Writing Fundraising Appeals That Get Results

✍️ Feedback. If you’re a fundraising writer (like me :)), it’s a way of life. But how can you tell if those changes could weaken your story and results? Here are 6 real-life examples... 👉 Edit 1: If your edit requires that uneven page breaks get “repaired”: Nonprofits overwhelmingly want the last sentence on each page of your appeal letter to button up neatly. In reality? A completed sentence is a stop sign for your brain. Even with a really good page turn, it's a completed thought – and one less reason to keep reading. Your goal, until the end of your letter, is to keep your reader reading. Yes, uneven breaks look awkward. Yes, readers have to turn the page in mid-sentence. Yes, it’s more like a letter from one human being to another. And these are ALL reasons to keep uneven page breaks, well, uneven. 👉 Edit 2: If your edit forces perfect grammar and punctuation: Effective fundraising copywriting writes for the silent voice INSIDE your reader’s head. And that's a voice that needs your occasional departure from standard punctuation and grammar to guide it. Are you about to ask your writer to remove a comma or ditch an ellipsis? Read it in your head first. Chances are, that punctuation is intentional. Same with formatting, btw... underlining, bold, italics, used non-rampantly, help keep your reader reading and guide them to parts that matter – critical for scanners! 👉 Edit 3: If your edit removes emotional copy to insert branding language: If you remove emotional copy to make room for brand jargon, it’s almost always the wrong move. Why? Because most brand language is broad. Conceptual. Generic. Organization-focused. Emotional copy reaches donors in a way that makes them want to pay attention now – and that’s what helps them love and remember your brand. 👉 Edit 4: If you insert language that focuses on your organization over your donor: This is “we-speak”. Our programs... our missions... our work. Don’t make this edit. Instead, keep the focus on your supporters and their generosity. The change they help make happen... the people they stand beside... the lives they touch. [This is not the we’re-in-this-together-we. My copy includes Solidarity We all the time, and yours can too. But the Royal We? It’s got to go.] 👉 Edit 5. If your edit forces writer to resolve the story: If you love your donors, try not to edit your appeal into a happily-ever-after story. An unresolved story is a story your donor can be part of... a story they can give to... a story they can help change or resolve or improve. Happily-ever-afters? Save those for newsletters. Favor unresolved stories in appeals when you can. Remember, direct response isn't about our likes or dislikes, or even what focus groups say they'll do. Direct response is about what works. 💌 ====== Want more on effective fundraising writing and nonprofit storytelling in general? I send new stuff every two weeks if you’re on this list 😊 lisasargent.com/newsletter   

In my decades of nonprofit consulting, I've learned that storytelling is the backbone of compelling appeals. But here's the twist: Your organization isn't the hero. Your donor is. Donors don't give because your organization is good, they give because they are good and view your organization as a vehicle to manifest their values. Steps to donor-centric storytelling: 1️⃣ Start with a problem the donor can solve 2️⃣ Use emotive language to help donors connect with the cause 3️⃣ Clearly show how the donor's gift makes a tangible difference 4️⃣ Follow up with stories of how their previous support changed lives 🚀 Action step: Review your last appeal. How many times did you say 'we' vs 'you'? Reframe your narrative to position your donor as the catalyst for change. Need help crafting donor-centric stories? Let's connect. 📩 #StorytellingForNonprofits #DonorCentric #FundraisingStrategy"

I sent the same appeal to 10,000 donors. One version raised $67,000. The other raised $142,000. The only difference? Where I put the word "you." Donor-centered writing isn't just nice—it's profitable: • "You" in the first sentence increases response by 23% • Stories about donors (not beneficiaries) raise more money • Questions outperform statements in both open and response rates One organization rewrote their case statement from "we need" to "you can" language and saw major gift closes increase by 41%. The most powerful word in fundraising isn't "give"—it's "you." What small language shift has made the biggest difference in your fundraising?