Why self-care isn't the solution for ambitious women

About a year ago, I was coaching a senior leader—brilliant, consistent, and highly respected in her organisation. But she came into our sessions feeling like she was constantly underperforming. Why? Because she couldn’t sustain the “ideal routine” everyone around her seemed to swear by: 5am wake-up, gym, journaling, focused deep work by 8. She’d try, crash midweek, and blame herself. In the corporate world, we’ve romanticised a very narrow, often masculine-coded version of productivity. It assumes linear energy, uninterrupted schedules, and a support system that frees you up for singular focus. But that’s not the reality for many women leaders. Their days begin with school drop-offs, mental checklists for ageing parents, or managing invisible emotional labour before the first email is even opened. Add to that the cyclical nature of hormonal energy—and the model begins to crack. In our coaching work, she didn’t need a mindset shift—she needed permission to lead differently. To work in cycles, not straight lines. To rest without guilt. To stop viewing self-care as a soft skill. Her performance didn’t drop—her sustainability rose. Organisations often invest in leadership development but forget to question the success archetypes we’re pushing women into. When we make space for personalised, gender-intelligent rhythms of work, we don’t just prevent burnout—we unlock longevity. Because real performance isn’t about rigid routines. It’s about building systems that actually fit the people we hire.

What does 'saying yes to you' mean? It's women's health week. And it doesn't mean we can just "lean in" to self-care. The modern world wasn’t built with sustainable wellbeing in mind—it’s a system that often prioritises productivity over people. For women and underserved groups, navigating these structures can feel like swimming against the tide, making self-care and balance even harder to achieve. In last night's weekly Yoga class I have the privilege of teaching for Donnybrook multicultural women's group, we brought forth conversations on wellbeing, navigating life's challenges, balancing responsibilities as well as look after aspects of our wellbeing. Between time pressures and societal expectations, prioritising wellbeing can feel like an uphill battle. Here are some common barriers for women's wellbeing: 🧠 Mental Load Burden: Invisible emotional labour continues to disproportionately impact women. Women typically manage more household responsibilities. Often expected to be primary caregivers for children and aging parents. Consistently prioritise others' needs before their own. Societal conditioning that self-sacrifice equals virtue. Emotional management across multiple roles (professional, personal, familial). 🗣️ Societal Expectations and Gender Norms Systemic expectations that undermine women's self-worth: Persistent messaging that women must be "doing it all". Guilt associated with setting boundaries. Social pressure to appear continuously available and agreeable. Internalised beliefs that self-care is selfish or indulgent. Professional environments that penalise women for prioritising personal needs. 🥅 Limited Access to Health Resources Women may encounter barriers in accessing healthcare and wellness resources, including gender-specific health services, due to factors like non-inclusive wellness spaces, financial constraints, lack of access to culturally safe treatment, or social stigmas. 🛑 Workplace Inequities Discrimination and bias in the workplace, such as unequal pay, lack of advancement opportunities, and inadequate support for flexible work, parents and family leave, can contribute to stress and hinder overall wellbeing. 🌚 Mental Health Stigma Women often face stigma when addressing mental health concerns, which can deter them from seeking help and support, exacerbating issues like anxiety, depression, and burnout. This stigma is frequently masked by dismissive attitudes and gaslighting, where legitimate concerns are trivialised with oversimplified solutions like "just do Yoga," undermining the severity of their experiences and the need for professional support. So yes, Yoga is great, but can we start to pay attention to what we might *really* need, to improve women's health & overall wellbeing? Let this be a gentle reminder to do something to look after yourself this weekend ✨ #WomensHealthWeek #SayYesToYou Riham Elhadari IndianCare Inc Allied Collective #InclusiveWellbeing #InclusiveFacilitation

