Strategies for International Negotiation

Conflict is inevitable. How we manage it is both an art and a science. In my work with executives, I often discuss Thomas Kilmann's five types of conflict managers: (1) The Competitor – Focuses on winning, sometimes forgetting there’s another human on the other side. (2) The Avoider – Pretends conflict doesn’t exist, hoping it disappears (spoiler: it doesn’t). (3) The Compromiser – Splits the difference, often leaving both sides feeling like nobody really wins. (4) The Accommodator – Prioritizes relationships over their own needs, sometimes at their own expense. (5) The Collaborator – Works hard to find a win-win, but it takes effort. The style we use during conflict depends on how we manage the tension between empathy and assertiveness. (a) Assertiveness: The ability to express your needs, boundaries, and interests clearly and confidently. It’s standing your ground—without steamrolling others. Competitors do this naturally, sometimes too much. Avoiders and accommodators? Not so much. (b) Empathy: The ability to recognize and consider the other person’s perspective, emotions, and needs. It’s stepping into their shoes before taking a step forward. Accommodators thrive here, sometimes at their own expense. Competitors? They might need a reminder that the other side has feelings too. Balancing both is the key to successful negotiation. Here’s how: - Know your default mode. Are you more likely to fight, flee, or fold? Self-awareness is step one. - Swap 'but' for 'and' – “I hear your concerns, and I’d like to explore a solution that works for both of us.” This keeps both voices in the conversation. - Be clear, not combative. Assertiveness isn’t aggression; it’s clarity. Replace “You’re wrong” with “I see it differently—here’s why.” - Make space for emotions. Negotiations aren’t just about logic. Acknowledge emotions (yours and theirs) so they don’t hijack the conversation. - Negotiate the process, not just the outcome. If you’re dealing with a competitor, set ground rules upfront. If it’s an avoider, create a low-stakes way to engage. Great negotiators don’t just stick to their natural style—they adapt. Which conflict style do you tend to default to? And how do you balance empathy with assertiveness? #ConflictResolution #Negotiation #Leadership #Empathy #Assertiveness #Leadership #DecisionMaking

"We have budget for $199,000," the procurement manager spat at me. I had a $325,000 deal forecasted, and we had 7 days left to close it. That was June, 2020. End of quarter. Egg about to be smeared all over my face. I paced around my house while my family swam at the pool. Cursing under my breath. Back then, I knew every negotiation tactic in the book. But that was the problem: My negotiation "strategy" was actually what I now call "random acts of tactics." A question here. A label there. Throw in a 'give to get.' There was no system. No process. Just grasping. Since then, I now follow a step by step process for every negotiation. Here's the first 4: 1. Summarize and Pass the Torch. Key negotiation mistake. Letting your buyer negotiate with nothing but price on their mind. Instead: Start the negotiation with this: “As we get started, I thought I’d spend the first few minutes summarizing the key elements of our partnership so we’re all on the same page. Fair?” Then spend the next 3-4 min summarizing: - the customer's problem - your (unique) solution - the proposal That cements the business value. Reminds your counterpart what's at stake. They might not admit it: But it's now twice as hard for them to be price sensitive. After summarizing, pass the torch: "How do you think we land this plane from here?" Asking questions puts you in control. Now the onus is on them. But you know what they're going to say next. 2. Get ALL Their Asks On the Table Do this before RESPONDING to any "ask" individually. When you 'summarize and pass the torch,' usually they're going to make an ask. "Discount 20% more and we land this plane!" Some asks, you might want to agree to immediately. Don't. Get EVERY one of their asks on the table: You need to see the forest for the trees. “Let’s say we [found a way to resolve that]. In addition to that, what else is still standing in our way of moving forward?” Repeat until their answer is: "Nothing. We'd sign." Then confirm: “So if we found a way to [agree on X, Y, Z], there is nothing else stopping us from moving forward together?" 3. Stack Rank They probably just threw 3-4 asks at you. Now say: "How would you stack rank these from most important to least important?” Force them to prioritize. Now for the killer: 4. Uncover the Underlying Need(s) Ignore what they're asking for. Uncover WHY they're asking for it. If you don't, you can't NEGOTIATE. You can only BARTER. You might be able to address the UNDERLYING need in a different, better way than what they're asking for. After summarizing all of their 'requests,' say this: “What’s going on in your world that’s driving you to need that?” Do that for each one. Problem-solve from there. P.S. These 7 sales skills will help you add an extra $53K to your income in the next 6 months (or less) without working more hours, more stress, or outdated “high-pressure” tactics. Go here: https://lnkd.in/ggYuTdtf

