Why seriousness doesn't always build trust

Trust isn’t built through perfection. It’s built through authenticity, vulnerability, and humility. In the best teams, people don’t need to have all the answers. They need to show up honestly, ask good questions, and stay open to learning. That kind of culture only works when leaders model it from the top. When they don’t, it creates distance. People start managing impressions instead of solving problems. Energy gets spent on appearances instead of outcomes. I once worked for a boss who really wanted to be a great leader, but never quite showed up fully. He said all the right things about collaboration, strategy, and innovation, but there was always a filter. Something about him felt slick. I remember inviting him to an offsite about our product roadmap. It was an early-stage, messy kind of conversation: technical debates, half-formed ideas, back-and-forth about what might work. Inviting him was a bit of a risk, given what I’d observed. He sat in, but you could tell he was uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to that level of transparency. He was used to polished slides and confident answers, not the raw process of figuring things out together or dealing with uncertainty. That moment stuck with me. I realized he maintained trust by appearing right and in control. He saw our openness to uncertainty as a weakness, when in reality, it was how we built great products and strong teams. That’s when it clicked: I couldn’t work for someone who equated vulnerability with incompetence. Real trust requires showing up as a human. And if you can’t do that, no amount of talk will prove you are qualified.

There’s zero wrong with saying “I don’t know” A few years ago, in a boardroom full of people I deeply respected, I was asked a direct question. I didn’t know the answer. Not even close. & for a second, I considered doing what a lot of leaders do—guess with confidence. But instead, I looked the Chair in the eye & said, “I don’t know. But I’ll come back to you with a clear answer before end of day.” The room didn’t lose respect for me. If anything—they leaned in. That moment taught me something I’ve carried ever since: Saying “I don’t know” doesn’t shrink you. It shows you’re secure enough to be real. Some leaders think they’re paid to know everything. To speak first. To never blink. To always have an answer—even if it’s a guess dressed up as certainty. Here’s the truth: Saying “I don’t know” doesn’t make you look weak. It makes you look honest. & honesty builds trust. 🧠 The research is clear A study by the University of Edinburgh found that leaders who openly admit uncertainty or lack of knowledge are perceived as more credible—especially when they follow it with intent to find the answer. Why? Because people know when you’re bluffing. They just don’t always tell you. But they remember it. & over time, it erodes trust. ⚠️ When leaders fake certainty, here’s what really happens: • Your smartest people disengage—because they know you’re not listening • You lose optionality—because you’ve locked into an untested assumption • You build a culture of ego over inquiry • You slow down learning—because you’ve signaled the thinking is over All because you were afraid to say three simple words: “I don’t know.” ✅ What great leaders say instead • “I don’t know yet. But here’s how we’ll find out.” • “Let me sit with that. It’s worth thinking through.” • “That’s outside my expertise—what do you think?” • “I want to get this right, not just fast.” Saying “I don’t know” doesn’t end the conversation. It opens it. 🔁 It’s not about knowing everything. It’s about knowing what matters. You don’t have to know everything. You have to know what’s real. & what’s real is this: Fake certainty breaks trust. Real honesty builds it. So next time you’re tempted to give an answer just to sound in control? Don’t. Say “I don’t know.” Then show them how you lead anyway. #Leadership #ExecutivePresence #EmotionalIntelligence #AuthenticLeadership #Trust #Management

It was 8:15 AM when a mom’s phone rang. It was her son, panic in his voice: “Mom, I forgot my assignment at home. It’s due in the first period. Please, can you bring it to school?” She could’ve snapped. → “Why weren’t you more careful?” → “I told you to double-check!” But she didn’t. Ten minutes later, she was at the school gate, assignment in hand. Her son rushed over and everything went well. Her son said, “Thanks for not yelling at me, Mom.” And she just smiled. Because in her mind, she knew this: The moment you help someone through a mess without making them feel small is the moment they start trusting you. That evening, after the panic was over, they sat together and talked about building better habits, packing the bag the night before, making a checklist, owning up to mistakes. She knew the lesson would stick because she stood by him when he needed it. This is the same way senior engineers should handle juniors. You don’t build trust by exploding at the first sign of trouble. You build it by showing up, especially when it’s inconvenient. When a junior messes up, the urge to lecture is real. But support comes first, lessons come after. Because good engineers don’t stay just for the perks. They stay where they feel safe enough to make mistakes and learn. And that’s how you build teams that stick together, at home or at work.

A CEO walked into a meeting after weeks of missed goals and tension in the room. Everyone was performing the part: Nodding, smiling, but checked out underneath. She didn’t open with numbers or any sort of pressure about the state of the project. Instead she said: “Something feels off, and I don’t want to pretend it’s not. I’m not here to fix anything today. I’m here to listen, because I know I might be part of the problem.” And for the first time in weeks, her team exhaled. Then someone finally said, “We didn’t know if it was safe to say we were overwhelmed.” That conversation didn’t just change the project. It changed the culture. Because when a leader tells the truth, not just about the work, but about themselves, it gives everyone else permission to be human again. We think leadership is about having the answers. It’s not. It’s about creating a space safe enough that the real answers can emerge. If your people can’t tell the truth, they’ll tell you what you want to hear. And you’ll lead a team that looks fine on paper, but quietly disengaged in reality. You don’t build trust by being invulnerable. You build it by being honest first.  That’s how you create the safety people need to stop performing and start participating.

𝗗𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗕𝗲 𝗦𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀. 𝗕𝗲 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗲. We often pride ourselves on being serious professionals - serious about deadlines, targets, meetings, and outcomes. However, more often than not, what the situation truly demands is sincerity, not just seriousness. 𝗦𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 is concerned with 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘳 - polished, perhaps even flamboyant. 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 is about 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘶𝘱 - present, grounded, and ready to face the challenge. Seriousness can wear a frown, rehearse the problem, and stall in analysis. Sincerity rolls up its sleeves, listens deeply, and takes the next right step. What truly moves us forward is sincerity - a quiet, consistent commitment to solving the problem without drama. As leaders, teammates, and individuals, we become far more impactful when we are sincere in our intent than when we are merely serious in our expression. So the next time a challenge surfaces, let’s pause and ask ourselves: 𝘼𝙢 𝙄 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙨𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 - 𝙤𝙧 𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩? Because the former might impress a meeting room. But the latter? That builds Trust. Solutions. Teams. AI Representative Image. #Leadership #MindsetShift #EmotionalIntelligence #Sincerity #ProfessionalGrowth #LinkedInWisdom #SundayMusing