Techniques for Persuading Difficult Personalities

Most of our interactions—especially the difficult ones—are negotiations in disguise. In their book Beyond Reason, Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro highlight how success in these conversations often comes down to addressing core concerns—deep, often unspoken emotional needs that shape how people engage. These concerns are: Appreciation, Affiliation, Autonomy, Status, and Role. Ignore them, and you’ll likely face resistance, disengagement, or frustration. Acknowledge and address them, and you create the conditions for stronger relationships, better problem-solving, and more win-win outcomes. I’ve learned this the hard way. Appreciation A senior leader I worked with was frustrated by pushback from his team. The problem? He was so focused on driving results that he rarely acknowledged their efforts. Once he started genuinely listening and recognizing their contributions, engagement skyrocketed. The team felt heard, and collaboration improved instantly. Affiliation A new CEO walked into a fractured leadership team—siloed, political, and mistrusting. Instead of pushing quick solutions, she focused on rebuilding connections, creating shared experiences, and reinforcing that they were one team. The shift in culture transformed their ability to work together. Autonomy A department head was drowning in tactical decisions because his team constantly sought approval. By clearly defining goals, setting guardrails, and empowering them to make decisions, he freed up his time and saw his team step up with more confidence and accountability. Status A high-potential leader felt overlooked and disengaged. His boss didn’t give him a raise or a new title but started including him in key strategic meetings. That simple shift in visibility changed everything—he became more invested, more proactive, and took on bigger challenges. Role A VP was struggling, not because of a lack of skill, but because she was in the wrong seat. When her boss recognized this and shifted her to a role better suited to her strengths, she thrived. Sometimes, people don’t need a promotion—they need the right role. Before a tough conversation or leadership decision, check in: - Am I recognizing their efforts? - Making them feel included? - Giving them autonomy? - Acknowledging their status? - Ensuring their role fits? Addressing core concerns isn’t about being nice—it’s about unlocking the best in people. When we do, we create better conversations, stronger teams, and real momentum. #Conversations #Negotiations #CoreConcerns #Interactions #HumanBehavior #Learning #Leadership #Disagreements

"We will pay you $75K this year and $110K next year.” I’ve helped candidates negotiate six-figure salaries, remote flexibility, and better perks. Even when employers initially resisted. Well... negotiations often hit a standstill when both sides are holding firm. The employer won’t budge, and the employee doesn’t want to compromise. So how do you move forward without losing what matters most? 1️⃣ Understand their WHY. Your employer isn’t just being difficult. They have reasons, maybe budget constraints, company culture, and managerial oversight. If they insist on in-office work, maybe they’re worried about productivity. If they push back on salary, maybe they’re balancing multiple hires. 2️⃣ Reframe the discussion. Instead of saying, "I can only do remote", say "I’ll provide daily Loom updates to showcase my work and keep communication transparent." This way, they don’t feel like they’re losing control. They’re gaining certainty. 3️⃣ Propose a step-up structure. If they claim they can’t meet your salary, introduce a phased increase: "What if we start at $75K now, with a structured raise to $110K next year based on performance?" Now, you’re giving them flexibility while ensuring you get the pay you deserve. 4️⃣ Negotiate beyond salary. If they won’t budge on pay, shift the focus. More vacation? Training budget? Performance-based bonuses? There are multiple levers to pull. The goal isn’t to win. It’s to walk away happy. No one gets 100% of what they want, But the best negotiators ensure both sides leave with a deal that feels fair. If your negotiation is stuck, shift from demands to solutions. That’s how you break the deadlock.

"We have budget for $199,000," the procurement manager spat at me. I had a $325,000 deal forecasted, and we had 7 days left to close it. That was June, 2020. End of quarter. Egg about to be smeared all over my face. I paced around my house while my family swam at the pool. Cursing under my breath. Back then, I knew every negotiation tactic in the book. But that was the problem: My negotiation "strategy" was actually what I now call "random acts of tactics." A question here. A label there. Throw in a 'give to get.' There was no system. No process. Just grasping. Since then, I now follow a step by step process for every negotiation. Here's the first 4: 1. Summarize and Pass the Torch. Key negotiation mistake. Letting your buyer negotiate with nothing but price on their mind. Instead: Start the negotiation with this: “As we get started, I thought I’d spend the first few minutes summarizing the key elements of our partnership so we’re all on the same page. Fair?” Then spend the next 3-4 min summarizing: - the customer's problem - your (unique) solution - the proposal That cements the business value. Reminds your counterpart what's at stake. They might not admit it: But it's now twice as hard for them to be price sensitive. After summarizing, pass the torch: "How do you think we land this plane from here?" Asking questions puts you in control. Now the onus is on them. But you know what they're going to say next. 2. Get ALL Their Asks On the Table Do this before RESPONDING to any "ask" individually. When you 'summarize and pass the torch,' usually they're going to make an ask. "Discount 20% more and we land this plane!" Some asks, you might want to agree to immediately. Don't. Get EVERY one of their asks on the table: You need to see the forest for the trees. “Let’s say we [found a way to resolve that]. In addition to that, what else is still standing in our way of moving forward?” Repeat until their answer is: "Nothing. We'd sign." Then confirm: “So if we found a way to [agree on X, Y, Z], there is nothing else stopping us from moving forward together?" 3. Stack Rank They probably just threw 3-4 asks at you. Now say: "How would you stack rank these from most important to least important?” Force them to prioritize. Now for the killer: 4. Uncover the Underlying Need(s) Ignore what they're asking for. Uncover WHY they're asking for it. If you don't, you can't NEGOTIATE. You can only BARTER. You might be able to address the UNDERLYING need in a different, better way than what they're asking for. After summarizing all of their 'requests,' say this: “What’s going on in your world that’s driving you to need that?” Do that for each one. Problem-solve from there. P.S. These 7 sales skills will help you add an extra $53K to your income in the next 6 months (or less) without working more hours, more stress, or outdated “high-pressure” tactics. Go here: https://lnkd.in/ggYuTdtf

When I'm negotiating, I tend to AGREE with the other side. Sounds counter-intuitive. But it's enabled me to close 7-figure settlements. Most lawyers think negotiations are about being tough, standing your ground, and not giving an inch. I take the opposite approach: tactical empathy. Here's how it works. When opposing counsel says something like, "That's a ridiculous settlement demand. We can never possibly pay that much," I don't fight back. Instead, I validate them: "I can see why you would say that. I'm sorry for that. What can I do to come up with an offer that makes sense for you? My client is unfortunately stuck here." Their reaction? Complete confusion. They're prepared for a fight. They've got their counterarguments lined up. But when I validate their feelings instead, their entire script falls apart. The best part? They start giving me information I can use to negotiate against them. When faced with validation instead of opposition, lawyers suddenly start explaining their real constraints, their client's actual position, and sometimes even what number they might actually be able to get approved. All because I didn't argue. I've found this approach works especially well on lawyers because they don't even know what's happening. They're so used to adversarial negotiations that genuine validation short-circuits their usual approach. The key elements: • Validate their emotions • Acknowledge their position • Ask questions instead of making demands • Keep validating even when they try to be difficult This isn't just about being nice – it's strategic. By removing the confrontation, you force them to either engage constructively or look unreasonable. Next time you're in a difficult negotiation, try validation instead of opposition. It feels counterintuitive, but the results speak for themselves. After all, the goal isn't to win the argument – it's to get what your client needs.