Trust is not something you have, but something you do. 6 proven ways to build unshakeable trust with your team, TODAY: (Sample situations and scripts are included) 1. Say what you do. Minimize surprises. ➜Why: Consistency in communication ensures everyone is on the same page, reducing uncertainties and building reliability. ➜Situation: After a meeting, promptly send out a summary of what was agreed upon, including the next steps, owners, and deadlines. ➜Script: "Thank you for the productive meeting. As discussed, here are our next steps with respective owners and deadlines. Please review and let me know if any clarifications are needed." 2. Do what you say. Deliver on commitments. ➜Why: Keeping your word demonstrates dependability and earns you respect and trust. ➜Situation: Regularly update stakeholders on the project's progress. Send out a report showing the project is on track, and proactively communicate any potential risks. ➜Script: "Here's the latest project update. We're on track with our milestones. I've also identified some potential risks and our mitigation strategies." 3. Extend the bridge of trust. Assume good intent. ➜Why: Trust grows in a culture of understanding and empathy. Giving others the benefit of the doubt fosters a supportive and trusting environment. ➜Situation: If a team member misses an important meeting, approach them with concern and understanding instead of jumping to conclusions. ➜Script: "I noticed you weren’t at today’s meeting, [Name]. I hope everything is okay. We discussed [key topics]. Let me know if you need a recap or if there's anything you want to discuss or add." 4. Be transparent in communication, decision-making, and admitting mistakes. ➜Why: Honesty in sharing information and rationale behind decisions strengthens trust. ➜Situation: Be clear about the reasoning behind key decisions, especially in high-stakes situations. ➜Script: "I want everyone to understand why we made this decision. Here are the factors we considered and how they align with our objectives..." 5. Champion inclusivity. Engage and value all voices. ➜Why: Inclusivity ensures a sense of belonging and respect, which is foundational for trust. ➜Situation: Encourage diverse viewpoints in team discussions, ensuring everyone feels their input is valued and heard. ➜Script: Example Script: "I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this, [Name]. Your perspective is important to our team." 6. Be generous. Care for others. ➜Why: Offering support and resources to others without expecting anything in return cultivates a culture of mutual trust and respect. ➜Situation: Proactively offer assistance or share insights to help your colleagues. ➜Script: "I see you’re working on [project/task]. I have some resources from a similar project I worked on that might be helpful for you." PS: Trust Is Hard-Earned, Easily Lost, Difficult To Reestablish...Yet Absolutely Foundational. Image Credit: BetterUp . com

No Deal Without Socializing In many negotiations, the final decision hinges more on personal chemistry than measurable factors like price or performance. This is especially true in international negotiations, where cultural nuances play a bigger role than in domestic settings. When negotiating within familiar frameworks, it's easier to rely on logic and data. However, seasoned international negotiators repeatedly emphasize the significance of personal relationships. People want to know who they’re doing business with, meet face-to-face with trusted partners, and feel confident in the reliability of their word. This is where socializing becomes a critical part of the negotiation process, determining whether that chemistry will ultimately click. Socializing, though, is governed by both written and unwritten cultural norms. A small misstep can tarnish your reputation in some countries, while in others, there's more leniency toward foreign visitors. In certain regions, long-standing etiquette rules have evolved, and sticking strictly to old customs might label you as outdated. However, in most cases, a minor social mistake won’t be a deal-breaker in familiar contexts. Today, there’s renewed interest in etiquette, trust, and relational contracting, especially in collaborative negotiations. Why? Because it’s not just a kinder way to interact—it makes financial sense. Trust itself is a monetary asset, contributing real value. My doctoral research has quantified this, showing that trust can account for as much as 28% of the value in a negotiation. Adding to this challenge, a study I conducted with Tim Cummins, president of World Commerce & Contracting, revealed that 70% of all negotiations are now partly or completely conducted virtually, with 41% of those being negotiated via email. Let me put it simply: DISASTER. Without the personal connection and the subtleties of face-to-face interaction, it’s no wonder that deals often suffer. #negotiation SMARTnership Negotiation Tine Anneberg Gražvydas Jukna Felix Miller Roar Wægger Jason Myrowitz Loise Waruingi Francis Goh, FSIArb, FCIArb Pedro Carmo Pedro Alzugaray

