How civil discourse builds trust and common ground

From "𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐖𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠" to "𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗠𝗲": The Power of Open-Minded Asking And Five Steps To Conflict Resolution👇️ When disagreements flare up, our instincts often lead us to insults or attacks on not just the opposing viewpoint, but on the person as well. This never works. Vitriolic responses close more minds than they change, making enemies out of friends and rivals out of allies. Curiosity is more effective than verbal assault if you aim to genuinely convince others. The next time you lock horns with someone, try this approach to turn disagreement into open-minded dialogue: 𝟏) 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 Rather than impatiently waiting for your turn to retort, focus first on comprehending their perspective. Confirm what aspects you do agree with to build common ground. Suspend judgments as you ask clarifying questions to grasp why they came to this stance. 𝟐) 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐈𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 Once you comprehend their position, drill down diplomatically: “I’m curious why you feel that way. What led you to these conclusions?” People want to feel heard before opening up, so don’t invalidate their logic. 𝟑) 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐬 People are more open to hearing you after you've listened to them—without interrupting or arguing. Now, you can explain your reasoning in a non-confrontational way. Find threads of commonality between your perspectives as you clarify why you landed differently. The goal is elucidating, not conquering, the other viewpoint. 𝟒) 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 Having traded views, ask, “Where do we agree?’ Name shared values, interests, or outcomes you both see as important. This reminds you that you likely have some common ground, even in disagreements. Remember: Everyone wants the same basic things out of life. You'd be surprised how often you and your adversary agree once you get past the superficial presentation of the ideas. 𝟓) 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 With mutual understanding built, you can bridge perspectives by asking, “How can we work together to get the best both worldviews?” Rather than clinging to singular stances, brainstorm creative solutions that integrate your collective wisdom. Heated debates often generate more hostility than progress. But by replacing reactive arguments with open-minded curiosity, you can transform conflict into wisdom-generating collaboration. Next time things get tense, set egos aside long enough to ask, “Why?” You might be surprised by what you can learn. #communication #community #onlinecommunities #personaldevelopment #connections #networking #socialnetworking

In my early career, I once disagreed with my boss. To my surprise, it made our relationship stronger. The truth: disagreement is not disloyalty. Handled well, it shows independent thinking and commitment to shared goals. Here’s how to do it without damaging trust: 1/ Start with listening Most people don’t feel heard enough. Let your boss finish completely before you respond. When you pause first, they’re more open to your view. → “Thanks for sharing. Can I reflect on this before I respond?” 2/ Use “I” language Frame it as your perspective, not their mistake. This makes the disagreement about ideas, not identity. → “I’ve seen a different result in a similar case. Want to walk through it?” 3/ Acknowledge their input Show that you value their thinking. Even if you disagree, respect sets the stage for constructive dialogue. → “You’ve considered X and Y. I’d love to share one more angle.” 4/ Bring facts, not feelings Evidence earns respect. Opinions alone invite debate. Use data, examples, or outcomes to anchor your view. → “Here’s the outcome from last quarter when we did it this way.” 5/ Ask for an explanation Sometimes disagreement comes from incomplete understanding. Seek clarity before you push back; it shows humility and curiosity. → “Can you share the reasoning behind that decision?” 6/ Give them credit Point out what’s working well in their approach. This frames your suggestion as additive, not adversarial. → “The way you led [project] worked well. This idea could build on that.” 7/ Find common ground Offer a shared path instead of a hard “no.” Testing or combining ideas builds alignment. → “What if we test both ideas for a week and compare outcomes?” 8/ Keep it short and clear Overexplaining weakens your point. Focus on the impact and let the numbers speak. → “My version saves 12 hours per month. Happy to show how.” 9/ Let timing help you Not all disagreements need to happen in the heat of the moment. Choose a calmer time to raise your point. → “Can we circle back on that topic later today?” 10/ Focus on the goal Remind them you’re on the same team. Re-anchor on outcomes, not egos. → “We both care about hitting Q3 goals. That’s why I raised this.” The takeaway: Handled poorly, disagreements create distance. Handled well, they build respect, trust, and better decisions. Have you ever disagreed with a boss and strengthened the relationship? Share your story below. ♻️ Repost to help more leaders master constructive conflict 🔔 Follow Sarah Touzani for practical leadership tips you can apply today

