Developing Emotional Intelligence In Engineering Leaders

YOU CAN READ A P&L, BUT CAN YOU READ YOUR PEOPLE?   We’ve all watched a brilliant CEO tank their company culture by missing every single emotional cue in the building. Don’t be that CEO.   I encourage my clients to think of themselves as emotional meteorologists who can smell the rain before the Doppler even spots the clouds. Because great leaders can read a room, sense the emotional undercurrents, and respond productively.    And it’s vital to recognize that how people perform is the product of so much more than skill. We’re not robots (yet anyway). So when there’s tension in a meeting – sure, maybe someone just had a rough night’s sleep. OR it could be lingering shrapnel from that re-org last month.    That’s why it’s a fatal error to think EQ is too soft for the C-suite. Every strategy meeting, product launch, and team restructure succeeds or fails based on how people feel about it - not just how it looks on paper. The emotions in conference rooms are as crucial as the quarterly numbers. Here's how to safeguard one to protect the other:   🔍 Create a personal trigger inventory. (What pushes your buttons? Why?) Self-awareness is ground zero on the journey to EQ Everest. You can't be an effective EQ leader without knowing how to manage your own emotions. 📊 Track your team's patterns by keeping a simple log of meetings: who spoke up, who went quiet, what topics sparked energy or tension, and which decisions got backchannel pushback later. ⏸️ Practice the "pause and process" method before reacting (aka, your mom was right when she told you to think before you speak). If you can, sit on emotionally-charged conversations for at least 24 hours. 🧭 Choose a peer advisor who can be your EQ sherpa – guiding you through the sometimes murky territory of other people's emotions. 🛡️ Create psychological safety for your team by modeling vulnerability first. 🌡️ Hold weekly barometer checks with key team members (let's see how far I can stretch this weather metaphor!) 🔋 Build in recovery periods for your team after high-stress periods. 🎯 And always, always map the emotional fallout of your decisions before you make them.   You’ve also got to avoid “The EQ Trap.” High EQ leadership isn't about running group therapy. When someone raises an issue, your response should be: "What do you need to move forward?" not "Tell me more about how you feel." To channel emotions into productive outcomes: 💡 Keep check-ins focused on solutions, not venting. 🔒Personal issues should stay personal unless impacting work. 📋 Every emotional share needs to be addressed with an action item.   And the best part of all of this? Unlike your IQ, your EQ is infinitely easier to improve!   What's the best thing you’ve seen a colleague do to exhibit EQ intelligence?

The conversation that changed how I think about emotions wasn't the one I expected. Someone asked me when I last felt my feelings instead of just managing them. I couldn't answer. Because somewhere along the way, I'd gotten so good at staying composed that I forgot to actually feel. Maybe you can relate. The constant push to be the steady leader. To have answers. To keep the team moving forward no matter what. But here's what I've discovered: Real emotional intelligence isn't just about controlling emotions. It's about understanding them first. Controlling your responses. And helping others do the same. Here are 8 ways to build real emotional intelligence: 1. Notice your patterns Track what triggers you during high-stakes moments. When do you feel energized? Depleted? Reactive? Understanding your patterns helps you lead better. 2. Name what you're feeling Replace "I'm fine" with what's actually true. Are you frustrated? Excited? Overwhelmed? Clarity starts with honest labeling. 3. Build in buffer time When tensions rise, count to six before responding. Those six seconds can transform a reaction into a thoughtful response. 4. Protect your energy Schedule tough conversations when you're at your best. Leading through conflict takes more bandwidth than most leaders realize. 5. Listen without solving This is the hardest for me and something I work on every day... Sometimes your team just needs to be heard. Let them share fully before offering solutions. Trust builds in these moments. 6. Read the room Watch for what's not being said in meetings. Crossed arms, silence, sudden energy shifts… these signals matter as much as words. 7. Ask questions that matter "What do you need from me?" beats assumptions. "Help me understand your perspective" opens doors. Real leadership happens in these exchanges. 8. Think beyond your view Before big decisions, consider the ripple effects. How will this land with your team? Your clients? Great leaders think in circles, not straight lines. The truth about emotional intelligence? It's not about being less human. It's about being more connected. Because when leaders understand their own emotions, they create cultures where others can thrive. And that's how you build something extraordinary. 📌 Save this for when emotions run high. ♻️ Repost if this resonates with your leadership journey. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more insights on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

The first time I recognized how my emotions were affecting my leadership was during a challenging meeting with my team. I found myself getting defensive; my heart was racing, and my thinking clouded as two team members pushed back on our agenda. Rather than responding effectively, I mentally withdrew. This moment taught me a crucial lesson that would become the cornerstone of our Teams Learning Library's first capability: 𝗞𝗻𝗼𝘄 & 𝗚𝗿𝗼𝘄 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳. Research reveals that our brains are designed to have emotional responses before rational thinking kicks in. When a team member challenges us, our amygdala triggers a stress response in milliseconds—long before our prefrontal cortex can analyze what's happening. Through my research and experience developing the Teams Learning Library, I’ve discovered that team leaders who excel in self-awareness focus on three key dimensions: 𝗘𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 - Recognizing your feelings as they arise, understanding their source, and choosing your response rather than reacting automatically 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 - Understanding how your personality and background shape your natural leadership style, and when that style helps or hinders your team 𝗧𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 - Identifying specific situations that activate your stress response, and developing strategies to manage these moments When leaders lack self-awareness, teams pay the price. I've observed how unexamined triggers lead to inconsistent responses, team members feeling unsafe to share ideas, artificial harmony instead of productive conflict, and leadership that's reactive rather than intentional. As one leader told me: "I was constantly frustrated that my team avoided difficult conversations. It took me months to realize they were mirroring my own discomfort with conflict." The journey to greater self-awareness isn't always comfortable, but it's the foundation upon which all other leadership capabilities build. When you truly know yourself, you can lead with intention rather than reaction. What leadership trigger has been most challenging for you to manage? Share your experience in the comments. P.S. If you’re a leader, I recommend checking out my free challenge: The Resilient Leader: 28 Days to Thrive in Uncertainty  https://lnkd.in/gxBnKQ8n