𝐈’𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬… When I was a healthcare executive in a large organization, the mere thought of asking for a day off or a self-care day—when I wasn’t physically dragging or saving up for that one vacation a year (where I often worked half the time anyway) Felt… well, selfish. It felt like I was admitting I couldn’t handle the workload, that I wouldn’t be there for my team when they had questions, and the guilt over the million tasks waiting for me upon return was overwhelming. 🎙️ Tiffany Gibson and I had a great conversation on the latest episode of the MGMA Women in Healthcare Podcast about burnout, which we both agreed is now used to bundle too many issues into one and somewhat cover up the real problems. Burnout doesn’t happen overnight. It creeps up on you. By the time you feel completely drained, it’s not about needing just one day off. It’s a sign that something deeper needs attention. Sure, self-care days are helpful, and you should never feel guilty about planning a day just for you. But let’s be honest: One self-care day is not going to fix the issues. Taking one day to relax won’t fix broken processes, systems, or cultures that are contributing to why you feel this way. You’ll come back to the same stress, the same workload, the same problems. The real solution? Catching the signs of frustration, exhaustion, and disconnection from your work before it spirals. Noticing the yellow and orange flags 🚦 when things start to feel tough, unmanageable, or overwhelming and making changes then. Burnout isn’t just personal, it’s often tied to the systems we work in. SO, the question is: How can we take responsibility, both individually and as leaders, to stop the train before it derails? This isn’t about a quick fix. It’s about rethinking how we work, lead, and take care of ourselves. And don’t be like me as a leader, learn to reset ⏸️ … even for a moment, for a day, or longer if needed, to take care of you. So you can be there for yourself and for those you lead who need you to be an example of when to ask for help. If you’re interested in having a conversation about how and where you need to reset for yourself and/or your organization, I’d love to connect. 📆 Book a call here: https://lnkd.in/gp6UREd7 🎧 Listen to the episode: Website: https://lnkd.in/eyb9AUCt Spotify: https://lnkd.in/eHXyJn7d Apple Podcasts: https://lnkd.in/eEC9iGyn YouTube: https://lnkd.in/e4Q9EWMv #BurnoutAwareness #MentalHealth #LeadershipMatters #WellBeingAtWork #WorkplaceWellness #HealthcareLeadership

One major reason why women struggle with work-life balance is this ↓ Hint: It's not about time management. Most women are told to focus on: → Saying "no" more often → Multitasking efficiently → Better scheduling But the core issue runs deeper than that. Women are conditioned to put themselves last. Seeing self-care as selfish rather than essential. From childhood, girls are taught that caregiving comes first. Others' needs before our own. This invisible burden follows us into adulthood, creating: → Constant guilt when prioritizing personal needs → Internalized belief that rest equals laziness → Mental load that never shuts off What if the solution isn't another productivity system, but permission to value yourself equally? The most revolutionary act for a woman isn’t optimizing her calendar. It’s believing she deserves space in it. Women who thrive don’t just manage time better. They’ve rewired their thinking about worthiness. What's one way you’re prioritizing yourself this week?

This McKinsey & Company article insightfully explores the complex balancing acts and personal strategies women leaders employ to succeed at the highest levels. While the piece offers powerful perspectives on individual resilience and adaptability – the inner game, as they call it – it prompts a critical question for me: What if focusing primarily on the individual game distracts us from the outer game? What if the fundamental systems, cultures, and structures within our organizations are inadvertently setting talented women up for a struggle they shouldn't have to face on their own? Women across all professional levels, not just CEOs, confront systemic hurdles. They're told to lean in, prove themselves constantly, and somehow perfectly balance demanding careers with personal lives within often inflexible environments. When organizations expect individual women to overcome these systemic barriers through sheer personal strategy, they aren't truly supporting them; they are, in effect, undermining their potential and the organization's own success. As a leader passionate about helping ambitious women genuinely thrive, I see a clear and urgent connection between this systemic disconnect and tangible business outcomes. The cost of not actively transforming your workplace to truly support women is evident, and it's likely impacting your business right now: ·       Disengaged women directly translate to a drag on productivity and a slowdown in innovation. ·       Unequal opportunities create a leaky leadership pipeline, causing you to lose valuable talent and the investment made in them. ·       A lack of genuine support and mentorship leads to increased turnover, sending experienced professionals to competitors who offer a more inclusive and empowering environment. These are concrete obstacles directly impacting your company's growth and profitability. The flip side of this challenge is an immense opportunity. When businesses make the authentic investment in the well-being, development, and systemic empowerment of their women employees, the return is significant. Engaged, thriving individuals become powerful drivers – they are more productive, more innovative, more resilient, and deeply committed to propelling the business forward. So, here’s the critical question: Given the undeniable business impact, if you know your current systems aren't fully engaging and retaining your talented women, what are you truly willing to do differently – at a systemic level – to bridge that gap? I'm curious... https://lnkd.in/e7uTdy5q