Setting Boundaries with Challenging Negotiators

"They're calling me all day, every day." An associate on my team was visibly frustrated managing a difficult opposing party in one of our cases. I could relate. In my career, I've had opponents and/or unrepresented plaintiffs who: • Called me repeatedly despite my explaining I'm not their attorney • Emailed senior partners at my firm when unhappy with my responses • Contacted my clients directly to complain about me • Questioned my professionalism and ethics • Raised their voice, yelled at me, and called me names • Even sued me personally for alleged "tortious conduct" When dealing with difficult opposing parties, the biggest challenge isn't legal strategy—it's managing the space between: The opposing party wants your attention. Your actual client wants minimal disruption. Here's my playbook for striking this balance: 1. Set clear boundaries early (they'll test them regardless) 2. Document everything—when emotions run high, facts get rewritten 3. Resist the urge to respond to every demand immediately 4. Be selective about what you escalate to your client 5. Remember: remaining calm isn't weakness—it's strategy The hardest skill to master? Not letting them get under your skin. I've watched attorneys lose composure when baited by difficult opponents. The moment you match their energy, you've lost control of the narrative. Instead, I've found that professional detachment combined with strategic empathy yields better outcomes. Let them feel heard without compromising your client's position. For all the litigators out there: your ability to maintain composure while zealously representing your client might be your most valuable skill. ♥️✌🏻🔥

Today's contract tip is about saying no in your negotiations. Everything about our negotiations focuses on coming together, on compromise, on figuring out a structure or wording that lets our side of the deal say yes. But sometimes no is the right thing to say. It could be that the other side makes a proposal that is a non-starter. Or we've been discussing something and see no common ground. Or one of our stakeholders gave us instructions to reject something. In situations like these, I believe that saying no is an act of respect for your counterparty. Saying no is being honest and transparent with what we will and won't do. We let them know our boundaries. We aren't misleading or suggesting compromise is an option when it is not. When I find myself needing to say no, I try to deliver it without emotion or judgment. I say it as matter-of-factly as I can and with empathy and support that it may be difficult for my counterparty to hear. I see far too many negotiators say no with a tone of anger, frustration, and contempt. They give it a "HELL NO" feel. And that often results in even more frustration and hostility at a difficult moment in the relationship. Yes, our counterparty may be frustrated by our position. And that is ok. We cannot control how they will react to our message of no. But if that is the right answer for us, then we need to deliver that message clearly and without making it into more than it is. What's you mindset about saying no? Have you used techniques that make the process of saying no more supportive and collaborative? #HowToContract #contracts #lawyers

Ever feel cornered by cold offers or overly curious questions? Here’s a boundary-setting strategy that works: Repetition. 𝗪𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝘀𝗵 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝘄𝗲’𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲. Whether it’s cold DMs, intrusive questions about your plans, or even sales pitches, it can feel overwhelming. - You don’t want to ignore them - that feels rude. - You don’t want to get angry - that creates tension. So, what’s the solution? 𝗔 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘁, 𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗸𝗲𝘆: 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝘁. 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝗽𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺, 𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 1) It clarifies your point. Consistency removes ambiguity and sends a clear message. 2) It prevents escalation. Repetition is neutral and non-confrontational, unlike reactive responses like anger or silence. 3) It sets boundaries effectively. This approach is often referred to as "verbal judo" or "passive resistance," where the boundary is set without overt confrontation. 4) It interrupts the persuasion loop. The "broken record" technique from negotiation strategies helps maintain your position without engaging further. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗯𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘆: - Cold caller: “Would you like Option A or B?” - You: “No, thank you.” (Repeat as needed.) Friend asking a personal question: “Why don’t you want to share your plans?” - You: “I prefer to keep that private.” (Repeat calmly.) This strategy works because it’s polite, firm, and calm. While it may not guarantee they won’t get offended. If they do - it’s their choice. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀 - 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼. Someone asks about your plans, spending, or personal life? Have a consistent response ready like, “I’m not comfortable discussing that". This allows you to protect your boundaries while maintaining respect. 𝗧𝗿𝘆 𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁: - Create your go-to response for uncomfortable situations. - Repeat it calmly, no matter how many times they ask. - Watch how setting boundaries helps you feel more confident and in control. Because boundaries aren’t built in a day - they’re built through consistent, respectful action. * * * ➜ Follow for more on how to stay calm and be yourself in a hypocritical world while doing what’s right in life and business. ➜ I’ve left the corporate world, am building my own, sharing lessons along the way. ➜ My ultimate goal is to help others gain the freedom to build a life on their terms, aligned with their values.