Understanding Body Language in Negotiation

How can you tell if a person is a lying to you? 🤔 In my recent conversation with Jack Schafer, author, former FBI agent and deception detection expert, he shared two of the best ways to determine if someone is intentionally deceiving you: 1. Key Physical Reactions (due to the Fight or Flight Response) ⚡ When people lie, they fear getting caught. This triggers a fight-or-flight stress response, which often dissipates through subtle nonverbal cues like: 👉🏿 Increased heart rate ❤️ 👉🏿 Fidgeting (finger tapping, toe tapping, pacifying gestures) 👉🏿 Changes in breathing 😮💨 2. Difficulty Answering Follow-Up Questions 🧠 Lying is mentally exhausting. A liar must: ✅ Keep track of their story ✅ Monitor their words & body language ✅ Assess if you believe them To test this, increase their mental load by asking unexpected “yes or no” follow up questions. Due to the cognitive overload, their brain will naturally default to answering with one of the two options you gave them - as opposed to coming up with a third option (another lie). This was such a fascinating conversation - to dive deeper check out the newsletter and listen to the full episode. 🎧🎙️ Have you used these techniques before? What other techniques help you uncover deception? Let’s discuss! 👇🏿 #Negotiation #Communication #DeceptionDetection

What Hand Gestures Reveal in High-Stakes Negotiations This time, I won’t be focusing on the negotiation tools, tactics, or strategies I often write about. Instead, I want to draw your attention to something just as important: body language. Take a close look at this photo of two world leaders. At first glance, they look almost identical. Both are seated, both in dark suits with red ties, both with hands positioned in front of them. But appearances can be deceiving. Their hands — and more importantly, their whole-body language — tell two very different stories. The Surface Similarity The hand positions look nearly the same. That’s what makes this comparison interesting. Because the difference isn’t in the placement — it’s in the tension, quality, and posture behind it. The Controlled Gesture On the left, the hands rest loosely, fingers touching gently, almost forming a downward steeple. This is a grounding gesture: calm, deliberate, and composed. The relaxed fingers and open posture signal patience and self-control. Supported by upright shoulders, it projects confidence and balance. The Tense Gesture On the right, the hands are clasped tightly, fingers interlaced, knuckles pressing outward. This is a tension gesture, often linked with stress, frustration, or defensiveness. Interlocked fingers act as a form of self-soothing, a way to “hold it together.” Add in the forward-leaning posture and tightened shoulders, and the whole body communicates pressure and unease. The Whole-Body Picture This is where context matters. Hands alone tell part of the story, but when combined with posture, breathing, and muscle tension, the signals become clear: One individual says: I’m in control. The other says: I’m under strain. The Lesson for Negotiators Body language rarely lies. While words can be rehearsed, the body often reveals what’s really happening beneath the surface. For a SMARTnership negotiator, the key isn’t to exploit these signals. It’s to use them as insight. If my counterpart is calm and controlled, I may need to shift strategy to open the conversation. If they’re tense and defensive, it’s a sign to slow down, reduce pressure, and explore where hidden value (NegoEconomics) can be unlocked. Where a competitive negotiator might see weakness, a SMARTnership negotiator sees an opportunity to build trust, create transparency, and generate stronger results for both sides. Because negotiation isn’t just about the words on the table. It’s about the signals in the room — and what we choose to do with them. When my book 'Positive Impact' was initially released, it was honored with the title Management Book of the Year. The book explored how trust, transparency, and communication create influence and impact — and a central theme was body language. https://a.co/d/cRULOdR #negotiation #bodylanguage SMARTnership Negotiation World Commerce & Contracting BMI Executive Institute UCLouvain I BMI Executive Institute

90% of people I talk to say they don’t know how to appear confident when sitting in a meeting. 3 powerful body language tactics I use in every seated meeting to feel & appear confident: 𝟭. 𝗣𝗵𝘆𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 • Angle your torso directly toward the person you're speaking with (I love swivel chairs over low couches when given the choice) • On Zoom, position your camera so your entire body faces it (not just glancing over)  • If seated at a weird restaurant angle, physically move your chair to face the other person When your toes, torso, and head all point toward someone, they literally feel like you're on the same page. Physical alignment creates psychological alignment. ____ 𝟮. 𝗢𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗕𝗼𝗱𝘆, 𝗢𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱 • Keep your hands visible on the table  • Never cross your arms (even when cold)  • Avoid any barriers between you and the other person Research is clear: People with crossed arms are rated as closed, distant, and close-minded. More importantly, researchers found that when people try to generate creative ideas with crossed arms, they produce fewer ideas! Closed body = closed mind. ____ 𝟯. 𝗠𝗶𝗿𝗿𝗼𝗿 & 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗻 • Use physical proximity to signal interest • Lean in when you like an idea or person ("Wow, tell me more" + lean)  • Mirror your conversation partner's energy  • (fast talker = more gestures, slow talker = slower pace) Mirroring shows respect by matching communication styles. People naturally like those who communicate similarly to them. The lean is your nonverbal way of highlighting interest - it's like physically bolding your words. ____ These tricks do more than make you seem confident - they actually change how you think. When I use these in meetings, press, or podcast interviews, I see immediate differences in how creative and engaged I feel. Try them in your next meeting and watch what happens.

