Building capability without undermining trust

A senior team leader asked me this in a workshop: “When I focus on being approachable, I feel like I lose control. When I’m strict, I get results but the energy drops.” We unpacked it together as I shared research insight from Amy Cuddy: We judge leaders on two dimensions: ▪️ Warmth (Do you care about me?) ▪️ Competence (Can you lead me?) Without warmth, competence feels threatening. Without competence, warmth feels irrelevant. The trick isn’t choosing one - it’s sequencing: 1. Lead with warmth to open trust. 2. Follow with competence to earn respect. ‼️ BUT for women leaders, this isn’t just sequencing but also navigating the double bind. Show too much warmth → risk being seen as “soft” and incompetent. Show too much competence → risk being called “cold” or “abrasive.” This is where psychological safety 🧠  changes the game. When your team feels safe to speak up, challenge, and make mistakes, you don’t have to work twice as hard to prove you’re both caring and capable - the culture does that for you. 3 ways to balance both trust and respect: 1️⃣ Signal authority through clarity, not volume Be explicit about expectations, priorities, and decision-making rights - this earns respect without creating fear. 2️⃣ Build trust in micro-moments Small acts like asking a genuine question, admitting a small mistake, thanking someone for speaking up compound into lasting warmth. 3️⃣ Pair every standard with support When you raise the bar, also raise the safety net. “I expect us to deliver this and I’ll help remove the obstacles in your way.” 📍 In my Leadership Program: How to Be a Leader Who Builds High-Performing Teams and a Psychologically Safe Culture, I teach leaders how to: - Signal warmth without losing authority - Hold high standards without creating fear - Use psychological safety as a lever for both trust and performance Because when you get this balance right, people don’t just follow you because they have to but they follow you because they want to. P.S.: If you’re a leader, have you found your own way to balance being liked and being respected?

"I thought I was crushing it." That's what Tyler told me last month. VP title. Great reviews. Strong team results. But he kept getting blindsided. Big decisions made without him. His ideas ignored until someone else said them. Meetings about his department... without him. The brutal truth? Being good at your job doesn't guarantee you won't be sidelined. I've seen brilliant people become invisible because they assumed competence was enough. They waited to be noticed. They let their work do the talking. But here's what I've learned: You can't just work in isolation and expect to build trust. To build trust, you have to involve them. Tyler started doing three things differently: He began every project by asking stakeholders what success looked like to them. He asked how his plans could be stronger and actually took action on their feedback. And he started asking "Your thoughts?" after sharing his ideas. Now, more people have been asking for his input. And they’re actually responding to his emails with substance. Because being unignorable isn't about talent. It's about being competent AND trusted. That's where influence lives.

Stop telling leaders to “be vulnerable.” The word’s got too much baggage. It got popular. Then it got misunderstood. Blamed for oversharing. Confused with weakness. Wrapped in theory. Lacking in practice. So let’s not talk about the word. Let’s talk about the work. Here are 28 simple acts that create trust, connection, and courage on any team: 1️⃣ Drop the act. People don’t need perfection, they need something real they can trust. 2️⃣ Say “I was wrong.” Owning your mistakes earns more respect than covering them up. 3️⃣ Ask for what you need. Clear requests prevent quiet resentment. 4️⃣ Say “I don’t know.” Admitting uncertainty is the first step toward real solutions. 5️⃣ Sit with discomfort. You don’t need to fix everything—just stay present. 6️⃣ Share your “crazy” ideas. Innovation often starts with the thing that feels risky to say. 7️⃣ Admit the hard feelings. Naming the emotion diffuses its power. 8️⃣ Let someone else lead. Sometimes the bravest move is stepping back. 9️⃣ Speak the truth (kindly). Courage and care can coexist—speak both. 🔟 Say “no” without apology. You can be clear and kind at the same time. 1️⃣1️⃣ Create safety, not silence. People can only contribute when they feel safe to speak. 1️⃣2️⃣ Don’t wait for permission. Initiative is a sign of ownership—not rebellion. 1️⃣3️⃣ Check in, often. Silence doesn’t always mean everything’s fine. 1️⃣4️⃣ Ask the “dumb” question. If you’re wondering it, others probably are too. 1️⃣5️⃣ Apologize like you mean it. A real apology doesn’t include a justification. 1️⃣6️⃣ Give feedback, not flattery. People grow from truth, not comfort. 1️⃣7️⃣ Let go of always looking good. Your team wants real, not polished. 1️⃣8️⃣ Don’t run from the hard conversations. Avoidance erodes trust faster than conflict. 1️⃣9️⃣ Tell people what matters to you. If they don’t know what you value, they can’t support it. 2️⃣0️⃣ Share the credit. Take the blame. That’s what real leadership looks like. 2️⃣1️⃣ Choose connection over control. People follow leaders who make them feel seen. 2️⃣2️⃣ Lead with curiosity, not certainty. Questions open doors—certainty closes them. 2️⃣3️⃣ Set boundaries—and keep them. Protecting your capacity protects the team. 2️⃣4️⃣ Show your work before it’s perfect. Progress matters more than polish. 2️⃣5️⃣ Say “yes” knowing it might not work. Vulnerability is trying even when success isn’t guaranteed. 2️⃣6️⃣ Stay in the room when it gets messy. Trust is built in the tension—not the exit. 2️⃣7️⃣ Name the tension. Don’t dance around it. Clarity is kinder than silence. 2️⃣8️⃣ Push back, without pushing away. Be hard on ideas, soft on people. Which of feels most important—or most challenging—for you right now? 👇 I'd love to hear. _________________ ♻️ Repost to help a leader who genuinely wants to show up differently today. ➕ Follow Ben Sands for daily insights to help you become a more whole-hearted, high-growth leader.

