Female Leadership

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

During my time in the corporate world, there was one thing I learned early: Being strong, decisive, and ambitious as a woman made people uncomfortable. I was praised for performance and questioned for assertiveness which was necessary for leadership. I delivered results, but the feedback was always, “Let’s tweak your messaging” or “Let's fix X”, whatever “X” was, meanwhile, my male counterparts saying the same things, in the same rooms were called visionary. So when I came across the Heidi vs. Howard case study from Columbia, I didn’t need a research paper to tell me what I already knew in my bones: Most people still don’t like strong women. In 2003, Professor Frank Flynn ran a case study at Columbia. Same story, same resume, same success one name: Heidi Roizen. The other: Howard Roizen. Both were rated as competent. But only Howard was likable. Heidi was considered too aggressive and not someone you’d want to work with by some students (both males and females). Lead, and be labeled. Play small, and be passed over. We need to fix the system because it was never designed to support women in the workplace.

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

She said yes to every single project. Yet, she was overlooked for the promotion. They said: “She’s irreplaceable.” “We’d be lost without her.” But when it came time to lead the next big thing - She wasn’t even on the list. Over the past decade working in women’s leadership, I’ve seen this story play out far too often. Women staying in roles long past their expiration. Not because they lack clarity - But because they’ve been conditioned to confuse loyalty with worth. Loyalty to a team. To a leader. To a company culture that praises their reliability... But never promotes their vision. So how do you ensure you’re valued - not just used - for all that you bring to the table? Here are 5 practical, research-backed strategies I’ve seen top performers consistently use: ✅ Be Known for Vision, Not Just Execution ↳ “She delivers” is solid. ↳ “She sets the direction” is strategic. ↳ Build a reputation rooted in foresight - not just follow-through. ✅ Document and Distill Your Wins ↳ Don’t wait to be noticed. ↳ Capture and communicate your impact consistently. ↳ Think: outcomes, initiatives, feedback snapshots. ↳ This becomes your proof of value during reviews, promotions, or pivots. ✅ Speak the Language of Business ↳ Translate your work into metrics that matter: revenue, retention, growth, efficiency. ↳ When leaders see your contribution tied to business outcomes, you shift from “nice to have” to “can’t afford to lose.” ✅ Build Cross-Functional Credibility ↳ Influence isn’t built in silos. ↳ Make your value visible across teams. ↳ When multiple departments rely on your insight, you become a strategic connector - not just a contributor. ✅ Create Strategic Allies, Not Just Mentors ↳ Power isn’t just about performance - it’s about proximity to influence. ↳ Nurture relationships with decision-makers, peer champions, and collaborators. Influence grows through meaningful connection. The truth is - being essential isn’t the same as being seen. You can be deeply loyal to others - and still loyal to your own growth. These shifts aren’t just career strategies. They’re acts of self-respect. Because when you decide to lead from alignment, not obligation - You stop waiting to be chosen. And start choosing yourself. 💬 Which of these strategies feels most relevant to where you are right now? I’d love to hear in the comments below. ♻ Repost if you believe it’s time to stop rewarding quiet loyalty - and start recognizing conscious leadership. 🔔 Follow me, Bhavna Toor, for more. 📩 DM me to bring our holistic leadership development programs to your organization - that are a powerful combination of inner-work and real-world strategy.

