How to build trust with detractors

🔹 Spread Kindness—Even to Your Opponents 🔹 In business, as in life, we often encounter opposition. It might come from a competitor, a colleague who disagrees with our ideas, or even someone trying to discredit our work. The natural response is to push back, prove them wrong, or shut them down. But what if we chose a different path? What if we responded with kindness? Not weakness. Not passivity. But true, grounded kindness—the kind that stems from strength, not insecurity. Why Be Kind to Those Who Oppose You? Because kindness isn't just about being nice. It’s a strategic leadership trait. It shows emotional intelligence, maturity, and a long-term mindset. When you treat your "opponents" with respect and compassion, three things happen: 1. You disarm hostility. Most people expect resistance. When you show them unexpected grace, it often softens their approach. 2. You gain insight. Opposition isn't always personal—it's perspective. Listening to someone who challenges you can reveal blind spots, improve your strategy, or even create opportunities for collaboration. 3. You build reputation. People remember how you made them feel, especially during conflict. Kindness under pressure builds trust, credibility, and long-term influence. A Real-World Example I once worked on a project where a peer consistently challenged my ideas in meetings. It would’ve been easy to view them as the antagonist. But instead, I set up a one-on-one meeting—not to defend myself, but to understand their concerns. That conversation changed everything. We found common ground. We didn’t always agree, but we developed mutual respect. Months later, that same person advocated for me during a pivotal career opportunity. Opposition turned into alliance—because I chose understanding over ego. A Reminder for Leaders Whether you're in a boardroom, a startup, or a nonprofit—you're going to face friction. How you respond says more about you than about them. ☑️ You can protect your boundaries AND be kind. ☑️ You can disagree fiercely AND respect deeply. ☑️ You can be competitive AND human. In an age of polarization, kindness is a competitive advantage. So the next time you're tempted to "win" by tearing someone down, try lifting the conversation instead. It might be the most powerful move you make. #Leadership #Kindness #EmotionalIntelligence #ConflictResolution #ProfessionalGrowth #Teamwork #EmpathyInAction #LinkedInWisdom

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐬. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲. We once had to shut down four city blocks in downtown Phoenix for a private Macklemore concert. On the surface, it sounds like logistics. In reality, it was about trust. It took a month meeting with city departments, knocking on doors, and listening to city employees who mostly wanted to help the public, get a paycheck and benefits, plus not lose their job. Each had their own concerns: safety, traffic, liability or what would their boss do to them. Instead of pushing my agenda, I focused on their pain points and showed that I understood what mattered to them.  After the month of planning, we started at 2:15 the morning of the concert, to set up - they would not let us close the roads, then I convinced them it was okay, after the bars closed. That’s how you move big, complicated projects forward. Not with pressure. Not with shortcuts, instead - by giving people confidence that you see them, hear them, and will protect their interests (if nothing else, that they won’t get fired, their kids will be okay and life will be good). The principle is simple. 𝐈𝐟 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐬. 𝐈𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲’𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦. Whether you’re closing a deal, running a campaign, or trying to get four blocks of a city to shut down, the foundation is the same: trust built through listening. What’s one way you’ve built trust in a tough negotiation? #Trust #Negotiation #DealMaking #TILTTheRoom #MediaLaw #Macklemore Christopher Voss Kwame Christian, Esq., M.A. Alexandra Carter Dr. Robert Cialdini Scott Tillema

