How to Address Unspoken Questions as a Leader

Most of our interactions—especially the difficult ones—are negotiations in disguise. In their book Beyond Reason, Roger Fisher and Daniel Shapiro highlight how success in these conversations often comes down to addressing core concerns—deep, often unspoken emotional needs that shape how people engage. These concerns are: Appreciation, Affiliation, Autonomy, Status, and Role. Ignore them, and you’ll likely face resistance, disengagement, or frustration. Acknowledge and address them, and you create the conditions for stronger relationships, better problem-solving, and more win-win outcomes. I’ve learned this the hard way. Appreciation A senior leader I worked with was frustrated by pushback from his team. The problem? He was so focused on driving results that he rarely acknowledged their efforts. Once he started genuinely listening and recognizing their contributions, engagement skyrocketed. The team felt heard, and collaboration improved instantly. Affiliation A new CEO walked into a fractured leadership team—siloed, political, and mistrusting. Instead of pushing quick solutions, she focused on rebuilding connections, creating shared experiences, and reinforcing that they were one team. The shift in culture transformed their ability to work together. Autonomy A department head was drowning in tactical decisions because his team constantly sought approval. By clearly defining goals, setting guardrails, and empowering them to make decisions, he freed up his time and saw his team step up with more confidence and accountability. Status A high-potential leader felt overlooked and disengaged. His boss didn’t give him a raise or a new title but started including him in key strategic meetings. That simple shift in visibility changed everything—he became more invested, more proactive, and took on bigger challenges. Role A VP was struggling, not because of a lack of skill, but because she was in the wrong seat. When her boss recognized this and shifted her to a role better suited to her strengths, she thrived. Sometimes, people don’t need a promotion—they need the right role. Before a tough conversation or leadership decision, check in: - Am I recognizing their efforts? - Making them feel included? - Giving them autonomy? - Acknowledging their status? - Ensuring their role fits? Addressing core concerns isn’t about being nice—it’s about unlocking the best in people. When we do, we create better conversations, stronger teams, and real momentum. #Conversations #Negotiations #CoreConcerns #Interactions #HumanBehavior #Learning #Leadership #Disagreements

The $4M Conversation That Never Happened.  (And the leadership mistake no one talks about: silence) "Our boardroom feels like a library," a CEO confided last month. Two weeks later, they lost a $4M deal. Why? A junior analyst spotted the competitor's weakness months ago but never spoke up. This isn't just a story. It's a pattern I've seen across 15+ years of studying organizational psychology. REALITY CHECK: → 71% of employees withhold crucial feedback from senior leadership → Companies with low psychological safety are 32% less likely to spot market opportunities → Teams lose an average of $2.8M annually to unspoken ideas The Silent Signals Killing Your Innovation: 1/The "Quick Agreement" Trap ↳ When heads nod but hearts doubt ↳ Studies show 67% of employees agree publicly but dissent privately 2/The "Power Shadow" Effect ↳ Your title speaks so loudly, they can't hear your questions ↳ Research: Leaders speak 55% less in high-performing teams 3/The "Efficiency vs. Safety" Paradox ↳ Moving fast kills psychological safety ↳ Teams need 7+ seconds of silence after questions (yes, I've timed it) IMMEDIATE ACTIONS FOR TOMORROW'S MEETING: 1/ Reset the Rules • Start with: "The most valuable comment today might challenge what I believe" • Create multiple channels for input (not everyone speaks up verbally or publicly) • Celebrate constructive dissent publicly 2/ Flip the Power Dynamic • Speak last, not first (documented to increase participation by 81%) • Ask questions instead of giving answers • Wait 7 seconds after asking for input (use your phone's timer) 3/ Build Trust Through Structure • Share agenda questions 24 hours ahead • Use round-robin for critical decisions • Follow up with quiet voices within 48 hours THE CHALLENGE: In your next meeting, try this: 1/ Share one "I might be wrong about..." 2/ Count to 7 after asking for input 3/ Thank the first person who disagrees Remember: The most expensive conversations are the ones that never happen. What's one way you'll make space for every voice this week? ♻️ Share if you believe in the power of every voice 🔔 Follow me Loren Rosario - Maldonado, PCC for more insights on leadership, workplace culture, and personal growth

When stepping into a new role, I don’t just ask for performance objectives—I ask people what they hope I’ll do… and what they fear I’ll do. These two questions open the door to understanding unspoken expectations and underlying concerns—insights that often matter more than what’s written in the job description. I also love Marshall Goldsmith’s “feedforward” approach: asking future-focused questions like, “What’s one thing I could do better the next time I lead a product launch?” It shifts the conversation from critique to possibility, and creates space for growth without defensiveness. Imagine if, instead of reacting to vague feedback like “be tougher,” we calmly asked: “What would being tough enough look like to you in that context?” Curiosity, not certainty, is often what drives great leadership. #LeadershipDevelopment #CareerGrowth #EmotionalIntelligence #Feedforward #Coaching