I sent the same appeal to 10,000 donors.
One version raised $67,000.
The other raised $142,000.
The only difference? Where I put the word "you." Donor-centered writing isn't just nice—it's profitable:
• "You" in the first sentence increases response by 23%
• Stories about donors (not beneficiaries) raise more money
• Questions outperform statements in both open and response rates
One organization rewrote their case statement from "we need" to "you can" language and saw major gift closes increase by 41%.
The most powerful word in fundraising isn't "give"—it's "you."
What small language shift has made the biggest difference in your fundraising?
An appeal isn't just a request for donations—it's about creating experiences that donors treasure. It's crucial to understand that we're not asking donors to support our mission; instead, we're aiding them in fulfilling their vision of a better world. Here’s how we make donating a joyful and meaningful act:
1. 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞: Shift the focus from needs to highlighting opportunities for donors to make significant changes in the world.
2. 𝐄𝐱𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐄𝐧𝐠𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭: Provide donors with intimate insights and special access to see the impact of their contributions firsthand, making them feel like integral parts of our journey.
3. 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞𝐝 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Move beyond standard acknowledgments. Customize your gratitude to reflect the unique impact of each donor’s contribution.
4. 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐜𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: Share powerful stories that illustrate the direct results of their generosity, portraying donors as the heroes of these narratives.
We have the power to transform giving into an enriching experience, elevating our donors from mere supporters to valued partners in a shared mission. By engaging donors meaningfully, we celebrate and support their aspirations to improve the world.
Most fundraising appeals are too polite.
Too indirect.
Too passive.
Too focused on what 𝘸𝘦 do—
instead of what the donor makes possible.
If you want more clarity, more confidence, and more response in your writing,
start here:
𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝘀𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁. 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽.
I call it 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗩𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗙𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴.
And it looks like this:
“Together, we help feed people”
➡️ “You feed hungry people”
“You are helping provide education”
➡️ “You’re educating children”
“With your support, we can offer shelter”
➡️ “You provide shelter to those in need”
“Thanks to you, we’re able to offer medical assistance”
➡️ “You’re delivering lifesaving medical care”
“Your donations support our advocacy efforts”
➡️ “You’re championing human rights”
This isn’t about semantics.
It’s about 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.
When the donor sees themselves as the one acting,
they feel agency.
They feel urgency.
They feel 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥.
So cut the qualifiers.
Eliminate the disclaimers.
And write like the donor is the one holding the pen.
𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲.
What’s one sentence in your next appeal you can rewrite with 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 at the center?
Most nonprofit pitches sound like a grant.
The best ones feel like a mission you can’t ignore.
Here’s how to pitch with clarity and conviction:
1. Lead with urgency, not your org name.
“We’re [Org Name] and we…” loses people in 3 seconds.
Start with:
“Every 5 minutes, a teen drops out of school because they don’t see a future.”
Hook first. Logo later.
2. Cut the resume. Tell a story.
Nobody funds a list of programs.
They fund outcomes, transformation, people.
Try this:
“Last year, Jamal almost became a statistic. Today, he’s interning at NASA. That’s what our work makes possible.”
3. Ditch the buffet approach. Pick one lane.
Too many pitches try to do it all: education, food, housing, advocacy.
Instead, say:
“We do one thing exceptionally well: help first-gen students graduate and thrive beyond the diploma.”
4. Back it up with numbers.
“We’ve helped over 3,000 students and 78% are now in college or full-time careers.”
Impact data is your credibility badge. Use it.
5. Show the system you’re changing.
You’re not just running programs.
You’re fixing what’s broken.
Explain the bigger picture:
What problem are you solving for good?
6. End with vision, not desperation.
Funders want to back momentum. Not uncertainty.
Try this:
“We’ve proven our model in 3 cities. Now we’re scaling nationally and inviting partners to help us get there.”
A great pitch isn’t a plea. It’s a rally cry.
You’re not asking for help.
You’re inviting people to join a cause worth fighting for.