In the KGB, reading micro-expressions wasn’t optional. It was life or death. One flicker of doubt. One flash of contempt. One split-second hesitation. That’s all it took to sense danger and take action to defuse it. In business, the stakes are different - but the consequences? Just as real. If you can’t read micro-expressions, you’re negotiating BLIND. You’re trusting words instead of REALITY. Here’s what you need to start noticing right away: • Contempt Looks Like a Smirk – If one side of their lip twists up for even half a second, that’s not a smile - it’s disrespect. And if they don’t respect you, you lose any advantage you might have had. • True Surprise is an Instantaneous reaction - if not immediate, it’s fake - Real surprise is reflexive. No delay. No hesitation. If they pause before reacting, they already knew... and they’re PLAYING you. • Fear in the Eyes – When the inner brows rise up and pinch together, that’s not curiosity - it’s fear. Fear of losing. Fear of exposure. Fear of what comes next. Use this awareness wisely. • The Tight-Lipped Smile – This isn’t warmth. It’s RESTRAINT. If you see it, they’re swallowing something they really want to say. That’s your cue to step in. • Anger in the Jaw – A clenched jaw. Flared nostrils. The voice stays calm, but the body says “I’m barely holding this together.” Ignore this, and you’ll step into a WAR you never saw coming. Micro-expressions last less than a second. But if you catch them - you CONTROL the situation. Because influence isn’t about what’s said. It’s about what’s CONCEALED. In intelligence, missing these signs often meant walking into a TRAP. In business, it could well mean LOSING MILLIONS. And when it comes to negotiations it was never about words… It’s about reading what is not said.

After negotiating billions in contracts, I’ve discovered a game-changing secret to success: the right body language often speaks louder than any proposal or argument. Ready to take your influence to the next level? Mastering body language could be your game-changer. We’ve all seen plenty of advice on using verbal communication to influence others, but how often do we focus on the power of body language? Nonverbal communication plays a critical role in influencing effectively—it conveys confidence, builds trust, and strengthens your message. How the industry leaders execute it: 1. Establish Open and Confident Posture Stand or sit up straight with shoulders relaxed and chest slightly forward. Avoid crossing your arms or legs, which can appear defensive or closed-off. 2. Make Intentional Eye Contact Maintain steady eye contact to show interest and confidence. Avoid staring; instead, balance eye contact with natural breaks to avoid discomfort. 3. Use Gestures to Reinforce Your Words Use purposeful hand movements to emphasize key points (e.g., open palms to convey honesty). Avoid fidgeting, pointing, or overusing gestures, which can distract from your message. 4. Mirror Your Audience’s Body Language Subtly align your posture and gestures with the other person’s to create rapport. Avoid mimicking; instead, aim for natural alignment that signals connection and empathy. 5. Exude Calm and Confidence Slow your movements and avoid rapid or erratic gestures to project calm authority. Take controlled breaths to maintain composure, especially in high-stakes situations. 6. Align Facial Expressions with Your Message Smile genuinely to build warmth and trust, but ensure it aligns with the context. Use expressive eyebrows or subtle nods to show engagement and understanding. 7. Control Your Space Stand or sit firmly within your space to project presence and authority. Respect personal boundaries while subtly leaning in during conversations to show interest. 8. Pay Attention to Your Hands Keep hands visible; hiding them in pockets or behind your back can create mistrust. Use gestures like steepling (fingertips together) to convey confidence and thoughtfulness. 9. Watch Your Feet Placement Stand with feet shoulder-width apart for a grounded and confident stance. Avoid shifting weight excessively or pointing your feet toward the exit, which signals disengagement. 10. Adapt to Cultural Contexts Be mindful of cultural differences in body language and adjust accordingly. What may convey confidence in one culture might be perceived differently in another. Be mindful of your nonverbal cues and how they might be perceived. Record yourself or seek feedback to refine your body language for influential communication. Mastering these aspects of body language can enhance your ability to lead, persuade, and build meaningful connections. Nonverbal cues often speak louder than words—use them intentionally to leave a lasting impact!

Your body is negotiating before you say a word. And it might be sabotaging your deals. Harvard’s Program on Negotiation (PON) has studied this extensively: ↳ your body leaks information before you speak. It signals power or weakness. Confidence or doubt. Control or desperation. And if you’re unaware of these cues, your counterpart is already using them against you. After decades of studying negotiation, I’ve seen seasoned professionals lose deals... ... not because their logic was flawed but because their body language screamed uncertainty. I’ve also seen rookies own the room simply by mastering presence. Here’s how PON research suggests you can take control: 1️⃣ Eye Contact = Authority ✔ Maintain eye contact 60-70% of the time.  - Less? You seem unprepared or deceptive.  - Too much? You’re aggressive and overbearing.  ✔ Ideal: Hold eye contact for 3-5 seconds before looking away naturally.  ✔ Bonus tip: Combine eye contact with active listening cues—nodding, slight head tilts, and mirroring their facial expressions. 2️⃣ Mirroring = Influence ✔ Subtly match their posture, gestures, and tone to build unconscious trust.  ✔ But don’t overdo it—forced mirroring feels manipulative. Keep it natural and gradual. 3️⃣ Posture = Power ✔ Sit or stand with an open, expansive stance—it signals confidence.  ✔ Avoid crossing your arms or shrinking into your chair. It screams defensiveness.  ✔ Leaning in slightly? Engaged. Leaning back too much? Disinterested. 4️⃣ Attire = Framing ✔ Your clothing frames how people see you. - Too casual? You seem unprepared.  - Overdressed? You might come off as trying too hard.  ✔ Rule of thumb: Dress one level above your counterpart. Command respect without seeming out of place. The Deadliest Mistake? Your words say one thing. Your body says the opposite. Guess which one they believe? Negotiation isn’t just about logic. It’s about perception. Control your presence, or your opponent will. Have you ever judged a negotiator before they spoke? Let’s hear your stories in the comments. _____________________________ ♻️ Repost if your body language says you want to 😉