People often ask me for quick ways to build trust on a team. I have a dozen solid go-to moves, but one stands out because it’s dead simple and nearly always works. You’ve probably heard of the “connection before content” idea—starting meetings with a personal check-in to warm up the room. But let’s be honest: questions like “What’s your favorite color?” or “What five things would you bring on a deserted island?” don’t build trust. They just waste time. If you want a real trust-builder, here’s the question I use: “𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘄?” That’s it. One question. And here’s why it works: 𝟭. It creates vulnerability without forcing it. You can’t answer this question without being a little real. And when someone’s real with you, it’s hard not to trust them more. You see the human behind the role. 𝟮. It unlocks practical support. Once I hear your challenge, I can picture how to help. I feel drawn to back you up. That’s the foundation of real partnership at work. 𝟯. It increases mutual understanding. Sometimes we feel disconnected from teammates because we don’t know what they actually do all day. When someone shares a challenge, it opens a window into their work and the complexity they’re navigating. If you’re short on time, allergic to fluff, and want something that actually bonds your team—this is your move. Ten minutes, and you’ll feel the shift."

Ever been in a meeting where everyone seems to agree… but something feels off? Then the meeting ends, and someone turns to you and says, “I don’t actually think that plan is going to work.” That’s the problem with passive consensus. It drains momentum and buries the truth. One of the simplest High Return Practices we teach in Never Lead Alone is the Candor Break. It’s a pause button for honesty. In the middle of a conversation, especially one that feels like it’s drifting toward groupthink, ask this one question: “What’s not being said right now that really should be?” Then have people pair up or break into small groups to answer it, capture the insights in a shared doc, return to the main room and share back. It’s as easy as that. It takes 5 minutes and it changes everything.

"You said that so diplomatically," folks say when they think I carefully phrased a comment to avoid insult. In the words of Hamilton's Aaron Burr - "Don't let them know what you're against or what you're for." Or, as a more seasoned diplomat put it to my political/economic tradecraft class in 2013: “The key to diplomacy is letting someone think they’re getting something from you, while actually giving them nothing.” It's as though diplomats work best when they speak obliquely and mask their intent. Bull. A diplomat's power rests in their ability to speak truth to someone unaccustomed to hearing it. Breaking that culture of silence and hedging is novel and surprising. It engenders trust, the lifeblood of national security. In my career that's been: skeptical Iranian academics; Soviet-trained Armenian bureaucrats; or Sudanese diaspora long ignored by official Americans – and more. That sometimes – often – means delivering hard messages. Not disappearing when the going gets tough, we make a mistake, or our government makes a different decision. Instead of prevaricating, we should explain the what, how, and why to their partner especially on a tough issue. There are times when we can’t be totally open, it’s true. But building trust will help a diplomat explain when and why we can’t reveal everything. It’s not all talk. Diplomats need to try as hard as we can to come through for our partners. Relationships are not just about getting – for ourselves or for the United States. They’re about delivering as promised. Being clear about why we won’t be able to deliver on the front end will help avoid broken trust later when we don’t come through. Finally, diplomacy isn’t just external; it’s internal, too. Being clear with our colleagues, subordinates, and higher-ups about our goals, successes, disagreements, and failures builds effective teams and prepares good decisions. Holding back – not speaking truth, especially to power – is where diplomacy fails. Without a truthful advocate (again, particularly on hard topics) an organization loses trusts and makes poor decisions.