A change in one word can turn a disagreement into a connection. Disagreement is part of life. It happens at work, at home, and more than ever, online. But disagreement doesn’t have to mean conflict. It’s a crossroads - and the direction we take often depends on the words we choose. I came across a simple idea from Vinh Giang that really stuck with me: —> When you’re responding to criticism, replace “Yes, but…” with “Yes, and…” I tested it under one of my LinkedIn posts, where a few people commented that my suggestions were too simplistic and lacked nuance. Normally, I might have replied: • “Yes, but LinkedIn isn’t the place for all the details.” This time, I wrote: • “Yes, the topic is more nuanced than I could cover here, and I just wanted to give a starting point.” That one word changed the dynamic. The tone shifted from criticism to conversation. People opened up, shared their perspectives, and we ended up in a constructive dialogue - even connecting afterwards. Language holds power: • “Yes, and” acknowledges and builds. • “Yes, but” defends and divides. Building bridges is a skill. And in today’s polarised world, it’s a particularly important one. Illustration: Liz Fosslien

🔹 Spread Kindness—Even to Your Opponents 🔹 In business, as in life, we often encounter opposition. It might come from a competitor, a colleague who disagrees with our ideas, or even someone trying to discredit our work. The natural response is to push back, prove them wrong, or shut them down. But what if we chose a different path? What if we responded with kindness? Not weakness. Not passivity. But true, grounded kindness—the kind that stems from strength, not insecurity. Why Be Kind to Those Who Oppose You? Because kindness isn't just about being nice. It’s a strategic leadership trait. It shows emotional intelligence, maturity, and a long-term mindset. When you treat your "opponents" with respect and compassion, three things happen: 1. You disarm hostility. Most people expect resistance. When you show them unexpected grace, it often softens their approach. 2. You gain insight. Opposition isn't always personal—it's perspective. Listening to someone who challenges you can reveal blind spots, improve your strategy, or even create opportunities for collaboration. 3. You build reputation. People remember how you made them feel, especially during conflict. Kindness under pressure builds trust, credibility, and long-term influence. A Real-World Example I once worked on a project where a peer consistently challenged my ideas in meetings. It would’ve been easy to view them as the antagonist. But instead, I set up a one-on-one meeting—not to defend myself, but to understand their concerns. That conversation changed everything. We found common ground. We didn’t always agree, but we developed mutual respect. Months later, that same person advocated for me during a pivotal career opportunity. Opposition turned into alliance—because I chose understanding over ego. A Reminder for Leaders Whether you're in a boardroom, a startup, or a nonprofit—you're going to face friction. How you respond says more about you than about them. ☑️ You can protect your boundaries AND be kind. ☑️ You can disagree fiercely AND respect deeply. ☑️ You can be competitive AND human. In an age of polarization, kindness is a competitive advantage. So the next time you're tempted to "win" by tearing someone down, try lifting the conversation instead. It might be the most powerful move you make. #Leadership #Kindness #EmotionalIntelligence #ConflictResolution #ProfessionalGrowth #Teamwork #EmpathyInAction #LinkedInWisdom

I once worked with a team that was, quite frankly, toxic. The same two team members routinely derailed meeting agendas. Eye-rolling was a primary form of communication. Side conversations overtook the official discussion. Most members had disengaged, emotionally checking out while physically present. Trust was nonexistent. This wasn't just unpleasant—it was preventing meaningful work from happening. The transformation began with a deceptively simple intervention: establishing clear community agreements. Not generic "respect each other" platitudes, but specific behavioral norms with concrete descriptions of what they looked like in practice. The team agreed to norms like "Listen to understand," "Speak your truth without blame or judgment," and "Be unattached to outcome." For each norm, we articulated exactly what it looked like in action, providing language and behaviors everyone could recognize. More importantly, we implemented structures to uphold these agreements. A "process observer" role was established, rotating among team members, with the explicit responsibility to name when norms were being upheld or broken during meetings. Initially, this felt awkward. When the process observer first said, "I notice we're interrupting each other, which doesn't align with our agreement to listen fully," the room went silent. But within weeks, team members began to self-regulate, sometimes even catching themselves mid-sentence. Trust didn't build overnight. It grew through consistent small actions that demonstrated reliability and integrity—keeping commitments, following through on tasks, acknowledging mistakes. Meeting time was protected and focused on meaningful work rather than administrative tasks that could be handled via email. The team began to practice active listening techniques, learning to paraphrase each other's ideas before responding. This simple practice dramatically shifted the quality of conversation. One team member later told me, "For the first time, I felt like people were actually trying to understand my perspective rather than waiting for their turn to speak." Six months later, the transformation was remarkable. The same team that once couldn't agree on a meeting agenda was collaboratively designing innovative approaches to their work. Conflicts still emerged, but they were about ideas rather than personalities, and they led to better solutions rather than deeper divisions. The lesson was clear: trust doesn't simply happen through team-building exercises or shared experiences. It must be intentionally cultivated through concrete practices, consistently upheld, and regularly reflected upon. Share one trust-building practice that's worked well in your team experience. P.S. If you’re a leader, I recommend checking out my free challenge: The Resilient Leader: 28 Days to Thrive in Uncertainty  https://lnkd.in/gxBnKQ8n

