The Challenges of Dealing with Aggressive Negotiators

Bullying works—until it blows up in your face. Why reckless negotiation tactics sabotage your success. Ever bullied your way into a deal? That short-term “win” often leads to broken trust, resentment, and future problems. Decades of studying negotiation—both industry leaders and my own mistakes—taught me this: heavy-handed tactics create shaky outcomes. Win the match, and you risk losing the tournament. Here’s how to avoid blowing up your deals: 1️⃣ Separate people from problems. → Focus on issues, not personal tensions. → Acknowledge emotions but don’t let them derail the agenda. → Use phrases like, “Let’s solve this together,” and practice active listening to show respect and stay solution-oriented. 2️⃣ Make facts your secret weapon. → Prepare with industry benchmarks, case studies, and solid data. → Present facts calmly, using visuals or examples to emphasize your points. → Avoid exaggeration—it undermines credibility. → A solid fact beats bravado every time. 3️⃣ Exploit your BATNA (but don’t flaunt it). → Build your Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement beforehand, ensuring it’s realistic. → Use it as quiet confidence, not a threat. → A strong fallback shifts your posture from desperate to disciplined. 4️⃣ Expand the pie—or walk away hungry. → Ask open-ended questions like, “What’s most important to you?” or “What does an ideal outcome look like?” → Seek creative trade-offs and explore joint gains. → Brainstorm before settling on a deal to uncover hidden synergies. 5️⃣ Invest in relationships like gold. → Build rapport early. → Discuss shared goals and show respect by acknowledging their contributions. → Post-negotiation, follow up with goodwill gestures—small actions that build trust for the long term. What good is a contract if everyone secretly hates it? Shift from fear-based to partnership-driven negotiation. Before pressing leverage, ask yourself: “Does this foster collaboration or enforce compliance?” That choice shapes your future deals. What’s your best tip for turning standoffs into partnerships? Share it in the comments! Ever burned a bridge while sealing a deal? Let’s learn—and heal—together.

In one of the classes I am teaching I assigned my book "Getting Back to the Table" for the students to read. They have come up with some really wonderful and practical examples that I want to share (anonymously of course). Here is a very good example of the Pennywise and Pound Foolish Failure: "One time I learned the wrong lesson from a negotiation was early in my supply chain career. I believed that the key to success was to be aggressive in every negotiation, with the sole focus of cutting costs regardless of the context or long-term impact. Looking back, that mindset was not only flawed, but it led to a situation that I still regret. I was negotiating with a small, long-standing vendor, one that had maintained a strong relationship with the company I worked for over the previous 12 years. Driven by my goal to maximize savings, I took an overly aggressive approach and used our purchasing power which made up about 70% of their total revenue to push for deep cost reductions. While I achieved short-term savings, the consequences were far more damaging. I later learned that the vendor had reduced the number of clients they served to prioritize our business and meet our high demand. My negotiation left them financially vulnerable and, in the process, severely strained a valuable partnership that had taken over a decade to build. When I fully understood the impact of my actions, I felt terrible. That experience taught me an important lesson: effective negotiation isn’t just about cutting costs, it’s about creating value and maintaining healthy, sustainable relationships, especially with smaller vendors. Since then, I’ve been much more mindful in my approach, focusing on strategies that support mutual benefit and long-term success."

Bullying doesn't stop at the schoolyard gates. It can find its way into boardrooms, negotiations, and even courtrooms. The tactics may evolve, but the core strategy remains the same: intimidation, manipulation, and a disregard for fairness. As a litigator—and a parent of a middle schooler—I know a few things about bullies. And let’s be honest, they stink. Whether on the playground or in the courtroom, bullies thrive on creating discomfort and distraction. But here’s the secret: once you recognize their behavior for what it is, their power starts to fade. Here’s the key: Don’t get distracted. Bullies often act out of their own insecurities, using intimidation to shift your focus and throw you off balance. This is a deliberate tactic to distract you from your strategy and weaken your resolve. Instead: 🔹 Stay calm under pressure: Your composure is your power. Don’t let their behavior dictate yours. 🔹 Recognize the insecurity: When you see the bully’s tactics for what they are, it’s easier to remain unaffected. 🔹 Dig in and refocus: This is the moment to double down on preparation and clarity. Channel your master negotiator mentality—strategic, adaptable, and focused on outcomes. 🔹 Set boundaries: Just as you teach children not to give in, hold the line in negotiations or proceedings. 🔹 Call out behavior appropriately: Judges, mediators, and others can help check bullying tactics when addressed respectfully. Bullies thrive on reaction and chaos. By staying calm, focused, and intentional, you dismantle their power. Justice isn’t just about knowing the law—it’s about navigating challenges with grace and strategy. What have been your experiences confronting bullies in professional settings? Let’s discuss ways to turn their tactics into opportunities for growth and better outcomes. #ProfessionalDevelopment #Litigation #ConflictResolution #AntiBullying #MasterNegotiator

COMMUNICATE YOUR INTOLERANCE TO CONFLICT Whenever lawyers are portrayed in movies or TV shows, they’re typically argumentative and have big egos. Every discussion is shown as a zero-sum game with a winner and loser. The reality is that there are times when someone must win or lose. But, you cannot live your life viewing every situation as something to win. Yet what do you do when you encounter people that just cannot seem to grasp this concept? You’ve all met these people. When you negotiate with them, they must have the final counteroffer. When you disagree on something, they need the judge to rule on an obvious issue. When they could waive an unnecessary issue, they find a way to make you spin your wheels doing busy work. You have to strike a balance between being assertive and letting these people under your skin. I had a trial a few years ago where I ran into the most difficult opposing counsel I have ever dealt with. I did not know how to respond to someone so aggressive, so competitive, and so unwilling to agree with anything. I started to view this person with intense dislike to the point where I dreaded showing up to court. I started to let them get inside my head. The two weeks of trial against this person were emotionally exhausting. I won the trial, but I felt like I lost track of the bigger picture. I found myself yelling at opposing counsel on the phone. I found myself rolling my eyes in court. I found myself using over-the-top language to the judge to signal my frustration with opposing counsel. I was exhausted for weeks after this trial. If I could tell myself back then what I know today, I’d pass on the following advice: - People who are intentionally combative are compensating for something. They feel inadequate, insecure, unloved, or misunderstood. Once you reframe their behavior as being about them and not about you, it’s easier to tolerate. - Don’t let things escalate. At the first sign of unnecessary conflict, tell them their approach isn’t going to work with you. Aggressive people aren’t used to assertiveness. They’re used to being feared. - Kill grumpy people with kindness. Not for them, but for you. Getting angry or responding in-kind will only increase your stress response. These people will not be impacted by your response and will continue doing whatever makes them happy. - Set boundaries with these people. If they are abusive on the phone, only communicate via email. If you find compromise impossible, stop trying. If they do something unprofessional, communicate your frustration about it and move on. - Don’t let them see you sweat. Competitive people feed off knowing you’re thinking about them. Even if they bother you, don’t show any outward signs of it. - Confide in people you trust. Find a mentor and vent about the situation. Just because you shouldn’t show them you’re frustrated, doesn’t mean you cannot show others.