Creating Safe Spaces For Ethical Discussions

“What elephants are we ignoring in this room?” This question, suggested by my executive coach Ben Anderson, transformed how our leadership team communicates. I decided to start making space for my leadership team to bring up any elephants in the room at the top of meetings: company logistics, hiring processes, and more. Then our board observer Jessie Woolley-Wilson helped me take it to the next level by introducing the idea of “benevolent friction” - the art of intentionally creating safe spaces for uncomfortable conversations that are the catalysts for growth. By practicing benevolent friction, we minimize potential resentment or frustration and build up trust and respect. As a result, we no longer just acknowledge the hard topics. We actively seek out these friction points. Each leadership meeting starts with team members sharing their top 2-3 areas of healthy disagreement that we then debate. And what we’ve learned is that the most innovative solutions often emerge from constructive conflict. Recently, I challenged our team’s thinking about recruiting success. Instead of celebrating hire counts, we discussed deeper metrics. How do we really know our recruiting strategy is working? How well do new hires thrive after they join? These tough questions are guiding us to better hiring processes. The key to this success was in creating a culture where we not only tolerate friction, we welcome it as a tool for continuous improvement. Where disagreement isn’t seen as disruption, but as dedication to getting things right. Great leaders don’t just spot elephants in the room. They proactively look for them.

I regularly work with leadership teams to help them be more effective with their team dynamics and/or culture. One topic that comes up frequently? Nearly every team I work with wants to be great at giving and receiving feedback. Here’s what I notice about teams that have great feedback cultures: When something goes wrong, they don’t have side conversations. Many times, we get in the habit of venting to one of our peers about something challenging going on within the team. Why is this harmful to team dynamics? When we don’t openly talk about challenges with the whole team, it creates invisible barriers for others on the team. If we don’t tell someone we’re frustrated about something, we don’t give them the opportunity to make a needed change. We vent to a peer, feel slightly better, then let it go. We don’t share it, so nothing changes. Inevitably, the pattern returns and we get frustrated again. We go back to venting. We seemingly let it go. But it builds our frustrations and deteriorates trust. Rinse and repeat this vicious cycle. Now that trust is low, we have a hard time opening any feedback. We build walls and the team starts to operate with less efficiency, transparency, and information. So how do we break this cycle? The healthiest and most effective teams have built-in places for open feedback. They regularly talk about challenges. They know that talking about challenges, even when it’s hard, builds trust in the long run instead of breaking it. Instead of going to people within the team to vent, they openly talk about the challenges with the whole team. They hold each other accountable to not having side conversations or meetings-after-the-meeting. Here are three ways to build in regular, safe spaces for feedback into your team operations: 1️⃣ Build in questions to your 1-on-1s to ask things like: “What is one thing I could be doing differently to support you right now?” 2️⃣ Put retro conversations into your team meetings. Regularly ask the team - “What should we be starting, stopping, or continuing right now?” (Google retroactive meeting templates to get more ideas on questions you can ask!) 3️⃣ Instead of focusing on how to GIVE feedback to people as a leader, focus on how you RECEIVE feedback. Do a leadership skill gap analysis. Write down: When someone shares something challenging with you, how do you currently react to feedback? Then write down: How do you want to react when someone gives you feedback? Where’s the gap and what’s one step you could take toward closing that gap? What do you think? What do you think the best teams do to create great feedback cultures?

Ever been on a team that's too quiet? Not focused-quiet. But hesistant-to-speak-up quiet. I once worked with a leader whose motto was: "Silence is 100% agreement." We would chuckle politely. Our silence wasn't agreement. It was fear. Here's what I've learned after nearly two decades coaching people leaders. People don't need to find their voice. They need to feel safe using it. Here are 6 ways to create that safety, without forcing anyone to speak before they're ready: 1. Listen to learn ↳ Pause before responding: "Help me understand your thinking on…" ↳ Reflect back: "Here's what I heard, did I get that right?" ↳ Let people know when their input reshapes your thinking 2. Build confidence before the spotlight ↳ Pair teammates as "thinking partners" to test ideas before meetings ↳ Use 1:1s to help less vocal members frame input as exploratory questions ↳ Normalize iterations. "What if we considered…" often sparks breakthroughs. 3. Model transparent communication ↳ Share your thinking: "Here's my view and why I see it this way…" ↳ Be open about uncertainty. It gives others permission to speak ↳ It's okay to change your mind in public when presented with strong alternatives 4. Facilitate solution-building sessions ↳ Ask: "What would success look like for everyone involved?" ↳ Use "Yes, and…" to build momentum, not shut it down ↳ Try brainstorm rules: build on others' ideas before introducing new ones 5. Disagree without making it personal ↳ Start with: "We're debating the approach, not anyone's expertise" ↳ Use neutral framing: "There are different perspectives here" ↳ Keep feedback focused on outcomes and impact, not personality 6. Make space for the quiet thinkers ↳ End with: "Let's reflect for 24 hours before deciding" ↳ Send pre-reads with clear reflection prompts ↳ Start key conversations with a few minutes of silent thinking When you shift from demanding participation to designing for it, you're not just changing meetings. You're redefining how power flows through your organization. How do you create space for insight that isn't loud? ♻️ Feel free to share if you're working toward conversations where every voice has room. ➕ If you lead people, this space is for you. Follow me, Michelle Awuku-Tatum for insights on: ↳ Human-centered leadership, resilient teams, and intentional culture.

I used to struggle to share my ideas in meetings bustling with dominant voices. Not because I was scared, but because I never felt comfortable. Ouch. My seniors and peers often told me: "Speak up, have a presence, be bold!" Well-intentioned advice. But the brutal truth was that I didn’t feel psychologically safe. So when I took on the role of a people manager, I became the leader I needed. I took on a mission to create a safe space where every team member could share their brilliance, their quirks, their questions, their doubts and feel heard. Here are 3 rarely-used strategies I adopted: ✅ Silent brainstorming: I replaced vocal discussions with written ideas; preventing the loudest voice from dominating. We'd share our thoughts by ideating in silence and voting together.🚀 The best part? No one knew whose idea was winning, leveling the playing field for diverse perspectives. ✅One-pagers for every meeting: People process information differently. To include everyone, I ensured every meeting had a one-pager for context and a list of attendees. This way, team members could prepare in their own way, and those who felt their presence wasn't essential could choose to opt-out. ✅ Mini Workshops > Meetings: These mini workshops were designed to encourage deep thinking, collaborative brainstorming, and silent reflection. Everyone had their moment to shine. We always left with 1-3 actionable takeaways — co-created and ready for implementation. 🚀 In the end, it wasn't about changing my personality; it was about embracing it and finding innovative ways to lead effectively. 💪 By creating a safe space for my team, I not only unlocked their potential but also learned the true power of silence in a world that often favors the loudest voices. What do you think about this leadership style? #leadership #product #teammanagement #womenintech #productmanagement #productmanager