Most women aren’t struggling with ambition. They’re struggling with permission. To want more. To ask for more. To be more. And it’s not because we don’t have the drive, It’s because we’ve been taught that asking for what we want comes at a cost. “Women don’t advocate for themselves.” That’s the diagnosis. But let’s talk about the conditioning that created this symptom. 🧠 From a young age, we were trained to betray our own instincts in the name of likability. When we spoke up, we were told to be polite. When we led, we were labeled bossy. When we stood our ground, we were deemed difficult. Then we entered the workplace. And suddenly, those same qualities - assertiveness, clarity, ambition - became the ticket to success. Except now, they came with a cost: ⚡️ The likability backlash ⚡️ The ambition tax ⚡️ The invisible double standard So when people ask, “Why don’t women advocate for themselves?” I always ask back: “Why would they - when the price has always been higher than the reward?” During the group coaching session of our "Transform from Hidden Talent to Visible Leader" online program, one pattern showed up across the board: 👉 A hesitation to own their success. 👉 A discomfort with visibility. 👉 A learned fear of being “too much.” Not because they lacked value. But because no one taught them how to advocate without guilt or backlash. Here are 3 truths no one puts in leadership books: 💥 1. Self-advocacy is a continuous act of honoring your future self. Self-advocacy isn’t just about today, it’s about shaping the future you want. Every decision you make should align with where you want to be, not just where you are. • Say no to distractions that pull you away from your long-term goals. • Prioritize yourself by making decisions that build your future, not just serve immediate needs. Your future self will thank you. 💥 2. Stop asking for permission through politeness. How often do you hear: “Sorry to interrupt…” “This might not make sense, but…” “Just a thought…” Delete the disclaimer. Start with your point. You’re not a guest in the room. 💥 3. Your work will not speak for itself. It never has. And that’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility to make it visible. Strategically. Boldly. Without apology. If this resonates, and you’re in a season of wanting to be seen -  not just for what you do, but for who you are when you lead Join the waitlist for our next cohort of From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader - a 4-week online experience for women who are ready to advocate for themselves with clarity, strategy, and quiet power. It’s not about becoming louder. It’s about becoming more you. ✨ Link in comments #HiddenTalentToVisibleLeader #WomenInLeadership #TheElevateGroup #PowerfullyYou #UnlearnToRise

Last week, I facilitated a discussion at Columbia University for their Women’s Leadership Network and one of the readings I assigned the participants was about the glass cliff and now one week later we have a real-world example of the glass cliff playing out. The glass cliff is the phenomenon that occurs when women (often from racially and ethnically marginalized backgrounds) are able to ascend to leadership positions when the corporation is in turmoil. Many women are tapped to stepped in when a company is mired in controversy. What is happening right now at #Boeing is the perfect example of this. Why are they now elevating longtime female exec (Stephanie Pope) as their new CEO at a time when they are making headlines for all their issues and controversy? 🤔🧐 When the women that are elevated into these leadership positions inevitably fail, people use this as proof of their incapability and incompetence + further evidence of why #DEI “doesn’t work.” We need to recognize this corporate trap and call it out whenever we see it happening because it harms us all. Don’t hire us when your company is in trouble. Allow us to lead and trust us to lead when the company is prosperous and watch how we magnify your organization to new heights. #WomensHistoryMonth

“Hard no, Cynthia. Time for a pivot, my dear.” That was the actual response to my message about how confidence gaps are costing companies pipeline, promotions, and profit. Let’s look at the numbers: ✅ Female AEs hit quota 86% of the time vs. 78% for men. ✅ They exceed quota more often, averaging 103% vs. 97% for men. ✅ Close rates? 11% higher than male peers. ✅ Faster deal progression: Women move 54% of deals to the next stage vs. 49% for men. ✅ Female-led sales teams? Quota attainment hits 94%, compared to 91% for male-led teams. And yet... ❌ Women are assigned lower quotas, about 3% lower than men. ❌ Female AEs earn 22% less in base pay, even when outperforming. ❌ Only 12% of top sales positions are held by women, despite being 50%+ of the college-educated workforce. When leaders in power can’t see the gap, the ceiling stays in place. But let’s be clear: I’m not here to convince the comfortable or convert the willfully blind. I’m here to awaken the ready. The women who’ve been outperforming for years while being overlooked. The teams leaving millions on the table because they misdiagnosed self-doubt as lack of skill. Confidence is not a soft skill. It’s a revenue strategy. And “Thank You; It’s True™” isn’t a catchphrase. It’s a business case.

“She’s so resilient” Translation: She’s overworked but expected to keep going. When you’re told to be more resilient It is often just code for quietly burning you out. We celebrate resilience as a badge of honour: – “He’s so resilient!” – “Our team powers through anything!” But let’s unpack what that actually means: ❌ Late nights ❌ Overloaded schedules ❌ Zero time to breathe And when the cracks show? The solution is almost always, “Be more resilient”. Translation: Work harder → Bounce back faster → It’s on YOU. But when resilience becomes the answer to everything, we’re quietly burning people out – and calling it growth. When companies talk about resilience, this is what they should mean: ✅ Processes that don’t require heroics ✅ Workloads that people can sustain over time ✅ Rest and recovery as part of high-performance If you’re leading a team, ask yourself: – Have you created a sustainable working environment? – Or are you primarily rewarding endurance? The difference matters. Because resilience shouldn’t be about enduring the brink of burnout. Let’s not push people to the edge. And then call it resilience when they don’t fall off. What’s your take on this? __ 📌 I'm Mostyn Wilson, former KPMG Partner and Head of People. Follow me to achieve your ambitions – without burning out.

