The Impact of Language on Negotiation Styles

Dr. Adam Grant's intriguing The New York Times article prompts a fresh look at the power of 'soft' language. Stereotypically tagged as 'feminine,' hedging, disclaimers, and tag questions can indeed be influential tools in negotiation. But there's a catch: overuse of 'soft' language can emanate indecisiveness, potentially eroding your credibility. Remember, difficult conversations aren’t just opportunities to present our ideas, they are opportunities to present ourselves. Thus, it’s essential to wield this form of communication prudently. In doing so, we ensure our message is compelling, yet not undermining our authority. When strategically deployed, this "softening" language can be a powerful tool that tempers the impact of potentially harsh messages. However, excessive use can project indecision and a lack of confidence, which, even if your ideas resonate, may cause others to doubt your ability to execute them. Moreover, branding this type of language as 'weak' or 'feminine' could dissuade some individuals with more dominant personality types from harnessing its power. Let's flip the script and instead label it as 'humble' and 'inviting.' I believe reframing this approach in this way will increase the likelihood of its wide adoption. [Let’s just say the silent part out loud: there are a lot of men who won’t use this approach simply because it’s branded as ‘weak’ or ‘feminine’. 🤷🏿♂️] So, what’s your take on this? Can redefining 'weak' language as 'humble' and 'inviting' reshape its perception and application? Let’s learn from each other by continuing the conversation in the comments!

Think ‘I Feel’ Makes You Weak? Let Me Show You Why You’re Wrong "I feel" is your negotiation secret weapon. Most people think subjective language makes you weak. They're wrong. Here's why the best negotiators use it by design: 1. Creates Flexibility ↳ Objective: "Your price is 30% above market rate" ↳ Subjective: "I feel we're not aligned on value yet" One corners people. The other opens conversations. 2. Builds Strategic Ambiguity ↳ Objective: "We need an answer by Friday" ↳ Subjective: "I sense timing might be a concern" One triggers defense. The other invites exploration. 3. Maintains Power ↳ Objective: "We won't go above $50K" ↳ Subjective: "That number feels a bit steep for us" One locks you in. The other keeps options open. The Pattern: → Objective language = Draws lines in sand → Subjective language = Creates bridges Pro Move: Start subjective to build rapport Switch to objective to close deals Remember: Strong negotiators aren't afraid of "feel" and "believe" They know exactly when to use them. ♻️ Share if this changed how you'll negotiate 🔔 Follow Mike Hays for more negotiation psychology tips

Lost in Translation in Negotiations? You don’t need their language, just their style.     "𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦?"    In cross-cultural negotiations, often the answer is... not quite. For example, imagine you’re in Tokyo, confidently presenting your proposal. You wait, but instead of a response, there’s silence. In Japan’s indirect style, that pause is reflection, not rejection. But for direct communicators from the U.S., Germany, or Northern Europe, silence often signals a dead end—or even a reason to push harder. Anglo-Saxons, Northern Europeans, and Scandinavians prefer directness.  ↳ They believe in speaking plainly.  ↳ Feedback is clear, even blunt, as “saving face” isn’t a strong concern.     However, Asians, Middle Easterners, Africans, Latins, and Southern Europeans lean toward indirect communication.  ↳ They value subtlety, nuance, and saving face.  ↳ Silence, indirect wording, or hints are often their ways of saying “not quite” without confrontation. This is where negotiations slip sideways. Miscommunication isn’t just awkward; it silently kills deals. Here is how to handle these situations:   𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗗𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀: Ease off the gas 1️⃣ 𝙍𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚: When not met with directness, dial back. 2️⃣ 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚: Pauses in high-context cultures mean thoughtfulness. Give space. 3️⃣ 𝙐𝙨𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬-𝙪𝙥𝙨: Instead of, “Do we have a deal by Friday?” try, “How do you see us moving forward?”      𝗙𝗼𝗿 𝗜𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀: Step up the clarity 1️⃣ 𝘼𝙫𝙤𝙞𝙙 𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙨: Subtlety can seem evasive to direct communicators. 2️⃣ 𝘽𝙚 𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙞𝙛𝙞𝙘 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨: Instead of “We’ll try,” say, “Let’s revisit by month’s end.” 3️⃣ 𝙊𝙥𝙚𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙙𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠: Direct communicators respect knowing why things aren’t working.      𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗞𝗲𝘆?    Negotiation isn’t just what you say—it’s understanding how to say it. Success sometimes means speaking less like yourself and more like your counterpart.    #negotiationbydesign #culturenegotiation #Negotiation