Creating Trust in Workplace Conversations

I once worked with a team that was, quite frankly, toxic. The same two team members routinely derailed meeting agendas. Eye-rolling was a primary form of communication. Side conversations overtook the official discussion. Most members had disengaged, emotionally checking out while physically present. Trust was nonexistent. This wasn't just unpleasant—it was preventing meaningful work from happening. The transformation began with a deceptively simple intervention: establishing clear community agreements. Not generic "respect each other" platitudes, but specific behavioral norms with concrete descriptions of what they looked like in practice. The team agreed to norms like "Listen to understand," "Speak your truth without blame or judgment," and "Be unattached to outcome." For each norm, we articulated exactly what it looked like in action, providing language and behaviors everyone could recognize. More importantly, we implemented structures to uphold these agreements. A "process observer" role was established, rotating among team members, with the explicit responsibility to name when norms were being upheld or broken during meetings. Initially, this felt awkward. When the process observer first said, "I notice we're interrupting each other, which doesn't align with our agreement to listen fully," the room went silent. But within weeks, team members began to self-regulate, sometimes even catching themselves mid-sentence. Trust didn't build overnight. It grew through consistent small actions that demonstrated reliability and integrity—keeping commitments, following through on tasks, acknowledging mistakes. Meeting time was protected and focused on meaningful work rather than administrative tasks that could be handled via email. The team began to practice active listening techniques, learning to paraphrase each other's ideas before responding. This simple practice dramatically shifted the quality of conversation. One team member later told me, "For the first time, I felt like people were actually trying to understand my perspective rather than waiting for their turn to speak." Six months later, the transformation was remarkable. The same team that once couldn't agree on a meeting agenda was collaboratively designing innovative approaches to their work. Conflicts still emerged, but they were about ideas rather than personalities, and they led to better solutions rather than deeper divisions. The lesson was clear: trust doesn't simply happen through team-building exercises or shared experiences. It must be intentionally cultivated through concrete practices, consistently upheld, and regularly reflected upon. Share one trust-building practice that's worked well in your team experience. P.S. If you’re a leader, I recommend checking out my free challenge: The Resilient Leader: 28 Days to Thrive in Uncertainty  https://lnkd.in/gxBnKQ8n

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

Last week, I had the privilege of facilitating a three-day leadership training for all the managers and directors of a local government agency. The day our training began, I received heartbreaking news: a family friend had died by suicide as a result of a workplace issue. The tragedy was a gut-wrenching reminder that what happens inside our organizations—and inside our people—matters deeply. It reinforced why I begin almost every leadership training with the foundation of the Step into Your Moxie® Vocal Empowerment System: developing a strong Inner Voice. When leaders don’t understand or tend to their own inner dialogue—or the voices that dominate their team members’ internal narratives—employee engagement, performance, and well-being suffer. Sometimes, the consequences are far worse. So, in this training, we lingered longer than usual on self-talk. We explored: What voices hold the mic in your head, especially during uncomfortable moments? How does that internal chatter show up in communication and leadership with team members? What do you think the people you lead say to themselves, especially when they make a mistake, receive feedback, or feel overwhelmed? And then we got practical. When we transitioned into a module on coaching direct reports through a performance improvement plan, we began with empathy mapping. Because we had spent time building intrapersonal awareness, participants were able to go deeper, to look past surface-level behaviors and identify fears, assumptions, and narratives driving their employees’ actions. We talked about how to do this in the real world, especially during 1-on-1s and more formal coaching moments. We talked about how to take these insights into everyday leadership. Participants identified the importance of: -Beginning 1-on-1s with a genuine check-in—asking how people are really doing, and gently probing when someone’s initial answer feels surface-level. -Shifting from “How do I fix this?” to “Where does this person need support?”—and staying open to the idea that what people most need may not be more training or resources, but to feel seen and heard. -Removing isolation and building trust—by creating consistent space for honest dialogue, leaders reduce stigma and strengthen the foundation for positive mental health at work. When leaders prioritize presence over perfection—and connection over correction—they help rewrite the internal narratives that so often go unchecked. This is how we create cultures where people not only perform better, but also feel safer, stronger, and more human at work. Because sometimes, the most powerful leadership skill we have is helping someone shift the voice that says they’re not enough or that they’re alone as they navigate tough times.