Real progress often begins with disagreement—when people challenge assumptions, bring contrasting worldviews, and push each other to think harder and deeper. They lead to better decisions, strategies, and a culture where people feel safe to speak up. Back in 2003, we were brainstorming a bold consumer promotion to expand the market and strengthen our position. The concept—borrowed from FMCG playbooks—was unfamiliar territory for many of us with a traditional newspaper background. Naturally, it sparked apprehension, resistance, and a wide range of conflicting views. I vividly remember what our leader said on the very first day: "What’s evident in this room is our passion for the business—whether you're for or against the idea, it shows how deeply you care." He encouraged healthy dissent and set the tone for open dialogue. As the discussion spilled into a second day, he urged us to debate, challenge, and even disagree, within this room. But once we reached consensus, he emphasized, the entire team would stand behind the plan with full commitment. The success of that promotion wasn’t in spite of the disagreements—it was because of them. It was the process of robust debate, idea refinement, and shared ownership that ultimately made it a breakthrough market strategy. #Innovation #PsychologicalSafety #Management

Teams that disagree create more value. Teams that agree all the time are a waste of resources. These engagements don't begin with “You’re wrong!” but rather with a genuine curiosity: “I’d love to understand your thinking better.” This shift in approach is key to establishing trust in conversations. When we attack conclusions (or people!), we shut down the opportunity for meaningful exchange. But when we focus on asking about the reasoning behind opinions, then there is space for dialogue. For too long I failed at create value through disagreement because I misunderstood the goal. I thought the goal was "To win". To be Right. To show how smart I am. But...the goal isn’t to "win" or "lose"—it’s to engage in a process where everyone walks away a little smarter with even a slightly different POV than they started with. Trust isn’t built by avoiding disagreements, but by embracing them in ways that promote understanding and constructive engagement. Trust thrives in an environment where diverse ideas are explored thoughtfully, not dismissed outright. Trust creates value when it creates space for disagreement. What do you think?

Misunderstandings happen more often than they should. Why? Because we often forget a key principle in communication: UNDERSTAND OTHERS BEFORE SEEKING TO BE UNDERSTOOD. This simple change can transform our interactions, leading to stronger relationships, better collaboration, and the ability to tap into diverse perspectives. When we feel truly heard and understood at work, we're more likely to do our best and share our unique insights. If this idea is so important, why don’t we use it more often? Here are a few reasons: (a) Time Pressure: In an environment where our calendars look like heavily-stacked pancakes, we're focused on meeting deadlines and getting results. This urgency can lead us to make quick decisions instead of taking the time to listen and understand. (b) Ego and Self-Interest: We often prioritize our own opinions, driven by the need to prove our competence or authority. This focus on advancing our own agendas can make us overlook the value of understanding others. (c) Lack of Awareness or Skills: Many people aren't aware of their listening habits or how their communication style impacts others. Plus, active listening and empathy are skills that require practice and intention. (d) Emotional Barriers: Stress, anxiety, or frustration can create barriers to understanding. When overwhelmed by these emotions, it can be hard to empathize with others or listen effectively. (e) Cognitive Biases: Biases like confirmation bias can prevent us from considering other viewpoints objectively, making understanding difficult. Here's the good news! We can overcome these barriers and build better habits. Here are three tips to do just that: 1.    Practice Active Listening: Truly listen to others without thinking about your response. Focus on what is being said, ask questions, and reflect on the information to gain deeper insights. 2.    Ask Questions to Understand: Instead of assuming you know what others are thinking, ask open-ended questions to invite them to share their thoughts and feelings. This encourages a deeper understanding of their perspectives and builds trust. 3.    Encourage Open Dialogue: Create spaces where team members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and ideas. Be vulnerable. Encourage diverse perspectives and value each person's contribution. By seeking to understand first, we strengthen collaboration and ensure everyone feels valued and motivated to do their best. #understanding #relationships #collaboration #energy #humanbehavior #workplace #leadership #teamwork #skills #listening #empathy #dialogue

