How to Communicate With Curiosity Not Assumptions

What if I suck? What if it doesn't work out? What if they say something bad about me? What if.... (insert fear-based statement)? This week, I've spoken to founders, executives, individual contributors, those looking for a job, people who have started jobs and feel "duped," and those going through life's big stuff. Every situation is different, but there's a common theme... Fear I've asked myself these questions before, felt that anxious feeling, and have had the fear monster knock on my door. Here's what I've learned to do that has helped me avoid the hypothetical dark rabbit hole while getting out of my own way. Step 1: 🛑 Stop 🛑 Step 2: Use these anxious feelings and questions as a signal to: ~ Chuck the assumptions. ~ Lean into curiosity instead. Step 3: Put your weapons down, go straight to the source, keep an open mind, get curious, and listen to understand their POV. An example of how it looks in practice: "The last time we talked, I heard you say ___. It's stuck with me and was different than I expected. Full disclosure, I wasn't sure what to say at the moment, and I'm curious to learn more about your thoughts. Can we talk about it again?" As they're sharing and the anxious feelings start to percolate, it's another signal to 🛑 Stop 🛑. And say these 3 words: Tell Me More Conversations like this are powerful defining moments. To confirm/deny if your initial thought is true or if there is more to the story. Pro tip: You're part of the story as well. Take the time to do the same self-discovery to ask questions like: What's my part of this story? Why is this still bothering me? Am I clear on what I want from this? How can I use this information to get better or create a solution? Fear is powerful and can play two roles: 1. Paralyzing 2. Motivating It's hard to choose the second option. But it's a lot harder later if you don't. Try this and let me know how it works ✌🏻❤️

One of the toughest tests of your leadership isn't how you handle success. It's how you navigate disagreement. I noticed this in the SEAL Teams and in my work with executives: Those who master difficult conversations outperform their peers not just in team satisfaction, but in decision quality and innovation. The problem? Most of us enter difficult conversations with our nervous system already in a threat state. Our brain literally can't access its best thinking when flooded with stress hormones. Through years of working with high-performing teams, I've developed what I call The Mindful Disagreement Framework. Here's how it works: 1. Pause Before Engaging (10 seconds) When triggered by disagreement, take a deliberate breath. This small reset activates your prefrontal cortex instead of your reactive limbic system. Your brain physically needs this transition to think clearly. 2. Set Psychological Safety (30 seconds) Start with: "I appreciate your perspective and want to understand it better. I also have some different thoughts to share." This simple opener signals respect while creating space for different viewpoints. 3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Certainty (2 minutes) Ask at least three questions before stating your position. This practice significantly increases the quality of solutions because it broadens your understanding before narrowing toward decisions. 4. Name the Shared Purpose (1 minute) "We both want [shared goal]. We're just seeing different paths to get there." This reminds everyone you're on the same team, even with different perspectives. 5. Separate Impact from Intent (30 seconds) "When X happened, I felt Y, because Z. I know that wasn't your intention." This formula transforms accusations into observations. Last month, I used this exact framework in a disagreement. The conversation that could have damaged our relationship instead strengthened it. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we disagreed respectfully. (It may or may not have been with my kid!) The most valuable disagreements often feel uncomfortable. The goal isn't comfort. It's growth. What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? Try this framework tomorrow and watch what happens to your leadership influence. ___ Follow me, Jon Macaskill for more leadership focused content. And feel free to repost if someone in your life needs to hear this. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You'll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course packed with real, actionable strategies to lead with clarity, resilience, and purpose.

In today's edition of "stupid sh*t we do in Sales we would never do in real life." Let's say you meet someone for the first time. You think their shirt is ugly.  Would you hold out your hand and say, "I'm Jen. Looks like you're struggling to dress yourself. I'd love to share how we can help."? Most of us would NEVER. It's rude. Maybe they love the shirt. Maybe their kid gave it to them.  Yet, we do this often in cold emails.  "Hi - leaders like you often struggle to _____." The tonality is off-putting to readers. It asks the reader to admit they suck to a stranger. Some might. Many won't. Instead, try an empathetic and curious tone. I use these 3 phrases: #1 :“We were surprised to learn...” -- I learned this one from Brent Adamson. The "we" removes the smugness of "I know something you don't". #2: “Here’s what I’ve observed, but I don’t work within your 4 walls. What did I miss?” -- We are outsiders. Even with the best hypothesis in the world, we don't have all of the information. This acknowledges it and avoids the assumptive "my solution will fix all of your problems" misstep. #3: “How does this compare to what you’ve observed?” -- The name of the game is sparking a conversation. Invite the reader in. It's a back-door way to learning what think think/feel/believe/assume. Our prospects aren't damsels in distress.  Make sure our tone isn't (unintentionally) implying we think they are.