When I'm negotiating, I tend to AGREE with the other side. Sounds counter-intuitive. But it's enabled me to close 7-figure settlements. Most lawyers think negotiations are about being tough, standing your ground, and not giving an inch. I take the opposite approach: tactical empathy. Here's how it works. When opposing counsel says something like, "That's a ridiculous settlement demand. We can never possibly pay that much," I don't fight back. Instead, I validate them: "I can see why you would say that. I'm sorry for that. What can I do to come up with an offer that makes sense for you? My client is unfortunately stuck here." Their reaction? Complete confusion. They're prepared for a fight. They've got their counterarguments lined up. But when I validate their feelings instead, their entire script falls apart. The best part? They start giving me information I can use to negotiate against them. When faced with validation instead of opposition, lawyers suddenly start explaining their real constraints, their client's actual position, and sometimes even what number they might actually be able to get approved. All because I didn't argue. I've found this approach works especially well on lawyers because they don't even know what's happening. They're so used to adversarial negotiations that genuine validation short-circuits their usual approach. The key elements: • Validate their emotions • Acknowledge their position • Ask questions instead of making demands • Keep validating even when they try to be difficult This isn't just about being nice – it's strategic. By removing the confrontation, you force them to either engage constructively or look unreasonable. Next time you're in a difficult negotiation, try validation instead of opposition. It feels counterintuitive, but the results speak for themselves. After all, the goal isn't to win the argument – it's to get what your client needs.

In business and life, the best outcomes go to the best negotiators. Most people think negotiation is about winning. It's actually about understanding. What separates good deals from great ones? It's not aggression. It's not manipulation. It's not who talks loudest. It comes down to mastering the human side of the exchange. Here's the path that works: 1. Prepare Like You Mean It Research goes beyond Google. Understand their pressures, their goals, their challenges. Knowledge becomes helpful when used with care. 2. Open With Real Connection Forget the power plays. Start with curiosity and respect. The tone you set in the first 5 minutes shapes everything that follows. 3. Explore What's Underneath People fight for positions. But they negotiate for reasons. "I need a better price" might really mean "My boss needs to see I'm adding value." Find the why behind the what. 4. Trade Value, Create Value The best deals aren't zero-sum. Look for ways both sides can win. Sometimes what costs you little means everything to them. 5. Close With Total Clarity Handshakes aren't contracts. Document what you agreed to. Confirm next steps before you leave. Ambiguity kills more deals than disagreement. The biggest mistake I see leaders make? They negotiate like it's combat. But the best outcomes come from collaboration. When you're across the table, remember: 👂 Listen more than you speak ❓ Ask "Help me understand..." when stuck ⏸️ Take breaks when emotions rise 👟 Know your walk-away point before you sit down Your style matters too. Sometimes you need to compete. Sometimes you need to accommodate. The magic is knowing when to shift. Success isn’t given. It’s negotiated. But how you negotiate determines whether you build bridges or burn them. Choose wisely. 📌 Save this for your next negotiation. ♻️ Repost if this helps you (or someone on your team) negotiate. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more tools on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

Throughout my career as in-house counsel, I've negotiated hundreds of contracts on behalf of clients residing outside the U.S. or with opposing counsel or counterparties from non-English speaking jurisdictions. The one common thread I noticed across all of these international contracts is that the contracts were always drafted in English. But when the parties’ respective level of command of the English language differs, and the contract is drafted solely in English, the parties automatically start on uneven footing. Without a full grasp of the English language, how can the non-U.S. party fully understand the contract or fully advocate for their client’s position? Better yet, how can they fully comprehend and deliver on your ask? And when the English-speaking party notices this inherent difference, what can be done to improve the playing field and ensure alignment across all parties involved? 🚧 Contract drafters should be on the lookout for these easy-to-spot signs of language bias: ▪️ Contract is only drafted in English but one or more of the parties (including clients, lawyers, or internal stakeholders) does not speak English fluently. ▪️ The governing language provision states English is the official language of the contract. ▪️ The governing law provision designates a non-English speaking country as the governing jurisdiction, but the contract is written only in English. ➕ Here are 6 ways you reduce language bias and create more inclusive contracts! __________ 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗡 𝗠𝗢𝗥𝗘: For more tips on how to reduce bias and draft more inclusive contracts, bookmark 🔖 Chapter 9 on Bias & Inclusivity of my book, Contract Redlining Etiquette. 📖 Available for purchase on Amazon: https://a.co/d/6kvRfO4 #contracts #corporatecounsel #diversityandinclusion #attorneys #womeninlaw #legalprofession