because written words strip out tone, body language, and emotional context. That’s a wasp’s nest for misunderstanding. In contrast, live conversations let you hear each other, see each other, and actually resolve the tension instead of fueling it. Leaders who master this move save hours of wasted drama and unlock stronger relationships. Next time you feel the urge to type while triggered, remember: escalate the conversation, evaporate the drama. That’s how you build trust, end nonsense quickly, and lead like an adult.

Most SDR teams are trapped in this cycle and don't even know it... I've seen this exact cycle destroy good people's careers when the fix was always infrastructure and process, not talent. Here's how it works... Stage 1: Send from main domain  "We'll just be careful with volume" they say. Thousands of emails from yourcompany[DOT]com because "it builds trust." Stage 2: Deliverability tanks, Open rates look decent at 70%.  Reply rates? 0.5% if you're lucky.  Everything's landing in spam, but the dashboard looks fine. Stage 3: Blame the symptoms "Our copy must suck." "We need better targeting." "Let's try a new subject line approach." Stage 4: Fire the SDR leader "Not enough pipeline generated." New hire comes in, same infrastructure, same problems. Stage 5: Fire the VP of Sales, Few months later, still no meaningful improvement. "We need fresh blood and new strategies." Stage 6: Fire the CRO, Year later, business is missing revenue targets. "Time for a complete sales overhaul." Stage 7: Repeat the cycle - New leadership, same broken infrastructure. The real problem never gets addressed. Meanwhile, your main domain is torched. Missing investor intros, customer referrals, partnership emails - hundreds of thousands in opportunity cost. A Better Way: → Domain diversification (1/3 SMTP, 1/3 Microsoft, 1/3 Google) → Infrastructure first, messaging second → Test deliverability before scaling volume → Constant monitoring and adjustment Your reply rates aren't low because of bad copy. They're low because nobody's seeing your emails. #sdr #sales #deliverability #leadership ps - if your SDR team is getting under 3% reply rates but you think it's a messaging problem, we should probably chat.

We often mistake it for a personal failing but it’s not. It’s neurological wiring. In moments of stress, that ping of a notification, or the quiet lull after a task, The brain doesn’t just see these as moments. It sees them as triggers, each with a pre-loaded, automatic response. That’s the habit loop. This framework, popularized by James Clear, is a four-part cycle that runs in the deepest, most efficient part of your brain: 1. Cue: The trigger that starts the loop (e.g., feeling overwhelmed).  2. Craving: The desire for a change in state (e.g., to feel in control or distracted).  3. Response: The habit you perform (e.g., opening email to "get ahead" or scrolling to escape).  4. Reward: The satisfaction gained, which teaches your brain to repeat this loop forever (e.g., a false sense of accomplishment or numbed-out anxiety). This ancient wiring doesn't care if the habit serves you or sabotages you. It only seeks efficiency. I see this every day with the professionals I coach. They believe they need more discipline. What they truly need is a better strategy. You cannot delete a wired loop. You can only rewire it. The most effective method? Keep the cue and reward, but change the response. My story:  My cue was a dip in energy after lunch.  My craving was mental awakening.  My old response was caffeine and frantic scrolling.  The reward was jittery, fragmented focus that made the problem worse. My new response is a change to my physical state. I stand up, walk to get water, and look out the window for a few minutes. The cue is the same. The craving is the same. But the new reward is actual calm and focus—, not anxiety. What's a cue that consistently triggers a reactive habit in your workday? Name it below in the comments and lets talk.

Response > Reaction Here’s the truth: 👉 Reaction is automatic. 👉 Response is intentional. And the gap between the two? That’s where leadership actually happens. Most of us live in reaction mode. The email dings. The Slack pings. The meeting derails. We snap, shut down, or spiral. That’s not leadership. That’s survival. Real leadership is learning to pause. Even just 90 seconds. To take a breath. To ask yourself: “Who do I want to be in this moment?” That pause changes everything. It’s how you go from chaos → clarity. From reactivity → responsibility. From noise → presence. The best leaders I know aren’t the smartest in the room. They’re the ones who can regulate themselves so everyone else can breathe. So the next time you feel triggered, try this: Stop. Breathe. Choose your response. That’s leadership.