Comment “Pitch” and I’ll send you the exact resource nonprofits are using to win over long term donors.
With purpose and impact, Mario
You spent $15,000 to acquire 100 new donors who gave an average of $75 each. Your 'successful' campaign lost $7,500.
Here's the math your board presentation didn't include:
Campaign cost: $15,000 New donor revenue: $7,500 Year one result: -$7,500
But acquisition is an investment, right? Let's look at year two.
With your 45% retention rate, 55 donors won't give again. The remaining 45 donors need to average $167 each just to break even on your two-year investment.
Now consider this alternative:
Your database contains 200 lapsed donors who previously gave $200 annually. A $3,000 reactivation campaign targeting these former supporters could realistically bring back 40 donors at their historical giving levels.
That's $8,000 in year one revenue from a $3,000 investment - a $5,000 profit instead of a $7,500 loss.
The insight isn't that donor acquisition is bad. It's that donor acquisition without profitability analysis is expensive guesswork.
Your most profitable growth strategy might not be finding new donors. It might be reconnecting with the ones who already know and trust your mission.
The question isn't whether you can afford to invest in donor acquisition. It's whether you can afford not to measure whether that investment actually pays off.
Because in fundraising, the most successful campaigns aren't always the ones that acquire the most donors. They're the ones that generate the most profit.
No one donates to get a receipt.
Yet, too often, the answer to "Did you say thank you?" is "They should have gotten the automated thank you receipt."
You don’t want donating to feel like paying a bill, and neither do your donors.
Fundraising is about connection. It’s about aligning passion with purpose.
When someone donates, they’re saying, “I believe in this mission. I want to be part of this.”
If all they get is a generic receipt in return, that’s a missed opportunity—a chance to say something meaningful, to build a relationship, to make them feel like they belong.
A proper "thank you" isn’t just good manners—it’s the beginning of a conversation.
And that conversation is vital!
Donors want to know they’re not just a source of funding, but true partners in your mission.
They want to feel the impact of their gift, not just see it on a bank statement.
A receipt says “transaction complete.” A thank you says “We’re in this together.”
What would it look like if your gratitude was as personal as your mission?
A handwritten note.
A short voicemail.
A call that’s not about asking for the next donation, but about saying, “You matter.”
Those small acts make a huge difference.
They create loyalty, deepen engagement, and make giving about more than just money—it’s about shared values, shared purpose, and shared success.
So let’s be clear: fundraising is not a transaction.
And an automated receipt? That’s not a thank you.
Because when you properly thank your donor, giving isn’t just a financial interaction.
It’s a human one.
#fundraising#donor
Nonprofit spoiler alert: Your fundraising appeals are not for you, your board, executive leadership, or that one vocal critic on your program staff.
If you accept the premise above, you need to start behaving differently.
Instead of crafting messaging that pleases internal audiences, you need to:
1. Remove your organization from the story completely (or as completely as humanly possible)
2. Tell stories of need (success stories are great in your newsletter and impact reports -- but they reduce response in appeals)
3. Write for simplicity and clarity (i.e., 5th-7th grade level)
4. Use serif fonts, black text on white backgrounds, indent paragraphs, and use at least 12-point font (all of these improve readability and increase the likelihood that you'll get a response)
5. Don't talk about your accomplishments - that removes the donor's need to act (because you've already solved the problem)
6. Present a clear and compelling offer (reason to give)
7. Don't downplay the ask. Be direct, specific, and upfront in what you're asking the donor to do
8. Write from one person to one person
9. Restate your offer and call to action in your P.S.
DickersonBakker#fundraising#nonprofit#directmail#digital#marketing#philanthropy#abetterway#strategy#directresponse#audience
✍️❤️ Want no-BS tips for better #fundraising writing? These 9 will serve you well:
(1) Be clear over clever.
I am NOT the first fundraising writer to say this. But I say it All. The. Time. Sometimes you get lucky, and clever copy works. Smarter is to be clear first.