Want to Build a High-Trust Culture? Think Like a Spy Handler. I used to recruit terrorists. Now I recruit trust. Turns out, the tools aren’t all that different. Whether you’re building loyalty in a war zone or in a boardroom, the same rule applies: People don’t follow policies. They follow relationships. When I was in the field, every asset had a story. A fear. A hope. A reason to say yes—and a dozen reasons not to. My job was to figure out what they really needed. And build enough trust that they’d risk their lives to talk to me. Now? The same skills I used to flip foreign agents now help leaders build cultures where people feel seen, trusted, and empowered. Want to retain your top talent? Start acting like a handler: ✔️ Build rapport before you need it ✔️ Ask better questions—and actually listen ✔️ Pay attention to what’s not being said ✔️ Make people feel safe being honest ✔️ Use empathy as your primary access point ✔️ Ditch the ego—you're not the mission, they are ✔️ Stop weaponizing “feedback” if you haven’t earned the right to give it ✔️ And never underestimate the power of a well-timed “I see you, and I’ve got your back.” Because if you don’t know what motivates your people, someone else eventually will. Trust is your early-warning system. Your culture is your counterintelligence program. Trust isn’t built in all-hands meetings or quarterly check-ins. It’s built in the quiet, consistent moments. Start by asking yourself: What does this person need to feel seen, heard, and safe? Then? Deliver. Like your mission depends on it. #Leadership #WorkplaceCulture #PsychologicalSafety #HumanRiskManagement #InsiderThreat #SpycraftForBusiness #EmployeeRetention #Motivation

I recently asked a leadership team to define the word trust. Not surprisingly, each member of the team had a different definition. While many were close in their definitions, there was enough variability that it was possible for two people to have a conversation about trust and have two separate conversations. Successful teams depend on trust, but people commonly misunderstand its nature. We tend to focus on whether someone is trustworthy, overlooking a more profound truth: TRUST BEGINS WITH THE PERSON CHOOSING TO TRUST, not just the one earning it. The analysis of 2,000 data points shows that trust develops through three essential elements: the TRUSTOR (the one giving it) and the TRUSTEE (the one receiving it), along with their COMMON ENVIRONMENTAL factors. Research shows that leadership models that focus on team member traits fail to recognize how mindset and environmental factors (culture) influence team dynamics equally. My new book, BEYOND THE LEADER, positions trust as a core element within the SAFETY DISCIPLINE, which reframes how we understand trust. Trust doesn’t stand alone—it’s an outcome. People develop trust when they experience emotional and psychological safety, believe their voices count, and when smart failure leads to learning experiences instead of punishment. Trust needs safety to develop into an established foundation. Four essential behaviors serve as the foundation for developing and sustaining trust in an organization: COMPETENCE – demonstrating the skills and reliability to deliver. CHARACTER – aligning actions with values and integrity. CONSISTENCY – being reliable in behavior, especially under pressure. COMPASSION – showing care and empathy for others as people, not just roles. Organizations develop their strongest trust when members feel protected to express themselves and engage in the messy middle where interpersonal risk-taking happens. Safety is a fundamental aspect that leaders must actively model for team members. Trust responsibility extends beyond the leader's role to every team member. Team members at all levels contribute to trust development through how they Show Up, Speak Up, and Sync Up. The development of trust demands safety alongside belief and requires constant intentional action from everyone involved. #trust #leadership #followership The Encompass Group E3 Leadership Academy #BeyondTheLeader #newbook #author