Common Signs of Over-Responsibility in Women Leaders

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Is burnout a badge of honour for you? When someone asks how you are, do you say, “Busy!” like it's something to be proud of? One of my clients, a senior woman leader confessed to me, "I’ve been called a high performer all my life, but now I feel stretched way too thin." How stretched was she? She was double-hatting, while covering the work of direct report on maternity, and serving as the both chairwoman of the women leadership group in her company and the vice-chair of a similar group for her industry. Plus looking after 2 kids, an elderly parent, and her church group. Push ourselves to the brink, she was sacrificing her joy and creativity for endless deadlines and to-do lists. "I want to get back the passion of my 20s." Was what brought her to coaching. Through coaching, she realised that unchecked burnout was robbing her of the passion she once carried for her work. How do you know if you're in a similar situation? This is a list of common symptoms according to Christina Maslach, a leading researcher in burnout: 1. Exhaustion – Constant fatigue, even after rest – Trouble sleeping – Frequent headaches 2. Cynicism – Feeling detached, negative, or irritable at work – Loss of empathy 3. Reduced Effectiveness – Feeling unproductive – Being unmotivated – Doubting your abilities If this resonates, ask yourself: - Am I prioritizing recovery as much as performance? - When was the last time I said "no" without feeling guilty? Your brilliance deserves rest. You deserve rest. What’s one small way you’ll unplug this week? #Burnout #WomenLeadership #LeadershipWisdom #Leadership #SelfCare

Stop Compensating – Leadership Is Not a Rescue Mission. "You’re overcompensating for your team’s weaknesses." A sentence that hit me right away. I heard it in a leadership training – directed at one of the participants. And internally, I nodded. I know this dynamic all too well myself. What’s behind it: Many leaders – especially those with a strong sense of responsibility and high relationship motivation – tend to compensate for their team’s deficits. This behavior can reflect various psychological patterns: 👉 Overfunctioning vs. Underfunctioning (Bowen, 1978): Taking on too much responsibility can stabilize a system short-term – but it stifles development in the long run. 👉 Helper Syndrome (Schmidbauer, 1977): The desire to be needed may lead leaders to make themselves indispensable – unintentionally fostering dependency. 👉 Conflict avoidance: Studies show that up to 69% of leaders avoid giving critical feedback (Rogers & Blenko, 2006) – out of fear of rejection, escalation, or being ineffective. Why is this a problem?: 👉 Lack of role clarity: 👉 Leadership is about enabling – not compensating. 👉 Blocked development: Those who constantly compensate deprive others of the chance to build self-efficacy (Bandura, 1986). 👉 Overload and exhaustion: Chronic over-responsibility leads to stress, fatigue – and ultimately, to burnout (Maslach & Leiter, 1997). What can we do? 👉 Strengthen feedback skills: Clarity is a form of care. Effective, constructive feedback enables learning – without shaming (Rosenberg, 2003, Nonviolent Communication). 👉 Clarify roles within the team: Who is responsible for what – and what does that actually mean in daily operations? 👉 Reflect your own patterns: What drives me to always step in? And: Whose growth am I holding back by doing so? 👉 Allow imperfection: A team that is allowed to grow also needs space to stumble – and to find its own solutions. Key takeaway: Leadership is not about compensating for all weaknesses – it’s about enabling development. How about you? Is it easy for you to delegate and let go – or do you sometimes catch yourself overcompensating? #Leadership #TeamDevelopment #FeedbackCulture #SelfEfficacy #LeadershipPsychology

As women, are we truly being leaders, or are we just busy taking on more and more tasks?  I frequently encounter very successful and capable women who come to coaching worried about time management skills and being able to meet demands.  But the real discovery is quite eye opening for my clients.  For instance, one of my clients felt burdened by mounting work responsibilities. She believed better time management skills would help her meet her responsibilities. But, upon closer examination, we realized she didn’t have a time management issue—she had a volume of work issue. When she left her company, they replaced her with seven people. Yes, seven! Another female client faced a similar situation. As her team shrank from seven to three due to resource constraints, hiring freezes and no back fills, despite communicating and making every effort to manage boundaries, she found her requests for support fell on deaf ears.  When you keep delivering at all costs, what is the incentive for leaders to change? When she finally made a planned exit, her role was filled by someone who only accepted the role with a commitment for a staff of ten. TEN! These stories are not anomalies, but for women they can often be career killers and impact self esteem. It’s crucial for leaders, especially women, to understand that saying “no” to excess responsibilities allows for greater impact in their roles. But overcommitting is a slippery slope.  Here are some questions to consider when evaluating your own boundaries: → Are you clear with your leader on what you are committing to deliver, what you agree are vital priorities,  and what you and your team can and will deliver? → How are you prioritizing your responsibilities? What are the frameworks on what we say yes to and when we say no? → Are you demonstrating courage to hold your leader accountable to shared agreements, resources and success metrics? By defining what you will and won’t take on, you not only protect your well-being but also empower your team to thrive. This issue isn’t exclusive to women; men also face similar challenges but conversations around boundaries and what to say yes and what to disregard are markedly different. Remember, value is not volume.  Rightsizing your and your team's commitments demonstrates leadership capability not weakness. Courage to set boundaries more often garners respect.  If you make a good case and you aren't being supported, it might be time to discuss ally building, leadership influence and strategy.  That's a different coaching conversation which is most certainly not time management.

I told a Sr. PM that overdelivering is becoming her career ceiling. She was shocked when it turned out to be true. (She got passed over for a Director role —again 💔) Sarah would often be told, "You're invaluable." What they really meant was: "She's too good at her job to risk promoting." Overdelivering can backfire in ways we don’t always see: ↳ Every crisis solved = A ceiling on your growth ↳ Each impossible deadline met = A missed big-picture discussion ↳ More problems fixed = Less time to shape the future (You're the problem solver, not the strategic leader) ↳ Always being available = Becoming indispensable Over time, your career hits stagnation and you're wondering where you're going wrong. Trust me, I've been there. The path out? Stop being everyone's safety net. Instead: ✅ Turn down work (strategically) Say no to tactical tasks and redirect them to others, signaling you’re focused on bigger priorities ✅ Redirect praise When someone says, “You saved the day!” respond with, “Glad the team pulled it off. This shouldn't be a last-minute scramble next time.” ✅ Refuse to be the "fixer" in meetings When asked how to solve something, shift the focus: "What’s the root cause here?" or "How can we prevent this long-term?" It's time to make yourself valuable in ways that can't be ignored, not just indispensable in ways that keep you stuck. ——— 🔔 Follow me, Bosky Mukherjee, for more insights on breaking barriers for women in tech leadership. #productmanagement #productgrowth #womeninproduct #leadership