How trust in leaders builds and breaks over time

“Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair”. Or so they say. But, let’s not take this simply for granted, as the opposite is equally true. The quote above is so well known that it is accepted as a universal truth. But is it actually true? The logic is this: - In order to trust someone, you need to spend lots of time with them, and interact with them frequently. By seeing increments of trustworthy behaviors, you build up trust.  - One faulty action can break the trust. It’s a sign that someone is not to be trusted and you are basically back at square one—or worse.  - Once broken, the slow process of building up trust starts again, but since trust has been broken, it takes longer, and may never happen. This may sound intuitive, and you may have various experiences confirming this. I have some as well. But this doesn’t make it universally true. There is one big problem with it: it starts with distrust as the default, while it is 100% human to start with TRUST as the default, not with distrust. Simply look at a baby, or a toddler, or even a kid: trust is the default, not distrust. It is only by having developed mistrust over the years, that the logic above has come into place. But my personal experience is that, very often, the reality is very different than the quote suggests. Therefore, here is an alternative quote: → “Trust takes minutes to build, weeks to break, and days to repair.” Examples of “Trust takes minutes to build” - When meeting a prospective client, they share their biggest concerns while just being minutes into the conversation. - When I train participants that I have never met, the trust is instantly there. We start with trust, not mistrust. - When I talk to people for the first time to record a podcast, trust is there, so that I openly speak while being recorded for broadcasting. Examples of “Trust takes weeks to break” - If a business partner doesn’t keep a promise, I don’t like it, but trust requires multiple broken promises to break. - If a colleague tells a lie, I am disappointed but will give them the benefit of the doubt at least once, and probably more often. - If a client does something against my interest, I want to understand why they did it. I don’t immediately distrust them. Examples of “Trust takes days to repair” - After I don’t trust a business partner anymore, an honest and intense conversation can repair most of the trust.  - After a colleague told several lies and shows genuine regret, trust could be restored after sleeping a few nights over it.  - After acting against my interest, a client’s counteractions to repair trust can restore trust over a couple of days. This is not because I am so forgiving or unique. This is because, much more often than the famous quote suggests, trust is the default, not distrust. Start with trust, not distrust, and let’s make the world a little brighter by doing so. #trustiskey #communicationskills #relationshipbuilding

Teams don’t lose trust in big moments. They lose it in everyday conversations. After working with leaders across more than 200 organizations, I have seen the same pattern repeat. Trust rarely collapses suddenly. It erodes quietly through missed follow-ups, vague feedback, or words that create more confusion than clarity. Every sentence you speak as a leader leaves a neural imprint on your team’s brain. It either creates safety or triggers self-protection.   Over time, those small moments decide whether people open up or shut down. Here are 16 phrases that help build trust, connection, and alignment. 1/ When Setting Direction  “This is what success looks like. Let’s align on what it takes to get there.” 2/ When Delegating  “I trust your judgment on this. You have full ownership.” 3/ When Taking Responsibility  “I missed that. Here’s what I’m doing to fix it.” 4/ When Performance Slips  “This didn’t land as expected. Let’s learn and adjust together.” 5/ When Handling Conflict  “Let’s address what’s uncomfortable instead of avoiding it.” 6/ When Rebuilding Trust  “I understand how this impacted you. What can I do to make it right?” 7/ When Priorities Shift  “Our direction has changed. Let’s re-align and move forward.” 8/ When Your Instincts Trigger You  “Something feels off. Let’s explore what’s really happening.” 9/ When Seeking Candid Opinions  “I need your raw perspective. What am I missing?” 10/ When Pressure Peaks  “We’re entering a tough phase. How can I support you best?” 11/ When Giving Hard Feedback  “This might be uncomfortable, but it’s essential for your growth.” 12/ When Receiving Feedback  “Thank you for sharing that. I value your honesty.” 13/ When Standards Slip  “We agreed on a benchmark. What do you need to meet it?” 14/ When Making Commitments  “You have my word. I’ll follow through and update you.” 15/ When Checking Team Energy  “What’s really happening on the ground? Tell me without filters.” 16/ When Recognizing Excellence  “Your work made a real difference. Let’s make sure others see it too.” These are not just phrases. They are trust signals that calm the nervous system, reduce uncertainty, and build connection. In neuroscience, this phenomenon is referred to as co-regulation. When leaders communicate with clarity and empathy, it helps people feel psychologically safe, strengthens trust pathways in the brain, and raises performance across the team. Trust does not grow from authority. It grows from how safe people feel when they are around you. Which of these will you start using this week to build deeper trust in your team?

