Why compliment sandwiches don't build trust

During my formative years, I followed the traditional feedback formula: begin with compliments, provide criticism, and conclude with support. However, I left behind this "feedback sandwich" (or compliment cushioning) method many years ago. The issue? This method weakens significant messages. When encased in praise, constructive criticism diminishes its effectiveness. Even more troubling, team members come to expect criticism whenever you begin with compliments("Here comes the 'but'..."). An improved approach: Be straightforward and precise: I begin with the specific action or result that requires attention. There is no introduction, only clarity. Emphasise effect: I describe how the particular behaviour influences results, team dynamics, or business performance. Present as growth: I view feedback as a chance for progress instead of a personal critique. Collaborate actively: I inquire about their viewpoint and collectively explore solutions. My perspective may overlook something. Separate praise entirely. I offer genuine praise independently. My constructive feedback stands on its merit—never as a softening prelude to criticism.

𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗜 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗛𝗥 𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗺𝗲 (𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀) In my work helping new managers, I've learned that most feedback frameworks miss the point. Here's what I do instead. HR taught me the sandwich method: Compliment → Criticism → Compliment. It felt safe. Professional. Structured. It also didn't work. My team saw right through it. They'd brace for the "but" after every positive comment. Trust eroded. Growth stalled. Then a mentor asked me: "When was the last time a sandwich changed your behavior?" Ouch. So I ditched the script. Started doing something that felt reckless at first. But worked greatly. Here's my approach: ✓ 𝗜 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗴𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 "Help me understand what happened here..." Not: "You messed up when..." ✓ 𝗜 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 "I used to make this exact mistake. Here's what helped..." Not: "You need to improve..." ✓ 𝗜 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗮 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗰𝘁 "What do you think would work better?" Not: "Here's what you should do..." ✓ 𝗜 𝗳𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘂𝗽 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻 𝟰𝟴 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀 "How's that new approach working?" Not: Radio silence until the next issue 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗳𝘁? I stopped treating feedback like an event. Made it as normal as grabbing coffee. Quick observations. Real-time adjustments. Human moments. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗱: → People started asking for feedback → Mistakes became learning labs, not shame spirals → Trust replaced the typical manager-employee dance → Performance actually improved (imagine that) Here's the truth HR won't tell you: People don't need your perfect feedback formula. They need to know you're in their corner. That you see their potential. That growth is safe here. The best feedback doesn't feel like feedback at all. It feels like two humans figuring things out together. Because when you stop performing feedback, you start practicing connection. What feedback approach actually creates change on your team? Like and share to help more managers lead with trust, not templates. Follow Jacqueline Ndong for more real-talk leadership insights that actually work.

Why Sandwich Feedback Doesn’t Work—And What To Do Instead A friend once told me about a feedback habit that completely changed how he experienced praise. Early in his career, he worked under a manager who always used the sandwich method. Every feedback conversation followed the same pattern: ✅ A compliment to start. ⚠️ The real critique in the middle. ✅ Another compliment to wrap it up. At first, he didn’t think much of it. But over time, something strange started happening. Whenever his manager started a conversation with “You’re doing a great job!”—his heart would race. His stomach would tighten. His brain would skip ahead, anticipating the inevitable “but…” Praise wasn’t encouraging anymore. It was a warning sign. The pattern was so predictable that even when feedback was genuinely positive, he struggled to believe it. The compliments felt like a setup, and the critique felt like the only part that mattered. Turns out, this isn’t just in his head. Why the Sandwich Method Fails: Neuroscience tells us that our brains naturally focus more on negative feedback than positive. When praise and critique are sandwiched together, the criticism overshadows everything else. Instead of making feedback easier to digest, the sandwich method confuses the message and dilutes the impact. What Works Instead? ✔ Deliver feedback clearly and separately. Let praise be praise, and critique be critique. Each should stand on its own so both feel meaningful. ✔ Make feedback normal. If feedback only happens during formal reviews, it becomes something to fear. Regular, informal conversations build trust and make feedback part of growth—not an event to endure. ✔ Focus on clarity, not cushioning. Kindness isn’t about sugarcoating—it’s about honesty, delivered with respect. People want to improve, but they need to know what to work on. Some management practices sound good in theory but don’t hold up in reality. Sandwich feedback is one of them. What’s the best (or worst) feedback you’ve ever received?

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐰𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐌𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 🚫🥪 Last week, I was praising one of my team members for a job well done. But as I spoke, I noticed she looked worried. When asked why, she said, "I’m waiting for the negative feedback". She was suprised I didn't have any! The Sandwich Method—where criticism is wrapped in praise— does more harm than good. Here’s why: - 𝐈𝐭 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲: The method has trained people to distrust praise, and to start anticipating the criticism that comes along with it. - 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐅𝐚𝐤𝐞: When compliments are used as a buffer for bad news, they lose their value. - 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧: Mixed messages leave people unsure of where they stand. Let’s stop using the sandwich method and start having honest, straightforward conversations. Feedback must be about helping people grow, not making them feel temporarily better. Let's cultivate a culture where praise is genuine, and feedback is clear and constructive. It's time to separate the two! Agree? #𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 #𝐂𝐮𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 #𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