I used to think confidence meant always having the answer. The moment I admitted I didn’t was the moment my leadership changed. A few years ago, I believed credibility depended on knowing it all. If someone asked about a tool, a workflow, or a strategy, I felt pressure to deliver the perfect response. Then came the moment that shook that belief. I was in a session where everyone looked to me for clarity on a new AI integration. I had studied the tools, but this time I didn’t have the answer. The old me would have scrambled, pretended, or deflected. Instead, I said: “I don’t know yet. Let’s figure it out together.” Something surprising happened. The room didn’t lose faith. It leaned in. The conversation became richer, the trust deeper. My willingness to model learning out loud created the very confidence I thought I had to fake. I see the same pattern with my clients. One coach I worked with feared introducing AI into her practice because she wasn’t “tech-savvy.” She worried her clients would see her as less credible. But when she admitted that truth and positioned herself as a learner alongside them, everything changed. Instead of undermining her authority, it strengthened it. Her clients respected her more because she was living the very growth mindset she coached them to embrace. The lesson is simple but not easy: authority is not built by knowing it all. Authority is built by showing how to learn when you don’t. When leaders and coaches model vulnerability paired with strategy, they permit others to do the same. They create cultures where uncertainty is not weakness but the starting point of innovation. So here’s my challenge for you: Think of one area where you’ve been hiding behind silence or false certainty. What would happen if you voiced your learning process instead? You may discover that confidence doesn’t shrink when you admit not knowing. It expands. Because absolute confidence isn’t the mask of perfection; it’s the courage to lead through uncertainty with presence and clarity.

A CEO walked into a meeting after weeks of missed goals and tension in the room. Everyone was performing the part: Nodding, smiling, but checked out underneath. She didn’t open with numbers or any sort of pressure about the state of the project. Instead she said: “Something feels off, and I don’t want to pretend it’s not. I’m not here to fix anything today. I’m here to listen, because I know I might be part of the problem.” And for the first time in weeks, her team exhaled. Then someone finally said, “We didn’t know if it was safe to say we were overwhelmed.” That conversation didn’t just change the project. It changed the culture. Because when a leader tells the truth, not just about the work, but about themselves, it gives everyone else permission to be human again. We think leadership is about having the answers. It’s not. It’s about creating a space safe enough that the real answers can emerge. If your people can’t tell the truth, they’ll tell you what you want to hear. And you’ll lead a team that looks fine on paper, but quietly disengaged in reality. You don’t build trust by being invulnerable. You build it by being honest first.  That’s how you create the safety people need to stop performing and start participating.