Had a tough conversation last week. A long-time Pavilion member told me I'd broken his trust.  When you run a community, there are going to be lots of people that love what you do and lots of people that… don’t.  Here’s what I’ve learned about having difficult customer conversations. FIRST, SOME CLARIFICATION He was right. On the substance of the feedback, he was right.  He was also angry. And… sort of nasty. He'd been with us since the early days. Contributed ideas. Showed up. Built relationships. Mentored some of the younger folks who were up and coming.  Then we got bigger. Changed things. Made promises we didn't keep. He felt forgotten. At the same time there was an edge to his comments that felt almost masochistic. So what do you do when someone is sharing useful feedback but doing it in such a way they’re sort of acting like an asshole. Step 1: Don’t debate Not my natural instinct.  I can get quite defensive and want to defend myself. Often, your angry customers are sharing something that is explicitly not true. And they’re unfair. And… It doesn’t matter Because we're not here to score points. We’re here to listen. Step 2: Find the signal Once you know that you’re not in a pissing contest and you can stabilize your fight or flight instinct, you can get to work. What’s being said that’s true? What’s being said that’s useful? You don’t lose anything by simply working hard to find the pieces of feedback that are relevant and accurate. Step 3: Be grateful The hardest feedback to hear is the feedback that's true. Trust takes years to build. Seconds to break. And forever to repair. But here's what I've learned about trust and feedback: The people who care enough to tell you when you've failed them are gold. Most people just leave. They ghost. They talk behind your back. They smile and nod and disappear. The ones who sit across from you and say "You broke my trust"? They are giving you a gift. They're saying: "I still care enough to be angry." They're saying: "I want this to work." They're saying: "Fix this." Every leader breaks trust sometimes. We make decisions that hurt people. We prioritize wrong. We forget our promises. The question isn't whether you'll break trust. The question is what you do when someone tells you. Do you defend? Do you deflect? Do you justify? Or do you shut up and listen? Trust isn't built in the big moments. It's built in the response to failure. In the willingness to hear hard truths. In the commitment to do better. Not just say better. Do better. I’ve made my share of mistakes over the years and the single biggest thing I’m working on is the ability to listen without defensiveness. And to get to work incorporating that feedback on the journey to improvement. Every single day.

Want to stop triggering defensive reactions in critical conversations? Brain science reveals a simple technique that's transforming how top companies communicate: As an executive coach, this is the first thing I teach founders who are struggling with critical relationships. Why? Because it's consistently the most powerful tool for transforming toxic communication into productive dialogue. When you're fighting with your co-founder, your brain's threat response system activates. This shuts down the exact parts of your brain needed for effective communication. But there's a way to keep those neural pathways open. It's called speaking inarguably - using only facts that can't be disputed. Instead of "You don't care about this company" (judgment) Say "When you missed our last three meetings, I felt worried about our partnership" (fact) The first triggers defense mechanisms. The second creates psychological safety. There are two types of inarguable statements: • External facts: Observable behaviors, metrics, documented events • Internal facts: Your sensations, emotions, thoughts ("I feel frustrated") I've seen this technique help to transform toxic co-founder relationships into thriving partnerships more times than I can count. Here's how to start: 1. Pause before responding to emotionally charged situations 2. Strip away interpretations, focus only on observable facts ("You arrived 15 minutes late" vs "You're disrespectful") 3. Own your internal experience ("I felt anxious when that happened" vs "You're stressing everyone out") 4. Practice radical honesty about your feelings (This builds trust faster than pretending to be perfect) The hardest part? Letting go of being right. Your interpretations might feel true, but they're just stories you're telling yourself. This is where inner work meets leadership. When you master this, difficult conversations become growth opportunities. Your leadership emerges naturally from who you are, not who you think you should be.

If your team thinks you always need to be right, they’ll never show you where you’re wrong. That means: You’ll miss what’s broken. You’ll repeat bad decisions. You’ll protect your image instead of improving your judgement. This is the silent cost of false certainty in leadership. The paradox is that the leaders we trust most aren’t the ones who always have answers. They’re the ones willing to 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴, especially from the people closest to the work. That means: • Saying “I don’t know” when it’s true • Asking “What would you do differently?” before locking in a decision • Apologising without defending your ego with a “but…” Trust is built in the moments where you stop performing and start listening. Shift your mindset: → From “I have to be right” to “We have to get it right.” → From “I need to look strong” to “I need to stay curious.” → From “What will they think?” to “What do they need?” Trust-building habits I’ve seen transform teams: 1. Name the elephant. If something feels off in the room, call it. “I’m sensing some hesitation. What haven’t we factored in?” 2. Share your learning. When you tell your team what 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 working on, you give them permission to grow too. 3. Ask the scary question. “What am I missing?” It’s a small sentence that communicates “I value your critical thinking, not your compliance.” Great leaders don’t eliminate doubt. Rather, they model how to move through it with humility. Yet I still meet leaders who erroneously confuse humility with weakness. In many cases, their "bullet-proof" posture alienates their teams. The truth is that genuine humility paired with competence will turn you into the kind of leader people want to follow. ___________ High-functioning doesn't mean high capacity. I help leaders close the gap. DM me to explore more.