Ever 𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 when spoken to harshly by your manager - for something that had nothing to do with your performance? It’s not just a momentary reaction. It’s a survival mechanism. And no apology can undo a feeling of betrayal. Psychological safety is fragile, and every action counts. You might accept their apology. You might even convince yourself it wasn’t a big deal. But that moment stays with you. The next time you speak up, you hesitate. You weigh every word. You wonder: Is it safe to speak my mind? That’s why trust isn’t rebuilt with words – it’s built with consistent, everyday actions. Leaders who don’t get this are walking on thin ice. Psychological safety doesn’t break all at once. It’s chipped away in small moments when leaders aren't careful enough with their words, actions, or tone. A single mistake may be forgivable. But what people remember is how consistent you are after that mistake. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫. The small things you do every day will either restore or destroy what's left. For Leaders (in particular): What everyday actions are you taking to ensure psychological safety is being rebuilt, not eroded?

After decades in leadership, I’ve witnessed the fragility of trust firsthand. Team trust is the invisible thread holding everything together, and it isn’t built in grand gestures. It’s earned - or lost - in those small moments when we think no one’s watching. What really stands out to me as trust-breakers are seemingly small events - things like forgetting to acknowledge contributions or showing favoritism in meetings. But it’s these issues that can have seismic impacts on team dynamics. People notice when leaders don’t give credit where it’s due, and they feel unappreciated as a result - creating a domino effect of lower morale and productivity. Here’s a hard truth I’ve learned in my time leading teams: While trust takes years to build, it can evaporate in seconds. The most damaging part? It’s not always about major ethical breaches. Sometimes it’s those subtle, throwaway moments - forgetting to acknowledge contributions, showing favoritism in meetings - that create hairline fractures in the foundation of your leadership. The trickiest part is that once trust is broken, there’s often no way back. I’ve seen talented leaders forced to leave roles not because of dramatic failures, but because they couldn’t rebuild trust after seemingly minor missteps. Ultimately, what I’ve come to realize is that trustworthiness isn’t just a leadership principle. It’s your most valuable currency. Guard it zealously in every interaction, no matter how small, because once you’ve created that bond of trust, your team can do incredible things. #ethics #organizationalculture #businessintegrity

Leadership is the quiet accumulation of decisions that everyone else stops questioning. The best leaders rarely talk about leadership. They reveal it in the rhythm of their choices. In the early days of a company, decisions are loud. Everyone debates. Every call feels reversible. But over time, a pattern forms. The founder’s voice carries a little more weight. The team begins to predict the outcome before the meeting even starts. That’s how influence takes shape. Through repetition. What never gets airtime. And before long, they stop asking certain questions. Every team drifts toward silence somewhere. Sometimes it’s healthy. Silence means trust. It means the group already knows how to move. Other times, it’s the sound of people giving up on being heard. You can see the difference in how they prepare. A strong team enters a meeting with ideas. A scared one enters with guesses. Leadership hardens in these moments. The daily calls that seem small are the ones that set the emotional temperature. How fast you decide. How you respond when something breaks. Whether you make space for someone else’s idea or rush to end the discussion. The pattern you repeat becomes the rule everyone lives by. And once that happens, it doesn’t matter what your company values say on paper. The real system has already formed. Great leaders stay alert to their own gravity. They notice when people start mirroring their shortcuts. They notice when laughter disappears from meetings. They notice when decisions stop traveling upward. The best don’t chase control. They cultivate clarity. They make it safe for good judgment to spread. Because a company only scales when people can make confident choices without waiting for permission. If everything still funnels back to you, it isn’t leadership. It’s bottlenecked authority dressed up as involvement. True leadership lives in the space between your words and the team’s next move. It’s how well they act when you’re not around. Every decision you make teaches them what normal looks like. If you don’t like what you’re seeing, the change starts with your next choice, not their next meeting.

Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets, and we’re running out of buckets. If you're leading teams through #AI adoption, navigating #hybrid work, or just steering through the tempest that is 2025, there's a crucial factor that could make or break your success: #trust. And right now, it's in free fall. Edelman's Trust Barometer showed an "unprecedented decline in employer trust" -- the first time in their 25 years tracking that trust in business fell. It's no surprise: midnight #layoff emails, "do more with less," #RTO mandates, and fears of #GenAI displacement given CEO focus on efficiency are all factors. The loss of #trust will impact performance. The Institute for Corporate Productivity (i4cp) research shows high performing organizations have 10-11X higher trust between employees and leaders. Trust impacts #engagement, #innovation and #technology adoption, especially AI. My latest newsletter gets beyond the research and into what leaders can do today to start rebuilding trust You can't command-and-control your way through a complete overhaul of how we work... Trust is a two-way street. Leaders need to go first, but we also have to rebuild the gives-and-takes of employer/employee relationships. Three starting points: 1️⃣ Clear Goals, Real Accountability. Stop monitoring attendance and start measuring outcomes. Give teams clear goals and autonomy in how they achieve them. 2️⃣ Transparency with Guardrails. Break down information silos. Share context behind decisions openly - even difficult ones. Establish guardrails for meaningful conversations internally (instead of rock-throwing externally). 3️⃣ Show Vulnerability. Saying "I don't know" isn't weakness–it's an invitation for others to contribute. The word “vulnerability” seems anathema to too many public figures at the moment, who instead are ready to lock themselves in the Octagon with their opponents. But what’s tougher for them: taking a swing at someone, or admitting to their own limitations? This isn't just about CEOs. Great leaders show up at all levels of the org chart, creating "trust bubbles:" pockets of high performance inside even the most challenging environments. If you're one of those folks, thank you for what you do! 👉 Link to the newsletter in comments; please read (it's free) and let me know what you think! #FutureOfWork #Leadership #Management #Culture

Sometimes the best leadership action... is the one that goes against best practices. Take building trust. Every leadership book or coach will tell you it takes years to build and seconds to break. It's true that trust is earned in drips and lost in buckets. But here's what they don't tell you: The fastest way to build trust isn't following a formula. It's being authentic and vulnerable when you're supposed to be strong. I've been teaching the Trust Compound in Accelerate Leadership, where Competence, Care, and Character intersect. But the breakthrough moment? When I realized the order matters. Most leaders start with competence. "Look what I know. Look what I've done." The best leaders? They start with Care. They ask before they tell. They listen before they lead. They admit mistakes before demanding perfection One executive I coached flipped the script. Instead of starting her first team meeting with credentials and strategy, she was authentic. So, she shared her most significant failure. The room changed; trust accelerated. Because here's the counterintuitive truth: People are impressed by your strengths, but they connect to your weaknesses. They want to know you are competent, but they also need to know you're human. The Trust Compound isn't just about having all three elements. It's about knowing when to lead with your heart instead of your resume. Do you agree? Which element of trust do you lead with? #leadership #trust #buildingthebest #management #vulnerability

