When to stop managing change and start building trust

Your team just told you they're burned out. What you say in the next 30 seconds will either build trust or destroy it forever. Most leaders think trust is built through big gestures and annual reviews. But after coaching hundreds of executives, I've learned the truth: trust lives in those split-second moments when someone brings you a problem. Here's what happens when your team raises concerns: What breaks trust: ❌ Dismissing their reality → "Everyone's busy right now" → Translation: Your wellbeing doesn't matter ❌ Making it about you → "I worked 80 hours last week too" → Translation: Your struggle isn't valid ❌ Using guilt as motivation → "We need team players here" → Translation: Speaking up makes you disloyal Instead of defaulting to defensiveness, here’s how we guide leaders to respond—using the CHANGES framework from Conversational Intelligence®: 🤝 C - Co-Creating (Shift from Excluding to Including) → "Thank you for trusting me with this - let's solve it together" → Makes them part of the solution, not the problem 🤝 H - Humanizing (Shift from Judging to Appreciating) → "Your honesty takes courage and helps our whole team" → Demonstrate respect for their contribution 🤝 A - Aspiring (Shift from Limiting to Expanding Aspirations) → "This feedback helps us create the culture we want" → Connect their concern to bigger organizational goals 🤝 N - Navigating (Shift from Withholding to Sharing) → "Let me share what I'm seeing and hear your perspective" → Create transparency around challenges and solutions 🤝 G - Generativity (Shift from Knowing to Discovering) → "What ideas do you have that we haven't tried yet?" → Reward their insights and encourage innovation 🤝 E - Expressing (Shift from Dictating to Developing) → "How can we empower you to make decisions about your workload?" → Inspire them to own solutions 🤝 S - Synchronizing (Shift from Criticizing to Celebrating) → "Here's what we're changing because you spoke up" → Celebrate their courage and close the feedback loop The hidden cost of getting this wrong: – Your best people stop bringing you problems – Issues explode instead of getting solved early – Innovation dies because psychological safety doesn't exist The payoff of getting this right: – Teams that come to you first when things go wrong, not last. – Projects move faster because the sticky points come up early. – Conflict fades as respect and tolerance goes up. Your next conversation is your next opportunity to choose trust over control. Start with one letter that comes most easily and work your way through CHANGES… one each day. P.S. Which CHANGES element do you need most right now? 🔔 Follow me, Jill Avey, for more leadership insights that move careers forward ♻️ Share to help leaders build stronger teams

“I don’t think my team trusts me anymore.” That’s how one of my clients, a senior executive, started our first coaching session. He wasn’t being dramatic. He was tired. Tired of pushing harder every quarter. Tired of trying to stay positive when morale was slipping. Tired of leading a team that was still performing, but no longer connected. The company had just gone through another round of restructuring. New reporting lines. New goals. Old wounds that no one had time to talk about. He said, “Everyone shows up to meetings, but no one really talks.” And that single sentence told me everything. We didn’t start by “fixing performance.” We started by rebuilding safety. → Real conversations, not carefully worded updates. → Follow-through, not promises lost to busy calendars. → Space to disagree, without fear of punishment. Leadership doesn’t start with clarity decks or new values. It starts with courage, the courage to listen before defending. The courage to stay present even when it’s uncomfortable. Three months later, that same team had reconnected. Meetings had energy again. People spoke up. They challenged ideas, respectfully. And performance rose naturally, not because they were pushed, but because they finally trusted again. When leaders repair trust, everything else follows, productivity, innovation, retention. When they don’t, no amount of strategy will save the culture. So if you’re a leader reading this, ask yourself: → Do people feel safe bringing me the truth? → When was the last time someone told me something uncomfortable? If you can’t remember, that’s where to start. Because trust doesn’t disappear overnight but it does disappear in silence.

Speed and trust aren’t opposites. They just don’t start on the same day. I was reminded of that watching a new CFO nearly sabotage his own credibility just two weeks into the job. He’d inherited a 1,000-person organization. The last CFO was a legend - brilliant, respected, and a classic knowledge hoarder. My client was brought in to turn things around fast. And to his credit, he was ready. He had a plan. He’d already briefed his leadership team and was gearing up to share it with the full org. When we met, he walked me through it. He was confident, polished, decisive. But as we talked, I could feel something off... the speed of his plan didn’t match the trust he had. He knew what needed to change, or at least what he thought needed to change. But he didn’t know the people yet. He hadn’t tested his assumptions. And he couldn’t articulate the vision in a way that felt lived in. So I asked him: “If you stood in front of these 1,000 people right now, would they leave that meeting trusting you more, or less?” He paused. “Less.” That moment changed everything. He scrapped the rollout and reframed the all-hands: What’s already working What he’s excited about A bit about who he is and how he leads And an open AMA so people could ask him questions It worked. The conversation was human, energizing, and real. People left more curious than cautious and his leadership team left grateful. Trust isn’t a delay tactic. It’s the foundation that makes speed possible. If you’re leading through change, don’t sprint so fast you forget to earn the right to lead. Your plan might be brilliant. But if people don’t trust the person behind it, it won’t land. What’s one thing you can do this week to build trust before you need it? #Leadership #Change #Trust #CFO #Culture #Transformation