(2) Use repetition.
Someone will try and stop you. They're wrong: Repetition works.
We repeat because you (the writer) cannot assume I (the donor) will read your appeal in linear order. Plus, brain science shows repetition sparks long term memory and signifies importance.
So? Say it with me now: Repetition works. Use repetition.
(3) Ask for the right donation.
Not just any donation.
The one that's right for your donor's giving history... that's based on a solid offer... that fits your overall giving segment... that kind of thing. Make your gift make sense.
Free PDF on Asks? See first comment to this post for link. No sign-up needed.
(4) Avoid jargon and death-by-acronym.
Do you really need "paradigm" in an appeal? Really?
If you say, "underserved," do your donors understand what that means? Are you using unresolved acronyms that no one gets?
(5) Talk to your donor.
You're having a one-to-one conversation. Dramatic. Personal. Compelling.
Tell a good story... and one I can pick up on page 2 or 3 or 4 of your letter, and want to go back and read the whole thing.
(6) Have a strong offer.
Sorry, writing friends, I have news. Your offer matters as much or more as the writing itself.
Urgent, simple, compelling, concrete, solves a problem, connects to the donor and the story, etc. Weak offer + strong writing? Still won't perform like it could have.
(7) Add urgency.
See tip 6. I am NOT telling you to make everything urgent, all the time.
I'm saying give me a compelling reason to give now, today. Not next month. Not next year. Now.
(8) Write from the heart.
Emotional. Epic. Dramatic (there's that word again). Give me a reason to care. A reason to believe.
(9) Say the bravest, truest thing you can.
NEVER lie. Never belittle. Never demean. Tell your stories with truth and courage. Enough said.
====
Want more on effective, engaging fundraising writing and nonprofit storytelling in general?
I send new stuff every two weeks if you’re on the list 😊 lisasargent.com/newsletter
I’ve seen many fundraisers with years of experience fail to answer this simple question…
Why should donors give to YOU?
We often forget that people don’t buy what you do; they buy why you do it.
Too often, nonprofits jump straight to the how and what of their work (programs, events, activities) without clearly articulating their why. But the why is what inspires action. It’s what connects emotionally with donors and gives meaning to your mission.
Once you clearly identify your why, it becomes much easier to craft a value proposition that showcases the real impact you bring and why it matters.
A strong value proposition answers:
🔹 What’s the problem?
🔹 Why does it matter?
🔹 What does your organization do to solve it?
The overlap of these answers helps you communicate your mission in a way that resonates deeply with supporters.
Here's the difference it makes:
❌ “We’ve worked for 25 years to combat hunger through food distribution and innovative programs.” (Organization focused)
✅ “Your gift provides a warm meal to a hungry child, giving them the nourishment to grow and thrive.” (Donor focused)
Which would you rather give to?
Your value proposition is how you express your comparative advantage from the donor’s perspective. It’s not about your longevity or your activities. It’s about the difference their support makes.
Start with your why. The rest will follow.
Your fundraising event raised $50,000.
Success, right?
Maybe. But maybe not.
Standard event metrics often miss the full picture:
- Dollars raised ÷ Attendees = $500/person
But what about the value of relationships built?
- Net revenue after expenses = $35,000
But how much staff time did it really take?
- New donors acquired = 15
But did existing donors deepen their commitment?
Even when resources are tight, some teams are starting to track:
📊 Relationship-based metrics
- Meaningful conversations with major gift prospects
- Signs of increased donor interest or trust
- Referrals or introductions from attendees
📈 Long-term revenue indicators
- Giving increases 6–12 months post-event
- Retention rates of attendees vs. non-attendees
- New names added to your major gifts pipeline
💬 Mission advancement signs
- New ambassadors or advocates identified
- Improved understanding of your mission (pre/post)
- Compelling stories gathered for future use
The most valuable outcomes of your events often don’t show up in the final revenue report.
What metrics do you track to measure success beyond dollars raised?