I thought sharing the company’s cash flow showed transparency, until my team said it felt like watching their parents panic about money. In 2023, like many tech companies, we faced tough financial decisions. I believed the best way to build trust during uncertainty was to put everything on the table. During town halls, I openly shared balance sheets, cash flow, and even our exact bank balances. After one meeting, a respected colleague approached me privately and said, “Janine, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but this is too much information. I don’t need to see every detail—it just makes me anxious.” That feedback completely shifted my thinking. Transparency is essential, but it isn’t about showing every detail. It's about carefully choosing what to share, ensuring your team feels informed and empowered, not overwhelmed. Think of how parents handle tough financial times: They acknowledge challenges honestly, but don’t burden their kids with specifics beyond their control. They create stability and confidence, even if they're still figuring things out behind the scenes. As leaders, our role is similar: • Be honest about challenges without oversharing details that don’t help. • Provide context that's actionable and relevant. • Filter out information that causes unnecessary anxiety or confusion. • Communicate clearly and confidently about the path ahead. Trust isn't built by revealing everything. It's built through steady guidance, thoughtful transparency, and consistently keeping your word. I learned that the most effective transparency isn't about how much information you share, but choosing the right information to help your team move forward confidently. I'd welcome hearing from others who've navigated this balance between transparency and over-sharing.

Psychological safety – not a concept bandied around much in the 80s when I entered teaching. It entered workplace and organisational discourse in 1999, when Dr. Amy Edmondson, a professor at Harvard Business School, published her foundational research on the topic. This was when I accepted my first principalship. Her research showed that teams with high psychological safety were more likely to engage in learning behaviours, like speaking up with ideas, admitting mistakes, and asking for help, which in turn led to better performance and innovation. Let me clear about what I have come to know and understand since 1999, psychological safety isn’t about comfort, it’s about freedom. The freedom to say, “I’m not sure.” The freedom to raise a concern. The freedom to challenge a decision, without risking reputation or inclusion. In high-performing schools and organisations, psychological safety isn’t a ‘nice to have’. It’s foundational. It’s what gives people permission to take interpersonal risks, without second-guessing whether they’ll be sidelined for doing so. But here’s the misstep I see too often ➡️ Leaders confuse safety with softness. ➡️ Kindness replaces candour. ➡️ Harmony gets prioritised over truth. And when that happens, we create silence, not safety. Real psychological safety is built when people know that robust discussion won’t cost them credibility. 🤔 That disagreement, when offered with respect, won’t be met with defensiveness or quiet punishment. 🤔 That their voice has a place, even when it’s uncomfortable. 🤔 The challenge isn’t “How do I keep the space safe?” The real question is - “Have I built a culture where speaking truth is expected and protected?” We don’t build trust by skirting hard conversations. We build it by showing, consistently, that tough conversations are worth having. That candour is welcome. That honesty will be met with curiosity, not critique. So, a prompt as you reflect this week ❔ Can your people challenge you, without consequence? ❔ Are you mistaking silence for consensus? ❔ Do you model courage, or just ask for it? In leadership, safety and candour aren’t in conflict. They’re interdependent. #LeadershipMatters #PsychologicalSafety #CultureAndCandour #Trust #EducationalLeadership #StrategicLeadership

12 Days. 12 Common Challenges NEW Leaders Face...DAY 6 (and practical ways to overcome them) Today’s Challenge: #6 Delegating and Building Trust Shaped by my background in accounting and audit, I tend to think of delegation much like risk management. When you delegate, you’re subconsciously evaluating the risk level. If you feel the risk is low, you’re ready to entrust someone with the work. Building trust is foundational. The more confident you are in someone’s capabilities and outputs, the more easily you can delegate. But when that trust isn’t fully there yet, it takes intentional steps: Here are some strategies I found helpful: ✅ Start small and scale -> Begin with lower-risk tasks. -> As confidence grows, increase responsibility. ✅ Clarify expectations upfront -> Be explicit about outcomes, timelines, and quality standards. ✅ Build safety mechanisms -> You may need to review or proof outputs initially. -> If something goes wrong, use it as a learning opportunity, not a reason to hold onto control forever. ✅ Encourage autonomy and accountability -> Give space to take ownership while remaining available for guidance. -> Celebrate successes and provide constructive feedback to reinforce learning. Delegation is about developing capability, building trust, and empowering others to own results. This frees you to focus on the work only you can do. 👉 Tomorrow: Challenge #7 — Building Confidence 👇 What’s one small step you’ve taken that helped you build trust when delegating? ♻️ Repost if you think this can help other new leaders and follow me Rekha Jillella for more leadership tips.