Before coaching begins, trust must walk in first. Some time ago, I met a business owner who was referred to me for coaching. He had the hunger to grow, was stuck at a critical stage, and had tried different advisors before — none of whom stuck. I could sense the hesitation when we first spoke. So instead of pitching my process or flashing my success stories, I said this: “Let’s do this for 3 months. No fee. No commitment. Just coaching. If you see value, we’ll talk further. If not, you walk away.” His eyes softened. Because more than a growth plan or a strategy session, what he needed was assurance — that I’m here for him, not just his business. And honestly? That conversation changed everything. He showed up to every session with energy. He opened up. He executed. And eventually, he asked to extend the coaching — this time, as a full-paying client. That experience reminded me: People don’t commit when they’re convinced. They commit when they feel safe. In coaching — just like in leadership — trust comes before transformation. And that trust isn’t built with words. It’s built with intent, presence, and a willingness to serve before selling. If you’re a coach, consultant, or leader trying to create change — ask yourself: Have I created enough emotional safety for the other person to truly lean in? Because without that, even the best frameworks won’t land. But with it? Even a 30-minute conversation can become the starting point of lifelong growth. #VijayOnLeadership #CoachingWithTrust #BusinessCoachingIndia #ProBonoCoaching #LeadershipGrowth #TrustedAdvisor #EmotionalSafety #CoachingCulture

A client came to me this morning (not happy) and said that their MSP gave them a document to sign stating that the MSP is absolving themselves of all risk because she wouldn't approve the security operations solution they pitched... If your idea of “risk management” is having your client sign a document that says “you tried to sell them a tool or service, and they said no” … ->you're not managing risk. You’re managing your liability. And it shows. This is one of the fastest ways to create distrust, kill rapport, and get fired. It instantly turns the relationship adversarial. You’re no longer a partner or trusted advisor, and they see you as someone shifting blame just in case something goes wrong. That’s not leadership. That’s fear. Let me ask you something, How do you think it makes your client feel when you hand them a paper to sign that says, 'This one’s on you'?” You don’t need a signature to prove they own the risk. They already do. What they need is clarity, collaboration, and leadership. Here’s a better way: -Put the risk on a shared Risk Register. -Document the conversation in context, not as a threat, but as a roadmap. -Identify compensating controls you can implement. -Make the risk visible to decision-makers...NOT to blame, but to educate. -Revisit it periodically. Shrink it over time. That’s how you build trust. That’s how you protect the relationship. And that’s how you lead clients through risk & not around it. If you frame risk as a “you didn’t buy the thing, so you’re at fault” moment, you’re losing the negotiation before it even starts. But if you treat it like a shared challenge that you’ll solve together, you build a long-term partnership. One built on truth, not transactions. Stop asking for signatures. Start showing leadership. Your clients won’t forget it...and neither will your churn rate. #msp #ciso #riskmanagement #business

When the deal of the year turned into the mess of the year... I once walked into an acquisition integration that looked brilliant on paper, and was a disaster in practice. The systems were colliding, leaders were pointing fingers, and employees were caught in the middle. Every update from the top was polished, precise, and…completely hollow. The truth? People didn’t need another update. They needed to feel understood. Where it all went wrong? I sat in meetings where leaders rolled out flawless powerpoints, crisp emails, and “efficient” town halls. From the outside, it looked like best-in-class communication. But behind the scenes? Disengagement. Frustration. Turnover. There was a glaring gap between foundational communication (telling people what they “need” to know) and human communication (making people feel seen, heard, and connected). The Reset? That’s when my team and I stepped in. We pressed pause on the corporate theater and focused on being human first: -We coached leaders to share stories, not just strategies. When people could see themselves in the narrative, they cared again. -We taught leaders to acknowledge what was messy, confusing, and hard - because vulnerability builds trust faster than any polished script. -We rebuilt dialogue. Not quarterly updates, but ongoing conversations where employees could question, push back, and be part of shaping the new culture. Slowly, things shifted. Employees stopped bracing for the next “update” and started leaning in. Leaders discovered that trust doesn’t come from having all the answers - it comes from being willing to show up as human. The lesson for leaders? In an age of automation and endless change, the real competitive edge isn’t efficiency. It’s empathy. If you’re leading through change - an acquisition, a reorg, even a tough quarter, ask yourself: Am I just communicating information? Or am I creating connection? Because when everything else is in flux, relationships are the one thing that will hold your culture together. Your people don’t need another update. They need to feel understood.