Tenets for Civil Discourse, need i say more ... • Respect – Respect each person you meet and take the time to truly consider what they are saying. Respond, don’t react. No blaming, shaming or attacking another person. Doing this does not mean accepting or upholding their ideas as your own; rather, it can help you understand their perspective, build your knowledge for future conversations, and open your mind to previously unfamiliar ideas—especially important even if you continue to disagree with them. • Listen Deeply – Listen to what the person is saying, focus on the ideas presented, and discuss ideas and issues—not people. Don’t start side conversations as they distract from engagement and listening. Do not interrupt while others are speaking. • Speak for Yourself – Use “I” statements when commenting or responding. Share your personal experience. Own it. • Try to Understand – Try to understand the thoughts and ideas of others. Ask questions for clarification. Note: sometimes we may be discussing the same concept, yet use different words. Make sure to pay attention to such areas of misunderstanding, and seek clarification where there is any confusion. • Share Talk Time – If you are having a discussion with more than two people, make sure everyone has the opportunity to speak before speaking again. Take notes if there are things you want to follow up on. Ask what others think. • Speak with Humility – You may not know everything about the topic at hand, and your experience may not be that of the other person’s. Lean into your knowledge, personal experience, and expertise, but remain open to the truth others are sharing. • Gratitude – If what someone has shared or asked helps with your own learning, say thank you. • Suspend Judgment – We all have presumptions, biases, stereotypes, prejudices, and other pre-judgments. Try to suspend pre-judgments and seek first to understand. • Disagree and Love – We seek to learn and listen. You can disagree with someone and still love them and listen to them. Civil discourse is about listening and learning together, seeking shared understanding and exposure to new ideas in the pursuit of improving our world and fulfilling our call as followers of Jesus. • Practice Forgiveness – We learn from trying things out and sometimes we make mistakes. Seek to forgive and to be forgiven as we learn together. • Pay Attention to your Feelings and Thoughts – If you do not feel safe asking a question or commenting on a topic, write it down and ask someone you’re more comfortable or familiar with to help you voice or talk it through with you. If someone hurts your feelings, acknowledge that the comment hurt your feelings and explain why. Be open to others sharing that with you as well. From the Civil Discourse Curriculum. https://lnkd.in/ekHeWq2W

When differences of opinion arise—at home or at work—take a moment, take a breath, and ask yourself: Am I engaging in dialogue or debate? In dialogue, we seek understanding. In debate, we seek victory. In dialogue, we quiet our inner voice and ego to listen without judgment. In debate, the loud, ego-driven voice demands: “You’re right—win at all costs!” As leaders, our ego can be the biggest obstacle to collaboration. When our focus shifts from finding common ground to winning the conversation, we lose trust, teamwork, and progress. Debate turns healthy disagreement into unnecessary conflict, sowing distrust and eroding relationships. True leadership means approaching disagreements with curiosity, not combativeness. It’s about checking your attitude, tone, and intentions. Are you listening to respond—or listening to understand? Are you aiming to resolve—or to “win”? Dialogue builds bridges. Debate builds walls. Your team deserves a leader who creates connections, not conflict. Next time you find yourself in a disagreement, pause and ask: Am I here to listen or to win? Trust, collaboration, and growth begin when we choose dialogue over ego. #DialogueOverDebate #LeadWithEmpathy #ActiveListening #TrustAndRespect #CollaborativeLeadership #EgoCheck #ConflictResolution #PeopleFirst