I thought I was good at giving and receiving feedback. For years, I leaned on the “feedback sandwich.” Start with praise, slip in the critique, end on another compliment. Safe, right? That’s what they teach most managers working in corporate after all. Until one day, a team member said to me quietly after a review: “I’m not sure if your compliments are real… or just the bread before the but.” That hit me. My attempt to be “kind” was actually eroding trust. They weren’t hearing the encouragement, and they weren’t hearing the feedback. It wasn’t working. That’s why I was so grateful to the MBA Leadership Fellows at The Wharton School , especially Shruti Manglik , who taught me an alternative… the CEDAR framework! 🔹 C – Context: “I have noticed that you lack an ownership mindset in driving workstreams, especially those that…” 🔹 E – Examples: “For instance, during the last sprint, I noticed that you……” 🔹 D – Diagnosis: “Was it X? Y?” 🔹 A – Action: “How can we improve on this trait/ prevent that from happening again next time? Let’s think through this and make a plan together.” 🔹 R – Review: “We’ll check in at the next biweekly review session.” Notice the difference? It’s not about sugarcoating. It’s about clarity and collaboration. It’s about coming in with an empathetic attitude while trying to problem solve together. CEDAR invites dialogue, not defensiveness. And it makes praise land as genuine because it stands on its own. My takeaway: Feedback isn’t about wrapping hard truths in soft words. It’s about building trust strong enough to carry both encouragement and constructive criticism. Curious….what’s the most memorable piece of feedback you’ve ever received? Did it come as a sandwich… or something more honest?👀

There's one thing that leaders love and their teams hate. It's the way feedback is given. It's the classic 'sandwich technique'. You slap a compliment, then some criticism, and top it off with another compliment. Sounds balanced, right? The good and the bad at the same time. Think again, because it's like serving a chocolate-covered brussels sprout. Yes. No one's falling for it. Here's the deal: Dropping a compliment and then hitting with a "but" is like sending mixed signals faster than a confused GPS. Picture this: YOU: "Great job on the presentation, but you missed a key point, but your slides were colorful." THEY: "Did we ace it or did we fail miserably?" When you send mixed signals, people don't just get confused. They feel like a deflating balloon. It's like saying, "Hey, you're awesome, but not really." This is a mood killer. This has a hit on performance too. When people are constantly yo-yo-ing between "I'm doing great" and "Oh wait, maybe not," they'll start questioning if their efforts are worth it. Who wants to give their best when they're unsure if they'll be praised or demoralized? Finally, this creates a communication breakdown. Your team will start decoding your messages like they're breaking a secret agent code. It's exhausting and counterproductive. My advice... 👇 Honesty beats the sandwich game. If there's feedback, serve it straight up. Your team will appreciate the clarity, and you'll avoid turning your workplace into a confusing arena. Your team deserves straightforward and transparent leadership. Not a menu of mixed emotions.

Everyone says they want feedback, until they hear it. Last week, I sat across from a director, a client I deeply respect. He asked for feedback. But the moment I started, his defenses shot up. Ever tried to help... and felt your words bounce right off? Here’s what’s really happening 👇 Defensiveness isn’t resistance to you. It’s resistance to discomfort. High performers don’t hear “This will help.” They hear “You’re not good enough.” And here’s the truth — most of us were never taught how to give feedback that actually lands. We learned the “feedback sandwich.” Compliment. Critique. Compliment again. It’s polite. It’s predictable. And it doesn’t work. Because people don’t transform when they’re managed. They transform when they feel safe. So what do you do instead? Try these four shifts 👇 1️⃣ Start with safety, not solutions. “I’m sharing this because I know how capable you are.” Safety lowers defenses faster than logic ever will. 2️⃣ Trade judgment for curiosity. “Can we unpack what was happening for you?” Questions disarm what statements trigger. 3️⃣ Anchor to their goals. “Since you want to lead larger projects, here’s one thing that’ll help.” Now feedback becomes fuel. 4️⃣ End with belief. “I’m sharing this because I know you’re ready for bigger things.” That single sentence changes everything. Because people don’t transform when they’re told what’s wrong. They transform when they feel safe enough to listen. Managers deliver feedback. Leaders open possibility. 💬 Have you ever been on the receiving end of the “feedback sandwich”? Did it help—or just make it harder to hear the real message?

Have you ever received feedback wrapped in a “sandwich”—start with positive praise, sprinkle in a critique, and then finish with more positive comments? It’s a strategy many leaders use, believing it makes tough conversations easier. But does it really work? Over the years, I’ve realized this approach often backfires. Employees see the positives as insincere, focus only on the negative, or leave confused about what’s expected. Instead of motivating, it creates doubt. The manager who says, “I love your energy! However, your report missed some key details. But you’re definitely on the right track!” The criticism gets lost in the fluff. What works is authenticity and clarity. Direct feedback, delivered with respect and clear action points, fosters growth and builds trust. Tough conversations shouldn’t be avoided—they should be stepping stones for improvement. A better approach? Transparency. For example, instead of sandwiching, say: “Let’s talk about your presentation. I noticed some parts may have caused confusion about our strategy. I’d like to hear your perspective and work together on how we can improve this for next time.” This shift invites collaboration, ensures clarity, and respects the person receiving feedback. Key takeaways: - Don’t delay praise—give it authentically and immediately. - Be clear and direct about what needs improvement. - Approach feedback as a two-way conversation, not a one-sided critique. Let’s leave the sandwich for lunch and embrace feedback that drives growth and trust. At HRAngle Consulting, we specialise in refining feedback techniques that truly empower teams and organizations. Reach out to rekha@hrangle.com to learn more. What’s your feedback style? Share your thoughts below! #HR #Feedback #SandwichMethod #Leadership #Teamwork