'My executives are all A-players. They just don't trust each other.' That's what a $60M CEO told me over coffee this morning. His revenue was up 40%, but his leadership team was falling apart. Sound familiar? Here's the counterintuitive truth I've learned after working with dozens of scaling companies: High performers often create low trust. Not because they're untrustworthy, but because they're too capable. Think about it. When you stack your leadership team with ambitious, competent executives, each one is used to being 'the person with the answers.' They've built careers on being right. But scaling a business isn't about being right. It's about being aligned. Last month, I watched a Chief Revenue Officer and COO nearly sink a $100M deal. Not because either was wrong - both had valid concerns. But their inability to trust each other's judgment created decision paralysis. The real cost of low trust: - 3x longer decision cycles - Duplicated efforts across departments - Missed market opportunities - Rising stress, falling margins Your smartest executives are often your biggest trust barriers because: - They have the strongest opinions - They're used to being proven right - They've succeeded through individual excellence - They struggle with shared vulnerability Want to build trust between high performers? Start here: ✅ Create shared defeats, not just shared victories. Nothing builds trust like failing together and recovering stronger. ✅ Stop celebrating individual heroes. Start rewarding collaborative wins. ✅ Make decisions visible. Trust grows in transparency and dies in darkness. ✅ Build accountability around team outcomes, not departmental metrics. Remember: You don't have a trust problem. You have an alignment challenge. Your executives don't need trust falls. They need a compelling reason to depend on each other. Curious: Have you ever had a high-performing team that struggled with trust? What turned it around? #Leadership #OrganizationalDevelopment #ExecutiveTeam

#Trust based #leadership can be both risky and rewarding. After a decade of building teams, I’ve learned it’s a gamble worth taking. A trust-based system may leave you open to being taken advantage of, but it also fuels collaboration, loyalty, and growth. Inspired by Bill from Beyond Entrepreneurship and my own experience building a company, I’ve seen how intentional trust fosters success. Here’s what a decade of testing has taught me about trust: 1. Selective Trust I don’t give trust blindly. If someone hasn’t shown a reliable track record, I don’t hand them my most critical assets. Trust must be earned. 2. Gradual Trust-Building Through consistent actions and results, trust grows. It’s not about a single act but a series of reliable moments that prove someone’s mettle. 3. Understanding Failures When trust is broken, I distinguish between genuine mistakes and deliberate betrayals. Mistakes call for coaching; betrayals require course correction. So, do you start with trust, or does it have to be earned? #Leadership #BeyondEntrepreneurship

#Trust in #Leadership has been a hot topic this week. In nearly every conversation I’ve had with executives and teams, the question has come up: How do we rebuild trust? How do we earn it in the first place? One formula keeps coming up—the one that resonates most deeply with the leaders I coach: 🧠 Trust = Consistency / Time ⏳ (Originally shared by L. David Marquet, and also attributed to former LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner. This equation strips trust down to its essence. ✔️ Consistency: Do your actions match your values—reliably? Do people know what to expect from you, in good times and under pressure? 🕰️ Time: You can’t shortcut it. This is what frustrates us! Trust builds—or erodes—moment by moment, decision by decision. It takes months or years to build and just one moment to erode. I once worked with a senior leader who was brilliant, polished, and deeply strategic. But every so often, when they felt disrespected, they would snap—screaming at people publicly. That one moment of emotional volatility would erase months of goodwill. They’d have to start over in rebuilding trust. Eventually, they were ousted from their role—not for performance, but for unpredictability. I’ve also seen talented leaders removed after just one bad presentation. It wasn’t just about the slides—it was about trust. Their manager (often partially responsible for not preparing them) suddenly questioned their judgment, their readiness, their presence. One off moment was enough to tip the balance. These aren’t fair outcomes. But they are reminders: Trust is fragile. It compounds with consistency—and it resets instantly when consistency breaks. As a coach, I often ask: Are you being intentional in how you show up? Do you tell people what you are thinking? And explain the intention behind your words or actions? Do people know who you are at your core? Are you being patient enough to let trust grow? #Leadership #Trust #ExecutiveCoaching #LeadWithIntention #CultureMatters #LeadershipDevelopment