As International Women’s Day nears, we’ll see the usual corporate gestures—empowerment panels, social media campaigns, and carefully curated success stories. But let’s be honest: these feel-good initiatives rarely change what actually holds women back at work on the daily basis. Instead, I suggest focusing on something concrete, something I’ve seen have the biggest impact in my work with teams: the unspoken dynamics that shape psychological safety. 🚨Because psychological safety is not the same for everyone. Psychological safety is often defined as a shared belief that one can take risks without fear of negative consequences. But let’s unpack that—who actually feels safe enough to take those risks? 🔹 Speaking up costs more for women Confidence isn’t the issue—consequences are. Women learn early that being too direct can backfire. Assertiveness can be read as aggression, while careful phrasing can make them seem uncertain. Over time, this calculation becomes second nature: Is this worth the risk? 🔹 Mistakes are stickier When men fail, it’s seen as part of leadership growth. When women fail, it often reinforces lingering doubts about their competence. This means that women aren’t more risk-averse by nature—they’re just more aware of the cost. 🔹 Inclusion isn’t just about presence Being at the table doesn’t mean having an equal voice. Women often find themselves in a credibility loop—having to repeatedly prove their expertise before their ideas carry weight. Meanwhile, those who fit the traditional leadership mold are often trusted by default. 🔹 Emotional labor is the silent career detour Women in teams do an extraordinary amount of behind-the-scenes work—mediating conflicts, softening feedback, ensuring inclusion. The problem? This work isn’t visible in performance reviews or leadership selection criteria. It’s expected, but not rewarded. What companies can do beyond IWD symbolism: ✅ Stop measuring "confidence"—start measuring credibility gaps If some team members always need to “prove it” while others are trusted instantly, you have a credibility gap, not a confidence issue. Fix how ideas get heard, not how women present them. ✅ Make failure a learning moment for everyone Audit how mistakes are handled in your team. Are men encouraged to take bold moves while women are advised to be more careful? Change the narrative around risk. ✅ Track & reward emotional labor If women are consistently mentoring, resolving conflicts, or ensuring inclusion, this isn’t just “being helpful”—it’s leadership. Make it visible, valued, and part of promotion criteria. 💥 This IWD, let’s skip the celebration and start the correction. If your company is serious about making psychological safety equal for everyone, let’s do the real work. 📅 I’m now booking IWD sessions focused on improving team dynamics and creating workplaces where women don’t just survive, but thrive. Book your spot and let’s turn good intentions into lasting impact.

🇧🇯👩🏾✈️Military Operational Readiness by Advancing the Role of Women in Benin’s Armed Forces My team at Strategic Stabilization Advisors, in partnership with Special Operations Command Africa, conducted a focused research study on the integration of women in Benin's military and their impact on local security delivery in late 2024. Based on interviews in two northern regions, the study explores how female personnel influence civil-military coordination, community trust, and perceptions of legitimacy. The report also provides recommendations focused on strengthening women’s roles within Benin’s military—specifically through the potential operationalization of Female Engagement Teams (FETs) within the Forces Armées Béninoises (FAB). Benin’s military has made commendable strides in increasing its readiness and adapting to evolving exogenous threats in its northern regions. This includes growing recognition of the operational value women bring to security missions—especially in civil-military engagement, community trust-building, and intelligence gathering. 🔹 While Benin has taken meaningful steps to include women in its military, structural barriers—from recruitment inconsistencies to limited leadership pathways—continue to hold back true integration. And yet, our fieldwork and interviews revealed something critical: women are already proving to be powerful agents of trust-building, intelligence-gathering, and community engagement, particularly in fragile and conflict-affected areas. 🔹 Female Engagement Teams—successfully deployed in Afghanistan, Iraq, and UN peacekeeping missions—offer a promising path for Benin to deepen community engagement in sensitive operational environments, improve human terrain mapping, and support counterterrorism objectives. Our report contributes to an emerging body of operational research on how Women, Peace and Security (WPS) principles are interpreted and applied in African defense institutions. Interested in learning more or partnering with us on related work? 📩 Write to us directly — we’re always open to meaningful dialogue. #WPS #Benin #FemaleEngagementTeams #SOCAFRICA #SecuritySectorReform #CivilMilitaryEngagement #WomenInUniform #OperationalEffectiveness #StrategicStabilizationAdvisors #FAB #WestAfricaSecurity